by Sandra Brown
His life was precious to her. Didn't he know that? How could he have—
Oh, God, she had let him leave her thinking the worst of himself. Just as his parents had rejected him on the night of Hal's funeral, she had cruelly shut him out tonight after he had opened his heart to her. The Hendrens might be too ignorant of Cage's psyche to realize what they had done to him all his life, but she knew better.
How many times had he doubted the value of his life? Wasn't he flirting with death every time he challenged authority, or got behind the wheel of a car and defied the speed limit? Hadn't he pulled his outrageous pranks only to win the attention always denied him?
Oh, Cage, forgive me. I love you. I love you. You're the most important person in the world to me.
"Miss Fletcher?"
She jumped at the sound of her name. Her eyes had been closed in anguish as she prayed, bargaining with God to spare Cage's life. She had expected to see a doctor bending over her in commiseration. Instead the man who had addressed her was wearing a police uniform.
"Yes?"
"I thought it was you," he said. "I'm Deputy Rawlins. I spoke to you on the phone."
She rubbed the tears out of her eyes. "Of course. I remember."
"And this here's Mr. Hanks. It was his family Cage saved." For the first time Jenny noticed the man standing slightly behind the deputy. He stepped forward, his overalls and brogans a jarring contrast to the modern sterility of the hospital corridor. His eyes were red with tears and his balding head was humbly bowed.
"Saved?" Jenny mouthed. Very little sound came out. "I don't understand."
"His wife and kids were in the car that was stalled on the tracks. Cage came up behind them and pushed them off. He barely got them out of the way in time. 'Course, the engineer had seen what was happening and had slowed the train down as much as he could, but there wasn't time to stop it." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "It's a good thing he hit on the passenger side and damn lucky for Cage he wasn't in his Vet. That would have been squashed like a bug."
Cage hadn't tried to take his own life! He had roared away from her angry and hurt, but it had never been his intention to kill himself. What a fool she had been to even suspect that.
A fresh batch of tears streamed down Jenny's face. He had been trying to save other lives. If he died, it would be as a hero and not as a suicide. She looked up at Mr. Hanks. "Is your family all right?"
He nodded. "They're still shaken up, but thanks to Mr. Hendren, they're alive. I'd like to tell him myself how grateful I am. I pray to God he pulls out of this."
"I pray so, too."
"You know," Hanks said, lowering his head and shaking it sadly, "I've always thought bad things about Cage Hendren, because of the stories goin' around. His drinking and women and all. I've seen him ripping around town in his fancy cars, driving like a bat out of Hades. I thought he was a damn fool to risk his life like that." He sighed. "Reckon I've been taught the hard way not to condemn a man I don't know. He didn't have to run up on that track and knock my wife's car out of the path of that freight train. But he did." His eyes began to fill again. Embarrassed, he covered them with his hand.
"Why don't you get on home, Mr. Hanks," Deputy Rawlins said kindly, laying a hand on the man's shoulder.
"Thank you, Mr. Hanks," Jenny said.
"For what? If it hadn't been for my sorry ol' car—"
"Thank you anyway," she said softly. Hanks gave her a solemn, encouraging nod before Rawlins led him to the elevator.
The nurses's prediction that they would soon hear something about Cage's condition proved to be false. Jenny sat alone in the waiting room. No one came out of the operating room to report on Cage.
She had been there for almost two hours when the elevator doors opened and Bob and Sarah rushed out. Their eyes were frantic, their faces wild with worry and ravaged with renewed grief.
Jenny watched them stop at the nurses' station and identify themselves. They got the same polite, tepid reassurance from the nurse that she had. Leaning into each other for support, they turned toward the alcove. When they saw Jenny, their footsteps faltered.
At first Jenny's eyes indicted them. You didn't love him, but now you come to weep over his deathbed, her expression said.
But she couldn't incriminate them without incriminating herself, too. If she hadn't been so frightened of what it would mean to her placid life, she would have faced up to her love for Cage years ago.
And today, today, when he had needed to know that he was forgiven and that she loved him, she had rejected his apology. The irony of it was, he had been apologizing for making love to her, for giving her the most splendid night of her life. And she had refused to accept it! How could she blame the Hendrens for their shortsightedness when hers had been so much more hurtful?
She stood and extended her arms toward Sarah. With a glad cry the older woman staggered forward. Jenny hugged her hard. "Shh, Sarah, he'll be all right. I know it."
Hiccupping on every other word, Sarah explained where they'd been. "We drove out of town to visit a sick friend. When we got back, the sheriff's car was parked outside our house. We knew something terrible had happened." Together they sat down on the sofa. "First Hal, now Cage, I can't bear it."
"Would it matter to you so much if Cage died?"
Jenny couldn't believe she had so boldly asked them the question uppermost in her mind. They looked back at her through stricken eyes. Knowing she should go easily on them in the face of tragedy, she nonetheless could find no mercy in her heart. If cruelty would wake them up to the shabby way they had treated their son, then cruel she would be. She was fighting this battle for Cage.
"I don't think Cage believes that you would care."
"But he's our son. We love him," Sarah cried.
"Have you ever told him you love him? Have you ever told him how much you value him?" Bob lowered his eyes guiltily. Sarah swallowed hard. "Never mind answering. As long as I lived with you, you never did."
"We … we had a difficult time with Cage," Bob said.
"Because he didn't fit into the mold you thought he should. He never felt accepted. You didn't appreciate his individuality. He knew he could never measure up to your expectations, so he gave up trying. He acts hard and cold and cynical, but that's a defense mechanism. He wants desperately to be loved. He wants you, his parents, to love him."
"I tried to love him," Sarah said. "He never stood still long enough. He didn't cuddle like Hal did. He wasn't well behaved like Hal. It was difficult to love Cage. His rambunctiousness, that wild streak, frightened me."
"I know what you mean," Jenny said, smiling privately and patting Sarah's hand in understanding. "I learned to see through that into the man. I love him deeply."
Bob was the first to speak. "Do you, Jenny?"
"Yes. Very much."
"How can you, so soon after Hal's death?"
"I loved Hal. But he was more like a brother to me. I only realized when Cage and I began spending time together that I had loved him for a long time. I, like you, was afraid of him."
Bob said, "It may take us some time to get used to the idea of you and Cage together."
"It's taken me some time."
"We know we haven't been fair to you," Sarah said. "We wanted to keep you with us to fill the vacancy in our lives that Hal's death made."
"I have my own life."
"We realize that now. The only way we can keep you is to let you go."
"I won't be going far," she assured them with a smile. "I love you both. It broke my heart for there to be this rift between us."
"The baby was a shock to us, Jenny." Bob's eyes flickered down to her stomach. "Surely you can understand that. But, well, it's Hal's child, too. We'll accept it and love it for that reason."
Jenny opened her mouth to speak, but another voice interrupted. "Reverend Hendren?" They turned and recognized Dr. Mabry in his operating room greens. They were sweat stained. He looked haggard. Jenny clu
tched her middle, as though to protect her child from hearing bad news about his father.
"He's alive," the doctor said, relieving them of their primary fear. "Barely. He's still in critical condition. He was in shock when they brought him in. His insides were a mess. He was bleeding internally. We had to give him several pints of blood. It was a real patch-up job, but I think we got everything sewed back together. His right tibia has a clean break and there's a hairline fracture in his right femur. Bruises and lacerations all over him. They're the least of his problems."
"Will he live, Dr. Mabry?" Sarah asked the question as if her own life hinged on the answer.
"He has a good chance because he's as strong as a bull and tough as a boot. He came through the crash and the surgery. If he can survive those two traumas, I'm laying good money on his making it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd better get back."
"Can we see him?" Jenny asked, catching the doctor's sleeve.
The doctor pondered the question, but the anxiety on their faces convinced him. "As soon as he's moved to an ICU, one of you can go in for three minutes. I'll be in touch." He turned and headed back down the hall at a brisk pace.
"I have to see him," Sarah said. "I need to tell him how much we do care about him."
"Of course, darling," Bob agreed. "You go."
"No," Jenny said firmly. "I'm going in to see him. You had all his life to tell him you love him, but you didn't. I hope you have the rest of your lives to make that up to him. But I'm going to see him tonight. He needs me. Oh, and about the baby…" She felt the last string of oppression being clipped from her heart. "Hal didn't father him. Cage did. I'm carrying Cage's child."
Their mouths fell open in mute surprise, but Jenny was beyond caring whether they approved or not. This time she wouldn't let convention or the habits of a lifetime intimidate her.
"I hope you'll love us all—Cage, me, and the baby." Jenny laid a hand on each of their shoulders and spoke from her heart. "We love you and would like to be a family." She drew a ragged breath and let her hands fall to her sides. The tears she felt flooding her eyes were sniffed away quickly, lest Cage's parents mistake their source as weakness rather than relief. "But if you can't accept us for what we are, if you can't accept the love we have for each other, then that's all right, too. It will be your loss."
Courage and hope bubbled up inside her, and she took heart, smiling through her tears. "I love Cage and he loves me, and I refuse to feel guilty about that. We're going to marry and raise our child, and he'll know every day of his life that he's loved for what he is, not for what we want or expect him to be."
And half an hour later when the doctor returned to lead one of them down the hall to Cage's ICU, it was Jenny who left the waiting room and went with him.
* * *
Epilogue
«^
"What is going on in here?"
"We're taking a bath."
"You're making a mess."
"It's Trent's fault. He's a splasher."
"And who taught him how to splash?"
From the door of the bathroom Jenny smiled at her husband and son, who were both in the bathtub. Seven-month-old Trent was sitting in the crook of his father's lap, his back against Cage's thighs, his chubby feet on Cage's stomach.
"Is he getting clean?"
"Who, Trent? Sure. He's positively squeaky."
Jenny moved into the room and knelt down at the side of the bathtub. Trent, recognizing his mother, smiled droolingly, proudly showing off his two front teeth. He pointed at her and cooed.
"My sentiments exactly, son," Cage said. "She's a knock out, isn't she?"
"She's going to be knocking heads together if you don't get out and mop up this water." Jenny tried to sound stern, but she was laughing as she bent down and lifted Trent from the tub. When she raised him up, she saw the pinkish scar on Cage's abdomen. It never failed to sober her, at least long enough to wing a prayer of thanksgiving heavenward.
"Watch him, he's as slippery as an eel," Cage said, emerging from the bath. Water streamed down his hard, lean body. Jenny had come to learn that he was completely immodest, a trait she relished.
"How well I know." Jenny was trying to hold on to her squirming son while she wrapped a towel around him. She had given up on keeping herself dry. Trent's sturdy little body had already dampened the front of her robe.
She carried the baby into his nursery, which was across the wide hall from the master suite. She had converted one of the bedrooms of the old house into a picture-book nursery for him. Following her instructions, Cage had done most of the actual labor on weekends. They were well pleased with the results.
She was so adroit at handling her wriggling son that by the time Cage joined them, dried and wrapped in a terry robe, Trent was diaper and pajama clad.
"Tell Daddy good night." Jenny held Trent up to receive Cage's kiss. Cage took him from her, hugged him close, and kissed him soundly on the cheek.
"Good night, son. I love you." He hugged the baby to him while Jenny gazed on lovingly. Trent was tired. His head, with its cluster of dusty blond ringlets, dropped onto Cage's shoulder and he yawned broadly.
"He was ready for bed," Jenny said later as they crossed the hall into their own bedroom after seeing that Trent was safely tucked in. "And so am I." She spread her arms out to her sides and fell backward onto the bed. "The two of you wear me out."
"Oh, yeah?" Cage's eyes roamed over her reclining form, from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, which dangled just above the floor. Her robe had fallen open, revealing a beguiling length of smooth, tan thigh. Her breasts looked both wanton and vulnerable with her arms widespread. Without compunction he unknotted the belt of his robe, shrugged it off, let it slide soundlessly to the carpeted floor, and lay down on top of her. His knees wedged hers apart.
"You've got to overcome your shyness, Cage."
"Smart ass." He chuckled as his lips toyed with her ear. She had bathed just before him and Trent, and her skin was warm and fragrant. Beneath the robe she was wearing nothing but a rosy glow. "Why fool around with preliminaries? I believe in going after what I want."
"And you want me?"
"Hm." He pecked innocent kisses on her neck. "I always have. The longest two months of my life were those after Trent was born."
"Don't forget the weeks before he was born."
"I haven't forgotten," he snarled. "I still say that doctor put the restriction on us earlier than necessary. He was getting back at me for something."
"What?"
"Nothing."
She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled on it until he raised his head. "What?"
"Ouch!"
"Tell me."
"All right, all right. It's no big deal. Several years ago I dated one of his nurses. When I broke it off, she got upset and left town. He's still holding a grudge."
"How many women did you … romance?"
He became very still. His teasing manner ceased. His eyes probed into hers. "Does it matter, Jenny?"
Her eyes coasted down from his to stare at his throat. "Do you miss it? That carousing?"
"What do you think?" His body nudged apart her robe and she felt him virile and warm against her belly.
"I guess not."
"You guess right."
He kissed her with a passionate hunger that dispelled any lingering doubts. By the time he raised his lips from hers, her blood was pumping hotly through her veins. "I love you, Cage."
"I love you."
"Do you know what today is?"
He thought a moment. "The accident?"
"A year ago today."
"How did you remember that?"
She touched his lips. "Because that's the day I thought I'd lost you. I spent hours sitting in that hospital waiting room, wondering if you would live just long enough for me to tell you how much I love you and how important your life is to me. At first that was all I prayed for. Then, after you survived the surgery, I got gr
eedy and prayed that you'd live to a ripe old age."
One corner of his mouth slanted up into a smile. "I hope God answers your second prayer."
"So do I. But I don't take a single day for granted. I thank Him for every one we have together." They kissed again. This kiss was a reconfirmation of their love.
When they pulled apart, he sank his fingers into her hair and spread it out on the bedspread behind her. "When I regained consciousness in that ICU, the first thing I saw was your face. I wasn't about to die and leave you."
"How much of those first few days do you remember?"
She thought it was strange that they'd never talked much about this. She had scolded and cajoled him through months of convalescence. He wasn't accustomed to being confined and having his activities limited. His psychological adjustment had been as difficult as the physical recovery.
But Jenny's patient diligence had paid off. Much to the doctors' surprise, within months of the accident Cage was back to normal. Better, in fact, the doctors teased him, because he was no longer smoking and wasn't drinking as much.
Then Trent had been born and they had settled into the routine of family life. Cage's business had continued to flourish, as he had been able to conduct it by telephone during his confinement. He now had two people on the payroll, a secretary who had taken over Jenny's position when Trent was born, and a geologist who took the core samples and analyzed them. But it was still Cage who speculated, who talked investors out of their money, who put the deals together, who found the oil.
The past year had been so busy that Jenny had put the harrowing hours and bleak days following the accident out of her mind. She had never really asked Cage about his impressions while he was in the hospital.
"I don't remember much, just that you were always there. One incident stands out. The first time I saw Mother and Dad. I remember trying to smile so they would know how glad I was to see them. Mother took my hand, leaned down, and kissed my cheek. Dad did the same. That might not sound like much, but it meant the world to me."
