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The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible

Page 44

by A. J. Jacobs


  Kate, Aunt, 5, 125, 200

  circumcision encouraged by, 318 consequences in Friday visit of, 72-73

  as ex-uncle Gil's ex-wife, 12, 45-46

  on filial disrespect, 110

  as former cult follower, 46, 103 kaparot as practiced by, 165 meshuga nephew rebuked for overlooking oral tradition by, 12 on metaphor of the clutching wife, 111-12

  mother driven to sticking tongue out at Hasidim by, 110

  whoopee cushion gift of, 46 why AJ fretted over Jasper's toy blocks from, 327

  Ken (atheist leader), 97-98

  Kennedy, D. James, 54-55, 72

  Kennedy, John F., 251

  Kerby, Carl, pop culture monitored by, 61

  Kevin (Bible study coleader), 283, 284

  Khayyam, Omar, as bathroom reading, 124

  Kill Bill, 131

  Kings, First Book of, on those who pisseth against a wall (slay them all), 202

  Kings, Second Book of, additional adult language in, 282

  Kissinger, Henry, inner and outer nature of, 87

  Knitting Factory, 68

  Know-It-All, The (Jacobs), 95, 175, 203, 335

  AJ quizzed by creationist on, 57-58

  checking reviews and sales ranking of, 15, 128, 151, 241-42

  cross-eyed woman fetish

  references in, 36

  last recycled line from, 337

  optioned for a movie, 248

  postpartum downer in completion of, 330

  kohanim, sacred hand gesture of, 198 kosher rules, 68-69, 162, 169-72, 338 Kosher Sex (Boteach), 162

  lamb, Passover sacrifice of, 211, 234-35

  Lamb Chop (sock puppet), 211

  lamb juice, 226, 235, 339

  Lane, Robin, 176

  language laws:

  of Amish minimalism, 31

  20 percent of AJ's sentences lost to, 29

  see also forbidden speech;

  forbidden words

  lashon hara (evil tongue), 99-101, 158, 227, 251

  see also forbidden speech

  laws, biblical:

  bizarre and ethically advanced, at times on same page, 42-43 Christian distinction between "moral" and "ritual," 48, 255 inexplicable, obedience to, 25, 148-49

  in Torah, a total of 613 (AJ's list is longer), 69, 96

  see also rules, biblical

  Lee, Tommy, Thursday night with, 132

  LeHaye Ice Hockey Arena, 269

  Lennon, John, 102

  Leopard-skin Bustier Woman, lust avoidance attempted on, 287

  Lev (Israeli) (and fellow

  germaphobe), tithing

  negotiated with, 215

  Levi, cousin, quirky but compelling beliefs of, 20

  Leviticus, Book of:

  on "an eye for an eye," 68

  author of food and sex

  prohibitions in (P), 200 on beasts you can eat, 169

  on birds you can't eat, 170, 307 on daily payment of servant's wages, 42

  on eating no manner of blood, 76 on fruit forbidden from recently planted tree, 8, 171-72 on homosexuality, 67, 135, 202, 266-67

  on the Jubilee year, 63

  on leaving your gleanings for the poor, 165

  on loving your neighbor as yourself, 42, 43, 323

  on making restitution, 331 on not confusing wife with mother, 316

  on not mixing fibers, 15, 22, 43 on not trimming beards, 4, 180 on not trimming the sides either, 181

  on period of male impurity, 240, 339

  on rabbit's dietary habits, 59 on refraining from gossip, 156 on rising in the presence of the aged, 118

  on the Sabbath year, 63

  sex acts in Aristocrats banned by, 18

  on stealing, 138

  on stoning adulterers, 91

  on which insects one may eat, if one is so inclined, 172, 174 on woman's period of impurity, 48, 51

  Lewis, C. S.:

  on Jesus without divinity, 265 on pretending vs. being better than you are, 324, 327, 341

  Lewis, Shari, 211

  Liar, Liar, 54

  liberation motif, 284

  Liberty University, forbidden things at, 262

  Liddell, Eric, on feeling God's

  pleasure, 38

  Lieberman, Joe, 162

  lies, lying, 10, 195, 248

  to the Falwell folks, 262, 291 to help the poor, 167

  how to cut back on, 54-55

  "noncommittal compliments," 54 parental, inevitability of, 55-56 size, taste, and colorlessness of, 54-55

  today's, just a sample of, 53-54

  life:

  AJ's entry in the Book of, 275-76 as balance sheet, 274-75

  as challenging jigsaw puzzle, 112 curveballs of, 29

  Ecclesiastes on the uncertainties of, 114

  improved by believing in God, 248-49

  as Judaic priority, 77, 336

  vitalist view of, 248

  see also everything

  Lisle, Jason, 60-61, 63

  Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth, 20

  loopholes, ethical:

  bird-headed humans (as allowable images), 105-6

  for Christian polygamy, 136 of edible bugs in otherwise restrictive diet, 174-76

  in restricting animal sacrifice, 160 in stoning adulterers, 91

  Looy, Mark, 57, 59, 60, 107

  Lot:

  God's warning to, 57

  two anti-Israelite nations the result of two succeeding intemperate nights for, 232-33

  Lot's wife, family events missed by, 233

  Lott, Clyde, 190

  love:

  for God, like love for wife, 53 for the sinner, not the sin, 263 unconditional, 275, 313

  for your neighbor, 42, 43, 256, 321-25, 328

  Lower East Side, cuisine of, 173-74

  Lubavitcher sect of Hasidim, 85-87, 163

  Luke, Gospel of, 200

  on the blessed poor, 269

  on choosing God over all else, 290 on forgiveness, 317

  on Jesus proclaiming Jubilee year, 65

  on John the Baptist in the womb, 308-9

  on the Samaritan's compassion, 215-16

  lust avoidance, 285-88

  AJ's apartment cleared for, 129-30 day job's effect on, 29

  keeping eyes on ground as aid to, 16

  in strategy number one (she's the princess, you're the peasant), 286-87

  in strategy number two (she's your mother), 28, 287, 288

  in strategy number three (recite Bible passages to yourself), 287 in strategy number four (focus on the complete person), 288 when finance page is a turn-on, 129

  Lutherans, 93, 256

  Lynchburg, Va., 258-63

  Maccabees, 121

  magicians, killing of, 8

  Mahalalel, Florida elders approaching

  age of, 176

  Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, 102

  Mail Boxes Etc., impatience and

  wrath at, 15-16

  Maimonides:

  on religious food laws, 171

  613 rules compiled by, 25

  Maker's Diet, The (Rubin), 170, 173, 174

  mandrakes, Rachel's disappointing use of, 19, 117

  March, Fredric, 61

  Margie (Julie's friend), foot washing offered to, 303-4

  marijuana, Bible often scanned for a favorable word on, 233

  Mark, Gospel of:

  on picking up serpents, 294 on plucking out the sinful eye, 289 on rendering unto Caesar and God, accordingly, 283

  Mark (friend), 29

  marriage:

  celibacy said to be superior to, 286

  easy-to-follow steps for

  introducing polygamy into, 136-38

  Jesus' theoretical firsthand knowledge of, 256, 340

  levirate, 146, 338

  no-touching ban not necessarily bad for, 50

  wife avoidance as monthly ritual in, 48-52, 153

  Marti, Aunt:

  as anticircumcisionist (or

  proprepucist), 317, 318

  in family photo sh
oots, 117 going vegetarian in honor of, 307 honey banned by, 173

  on religious words to avoid, 110

  Martin, Steve, "King Tut" song of, 45

  masturbation:

  in objections to IVF, 337

  Onan mistakenly remembered for, 338

  Mather, Increase, 339

  Matisyahu, in top three, 162

  Matthew, Gospel of:

  on committing adultery in your heart, 286

  on eunuchs in kingdom of heaven, 10

  on forgiveness, 289

  on giving to the poor, 272

  on Golden Rule, 321

  Jesus affirms and supersedes Old Testament in, 254

  on Jesus bringing not peace but a sword, 271

  Jonah's "whale" found in, 337 on judging not, 258

  Matthew (preacher), 297-98

  matzohs, 233

  making and solitary consuming of, 234

  Mazal tov, 341

  megachurches, 259, 270

  Memphis (Nancy's dog), AJ's success in finding a home for, 323-24

  men, discussing emissions with (this isn't about global warming, as such), 240-41

  Mental Floss, 100

  Messianic Age:

  Lubavitcher view of, 163

  music improved in, 168

  metaphors:

  actualized by AJ, 122-23, 289 being born again, 290-91

  Bible as divine snapshot, 328 biblical, fundamentalist

  recognition of, 67

  bungee jumping, 85

  chopping off opponent's wife's clutching hand, 111-12

  hating parents, wife, children, siblings, and own life, 290 for life, 29, 112, 274-75

  literalized by prophets, 88-89 for loving God, 53

  the Matrix wager, 249

  picking up serpents, 294

  plucking out an eye, 289-90 sex drive as a roaring dragon, 288 on tefillin wearing, 197

  twins Perez and Zerah, 315-16 verbal pollution, 157

  wearing all white, 123

  see also food metaphors

  Methuselah, 185

  mezuzahs, 155-56

  Micah, Book of, on justice and mercy, 37, 88

  Michael (Jehovah's Witness), 74-77 AJ's out-Bible-talking of, 77 on blood transfusions, 76-77 Witness doctrine and FAQs explicated by, 75-77

  Michal, modesty issues followed by infertility of, 84

  Midler, Bette, where else she precedes Midrash, 335

  Midrash:

  bloodletting vs. peace as viewed in, 247

  on how Jacob's neck was saved, 239

  on how parting the Red Sea was managed, 13, 335

  meanings of, 335

  Miles, Jack, 145

  Milton, Don, 136-38

  mind:

  openness of, 59-60

  wandering of, during prayer, 53

  miracles, scientific explanations of, 276-77

  misinterpretations, biblical:

  of "an eye for an eye," 68, 70 of being fruitful and multiplying, 19

  of boiling baby goat in its

  mother's milk, 69

  of "Sin of Onan," 338

  mistranslations, biblical:

  of Gehenna, an ancient garbage dump, now "hell," 76

  of "kill" for "murder," 156 of "leprosy" for generic skin disease, 50

  of "locusts" for "carob pods," 174 of Moses' "horns" for "qaran" or beams of light, 66

  of the rabbit "chews its cud" for "re-eats its food," 59

  of "Red Sea" for "Sea of Reeds," 66

  of "steal" for "kidnap," 138 of words like "impurity" and "unclean," 50

  Moab, mother's ill-considered plan to repopulate the world with, 233

  moral relativism, swimming in the muddy soup of, 39

  Mormonism, 136, 302

  Morrow, Jimmy, 280, 294-99

  as affable fundamentalist, 295 speaking in tongues by, 298 Morrow, Jimmy (cont.)

  as sympathetic to LBJ Democrats and Falwell eschatologists, 296 varieties of poisonous serpents handled by, 296

  Moses, 211, 235, 299

  as ever a slave to goodness, 143 five books of, 201; see also To r a h forty days spent listening to God by, 52, 69

  God in two-sided argument with, 268

  God's first words to, 59

  God's parting words to, 153 Israelites commanded to write God's words on doorposts by, 155

  Israelites impatient for return of, 16

  Jesus compared with, 265

  at Red Sea (movie version), 13 righteous anger of, 84

  sacred anointing oil made with God's recipe by, 302

  shepherding experience useful to, 212

  mosh pits, Hasidic-style, 86, 121

  Most Perplexing Rules:

  admonition to chop off

  opponent's wife's clutching hand, 111-12

  ban on wearing clothes of mixed fibers, 22-25

  capital punishment, 91-94

  circumcision, 317-21

  purification using perfect red cow, 188-90; see also red heifer

  Most Violated Rules, 80-81

  lying, gossip, anger, and touching impure things included in, 81 not making images of any kind, 104

  vanity and coveting might also be mentioned, 81

  mother, one's own, thinking of pretty woman as, 28, 287, 288

  mother, pigeon's, respect for, 185-88

  mother-son relationships, Julie's hopeful study of, 230

  movies, 339-40

  "R," "X," or "NC-17," 262 sanitized versions of, 131-32

  Muhammad, riots over published cartoon depictions of, 104

  multiplying, see being fruitful and multiplying

  murder:

  as appropriate word in Sixth Commandment, 156

  evil tongue compared to, 99 penalty for, 91

  Muslims, 97

  Third Temple location

  problematic for, 190

  see also Islam

  myrrh, buying and smelling of, 302-3

  Nachshon, Red Sea's timely parting for, 13, 253-54, 335

  Nancy (neighbor), 115-16, 235 book idea of, 194, 244, 306, 323 death of, 321-23, 326

  hallway conversation with, 243-44 on her sketch of Jimi Hendrix, 325

  home found for pet dog of, 323-24 as Jasper's unofficial godmother, 116

  memorial service for, 323

  Natalia (niece), bat mitzvah of, 325-26

  Nathan, parable of greedy rich man told to King David by, 195

  Nazirites, strict rules of, 181

  Nebuchadnezzar, Hebrew faithful unscorched by, 77

  Negev Desert, 210-12

  Nerf bat, Jasper spanked with, laughing hysterically, 40-41

  Neta (TV producer), 210

  New Catholic Dictionary, 274

  New Testament (Christian Bible), 68, 119

  circumcision optional at best in, 319

  guidance on Christmas absent in, 121

 

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