Battle of the Bands

by Jen Calonita

  Heath leaned against the window. “Wow. And I was starting to think The Raven gave him Kyle’s song. He never liked it—no offense—and he kept pushing for a different single. But it was Lola!”

  “We can’t trust anyone anymore,” Zander said mournfully.

  “I should have told you sooner,” Cody said. “I never wanted any of this—touring, record deals, my name all over blogs and Twitter. I just wanted to write music, but Ronald said a duo was stronger than a solo artist, so Jeremy begged me to do this with him.”

  “You want to write songs?” Kyle asked quietly.

  Cody nodded. “I like arranging music more than writing words. What you wrote is gold, and I’m sorry we took it from you. I’ve been trying to come up with something better ever since, but songwriting is much harder than I thought it would be. You can’t come up with a new song every day, can you?”

  “No, you can’t,” Kyle said, but he didn’t sound angry. He sort of sounded like he understood what Cody meant. “I’ve been struggling to come up with a single as good as the one I already wrote for over a month now, but blimey, it’s tough.”

  “Maybe we could try doing something together,” Cody suggested.

  “That’s so nice,” Jilly said, and I noticed her staring at Cody in that same way she had when we first met him. “But that doesn’t change the fact that we can’t get Kyle’s song back—the label would never let them record it now. The only thing we can do is try to stop Lola from ever vlogging about Perfect Storm again.”

  “Whatever we do, we have to be careful,” Iris said. “We have no idea how many other things Mac’s written about that Lola’s holding to use. I’m sure Jeremy is just egging Lola on more.”

  “Let’s face it.” I sank into the nearest armchair and covered my face with one of the decorative pillows. “The only choice I have is to stop writing in my journal for good. As it is, I’m writing in a replacement journal so they don’t read these posts.”

  “Mac, no!” Jilly cried. “You love your journal.”

  “You said it inspires your Mac Attack comics!” Scarlet added. “You can’t stop writing.”

  “If you do that, then you’re letting Big Bird Cummings win,” Jilly said angrily.

  “You can write about me all you want,” Kyle said. “I don’t care what that cat says about us. Our loyal fans will know the truth.”

  “Yeah, but do they have to know everything about us?” Heath asked nervously. “Those stuff-a-bear places have been calling all week, asking me to be their new spokesperson.” The rest of us started to laugh as his cheeks continued to redden. “It’s embarrassing.”

  “What if I write some lies about Perfect Storm in my original journal?” I suggested. “Bad Kitty would look like a fool if we could prove they were false.”

  “Too risky. We don’t need any more bad publicity,” Heath said.

  Gotcha. This morning Iris forwarded a gossip column that said Heath had brushed his teeth with a toothbrush that fell in the toilet. It’s true. I saw it happen. But maybe I shouldn’t have, um, written about it.

  “What if you wrote about a mean prank we were going to play on Thunder and Lightning?” Kyle said, thinking aloud. “And said exactly when and where it was going to happen. Then they’d probably show up to record the whole thing, and we could catch Lola in the act.”

  “Now we’re talking,” Heath said eagerly. “But what about Jeremy?”

  “You could stake out your tour bus to get pictures of them stealing your journal,” Cody suggested.

  “You want to help us take down Jeremy?” Jilly asked. “Won’t your brother be mad?”

  “It’s the least I can do after we took your song,” Cody said. “I owe you guys. I can help. Lola’s dad is coming to town tomorrow to see our set at the show. If you set the prank to happen before the concert, her dad would be backstage and see for himself how his daughter is trying to ruin the reputation of a band he sponsors.”

  “This is brill,” said Heath, stealing Kyle’s favorite word.

  “Do you really think we can pull this off?” Jilly asked.

  I scratched my chin. Mac Attack could do it, which meant so could we. “I think we can. Everyone in favor of Operation Take Down Bad Kitty?” I put my hand in, and everyone piled their hands on top while Iris and Scarlet yelled their support from the phone. “That cat goes down tomorrow!”

  Sunday, July 10

  LOCATION: Miami Beach, Florida

  OPERATION TAKE DOWN BAD KITTY IS HAPPENING!

  Ring, ring, ring.

  “Madam Celeste, your eyes on the future, speaking!”

  “Is this THE Madam Celeste of Stone Harbor, New Jersey, next to the frozen-custard stand in the tiny alleyway?” I asked hopefully.

  “Yes, this is she,” Madam Celeste said in the smoky voice I wouldn’t soon forget. It haunted my dreams even more than The Sharkinator Returns. “Are you looking to make an appointment, dearie? I have three, three forty-five, four, four thirty—”

  “I found you!” I cheered, cutting Madam Celeste off. “You have no idea how many Madam Celeste psychics there are in the New Jersey beach towns. I called six before I remembered you were in Stone Harbor. Listen, about the psychic reading you did for me…”

  Madam Celeste exhaled. “No refunds on readings, dearie. It’s on my sign. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I should go meditate.”

  “No, wait!” I begged. “I don’t want a refund. I just had a question.”

  “Oh, okay,” Madam Celeste said. “That will be fourteen dollars and ninety-five cents for a phone session, plus your regular calling fees.”

  “I…” I searched my pockets for cash. “Do I mail you the money? I’m too young for a credit card, and I’m not sure how my mom will feel about my borrowing hers for a phone psychic reading.” I could see Mom from where I sat on a crate of new Sizzling Summer Boys Tour merchandise, backstage at Blue’s concert venue. I’d never met a Perfect Storm tee I hadn’t liked before, but this one had both Perfect Storm and Thunder and Lightning on it. There was no way I was wearing that.

  Madam Celeste exhaled deeply again. “Fine. One question on the house.”

  My heart sped up. “You said during my reading that you could see a perfect storm coming for me, but you didn’t say how to, um, end the storm or…” Gee, I had no clue what I actually wanted to know. “Whether I could, um, survive the storm? Maybe all I need is an umbrella? Or rain boots? I always wanted purple ones with little pink hearts on them.”

  Madam Celeste started to laugh. “Dearie, my saying a storm is coming, if that’s what I said, just means a heap of trouble is headed your way. You don’t need an actual umbrella.”

  “No, I know that, but all you said was ‘A storm is coming,’” I repeated. I saw Mikey G. walk by and give me a thumbs-up. Zander and Heath hurried behind him with a box of glue and feathers. This was going to be good. “You didn’t say how I could stop the storm.”

  Madam Celeste huffed. “This is what Madam Eugenie meant by my predictions being negative. Look at how you’ve clung to this reading I don’t even remember! If you were here today—or paying for this phone session—I could dive deeper into what was going on in your life, but since you can’t, I’ll just say this: Storms pass. The key is weathering the storm with friends. It’s always better than doing it alone. You get what I’m saying, dearie?”

  Kyle and Jilly were lugging a huge fan. They saw me and stopped. “I think so.” Madam Celeste was telling me what I knew all along. “Thanks, Madam Celeste! See you next time I’m in Stone Harbor.” I hung up while she was in the middle of explaining her weekly telephone reading options. Mom would kill me. “Nice fan,” I said to Kyle.

  “Cowards should be tarred and feathered,” Kyle said with a wink. “I’m so glad we went with the prank my mates always pulled at boarding school.”

  It was pretty perfect. Kyle dictated it to me so I had it right in my journal. Jeremy and Cody will walk through a door pulled so tight with plastic wrap covered in gl
ue that they won’t even see it there. Then we’ll turn on the fan. They’ll be covered with feathers when they take the stage and look like giant chickens, which is what Jeremy is for not coming clean about stealing PS’s song!

  Jilly checked her watch. “We better go set up. We have less than an hour till showtime. If all goes as planned, Daddy will be here with Lola’s dad in time to see this all go down.”

  The walkie-talkie in Jilly’s hand crackled to life.

  “This is Curly, Turquoise, and WHEY OUT! checking in with the Lovebirds and the Bean.”

  The voice sounded like Heath, who I was sure was Turquoise. Curly had to be Zander, Jilly had to be the Bean (for Jilly Bean), and Mikey G. was WHEY OUT!, which meant Kyle and I were the Lovebirds. Well, that was awkward.

  “You coming or what?” Heath asked. “It’s go time!”

  Jilly grabbed the walkie-talkie. “Ready! Bringing the fan over now.”

  The three of us dragged the fan through the backstage area. After all the pranks that had gone down on the road, the roadies were on to us, but I doubted they would try to stop us. While we were walking around, we passed Cody on the phone and paused to listen to his conversation.

  “You read what?” I heard Cody say. “Tonight? There’s no way—Wait. I see Kyle backstage, and he’s carrying a huge fan. And Mac and Jilly have feathers! Maybe you’re right. I think that prank is going down tonight.” Cody paused to listen. “Why didn’t I think of that, Jer? If Bad Kitty catches them in the act, they’re toast. Yes! She should definitely record the prank. Even better, what if she reported live from the prank?”

  “Jeremy and Lola bought it!” Jilly said excitedly.

  “Exactly,” Cody said into the phone. “Bad Kitty will record the whole thing, and the whole world will feel bad for us.” Cody waved us away, and we ran past him. There was no time to lose. We had to get in position. The guys were set to go on in ten.

  “Any sign of our cat?” Zander asked when we made our way to the others. He was hanging another box of feathers above the doorway on a ladder ready to trip when the plastic wrap was pulled down. “I haven’t seen Lola yet, but that doesn’t mean she’s not already here.” I could picture Lola in her Bad Kitty getup hiding behind some sound equipment recording us already.

  All the guys looked anxious. If this prank worked, we’d expose Lola as Bad Kitty. If it went wrong, then it would make Perfect Storm look bad. Already I’d heard some of the crew complaining about the pranks. I even heard one guy say he wished the tour was over. We had three more stops, but I had a feeling that if tonight went as planned, Thunder and Lightning wouldn’t be on them.

  “Thunder and Lightning is on in ten!” the backstage manager announced. He stopped short when he saw Heath standing on a ladder with feathers. He shook his head and walked away.

  “Places, everyone,” Heath said, and we got into position. Heath on the ladder with the feathers, Zander ready to pull the fan, and Kyle holding a bottle of glue. Jilly and I were on the phone with Iris and Scarlet (who were on the phone with us so they could hear what was happening. Iris even had Bad Kitty’s vlog up to see if she would post anything). Then we heard Jeremy holler a greeting to everyone backstage.

  “Hello, Miami Beach! Thunder and Lightning is here!” Jeremy said. I wondered why he was being so loud in announcing himself. Then I realized: Lola was definitely hiding backstage somewhere. I could only hope her hiding spot was exactly where we thought it would be.

  “Her vlog is live-streaming!” Iris whispered, as if someone at the concert could hear her through the phone. “Bad Kitty is reporting live from backstage at the concert and—OH MY GOD, MAC, I can totally see you. She’s standing just feet away from you!”

  Bingo! This was going to work. It had to.

  I glanced out of the corner of my eye. There was Lola behind the giant Perfect Storm sign that would be wheeled out onstage before the guys’ act.

  “So do we head onstage this way?” Jeremy asked loudly, walking on purpose toward the doorway with the plastic wrap. “Gee, what’s this here?”

  “NOW!” Heath shouted, and pulled a cord above Jeremy and Cody. Nothing happened.

  “What’s going on?” Jeremy asked, wiping glue from his face and pulling the plastic wrap away. He kept looking up for the feathers that didn’t fall. “I thought you guys were—”

  Then we heard a high-pitched scream. Glue and feathers were raining down, but not on Jeremy and Cody. They were falling on Lola! Gotcha! My journal hadn’t mentioned that we had set up the prank in an alternate spot to catch Lola.

  “My clothes!” I heard her shout. “Someone help me! I’ve been feathered!”

  Jilly and I ran over, and Jilly pulled back Lola’s hood while I grabbed her phone, which was still recording. I turned the video on her so her viewers could see what was going on.

  “Hi, Bad Kitty!” Jilly said, holding on to Lola’s hoodie so she couldn’t get away. “Or should we call you Lola Cummings?”

  Lola squirmed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

  “Sure, you do,” I said as Heath dragged a sticky Jeremy and Cody over to the camera.

  “You’ve been vlogging as Bad Kitty for the last few weeks!” Jilly said. “You’ve been saying horrible things about Perfect Storm because you were jealous that they didn’t think you were their number one fan.”

  Ronald raced around the corner, saw the scene, and stopped short. “What’s happening?”

  Lola spit out a feather. “I… we… they… Zander… Jeremy…,” she stuttered. Her eyes narrowed at me. “I am their number one fan! At least I was until you came along and ruined everything!” she screamed. “Because of you, the guys ignore me!”

  “So you turned on us?” Zander asked. “We love all our fans the same,” he said to the camera. “We’re sorry if we can’t give all of you the attention you deserve. There are not enough hours in the day to tell you how much we love you guys, but we do.”

  I heard Scarlet and Iris say “Aww.”

  “We adore our fans, and the best way to show that is by touring and recording songs you’ll love,” Zander said. “Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar.”

  “Bad Kitty/Lola, your gig is up,” Heath said. “We were never planning to prank Thunder and Lightning.” He looked at the brothers. “Jeremy, you’ve been a pain this whole tour, and your punishment is admitting to the label that you’ve been feeding secrets about us to Bad Kitty.”

  “You can’t prove that!” Jeremy sputtered as one of Lola’s feathers flew into his mouth. Outside, I could hear the concert venue filling up with fans. The show would be starting late, if it started at all.

  “Yes, they can,” Cody said quietly. “We took photos of you and Lola on the tour bus stealing Mac’s journal again this afternoon. We also have proof that Lola is Bad Kitty and has been using what’s in Mac’s journal on her vlog. And you helped her the whole time.”

  “Jeremy, you didn’t!” Ronald held his head in his hands. “You guys are on the same label. How could you?”

  “I wonder what your dad would say, Lola, about what you’ve been up to,” Jilly said smugly. “Oh, look! He’s here! Hi, Mr. Cummings!”

  Briggs, Mom, and Lola’s dad stopped short when they saw the glue and feathers all over the floor.

  “What the—Lola?” Lola’s dad asked when he saw her. He looked nothing like his daughter. He was much shorter, and he had on a Wave One tee and jeans.

  “Do you want to tell him what’s going on or should we?” Jilly crossed her arms.

  Lola just scowled silently.

  “Fine, I’ll do it,” Jilly said. “Lola’s been vlogging as Bad Kitty to destroy Perfect Storm’s reputation. If their reputation is ruined, then so is your investment in their tour.”

  “You’re Bad Kitty?” Her dad’s mouth widened into a large O. “Wave One has been freaking out over the potential loss of ticket sales and media issues and… and…” He was getting madder and madder. “LOLA PINKIE CUMMINGS! You�
��re being sent to Grandma’s farm in Nebraska to work all summer as punishment!”

  “No!” Lola sobbed. “Not the farm! Anything but feeding pigs.”

  “Pinkie?” Jilly and I repeated as Scarlet and Iris did the same through the phone. Mom took Lola’s phone from my hands and stopped recording.

  “What do you say we keep this matter between us,” Briggs offered to Mr. Cummings soothingly. “Well, between us and the viewers of your daughter’s live vlog. We won’t press charges,” he told Ronald. “Your boys already recorded Kyle’s song, and Kyle is receiving royalties, but I think it’s for the best if you leave the tour tonight.”

  “Wait, we don’t even get to go on?” Jeremy cried. “This is ridiculous! Perfect Storm takes everything!”

  “No, we work for what we’ve got,” Heath said, throwing an arm around Kyle and Zander, “and no vlogger or rip-off band is going to change what we have together.”

  “Lola, you’re coming with me.” Mr. Cummings pulled Lola away from Jilly’s grasp. “I’ll take you to Nebraska personally tonight.”

  Lola whimpered. “I hate pigs.”

  “Bye, Pinkie!” I sang. “We’ll miss you!”

  “No, we won’t,” Heath told her as we waved. Ronald grabbed Jeremy and pulled him away to presumably yell at him, too.

  And that is how you put a bad kitty in her place!

  “So Thunder and Lightning are not going on?” a bewildered roadie asked.

  “Perfect Storm will do a longer set,” Mom suggested. “Just reset. It may take a half hour.” She glanced at her phone for the time.

  “Can I run out onstage and explain to the fans what’s happening?” Zander asked. Mom nodded. “I’ll tell them we’ll be out in a bit to give them a concert they won’t soon forget.”