The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide (twilight)

by Стефани Майер

  SM: Yeah. I hate to travel, but I see so many stories in airports. We were in, I think, Chicago, waiting for a flight, and this whole story just played out right in front of us. There was a man and a woman, and she kept leaning toward him and touching him, and he was always shifting away from her just a little bit, and not meeting her eye. And it was so clear, the inequality in their feelings, and where I imagined their future was heading, I felt I could just run with it. When you spend time around people, you know, there are so many stories that it just can make you crazy when you want to write them all down.

  SH: Yeah, there‘s never a problem with finding ideas; it‘s just finding the time to write it, and the words to tell it.

  SM: For me, it‘s time. I don‘t usually experience the kind of writer‘s block that people talk about. My kind of writer‘s block is when I know what needs to happen, and I just have a stumbling block — some transition that I can‘t get past.

  The longest part of writing Breaking Dawn was writing right after all the action sequences. Bella becoming a vampire — that was very easy — but after that section I had to skip four months ahead. And that transition took me more time than any other section of the book. It‘s only half a chapter long — it‘s not very many words — and the amount of time per word put into that section is probably ten times what it was in any other part of the book.

  There are just some things that are not exciting, but I like to write minute by minute. And when I have to write, ―And then three months passed,‖ it kills me.

  SH: [Laughs] I don‘t believe in writer‘s block. I sort of embrace it, which feels good.

  And it doesn‘t mean that writing isn‘t hard, and sometimes I can‘t come up with the right way to do it. The way I get over it is by allowing myself to write really badly, and then I rewrite a lot.

  The first draft for me is the worst. I hate writing first drafts — it‘s so painful for me — but the story time for me comes in the rewrite. I already have some clay there to work with, and then I rewrite.

  But your first drafts, I think, are different for you.

  SM: I love writing first drafts. I don‘t think about what I‘m doing. It‘s hard for me to go back and reshape it. I can see it needs help, so I have more trouble — maybe because it doesn‘t feel like clay anymore. It‘s more like marble — I have to chip it off.

  SH: Then you know what we need to do? [Laughs] You need to write first drafts, and then I‘ll rewrite them. And then we‘ll be happy.

  SM: We‘ll combine forces.

  SH: But then you‘ll see the book that I‘ve turned it into, and you‘ll be like: What?!

  SM: Well, then you‘ll get the rough draft and think: I don"t want to do anything with this!

  [Laughs]

  If I don‘t care about the character, I can‘t finish it.

  SH: Would you ever collaborate with another writer? Do you think you could do that?

  SM: I don‘t know if I could. You know, sometimes I wonder, because it looks like a whole lot of fun. I really enjoy other writers, and their ideas and their processes. It‘s fascinating.

  Maybe if it were something where we were switching off voices… But I just don‘t think I could write another person‘s character, because I have to really care to be able to write. If I don‘t care about the character, I can‘t finish it. Or if, for some reason, the character has become an unhappy place for me, then I just can‘t go there.

  I had one draft of about five chapters of a story that really was human — no fantasy, which is always a drawback for me — and then something happened in my family that made it a very painful place to be. It wasn‘t something I had seen coming. I didn‘t think it would ever have any relevance in my life that way. And it became too painful a place to work.

  So I have to be in just exactly the right place to be able to write. With someone else‘s character… I just don‘t think I could care deeply enough about them to put out the effort that it takes to write a story.

  On Celebrity and Success

  SH: The person who you are naturally — when you‘re at home with your family, and you‘re working — is going to be different than the person signing books and greeting fans. How do you balance those two personas? Have you created two different personalities?

  SM: I had to. The person who I am at home, with my family, is shy, not comfortable around strangers, kind of a homebody. And so to be able to speak to large groups — to be able to meet a bunch of strangers, which is hard for me; to be able to travel outside of my comfort zone — I had to get stronger. I had to do things that weren‘t fun for me and just suck it up, you know. [Laughs] Because the real me couldn‘t even imagine having to do that, so somebody else had to do it. [Laughs]

  SH: Is it exhausting to live that public persona?

  SM: It is. It‘s funny…. Just recently — I‘ve got some friends who are friendly with some fans, and they had a party, and I was invited to it. And they‘re like: ―It‘s just going to be really mellow. Don‘t worry about it — you know, it‘s just for fun.‖ But I knew I would have to go and be Stephenie Meyer. I couldn‘t just be Stephenie. And I‘d just gotten off the tour, and I just couldn‘t face it right then. I needed to just stay home and be me.

  And, in fact, I felt so much pressure not to be a letdown that, on my last tour, I brought along a rock star.

  SH: I‘ve found it‘s hard for some people to understand that. For me, there‘s nothing as exhausting as doing a book signing or a school presentation or something. And I think part of it is that I don‘t think I am interesting enough to make it worthwhile for anybody to hear me talk—

  or to stand in line to meet me. And so I‘m pouring my energy out onto these people, and trying to give them as much as I can. I mean, I‘m sure you‘ve had this, too — more than I have — where people will fly in from several states away just to meet you for those few seconds in line. And I think: How on earth could I make this worth their time?

  SM: Exactly. And, in fact, I felt so much pressure not to be a letdown that, on my last tour, I brought along a rock star. And I felt so much better. [Laughs] Justin Furstenfeld from Blue October came and played some of the music that inspired my writing, and we interviewed each other onstage. I enjoyed what he did so much that I thought: You know what? These kids are getting an amazing show. This is special — this is something that is worth them coming out for. If I ever tour again, I will not leave the house without a rock star by my side. [Laughs] That is the new rule. Or…

  SH: A juggling act — a magician.

  SM: A magician would be good! Because, well, honestly, in person, there‘s nothing really that great either of us can do. We write books, so our big finale is sitting in front of a little computer, in a little room. And it‘s not something exciting to watch. It‘s the story that‘s the exciting part, and anybody can get that at the bookstore.

  I‘ve had the experience where I got to meet one of my personal idols, just because a friend pulled some strings and I got backstage at a concert. I lived off that for months. So I try and remember that, and think: You know what? It means something to them, even though I can"t understand why it would be anything special.

  SH: You know, it is true. I really can be such a fangirl. And I get so excited when I meet with writers….

  SM: On the last tour I got to go out to lunch with Terry Brooks. The first real book I ever read was The Sword of Shannara. I was sitting next to this man who has so much experience—

  and so many years of doing this — and I‘m thinking: This book opened the entire world of reading to me. The gift that this man has given me, unconsciously, is nothing I could ever, ever repay. It was just this really amazing experience.

  On Balancing Writing and Life

  SH: It took me a long time to admit that I was a writer. I wouldn‘t give myself permission to take the time — or to take it seriously — for a long, long time. But you started off in a different way. You already had three kids.

  SM: I did not call myself an
author without making some kind of snide comment for at least two years after the book was sold.

  SH: Two years?

  SM: I had this really strong sense of paranoia — like it wasn‘t real, that the whole deal was a practical joke — for a very long time. Because the contract negotiation took a good nine months, so for all of that time someone could have been stringing me along. It wasn‘t until the check came — and didn‘t bounce — that I really started to believe it.

  SH: Have people changed toward you — family, friends, and acquaintances?

  SM: You know, because when I started writing I had a bunch of little babies, we‘ve moved a couple times. And you lose track of people, anyway, so I haven‘t held on to many of my friends from before I started writing, just because of location.

  It‘s the same way with my college roommates. We‘re lucky if we get a phone call in once a year anymore. Then I‘ve gotten enormously busy — I‘ve changed — I don‘t have as much time for social things. And I do think that I probably lost some friends just out of sheer neglect.

  Because I wasn‘t going to neglect my kids.

  And that summer with Twilight, I couldn‘t do anything social. Why would I spend my time away from Forks when I could be there?

  SH: Yeah.

  SM: And that summer with Twilight, I couldn‘t do anything social. Why would I spend my time away from Forks when I could be there? I‘m getting better at balancing it, and I have some really great friends now, which is nice. I have a lot of extended family, too, and they‘ve all been very cool and supportive. But because there are so many of them, we haven‘t been able to spend a lot of time together. I have seventy-five first cousins on one side of my family, so it‘s not like we can get together and party very often. Most of us have several kids. My dad had a stepmom with five kids; his dad had seven…. It‘s just a really big family. [Laughs] A big warm family, and nobody‘s been uncool about it. It‘s all been very nice.

  SH: I think family is good…. They knew you as an obnoxious young person. [Laughs]

  SM: Very obnoxious. Yeah, I‘m just Stephenie to them.

  SH: I don‘t think any success I‘ve had has gotten to my head, because I can‘t really take it seriously, or absorb it, anyway. But if I ever got close, I think my family would be there to tear me back down. [SM laughs] Which is what family‘s for.

  SM: Yeah, my husband‘s really good at keeping me humble, you know? Because he‘s such a math person. If something‘s not quantifiable — if it doesn‘t fit into an equation — it can‘t possibly be important. And so, to him, books are like: Oh, you know… isn"t that nice? Little fairy stories. To me, books are the whole world, and it‘s such a different viewpoint. So that helps. And then, like you, I don‘t trust this to last for a second.

  SH: Yeah.

  SM: And when negative things happen with my career, I kind of expect them — more than I expect the positive. It‘s almost like: Yes, this is what I thought was going to happen! I saw this one coming! Because I am a pessimist — raised in a long tradition of fine pessimists [SH laughs] who have never expected anything good for decades. So I come by it naturally. [Laughs]

  So with every book that comes out, I think: Oh, this is it. This is the last time anybody"s going to want to publish me. And maybe it‘s healthier than thinking: I am the best! I"m so amazing! I don‘t think that‘s a healthy way to be. It‘d probably be nice to be somewhere in the middle, but… [Laughs]

  SH: In some ways, I would love to have that armor — the wonderful author‘s ego — that I am right, and I know what I‘m doing, and I‘m brilliant.

  SM: Yeah, that might be nice.

  I think it‘s really good for my kids to see that I have my own life outside of them — that I‘m a real person.

  SH: So, we‘re both mothers. And I think that mothers are famously guilt-ridden creatures.

  [SM laughs] I mean, we never succeed — we‘re always failing at something. So have you had to deal with guilt of, you know, taking the time — allowing yourself to take the time to be a writer, and to pursue this?

  SM: Occasionally. It doesn‘t bother me that often. I think it‘s because my kids are really, really great. They‘re good and they‘re happy. I‘ve seen kids who are treated like the center of the universe, and I don‘t think that‘s entirely healthy. I think it‘s really good for my kids to see that I have my own life outside of them — that I‘m a real person. I think that‘s going to help them when they grow up and have children — to realize that they‘re still who they are.

  And then I am pretty careful about when I write. Now it‘s mostly when they‘re in school.

  When they were little, though, I never shut myself away in an office — I‘d always written in the middle of their madness — so I‘d be there, and I could get whatever they needed. They know I‘m listening. And they‘re also pretty good about saying: ―Okay, Mommy‘s writing right now.

  Unless I‘m bleeding, I‘m not going to bug her.‖

  And I also write at night. When they come home from school, we do homework and I hear about their day and I make them snacks. The nice thing about writing is, you can do it on your own schedule. But you do lose sleep. You know, I feel like I haven‘t slept eight hours in ten years.

  If you start getting a little bit of dialogue in your head, you‘re doomed — you‘ll never get to sleep.

  SH: It‘s like having a newborn, writing a book, isn‘t it?

  SM: It is. Well, because you lie there in bed — and, oh, heaven help you if you start thinking about plotline. If you start getting a little bit of dialogue in your head, you‘re doomed—

  you‘ll never get to sleep.

  SH: It is so true. I can sleep pretty well at the beginning of the night. If, for whatever reason, I wake up — or my son comes in and wakes me up anytime between the hours of two and five — and if my mind, for one second, goes back to the book I‘m writing right now, I‘m done for the rest of the night. I can‘t go back to sleep, because my mind starts working over and over it.

  I‘ve had to train my brain to do that, on purpose, so that I‘m always writing, even when I‘m not.

  SM: You at least put things in the back of your head, so that you‘re solving the problems.

  SH: Exactly — so when I sit down to write it‘s more productive, because I‘ve been working over it in my brain. But, like you say, when you do that in the middle of the night, you‘re doomed.

  SM: Well, one of my problems right now is that I have not committed to a project at this point in time, and I‘m waiting to be done with the publicity. And that‘s never really going to happen, so I need to just commit to one. I have about fourteen different books, and every night it‘s a new one. And I‘m coming up with solutions for this one point that really bothered me in one story. I thought maybe I couldn‘t write it because of this one point. But then I‘ll wake up at four o‘clock in the morning with a perfect solution, and then I can‘t go back to sleep.

  SH: I have found if I just write it down, then my mind can stop working over it.

  SM: Exactly.

  On Reading and Writing for Young Adults

  SH: So far, all of your stories have something of the fantastic in them. You don‘t read only fantasy, though.

  SM: Oh, I love mainstream fiction, and there are a lot of books that I really love that are without absolutely any fantasy elements. But, for me, the fantasy ones are for writing. There‘s an extra amount of happiness, that extra oomph, in getting to make your own world at the same time that you‘re writing it. I like that part…. Megalomania… You know, having control over an entire world? [Laughs]

  SH: That‘s funny. Like we were talking about earlier, when you‘re a writer there‘s so much that can happen to ego, both good and bad and everything in between. But young-adult authors tend to be pretty down-to-earth, don‘t you think?

  SM: Well, I think writing YA keeps you humble. Because everybody says to you: ―Oh… you write for children. Isn‘t that nice?‖ It can be so patronizi
ng sometimes, and, absolutely, it keeps you humble. It makes it so you can‘t possibly become the ―I am an author‖ author. There‘s no way to do that when you write for children. [Laughs]

  And one of the little ―icing things‖ of this career is to have these kids come up to tell me that this is the first book they‘ve ever read for pleasure.

  SH: I think there‘s also an element of: It isn"t all just about me. We‘ve both written adult books. I think, when you‘re in the adult market, it‘s all about how many books you sell and what awards you get. But when you‘re writing in the children‘s market, it‘s about the children, too.

  And you‘re part of this team — with librarians and booksellers and parents and teachers — and you‘re promoting literacy and some good stuff beyond just: I"m writing a book, and now pay me for it. So I think people tend to be more even-tempered and more balanced in the children‘s world.

  SM: Because I didn‘t set out to write for children, I would never have thought that my books would promote literacy. Someone would have to be a real reader to ever pick one of these up, just because they‘ve run out of everything else. [Laughs]