Dissonance

by Michele Shriver

  “I started binging, on everything thing I could find. Potato chips, donuts, chocolate bars, you name it,” Kenzie said. “And then I’d make myself vomit, sometimes three or four times a day.”

  “I...” Chase started, then stopped. He set his beer on the coffee table and walked toward her, but still maintained a comfortable distance between them, as if not to pressure her.

  “Don’t know what to say?”

  “Yeah.” He went into his familiar stance, with his hands jammed in his pockets.

  “I understand. Most people don’t know how to react,” Kenzie said. “It’s okay. I’m fine now. I went through treatment, and I can honestly say this is the healthiest and happiest I’ve been since before Jesse.” Even if her new album had bombed.

  “Treatment,” Chase said. “So that speculation on that gossip site that you were in rehab was sort of true...”

  Gossip site? She had a pretty good idea what he referred to. “I went through inpatient treatment, so yeah. TDZ just tried to imply I was a coke head.” Kenzie managed a half-smile. “What’d you do, Google me?”

  “Yeah, sorry,” Chase gave her a sheepish smile. “When I left here yesterday, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something you weren’t telling me.”

  Kenzie wanted to be angry with him for invading her privacy, but she found it impossible. For one thing, she’d given up her privacy when she entered the music business. Then there was the simple, undeniable fact that she would have done the exact same thing had she been in his shoes. “Fair enough.” She shrugged. “Well, there you have it. The sordid truth. Now you know what a mess I really am.”

  “I don’t think you’re a mess,” Chase said. “You’re not a mess.” He walked closer to her. “I think you’re beautiful and talented and incredibly strong, especially for having the courage to leave that bastard, then getting help, and for being able to tell me.”

  “You think I’m beautiful, really?” Even with everything he said, Kenzie got caught up on that word first.

  “Do you even have to ask? I thought that was fairly obvious by now,” Chase said. “That’s why I’m fighting the urge to kiss you right now.”

  “Don’t fight it,” Kenzie whispered.

  “What?”

  “I said don’t fight. Kiss me. And this time, don’t be so quick to stop.”

  ***

  At first, Chase wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. Then Kenzie repeated it. She wanted him to kiss her. And not just kiss her, it sounded like she wanted him to do a whole lot more than that. So kiss her he did, gently at first, until she parted her lips to respond; then he increased the urgency just a little. Not too much, though. No. He’d let Kenzie dictate how far things went.

  Okay, so his damn dick was already voicing its opinion on that matter. Yeah, I know what you want, buddy. It had been ready to spring to attention from the first moment he’d met Kenzie, so of course it was quick to stand up and salute with pride now.

  Kenzie obviously noticed it, too, because she reached one of her hands down and rubbed it over his crotch, which only sent more blood flow to that region. “Jesus.” Chase separated his mouth from hers long enough to croak the word out, before kissing her again.

  Right about here was where Lisanne turned cold on him. She’d been all hot to trot, telling him how much she wanted him. Sure, right up until he got aroused, then suddenly, nope. She wanted no part of that stiff, veiny, throbbing thing pushing inside her. Kenzie, on the other hand, obviously had no squeamishness about a man’s erect penis, for which Chase was grateful. Until she undid his zipper, reached inside his boxers and took his shaft in her hand. Then he put his hand down to stop her. “Not like this,” he said.

  When Kenzie looked up at him with uncertain eyes, Chase kissed her doubts away. “I just meant if I’m going to make love to you, I’m going to do it the right way.” No Wham, Bam, thank you ma’am right here in the middle of her living room. Nope. He wasn’t sixteen anymore. He could keep his dick in check for some foreplay. Besides, Chase wanted to enjoy every inch of this exquisite woman.

  He led her upstairs to the loft area, where the discarded remnants of their song writing lay in crumpled pieces on the floor. A couple of not so brilliant attempts at the final verse before they’d finally gotten it. Exactly what they wanted. A song they could be proud of. And now, they were about to make a different kind of music together.

  Yeah, this woman had turned Chase upside down, that’s for sure. But it was exactly where he wanted to be. Here, undressing her, kissing her, caressing her, first with his fingers and then with his tongue, until Kenzie cried out his name with one climax as she begged for him to be inside her.

  It was only then that Chase freed his erection, sheathed himself with a condom and entered her. She was wet and ready, and it took only one quick thrust to be fully inside her. As Kenzie arched her back to take him even deeper, they found their rhythm, moving together until Kenzie screamed again and Chase let go with one final spasm.

  ***

  Kenzie wasn’t paying attention to the time, so she didn’t know how long they lay there, entwined in each other’s arms, until Chase stirred. “Where are you going? Don’t leave.”

  “I’m not going far, darlin,’” he said. “Just gotta get rid of something.” He pulled off the used condom and went to the bathroom to throw it away. She heard the faucet run for a second, probably as he washed his hands. “See, I’m back.” He slid into bed beside her.

  “Thank you.” Kenzie snuggled up against him again, enjoying the closeness and being at peace.

  One of her mentors from therapy had told Kenzie that the first time she felt fully healed from her eating disorder was the first time she’d been naked, fully exposed, intimate with a man after her treatment, and instead of feeling self-conscious or insecure, she’d felt beautiful and loved. At the time, Kenzie had discounted the claim. Now she understood what Annabeth meant, because laying in Chase’s arms, Kenzie finally felt as if she was whole again.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  They didn’t talk about it. Sooner or later, they would have to, but Chase didn’t want to push Kenzie, and besides, he had some feelings of his own to sort out. He’d come to Nashville prepared to hate the city and the whole idea of recording a duet with a country singer, and in a few short days, he’d signed on for the project, co-written a song and fallen hard for his partner in the venture. Yes, fallen hard he had. The question was what was he supposed to do about that?

  Nashville wasn’t home to him. He had friends, family and commitments back east. He had a band, for Pete’s sake, and a very successful one. Jordy would undoubtedly be back soon, and it would be time to get to work on A New Horizon’s next album. He couldn’t stay here. No, it would never work.

  Whoa, get a grip, buddy. You don’t even know if she wants you to stay. No, for all he knew, it was just sex to Kenzie. A physical release. A way to feel good about herself again. If that was all it was to her, then Chase wasn’t ready to face that, so the subject was carefully avoided.

  Instead, they spent the next several days exploring Nashville, including the Gibson guitar factory, where Chase bought a new acoustic guitar. That prompted an amused chuckle from Kenzie, who teased him about going country. Was he?

  They toured the art gallery in Nashville’s replica of the Parthenon, and held hands as they strolled the grounds, taking pictures and stealing kisses, and did more of the same when they visited the home of Andrew Jackson. Chase was a tourist in Kenzie’s home city, and she proved to be a knowledgeable tour guide, and Chase soaked up as much history and trivia as he could.

  In between exploring the city, they worked more on their song. They tweaked one of the verses, fine tuned the chorus, and added more guitar. And whenever the mood struck—and it seemed to strike quite often— they made love. Still, they never talked about where things were going or what it meant, and Chase wondered whether this was what vacation flings were like. Except this wasn’t a vacation. He was here to work.<
br />
  When it was time to meet Keith again, and share their song with the producer, Chase had an attack of nerves. What if he hated it? What if he wouldn’t let them record it?

  “Relax,” Kenzie said. “He won’t hate it.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because it’s a great song,” she said matter-of-factly.

  “Yeah? Haven’t you ever had a song you loved that other people didn’t feel the same way about?”

  “You know I have.” She didn’t elaborate and didn’t need to. “But this one’s different.”

  Chase wanted to believe it. “I hope you’re right.”

  “Of course I’m right. I can feel it.” She gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Now come on, cowboy. Let’s go knock his socks off.”

  Chase grinned. “If you say so, darlin.’” One thing was for certain. Her new confidence was darn sexy.

  ***

  It turned out there were no socks to knock off, as the record producer wore loafers, but no socks. He also studied them with a penetrating gaze that made clear he was in charge of this project, not them, and if Keith hated their song, he wouldn’t be producing it. It didn’t matter. Kenzie was confident in the song, and with everything else right now. Chase had that effect on her, especially as he reached across the space between their chairs and took her hand.

  “Do you have a song for me?” Keith asked.

  Kenzie nodded. “We do, yes. We think it’s a really good one.”

  The producer rubbed his goatee. “I’ll be the judge of that,” he said. “Tell me about this song you wrote.”

  “Do you want us to sing it for you?” Kenzie asked.

  Keith shook his head. “No. I want you to tell me about it. The story. What’s it about? What’s it mean to you? What are you trying to convey? What feelings are you hoping to evoke in the listener?”

  Kenzie froze. So many questions, and she wasn’t prepared to answer them. No. She expected to sing the verses, show him the lyrics, maybe play the chord progression. They’d even brought her ukelele along for that purpose. But when Keith fired off his list of questions, she had no idea what to say.

  Chase, fortunately, did. “It’s about finding love when you’re not looking for it, when you least expect it. We tried to capture the conflicting emotions a person might feel when they’re falling in love with someone. On the one hand, everything is fresh and new and exciting... you can’t get enough of the person,” he explained. “You want more, you don’t want it to stop, but at the same time maybe it terrifies you, too. Because it’s so new, so unexpected, and so intense. The whole thing kind of turns you upside down. That’s our title. The song is called Upside Down.”

  His voice grew more animated as he spoke, and Kenzie found herself getting caught up in his explanation. She loved the way Chase described their song. It was perfect. And his words perfectly captured her own feelings, particularly the fear. She was terrified, all right. Especially by the intensity of it all.

  “Hmm,” the producer said. His facial expression remained unchanged. He could love it, he could hate it, or he could be bored with the whole conversation. Kenzie couldn’t tell. One thing was for certain. She didn’t want to play cards with Keith Trainer.

  “As for the feelings we’re hoping to elicit from people, we want them to feel the song with us, as we sing it,” Chase continued. “The excitement, the confusion, all of it. And by the end, when the lovers in the song decide the risk is worth it, and take a chance on love, we hope it tugs at people’s hearts, at least a little.”

  “So it’s a love song, a ballad,” Keith said.

  Was that a criticism? Again, it was impossible to gauge what the producer was thinking. Yeah, no way would she play poker with this guy.. “Yeah, it’s a love song,” she said. “With an overall country feel, but also some of the of edgy, distorted sounds you’re more likely to find in Chase’s music. We tried to merge our two styles together, like you suggested.”

  “And you like the results?” the producer asked.

  “Yes,” she said. “We like them a lot.” Hopefully he would, too.

  “Are you prepared to sing it for me? Let’s see if I agree.”

  ***

  “He loved it. Can you believe it?” Chase still couldn’t believe it himself, but Keith had been full of praise for the song. Sure, he had a few different ideas for the musical arrangement, which they’d begin to work on in rehearsals the next day, but that was expected, and Chase welcomed the feedback. The most important thing was they had the producer’s go-ahead to record their original song.

  “I told you he would,” Kenzie reminded him with a laugh.

  “Yeah, I suppose you did.” They were celebrating in some honky-tonk bar she’d brought him to, having a couple beers while listening to music and watching couples move to the beat of the music on the dance floor. Kenzie knew the lyrics to most of the songs, and sang along with them, and the happy smile never left her face. Chase loved seeing her like this. It was such a contrast to the vulnerable, scarred woman who’d opened up to him about the nightmare she’d been through in her marriage. Whether her happiness had anything to do with him, or simply her excitement at hearing Keith’s words of praise for their song, Chase didn’t know. He hoped he was some small part of it, at least.

  “Let’s dance,” Kenzie said, bolting up from her stool.

  Chase hesitated. “To this?” The song was a slow one, perfect for a two-step, which he had no idea how to do. He shook his head. “I’ll step on your feet, or trip you or something.”

  “No you won’t. Come on, I’ll even lead, if you want.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him out on the dance floor. “It’s easy,” she said, putting both of her hands on his shoulders. “Now you put your hands on my waist.”

  Chase grinned. “I’d rather put them on your ass.”

  Kenzie’s eyes twinkled. “Fine, put ‘em on my ass, then, cowboy. I don’t mind.”

  Chase did, and couldn’t help giving her beautiful ass a squeeze in the process. “Hmm. Maybe I’ll like this dancing thing after all.”

  “Dancing? We’re not even moving yet. It generally helps if you move your feet,” Kenzie said with a smirk.

  Oh, right. They were supposed to move. Chase took a step back, following her lead, and soon they were moving to the beat of the music. Not bad, he could do this. One song ended, and another slow one came on, so they stayed on the dance floor.

  “See, this isn’t so bad, is it?”

  “No.” Chase pulled her closer. “Not so bad at all.”

  “Good.” Kenzie leaned in, and he expected her to rest her head on his shoulder. Instead, she surprised him by nuzzling his neck.

  Oh, sweet Jesus. The unexpected sensation sent all of the blood rushing to his nether regions. He had no idea how she did it, what her magic touch was, but she sure had a knack for getting him hard.

  “Do you like this, cowboy?” Her breath was hot against his neck, and she gave his ear a nibble.

  “Uh, yeah.” As close as they were dancing, she had to know already just how much he liked it. “But we should probably hurry up and get out of here, if you know what I mean.” Thankfully, they drove to the club, and the car was just outside. No way they’d make it back to Kenzie’s loft, but they could make it to the car.

  “I have a better idea.” Kenzie smiled mischievously. “Follow me.”

  At the moment, she had Chase so hot and bothered, he’d probably follow her anywhere, but he stopped in his tracks when he discovered what she had in mind. The ladies’ room. She wanted to do it in the ladies’ room? “Are you crazy? What if someone comes in? What if we get caught?” Christ, they might get arrested. Chase didn’t want to imagine the headlines back home.

  Chase Radcliffe Arrested for Public Indecency and Lewdness.

  His family might disown him. Then again, he didn’t need their money, and he had to admit that the thrill of what Kenzie suggested was getting him even more turned on.

  “We won’t ge
t caught.” She spoke with a confidence that made Chase wonder if she’d done this before.

  Kenzie pushed open the door of the restroom, and scanned the inside. “Coast is clear,” she said, pulling him inside and guiding him to the last stall. “We just can’t be too loud, and we have to make it fast.”

  Fast? Like that would be a problem. Chase didn’t know if he could hold out much longer. He reached out and locked the stall door before pinning Kenzie against it.

  There would be no foreplay this time, as Kenzie hiked up her skirt and Chase realized she wasn’t wearing underwear. Had she been commando all day, or discarded her panties sometime in the course of the evening, perhaps with this in mind? He’d ask her later. Right now he was just glad he didn’t have to contend with getting them off of her.

  He pulled a condom from his back pocket and ripped the package open with his teeth while Kenzie went to work on his zipper. Good. Team work. Chase choked back a moan as his dick sprang free, and hurried to put the condom on. He barely had before Kenzie took him in her hand and guided him to her slick, wet opening. “Come on, cowboy, take me,” she whispered.

  “It’d be my pleasure, darlin,’” he answered and thrust inside her.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  They didn’t get caught. They didn’t end up in jail. There weren’t any scandalous headlines that would haunt Chase for the rest of his career. That was the good news. The bad news was the noticeable change in Kenzie right after the restroom encounter. It was one thing to avoid the serious talk Chase knew they needed to have. He’d been doing his share of avoiding it, too, living in the moment while he enjoyed the “fling.” And since Kenzie sure seemed to be enjoying it, too, until suddenly she wasn’t, everything was deadly serious between them again.

  Every time Chase tried to lighten the mood with a joke or a little flirting, she responded the same way.