With the Last Goodbye

by Len Webster

  She got an instant reply.

  Stella: WE WANT TO!

  Josie then exited out of Stella’s messages and opened her conversation with Heidi.

  Josie: Hey, Heids. I’m running a little late. Traffic and the whole security protocol with you. Hang tight. I won’t be too late. Then we can go to the mall and choose a dress for that party you wanted to attend.

  Heidi: It’s cool. We’re taking a water break. Can we stay for a minute longer when you get here? Vick wants to meet my ballet inspiration.

  Josie’s heart warmed.

  She might not have Max’s love anymore.

  But she had her sisters’.

  And although it would never be enough, it would see her through.

  Josie: Sure. I’d like to meet Vick.

  “Oh, God,” Josie hissed, holding her side as an aggressive stitch made her breathless. Running was a stupid chore. Even though she was already late, she was running down the hall so she could wipe off some minutes. She pushed through the doors and ran inside. She scanned the studio to find her sister sitting with her legs crossed by the mirrors. “Heids, I’m so sorry.”

  Her little sister smiled as she lowered her phone. She was the prettiest ballerina Josie had ever seen. Her blonde hair perfectly smoothed into a bun. And her leotards looked extra pink against her cream skin. Proudness swept through Josie, and she wondered if this was how her mother felt when she had picked her up from ballet class when she was a kid.

  Heidi picked up her gym bag and shook her head. “You don’t have to be sorry, Josie.”

  “Yeah, I do. I lost track of time going through my research,” Josie explained as she walked over to her and took her bag from her.

  “Ready to meet Vick?”

  Josie looked past her sister and at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed from running, and she was sure she saw a shimmer of sweat on her forehead. It wasn’t the impression she wanted to give her sister’s teacher at all. From experience, women in ballet were judgmental. Josie had a feeling Heidi’s teacher would notice her horrible posture and weak ankles and wonder how she managed to inspire her student. There was nothing much she could do about her outfit of blue skinny jeans and a light blue T-shirt, but she combed her fingers through her hair to get it under control.

  “Sure.” Josie sighed.

  She wasn’t. But the way Heidi beamed at her with those big brown eyes had her smiling. She’d gone soft. For her sisters, she would meet whoever they wanted her to meet.

  “Vick, my sister’s here!” Heidi yelled out proudly.

  My sister.

  That twinkle in Heidi’s eye should have been a red flag for Josie.

  Oh, God. If they make me dance …

  Suddenly, the door opposite to them opened, and Josie swung her gaze over to the tall man who walked into the studio. He was wearing grey track pants over his leotards and had a towel around his neck as he ran his fingers through his short blonde hair. He had the body of a dancer. Strong and defined arms. It was remarkable. And then he lifted his chin and his grey eyes found her. She watched him tuck his phone into his pocket as a smile spread across his face. He appeared almost delighted to see her.

  “So this is Josie,” the man said.

  Josie flinched, surprised at the curiosity in his voice.

  “Yep,” Heidi piped once he had stood next to her, staring at Josie.

  “Ooooh,” Josie breathed, putting it together. She was a fool. Vick was Heidi’s male teacher. Her sister had left that part out it seemed. “You must be Vick.”

  He nodded as he held out his hand. “Vicktor. I am Heidi’s teacher. I must say, I wasn’t expecting to see someone like you to be Heidi’s inspiration to want to dance.” From the softness in his voice, she knew it was a compliment.

  She felt her cheeks heat, hating that it did. Against her head and her heart’s wishes, she found him attractive. So opposite to the man who really held her heart.

  Six months, Josie, she reminded herself as if to justify why she found him appealing.

  Maybe it was his smile.

  Or his eyes.

  Or that delightful expression.

  Or that he’s not Max.

  “Someone like me?” she asked, slightly annoyed when she realised she had been silent for too long and Heidi was squinting at her.

  “Oh, sorry.” He dropped his hand. “I didn’t mean for you to take that in a bad way. I just never expected Heidi to have a beautiful sister.”

  Oh.

  He found her attractive, too.

  “Well, umm … thank you. It was nice meeting you. Heidi, you ready to go? I gotta get back in time to submit my law assignment.”

  Vicktor nodded, understanding glittered in his eyes. “Oh, please, Heidi. I’ve kept your sister back far longer than I should have. It was nice to finally meet you, Josie,” he said. Her name in his German accent had her biting the inside of her cheek.

  As attractive as he might be, her heart seemed to guard itself, wanting the man who had broken it to reclaim it.

  “And it was nice to meet you,” Josie said as she nodded at Vicktor and urged her little sister to say goodbye to her teacher. Josie hurried her steps, begging her feet to run to the exit.

  When she had pushed the door open and stood in the empty hallway, horrible tears rolled down her face as her heart whimpered the one name it shouldn’t.

  Max.

  Max.

  Max.

  Max.

  It was too bad Max didn’t want her love anymore.

  September

  Josie opened the last remaining window in her apartment. Though it was only fourteen degrees, the bustling street below offered a nice background soundtrack as she sorted through some of her cases.

  August was a lonely month, much like the ones before.

  After meeting Vicktor, Josie never returned to the studio to pick up Heidi. Instead, if she ever had to, she would wait in the car to avoid any more reminders of her heart’s woes. She had felt horrible the next day for the less than flattering impression she had left on her sister’s ballet teacher. She didn’t need to find herself even the slightest bit attracted to another man.

  Not when her loyal heart beat Max’s name.

  In the days and weeks after he had broken up with her, she thought he’d call and tell her it was a mistake. She held that teardrop necklace, and prayed that when she woke up the next morning, he’d have left her a message.

  He hadn’t.

  Days turned into weeks.

  Turned into months.

  She never heard from him again.

  It was currently Art Week in Berlin, and so many art lovers from around the world had descended on Berlin to take part in the festivities. Next month, there were two lights festivals she was looking forward to attending. Her father described them as the most beautiful light displays he had ever seen, and it gave her something to look forward to in October.

  October was a month she wished she could bypass altogether.

  It marked a year of so many.

  A year since Max had first walked out on her.

  A year since she found out her mother’s cancer was terminal.

  A year since her mother was put on life support.

  A year since she had signed the form that ended her mother’s life.

  And a year since she buried her mother and left Melbourne for Berlin.

  It had been one of the toughest, loneliest years of Josie’s life.

  Made worse by one message.

  A ping from her laptop had her returning to her dining room table. She sat down at the table, reached out, and grasped her laptop, bringing it closer to her. She opened her emails to find the one from her private tutor. It was the only way Josie could keep up with her law degree. Her new private tutor wasn’t Maxwell Sheridan, but he was one of the best out there to tutor Josie.

  She pressed on the email and read it.

  J,

  This is probably your best assignment I’ve read
all year. Just make sure you reiterate your argument in the conclusion. You need to make sure your tutor understands the implications and limitations of intellectual property. Apply your critical thinking skills. Find a few more cases that support your arguments and even write in a counterargument to prove you are a lawyer capable of taking on the very best and that you have all your bases covered. It’s a fourth-year unit, so you need to show what kind of lawyer you will be.

  G.

  Smiling, Josie exited the email and let out a sigh of relief. Her final intellectual property assignment was broken up into two parts, and she had just sent her private tutor part two, which consisted of her making a decision on a particular case given. She was given the role of defending lawyer on a case that pointed to her client stealing another’s intellectual property when it came to a brand-new idea for dishwashers. Josie spent weeks coming up with different arguments. She had even stared at her apartment’s dishwasher to get clues. She had argued that without filing for a patent, no such property existed.

  Josie bit her bottom lip as she tapped her finger on her keyboard.

  Lectures, assignments, and exams didn’t take the thought of him away.

  He still lingered in her heart.

  But it had been a year.

  He would be well and truly over her by now.

  Looking out at the window and at the Berlin skyline, she knew it was time to remind herself one last time of that pain before she let him go, too.

  Grasping her phone, Josie pressed on the home button and took in their faces. It had been her screen lock image for six months too long. She had held on for far too long when he had let go far too quickly. When she finished reading his message one last time, she’d change it. Remove the evidence that her heart still loved him. Then she’d take off the silly necklace around her neck that he had given her for her birthday.

  It no longer symbolised his love.

  It was only a reminder of how foolish she was.

  Josie opened her text messages and scrolled down until his name was at the bottom of her inbox. Then she wiped the tear that had escaped her as she reread Max’s goodbye again.

  For the last time.

  To remind her that six months was long enough.

  She needed to be free.

  Max: Josephine, I’ve written and rewritten this message about a thousand times. It’ll never be perfect. It’ll never be the right words I want to tell you. Being away from you is a pain only you can understand. But the longer I’m away from you, the more I realise that you’re pulling away and choosing to remain where I can’t. You’ve made Berlin home. And Berlin will always have my heart so long as you remain there. I can’t make you choose between me or your family. I can’t make you turn your back on them. I can’t make you change your mind about law school. I can’t make you come back to me because I don’t want you forced to.

  I want you to come back to me because you want the years of your life with me. But we can’t be together if Berlin is where you want to be. I promised distance wouldn’t break us… and I kept that promise because my changing heart wants you to be happy where you are. But I can’t anymore. I can’t keep that promise. I’ll regret letting you go. I know. I can already feel it. I promised I’d make you happy, Josephine. And when you tell me stories of your time in Germany, it is the happiest I have seen you in so long. And then we discuss us, and I see your pain. I feel it. I can’t continue to make you happy from Melbourne. I can’t let you leave what makes you happy. I can’t be with you anymore. I can’t be your La Vie En Rose without hurting you.

  You might not understand why I’m doing this. I love you. I love you so much. But I can’t love you when you’re in Berlin anymore. I have to move on because I know you want a life with your sisters in it. I love you, Josephine Faulkner, but I can’t be with you. I can’t continue this relationship of emails and text messages. I can’t hear your voice or see your face without my heart breaking. I love you. I truly do. Please don’t reply to me. Please let me go, too. Let us live fair lives.

  It’s time that I finally say it.

  It’s time to say goodbye.

  Goodbye, Josephine.

  Late September

  Heidi: I’m so sorry, Josie. Class is running late. Can you pick me up at the studio? We can go to that boutique you liked for the lights festival next month.

  Josie: Sure. I’ll get Laz to drive me now. Question. Do you think your grandfather will ever stop sending me weekly apology flowers? I’ve been in Berlin for almost a year now. I’ve forgiven everyone.

  And it was true. Josie had. She had forgiven her father. Forgiven her stepmother and the chancellor for even thinking of tricking her into being a part of any political platform. It had taken months, and she had forgiven but not forgotten. Josie had wanted to protect her sisters from the truth of their mother emailing her in hopes of getting her to help with the election. But Johanna said it was the right thing to do and when she told Heidi and Angelika the truth, she had earned Josie’s forgiveness.

  Heidi was the one who took it personally. Angelika hadn’t understood but nodded as if she did. Heidi didn’t speak to her mother for a week, yelling that she had almost lost Josie as a sister because of her selfishness. Although her father had never asked her to, Josie had come over one day and had a heart to heart with Heidi, telling her that her mother had good intentions focused on wrong desires. She told Heidi that she should never stay angry with her mother for long because someday she might leave her the way Josie’s had. It was the talk her teenage sister needed to let go of her anger towards her mother. Johanna had thanked Josie for doing what she didn’t have to do.

  Heidi: LOL. I don’t think he’ll stop until you actually have lunch with him and not a two-second hello like you have had. It’s up to you. Hey, was Vater lying when he said that you cancelled your trip back to Melbourne?

  Josie started at Heidi’s message.

  It was true.

  She should have cancelled her trip the day after Max had broken up with her.

  Instead, she had kept her itinerary untouched in hopes he would change his mind.

  He hadn’t.

  And when Josie had read his message months later, she cancelled her return to Australia. There was no point anymore. Nothing was waiting for her. Stella and West would be visiting in November and had just extended their trip so that they’d spend her twenty-fourth birthday with her.

  Josie: Yeah. But we’ll talk more about that when I get to the studio. See you in a bit.

  Josie got up from her seat to leave the café where she had sent in her final assignment for her law degree. Then Heidi sent her another message.

  Heidi: I mentioned to Vick that you were coming to the studio … Josie, I think he likes you ;)

  And that message caused her heart to drop.

  “She’s a teenager,” Laz said as he parked the government car.

  Sighing, Josie unbuckled her seat belt. “I know.”

  “Of course, she wants her big sister to date her dance teacher.”

  Josie’s heart sunk deep into her stomach. “Laz,” she said in a small voice.

  Her friend and bodyguard turned in the driver’s seat to face her. “Yeah, Ms Faulkner?” As much as they were friends and she confided in him, Laz hadn’t shaken off her official title—much to her displeasure.

  “I’m still in love with Max,” she confessed.

  “I know you are.”

  “I understand why he sent me that text,” Josie added. “I chose Berlin. And as long as I continue to choose Berlin, I won’t be with him.”

  “So if I were to ask you why you’re choosing Berlin right now, you’d say …?”

  Josie glanced down at the teardrop necklace Max had given her for her birthday last year. She promised herself that she’d take it off, but she couldn’t. Reaching up, she pressed her fingertips to the rose diamond and felt her heart pound in her chest. “I’m choosing Berlin right now because Max ended it and hasn’t called me or messaged me
in eight months.”

  Laz nodded. “And you want to let him go?”

  “No,” she whispered as she reached over and grasped the door handle. “But maybe I should. He let me go. Maybe, to be fair to me, I have to break my heart, too.” Then Josie gave Laz a small smile and pulled on the handle, opening the car door. Once she slipped out of the car, Josie made her way up the steps and into the large studio. It was an old building converted into one of the largest private studios in Germany.

  Josie walked down the long hallway until she reached the door at the end. She didn’t bother to knock as she pushed it open. When she stepped inside, she found Heidi’s ballet teacher by the barre, stretching. He glanced up and saw her from the mirror. He removed his leg from the barre and then spun around.

  “Hello, Josie,” he greeted with a smile.

  “Hi, Vicktor. Just here to pick up Heidi,” she informed.

  He nodded. “She’s changing with some of the other girls. She shouldn’t be too long. You’re actually early.”

  Josie glanced around to find several gym bags and water bottles around the studio. “I guess I am.”

  “Heidi tells me you used to do ballet.” His grey eyes softened as he stepped towards her.

  “I did. I don’t think I could do what Heidi does. She’s the talented Faulkner.”

  “Your sister is going to go far,” he praised. “Josie …”

  She lifted her chin up to look at him properly. She saw the hint of desire in his eyes. “Yes?”

  “About the last time we met, I hope I didn’t come off as an asshole.”

  To her surprise, she let out a soft laugh. “You weren’t, I promise.”

  “Good.” He grinned. “Can I make it up to you? Can I take you out for a coffee some time?”

  Josie parted her lips, not sure what would come out as her heart tore to shreds. Part of her knew that moving on meant dating. But her stubborn heart didn’t want that. Didn’t want another man’s touch or affections.