by Kendall Ryan
I closed my eyes, then opened them again, trying to hide my exasperation and all-around exhaustion. I’d barely slept when I got home last night. Instead, I’d spent the whole of the evening pacing, thinking about Bren, wondering if I ought to have stayed longer to comfort her. As potential motherhood had been ripped away from her, I’d behaved like an asshat when I could have and should have been her rock. If she didn’t trust me anymore, I wouldn’t blame her. But the again…maybe she’d never really trusted me at all.
Not that I had any way of knowing how she felt to begin with. She hadn’t answered the text I’d sent last night when I’d gotten home, and she’d seemed to need some space. I’d already made the mistake of crowding her once and I wasn’t about to do it again.
“Dude, what is up with you?” Trent asked.
“I’m sorry, man. Distracted is all. Where am I supposed to be going?”
Trent’s mouth became a thin line as he tilted his head to the side. “It’s our day in neonatal. We’ve got to be there in ten minutes and we obviously also have to stop for a decent-sized coffee for you on the way.”
“I’m fine,” I shot back.
“You have purple bags under your eyes. Now, come on. Grab your coat. Coffee’s on me.”
I did as he asked, then followed him down the hall, stopping only to instruct my assistant which calls to take and which to get messages for. Paramount, obviously, was to call me if Bren phoned the office. Though of course, now that she wasn’t pregnant, she’d have no reason to.
“You know what? Just get messages from everyone,” I corrected myself, then followed Trent through the open door and into the wide, drearily lit atrium.
Rain flecked the wide skylights, and I glanced up briefly before turning back to Trent.
“Okay, I could probably do with a coffee,” I admitted.
“No kidding,” Trent said, still leading me through the revolving door and onto the street. Our private practice wasn’t far from the hospital—convenient for when our patients went into labor—and luckily there was a Starbucks just next door to both.
I walked into the dim little cafe and got into the line, only vaguely aware that Trent still stood beside me as I waited. After I’d ordered, though, we stood at the delivery counter, and from my peripheral vision I could see him surveying me warily.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I should ask you the same thing. You’ve been a zombie all day and you love going to neonatal but you aren’t even smiling.”
“I’m just not in a baby mood today,” I said.
Trent squinted at me as my name was called and I collected my coffee.
“You’re in a rough field to not be in a baby mood,” Trent said with a short laugh.
“I know, I know. Look, things have just been weird for me lately. Besides, what’s with the third degree? Why don’t we talk about you for a change?”
“Because I actually have my shit together. You, on the other hand—”
“Hey,” I said. “Look, I’ve got a lunch date with my mom later and I’m just weirded out about how it’s going to be now that my parents are splitting up. I think people always mean for these things to go amicably and then it turns into a bloodbath, so.”
Trent shook his head. “Nope. I don’t think that’s it.”
“I’m telling you it is, though.”
“Look, I get that the whole parental thing is weird.”
“It’s beyond weird. I’ve only known them together my whole life and now it’s going to be an adjustment. I’ll get over it.”
Trent nodded. “My parents have been divorced for a long time. It’s going to be strange at first and it’s going to be worse when they start dating again, but it’ll work out. I’ve known your dad for a long time. He’s not the sort of guy who lets things get ugly if he can help it, and your mom seems great.”
“I know. That’s true.” I took a deep breath. “And I guess that’s not all of it either.”
“No?” Trent said. “Color me shocked.”
“Just humor me here, okay?” I said. “So Bren and I opened the envelope last night.”
“I figured,” Trent said, nodding.
“What, are you a mind reader now, too?”
“No, Bren called and canceled a checkup we had on the books,” Trent said.
“At least I know her phone is still working. I have no evidence of that myself.”
Trent shrugged. “People handle things in different ways. But hey, you both dodged a bullet, right?”
“Right,” I sighed. “I just wish it felt that way.”
“It doesn’t?”
“No. I mean, you’d think I’d be thrilled not to have a baby with a virtual stranger, but over these last two weeks we’ve just gotten closer, you know? Like, even in such a short period, I feel really connected to her.”
Trent led me through the hospital’s revolving doors but didn’t say anything.
“What?” I prompted.
“I don’t know, man. This is some deep shit.”
I nodded. “I know. It’s insane. It makes no sense to be disappointed.”
“And how does she feel?” Trent asked.
“I don’t know. I left almost right after we found out and she hasn’t answered my texts since. She seemed as upset as I was, though. It seemed like I’d just gotten her to open up a little and the news sealed her right back up, tighter than before.”
“Maybe she is upset,” Trent said. “Did she want children? Neither one of you are getting any younger. Biological clock and all that shit.”
“She wanted the baby, I think. She didn’t say it in as many words, but I think we both wanted the baby.”
“Well, the baby isn’t happening so, from my perspective, you need to figure something else out.”
“Like what?”
“Like whether, now that you’re not going to be a family, you still want to see this girl and maybe have a family with her down the line.”
“I do. Absolutely. But if she won’t answer my text—”
“Then you need to figure out how to get back on the right track. The Mason I know doesn’t give up at the first sign of a challenge.”
We walked into the neonatal unit and a nurse approached us, briefing us on which babies needed to be rocked or fed. I picked up the first little girl she’d pointed to—a tiny thing with delicate pink skin and a shock of dark hair.
Taking a bottle from the nurse, I fed the little girl, rocked her in my arms, and held back another rush of regret as I stared into her wide blue eyes. She was perfect in every way. Beautiful. Just like I’d pictured my own daughter for that brief, shining moment yesterday evening.
“You okay?” Trent asked as he rocked a baby boy.
I nodded. “Yup. Just realizing that for once, you’re right, man. I need to figure out something and quick. If I don’t, I’m going to be letting the woman I want get away.”
Now the only question was what exactly I needed to do to get her to realize that there was more than just this baby that never was between us.
“Now you’re thinking. Shit, maybe you should take her away for the weekend, make a grand gesture and all that,” Trent said. “Women love that shit.”
He was right. We needed the focus back on me and Bren. Start fresh. Someplace that was totally different from all the places we’d been when we were thinking we might become a family. A chance to start over.
I glanced down at the baby in my arms, then settled her back in her crib before I pulled my phone from my lab coat pocket.
“Trent, any chance you can cover for me today?” I asked.
Trent frowned. “Yeah, all right. Everything okay?”
I nodded. “Totally fine. I’m going to do it.”
“Do what?”
“Take Bren away.”
Trent chuckled. “I didn’t mean today, dude.”
“No time like the present.”
If she
wasn’t answering my message, I had to send one she had no choice but to respond to.
With quick fingers, I typed, “Get ready. We’re leaving in an hour.”
Then, when I heard the chime letting me know the message had been sent, I called the zoo and asked to be transferred to the head of endangered animals. Then I waited until a clear, chirpy female voice filled the line.
“Mandy with the City Zoo. How can I help you today?”
“Hi, Mandy. This is Mason. I’m calling in reference to Bren Matthew’s schedule.”
There was a slight pause, and then she said, “What about it?”
“Well, I have a few questions. First, is she there today?”
“Not until this afternoon,” she replied slowly. “It’s her late night. Why?”
“Would it be possible to rearrange the schedule so that Bren didn’t come in to work for a few days? It’s important.”
Another pause. “Is this Dr. Bentley?”
“It is.”
Her next long pause made my gut tense, but then she spoke.
“I think I can manage that, Mason,” Mandy said. “I’m guessing it’s for a surprise?”
“It is.”
“Well, have fun and don’t let my girl tell you no. She can be stubborn.”
Relief shot through me at her words, but I was only halfway to the goal line. I still had no idea if my Hail Mary for a touchdown was going to backfire or win Bren over.
“I won’t.” I hung up the phone, then glanced at Trent. “I can reschedule my next couple days of appointments, but other than that, you’re sure you can handle things here?”
He nodded. “I’ll hold down the fort. Just text me your itinerary when you have one so I know when you’ll be back.”
The phone in my pocket chimed and I dug it out to find a response from Bren.
“Can’t. Work tonight.”
I typed back a rapid reply:
“Not anymore. Bring clothes for warm weather.”
I could tell she read my response and when she didn’t reply for five minutes, I launched into action. Might as well take that as a yes.
The next hour was a rush of buying luggage and tickets, along with reserving a last-minute villa, but when I finally arrived at Bren’s door an hour later, it was with a deep sense of satisfaction. This was going to work. I had no doubt about that. I just had to get Bren to see it, too.
I knocked on the door and it flew open without warning. Bren stood facing me, her arms crossing over her slender frame, and I smiled as I took in her pretty purple sundress.
“Ready to go?” I asked.
“You called my boss?” she asked, her gaze wary.
“Yes, but it was important. And I have a gift for you to make up for it.” I grabbed the tiny pink bag with matching pink tissue paper and held it out for her to take. For a moment, she eyed it with suspicion, then took it and dug past the tissue paper to pull out a navy bikini with a jeweled design near each of the hips.
“A bikini?” she said.
“For our trip. Now tell me you pulled out clothes. I got you a suitcase, too.”
I walked past her into the house, then stalked into her bedroom to find a small pile of clothing on the bed.
“Laundry or luggage?” I asked.
“Uh, luggage. But I’m not sure—”
“We need to get away from everything for a little while. I’ll admit that my idea was dumb, but we need to recalculate and start fresh. I got a private villa in the Cayman Islands for the next few days and everything has been arranged. Our plane is waiting and everything is set. All you need to do is say yes, Bren. Say yes to taking a chance. With me.”
She blinked at me, the bikini dangling from her hand. And then her wide, round eyes were even rounder. “You planned all this? Even though we’re not…”
She didn’t have to say the last word and let it fall unspoken between us. We both knew what it was.
“I planned everything because I meant what I said. You make me happy. Baby or no baby. And if you ask me, it’s the perfect time to grab our bathing suits and get out of this miserable weather.”
The rain tapped against her windows as I spoke, and she glanced to look at the storm outside before nodding and turning shining eyes toward me. “Okay. Yes. Yes, I’ll go away with you.”
Together we packed her things then made our way to the airport.
It was a rush to make it through security and to our gate, but once we were safely on the plane and in the air, Bren turned to me, her cheeks pink.
“So, what do you have planned for when we get there?”
“I think we need to get back to basics. Do things right this time.”
“You mean you’re going to meet me all over again?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Maybe. You want to pretend we’re two strangers who happened to book the same house overnight and we’ve got only one bed to share?”
“I like the idea of only having one bed.” Her eyes danced with excitement and a rush of need shot through me.
Fuck me, this might actually work.
I made a mental note to send Trent a beer-of-the-month-club membership.
“Me, too,” I said, then brushed her cheek with my hand as I leaned in for a slow, soft kiss. “Nice to meet you, Ashley Brennan Matthews.”
“Nice to meet you, Mason…some middle name Bentley,” she said.
I laughed. “Andrew.”
“Mason Andrew. I like it.” She gave me an approving nod.
“There’s something I want to tell you,” she said, voice going softer.
“You can tell me anything, you know that.”
She nodded, and took a deep breath, steeling herself for whatever was on her mind. “I should have told you a long time ago. We lost my dad when I was sixteen...”
I reached out and took her hand, rubbing gentle circles on the back of her knuckles. I hadn’t expected her to choose this moment to finally open up, but I was grateful she was letting me in.
“I’m so sorry. Cancer?”
She nodded. I felt like a fool about all those times I’d told her about my mom—my mom had won her battle while Bren’s dad hadn’t. I imagined how hard that must have been for her to sit and listen to my stories. No wonder she’d chosen to remain silent and stoic.
I held her hand through the entire conversation, listening attentively and even wiping away the stray tear that escaped and tumbled down her cheek at one point. When it was done, she seemed so relieved, like maybe I could shoulder some of the burden that had been weighing her down for so many years. We didn't talk for a long time after that, I just continued holding her hand, and stroking her fingers with mine.
Then she leaned her head on my shoulder and we put on our headphones, both of us settling in to watch the in-flight movie before falling asleep.
When we arrived, it took a solid hour to get to our villa, since it was secluded from the other, more tourist-friendly hotels. It was a little house that sat on the white sandy shore, with an outdoor hot tub, pool, and shower inviting us to enjoy the gorgeous sunset.
Me and Bren, alone.
Like in my apartment, there were wide glass windows that looked out on the rolling ocean, and when I led her into the little loft-style room inside, she sucked in a breath.
“What?” I asked.
She shook her head. “It’s just so beautiful. I couldn’t have imagined anything like this. I mean, one minute I was just getting ready for work and the next I’m here. Tell me, do you plan to make a habit of this?”
“What?”
Her eyes softened. “Turning my whole world upside down in the best possible way.”
“If you’ll let me,” I said, the last of the ice that had been building in my chest since the night before melting.
“Good.” She nodded. “I want you to.”
As Bren unpacked, I made us some drinks from the items I’d ordered ahead, then pulled the fresh fis
h from the fridge and started the grill.
“You might not have needed the bikini,” I said. “This place is pretty secluded.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said as she stepped into the kitchen in her tiny navy swimsuit. She took her drink from my outstretched hand, then said, “Let’s wait on the fish. Let’s just go watch the sunset, okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded, then followed her out onto the deck, taking a seat beside her on the swinging bench.
“This was romantic of you, you know that?”
“I’m glad you like it,” I told her, and as I looked at her in the fading evening light, I felt like she still deserved more. Everything I could give her would never be enough. Baby or no, the warm swell I felt in my chest when I looked at Bren made me understand one thing—I was going to do my damnedest to make this work.
Come hell or high water.
Chapter Twenty-One
Bren
“What an amazing day.” I let out a groan and dropped onto the bed, my muscles sore and legs trembling.
“You killed it on that hike. I was impressed.” Mason sat down on the mattress beside me, smiling down at me.
We’d just spent the day hiking in the beautiful Crystal Caves, and then followed it up with paddle-boarding in the Caribbean.
It had been exhilarating, and I’d been amazed to see how well our personalities meshed. From the moment we’d arrived in paradise, Mason and I had been on the same page with every decision. Skip breakfast and grab coffee to go or sit down for a leisurely brunch? Nap or go for a walk on the beach? It was nice to see how well we got along, how easy he was to be with.
I also got to see how he handled challenges. Like when we got to the rental car counter and found that they’d messed up his reservation, and didn’t have any available cars for the next three hours. For a moment there, my heart had sunk. He’d tried to pull together the perfect weekend and we’d only just landed when already something was going wrong. I took a deep breath, turning to watch how Mason would react. But rather than blowing his cool, he rolled with it. He arranged for us to get a ride to our rental house and negotiated for an upgraded car to be dropped off to us later. The memory made me smile.
“What’s next on the agenda?” I asked, almost afraid to hear what he might say. All this touring paradise and I was exhausted.
