by Len Webster
After some time, Josie pushed off Max’s chest and asked if she could be alone with her mother. Stella and West said goodbye, and Max went over to Emily Faulkner and grasped her hand one last time, whispering, “I’ll take care of her.” Then he left Josie in the room and stood outside with everyone else.
In the hallway, Jeff and Stella began to argue about funeral arrangements and Emily’s will. Stella told her best friend’s father that Emily had been dead two minutes and he was already trying to dictate how to go forward with her estate. Just as Max was about to intervene, West raised his voice, saying, “Jeff … sir … Ambassador, you’ve been gone for fourteen years. You don’t get to decide shit because right now my best friend just lost her mother. Your daughter lost her mother. We need to be there for her … so shut the fuck up!”
Max was in awe of the man.
And Stella had that gleam in her eyes like she had fallen in love with him all over again.
Jeff Faulkner startled a few steps back in shock.
Before Max could agree with West, Dr Frederickson had approached them and asked if he could speak to Josie alone. He was in the room for almost a half an hour before he left. It was another hour before Josie walked out of her mother’s room.
That blank look tore his heart to shreds.
Her tears had dried, but her eyes still had that glassy gleam to them.
“Dr Frederickson is going to arrange for Mamma’s body to …” She closed her mouth. Then she took a shallow breath. “The funeral home will … I have to organise …” Her tears suddenly stained her cheeks. “Max,” she cried.
He stepped towards her. “Hey,” he breathed, taking another step until they were almost touching.
“Can you please take me home? I need to get out of this hospital … I need to be as far away from here as possible.”
He nodded. He didn’t care to ask for permission from her father. He didn’t need it. This was about ensuring Josie’s needs were met. Max reached out and grasped her hand. “I’ll take you home.”
She blinked away some more tears and sniffled. “Thank you.”
Max held the door open as Josie walked into her apartment. Her roommate, Stella, and her roommate’s boyfriend, West, had said they would return home later to give Max and Josie some time alone. Stella had assured him that Josie didn’t need her right now. She needed Max. And as he watched Josie make it several steps down the hall and suddenly fall to her knees, sobbing, he knew that he would be with her long after she had come to terms with her mother’s death. Max shut the door and went to her. He lowered himself onto the cold tiles, wrapped his arms around her, and held her as she buried her face into his chest.
Her wails were horrifying to hear.
They were filled with utter grief and pain.
Max moved a hand and cupped the back of her head, rocking her gently.
“It’s okay,” he promised. “I’m here.”
Josie let out a sob as her fingers clutched his shirt. “She’s … She’s …”
She didn’t finish that sentence. Instead, she cried harder into his chest as they sat on the tiles. When he met Josephine, he had no idea that this was what would result in their friendship and their romance. He never suspected he would hold her as she grieved her mother’s death.
She was the law student who needed his help with contracts.
Now she was a grieving daughter who had lost one of the most important people in her life.
He wouldn’t rush her.
He would hold her and let her grieve.
Max closed his eyes as he continued to whisper it was okay.
Because he knew she would survive this.
Josie’s room darkened as the sun began to set. Max wasn’t sure how long they had sat in the hallway, but it had been a while. He started to feel uncomfortable and knew that she would, too. When he suggested that she go lie down, Josie simply nodded, and he had helped her up on her feet and walked her to her room. She didn’t bother to change as Max went over to her bed and flipped the covers. When she crawled into bed, he tucked her in and she rolled over so that she wasn’t facing him. Max sat on the bed and brushed her hair out of her face as she continued to cry.
After some time, her body finally relaxed as exhaustion from her grief took over, and sleep finally took her away from reality. As for Max, he didn’t move. He sat by her side and waited for her to wake. His phone vibrating in his pocket had him getting off the mattress and pulling it out. When he noticed Noel’s name, he let out a sigh. He was tempted to ignore the call, but he was sure his best friend would try again. Sliding his thumb across the screen, he answered Noel’s call and pressed the phone to his ear.
“Hello,” Max whispered.
“Max, I haven’t seen you in a few days. Want to hang out tonight?”
“I can’t.”
“Oh.” Noel sounded disappointed. “Clara and I leave for Boston next week.”
Max pressed his lips tightly together as he took in Josie’s sleeping form. He knew Noel wouldn’t say anything to anyone if he told him. “Noel, I don’t think I’ll see you and Clara before you leave. Things are …”
“Everything okay?” he asked, concerned.
“It’s Josephine,” he whispered.
“Is she all right?”
Max shook his head, knowing that Noel couldn’t see it. “No. Her—” He paused as he watched Josie stir and then slowly sat up.
She glanced over her shoulder and noticed him standing by her bed. “Hi,” she mouthed.
Ignoring his phone call, he sat on the mattress. Max reached up and cupped her cheek. “Are you okay?” he asked her.
She took a deep breath. “You’re on the phone,” she pointed out, dismissing his previous question.
“It’s Noel.”
She nodded. “You can tell him,” she said. “I see the conflict in your eyes, Maxwell. Tell him. It’s okay.”
Maxwell.
She had no idea how much his heart loved hearing her say his full name.
“Okay,” he said as his thumb swept across her cheek. “Noel?”
“I’m still here,” his best friend announced. “Is Josie okay?”
“No.” He smiled at the strong woman before him. “But she will be. Her mother passed away this afternoon. She’s been battling cancer and was taken off life support today.”
“Shit,” Noel breathed. “I’m so sorry.”
Max watched a tear fall down Josie’s face and hit his thumb. “Yeah. I have to go.”
“Do … do you need anything? Does Josie? I can bring food and—”
“I appreciate it, Noel,” Max interrupted him. “But I think she might just need to be alone for a while. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Please do. Can I tell my wife?”
“Can he tell Clara?” he asked Josie.
Josie’s lips pressed into a tighter line than he had ever seen on her face. Then she let out a small exhale and nodded. “Yeah. I’d like her at the funeral if she’s still in town. My mother loved her.”
“Did you hear that, Noel?”
“I did. I’ll talk to Clara. If we need to, we’ll stay in Melbourne longer. Just keep me updated, okay? I know that Josie’s hurting, but I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now. Are you okay?”
Are you okay?
It felt so comforting to have someone other than Josie ask him that. For so long no one had cared enough about Max to even ask. His best friends had their own problems, and Max never wanted his meaningless issues to add to theirs. But right now, he appreciated his best friend for asking.
“I’m okay. I’ll talk to you later,” Max said.
“Anything you need, just call,” Noel urged before he hung up, and Max lowered his phone from his ear.
Josie pulled away from his palm on her cheek, took the phone from him, and set it on her bedside table. Then she faced him and that love in her eyes mixed with her grief. It was so clear to see. It broke his heart to see her in such pain. It was raw. Fa
r worse than the pain he’d seen consume her when he had walked away almost a week ago.
“How long was I asleep?”
“A couple of hours,” he answered.
Her eyes fell to her hands in her lap, and she had stared at them for a long while before lifting her chin. He saw an apology in her eyes that he didn’t quite understand. “Max?”
“Yes, Josephine.”
“I just wanted to say thank you.”
“You don’t have to—”
She shook her head. “I have to. Thank you for being here for me. When I stood on that bridge with you, I felt like I was where I needed to be. But I felt guilty being your friend because I never told you about my mother, so I’m sorry I did that. It had been me and my mother for so long. I can’t believe she’s … I have to plan her funeral,” she said as if it began to sink in. Tears quickly consumed her eyes. “I don’t know how to plan a funeral.”
“I’ll help you,” he declared.
“Can we just pretend for the rest of today that I didn’t sign that form? That I didn’t kill her. That I don’t have to make plans to bury my mother. Can we just pretend?”
Max nodded. “We can pretend.”
But he knew they couldn’t pretend forever.
In all honesty, they shouldn’t be pretending at all. And Max shouldn’t be encouraging her to live in make-believe. He should be helping her accept her mother’s death. But the sheer pain on her face was enough for him to agree as she laid down. Max got off the bed and toed off his shoes. Then he pulled up the blanket and slipped into bed next to her. Max turned onto his side, threw an arm over her, and pulled her back against his chest. He felt her entire body shake as another sob took over.
For now, he’d pretend for her sake.
Tomorrow, he’d bring her back to the land of the living and help her prepare her mother’s funeral.
Josie sat on the front pew staring at the casket she had chosen for her mother. It was made of timber with a walnut-coloured gloss finishing. Inside was a cream satin lining that her mother’s body laid on. When the funeral director had shown her the types of caskets they had, Josie’s eyes roamed for a simple casket. Her mother had lived a simple life. In death, she wanted just the same. Her mother hadn’t wanted extravagance as per her funeral requests. After Josie chose the casket, she had walked out of the funeral house and quickly made it to the garden to throw up. Just as she was about to throw up a second time, Max had pulled back her hair and rubbed her back as she vomited the remaining contents of that morning’s breakfast.
She begged for them not to return to talk more about her mother’s funeral. Max had nodded and led her to his car. He told her he would be back and walked back inside. It was almost thirty minutes later when he had gotten into the driver’s seat with a folder in his hand. It was her mother’s funeral plans. Max had sorted out the details, and she would just have to approve them. Her heart had warmed at his thoughtfulness as he handed her the folder. He drove them back to her place, and Max had stayed the night. The next day, she had to talk to her mother’s lawyer. Her mother had a will, and during that talk, Josie’s mind emptied. Hearing the details of how prepared her mother was for death sickened her for a second time. She had to excuse herself and ran to the bathroom. Luckily, she was able to keep the contents from escaping her. But she did have to splash cold water over her face before she could return to the lawyer’s office. After that meeting, they had left with another folder that Max held for her.
The first few days after her mother died had been so full on, she couldn’t have a moment to miss her mother during happier times. She couldn’t miss her life. Instead, all the planning for her funeral and estate added to her grief. Josie was thankful Max was by her side like he’d promised to be for every meeting and decision she had to make.
Now, she sat alone on the hard wooden pew.
It had been nine days since her mother had died.
Nine days that seemed to blur together.
Somehow, she managed to live nine days without her mother.
She was sure she could live more, but staring at the casket, she wasn’t sure how.
Josie had missed an exam in those nine days.
It meant an instant fail for that unit.
She had another three in the next two weeks.
Her next one was scheduled for this afternoon, but she wouldn’t attend.
It meant she would fail two of her units.
Two more fails and she would have to stand in front of the student board and plead for her spot at the university. She knew it was the only way to keep her in Deakin and finish her law degree, but she didn’t care. Law school didn’t seem relevant to her anymore. Her student email account had many unread messages from her tutors. She had let the bachelor go. She hadn’t meant to. She was sure special consideration would be made but announcing her mother’s death to others wasn’t what she wanted to do. She couldn’t voice it. Not out loud.
Her mind had accepted her mother’s death.
But her heart was still in denial.
It would always be in denial.
It would always think her mother was coming home to her.
Josie turned her head slightly and took in all the pink roses Max had bought for the funeral. She had told the funeral director that her mother specifically outlined in her funeral plan that she didn’t want flowers, and Josie couldn’t afford thousands of dollars’ worth of pink roses. The man in charge of her mother’s funeral had told her that her boyfriend had bought them. Josie had blinked at him in disbelief.
Boyfriend.
He saw Maxwell Sheridan as her boyfriend.
It was strange how content she was with that thought.
However, they hadn’t had that talk.
And when she was about to go find him, the funeral director had told her that she had a few minutes before the service to be alone with her mother. Then he led her further into the church and to the pew and left her alone shortly after.
Josie hadn’t wanted to see her mother dressed and made up. It would remind her of when she was in the morgue ensuring that her mother’s body had arrived safely. So she asked for a closed casket funeral. She was sure her mother didn’t want her close friends to see her that way.
Footsteps echoed in the empty church that her mother and father had married in twenty-four years ago. Josie didn’t bother to turn. She wasn’t ready for small talk with whoever it was. If it were Mr Shames, the funeral director, she’d ask for more time. She didn’t care if they started late. It meant a shorter funeral. Her mother hated attention. And from what Mr Shames had told her about the almost five hundred who had shown up to attend the service, her mother would hate this funeral. Not everyone would fit in the church, and it meant a live feed of the service would play outside.
“Josephine,” Max said softly as he sat down on the pew with her.
Josie didn’t take her eyes off the pink roses. “You bought so many, Max.”
He made a low chuckle. “She deserves to have them.”
She craned her neck and gave him a small smile. The very first smile that didn’t feel so broken since before her mother’s death. She appreciated this man so much. He had stepped up and helped make decisions with her. When she didn’t want to speak to anyone, he’d politely tell her visitors that she wasn’t ready and take their flowers or cooked food into her apartment. Max, Stella, and even West had taken shifts to make sure she was okay. She appreciated them. And some might say they hovered, but she loved that they did. She hated when she was alone even though she did force Stella and West to have time away from her.
There was, however, one bad day.
Josie had lost it.
Her father had come over, and she’d exploded. She had blamed him for everything and screamed for him to get out. She couldn’t look at him and not be so angry. It had been moments after he had said goodbye to his wife over the phone. She had screamed that he didn’t really care about her mother. That he just wanted a clean cons
cience so that he could sleep better. It was one of the worst moments they had together. Her father had told her that he would never hold what she said against her and that he loved her. Then he left. That was eight days ago. She hadn’t seen her father since.
“Was my dad out there?” she asked.
Max reached out and grasped her hand. “He is.”
“I shouldn’t have yelled at him like that, Max.”
“He knows you’re grieving, and that you didn’t mean it. He calls me every day to ask how you are,” he revealed.
“He does?”
Max nodded. “He does. Will you speak today?”
“I-I …” She pulled her hand free from his. “I can’t. Not in front of all those people.”
“Then say it just to me. They have plenty of people willing to speak about your mother. Why don’t you just say your speech to me?”
Josie reached up and pressed her palm gently on his cheek. Max’s stubble met her palm. He hadn’t shaved for a week, and she quite enjoyed his short beard. In fact, she enjoyed waking up to him every morning and having him hold her when she silently cried at night.
“Really?”
He nodded. “Really.”
Dropping her hand from his face, Josie reached next to her and picked up the piece of paper from the pew. She took a deep breath and got off the wooden bench. With shaky legs, she made her way to her mother’s casket and unfolded the paper. She heard Max get up and make his way to her as she pressed her palm on the smooth casket.
Josie glanced at the words she had written and then up at Max. The loving adoration in his eyes had her taking a deep breath.
This is for him.
For all the sacrifices he made.
For pausing his life for mine.
Then she swallowed back that one hint of fear in her and told herself that she could do this.
