In Want of a Wife?

by Cathy Williams

  ‘So,’ Lizzy continued in her best pragmatic voice. She had gone past the point of backing out of what they had. There was no room to start making excuses about being caught unawares, or making a mistake, and she didn’t want to do either of those things. She loved him and she wanted him, and she was going to take what was on offer even if the odds against it lasting longer than a few months were high. She wasn’t going to run from the prospect of a broken heart, because nursing a broken heart in the aftermath of what he gave her would be worth it. But neither was she going to turn herself into some kind of sex slave, with him calling the shots while she obeyed, doe-eyed and helpless. She might well be helpless, but she wasn’t going to let him see that side of her. No way.

  ‘So I think we should approach this in a businesslike way,’ she carried on, clutching to this notion like a drowning man to a lifebelt.

  ‘You’re sounding like a teacher.’

  ‘I am a teacher.’

  ‘Not in the bedroom. When we’re in the bedroom, consider our roles reversed. You get to play pupil. I like the thought of you responding to my every command.’

  ‘I was saying …’ Lizzy’s voice was wobbly as she fought to get the conversation back on more stable ground. ‘Point one, we’ve admitted that there’s some sort of weird chemical reaction between us.’

  ‘There you go with the teaching metaphors again.’

  ‘And we should be able to fight it, because it doesn’t make any sense. But point two, we’re each other’s novelty. So let’s agree that we give this thing of ours a time limit. Say a couple of months? Get it out of our systems and then we can part company. How does that sound?’

  ‘How does that sound?’ Louis had never heard anything so outrageous in all his life. If mentally he had applied very similar guidelines to the relationships he had had in the past, he failed to make the connection now. He was frankly incensed that she would choose to destroy the ambience by dragging prosaic, unimportant and irrelevant technicalities into the equation.

  And, more than that, he didn’t like the thought of a time limit being put on what they had. Not at all.

  For the first time in his life, he felt the pull to say the unthinkable, at least the unthinkable for the place he was in right now with his life. He wanted to submerge himself in this relationship and see where it went.

  Acknowledging that felt as unsteady as peering over the side of a sheer precipice but, where he might usually have stepped back, he felt no inclination to do so—even if crashing over the side was the eventual consequence.

  ‘How does that sound?’ he grated, every muscle in his body rigid with tension. ‘I’ve never heard such nonsense in my entire life!’

  ‘But we’ve agreed—’

  ‘You’ve reached your conclusions. Who says that I have to swallow them?’

  ‘You’re not a guy who commits to relationships, Louis.’ She continued hastily, ‘And we’re not suitable candidates for a relationship anyway. At least, not any kind of relationship that matters. But we’re attracted to one another.’

  ‘Oh yes. The chemical thing.’

  ‘So let’s just face the limitations and be sensible about this.’

  ‘And what if I don’t want to face the limitations?’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘What if I think that this is too powerful for us to consign to a box labelled “controlled substance"?’

  ‘This?’ Hope flared like an explosion in her chest. The forbidden thought—that he might just have fallen in love with her despite all their differences and all the boundaries that existed between them—crept in like a thief in the night, temporarily doing away with all her caution, reason and sensible self-defence mechanisms.

  ‘What we have going on between us,’ he said with a sweeping, frustrated gesture. He scowled darkly at her and raked his fingers through his hair. ‘I’ve never wanted a woman as much as I want you,’ he admitted roughly. ‘You’re a first for me, and you make me behave in ways that I can’t comprehend because they make no sense.’

  Lizzy’s mind was beginning to lag behind. Something about what he was saying didn’t sit quite right. It came to her that he was talking about wanting her. Wanting her in the way someone might want a possession. Then she thought, what was the point in throwing caution to the winds if she became all tangled up in the detail?

  ‘I want you, too,’ she breathed huskily.

  ‘Then let’s not put restraints on this. Let’s just see where it takes us.’

  Sadly, Lizzy knew where it wouldn’t take them: up the aisle. But she wasn’t going to refuse what was on offer. Her businesslike approach had made sense to her but, even if he had agreed, would she have been able to walk away at the end of the allotted time, had he asked her to stay on?

  With a helpless whimper, she curved her body against his and slipped one leg in between his muscular thighs, nudging gently up, and laughing when he rolled her onto him so that there was no mistaking the evidence of his impressive arousal.

  Her hair formed a long, unruly curtain around them and she pushed herself up so that her breasts could dangle provocatively close to his hungry mouth. She pretended to pull away, still laughing, watching as his eyes flared as he tried to catch one with his mouth. Each time her nipple brushed his lips, the ache between her legs became a little fiercer, until finally she had to succumb to the exquisite sensation of having him capture one pink nipple so that he could suckle on it.

  It was a turn-on to look down at him from this angle and watch the movement of his dark head as he caressed her breasts with his mouth. For someone as controlled and as highly disciplined as he was, he made love with exuberance and a complete lack of inhibition. He might be able to guard his expressions when he wanted to, only reveal what he wanted the rest of the world to see, but naked and in bed he was a different man. Here and now, she could see the desire stamped on his face and feel it in the urgency of his touch.

  She moved and, while he continued to attend to her swollen breasts, she eased him into her and then grinned as he looked up at her, his eyes dark and stormy.

  ‘Don’t stop,’ she whispered. She began to move against him, long, slow movements; they continued to look at one another, she revelling in seeing him at her breast, and he enjoying the sight of her flushed cheeks and her fluttering eyelids as they began building towards their peak.

  He placed his hands firmly on her buttocks. He only stopped sucking her rosy, glistening nipples when he no longer had a choice because he was going to explode.

  They were damp with perspiration when Lizzy finally subsided on top of him with a sigh of bliss, as sated and as contented as the cat in full possession of the cream. His hand was the icing on the cake, gently stroking her hair, and she closed her eyes briefly and tried to imagine what it would be like if he actually loved her; if this wasn’t all about the good sex.

  ‘We’re good together,’ Louis told her thickly and she made an inarticulate sound of agreement. ‘Makes no sense, but there it is. We’re good together …’ He pushed her a little, and reluctantly Lizzy rolled off him and then onto her side so that she could look at him, although making love had made her drowsy and all she wanted to do now was go to sleep. The night had been so eventful that she was vaguely surprised that it still seemed to be dark outside.

  ‘Okay, I get that. We’re good together—in bed. I agree.’

  ‘It’s not just about the sex,’ Louis muttered, his eyes sliding away from hers, and her heart gave a hopeful lift.

  ‘It’s not?’

  ‘Of course it’s not.’ For a minute there, Louis had felt a distinct lack of self-control but things were back in place now. ‘You’re clever, you’re funny; it makes a refreshing change.’

  ‘Oh, right. The novelty thing.’ Disappointment flooded her in a rush and she shoved it back.

  Louis laughed and said something about a change being as good as a rest. But when she failed to share the humour he told her slowly and seriously, the ide
a coming to him out of the blue, the result of some kind of effect she had on him. ‘I’ve been thinking about the situation with your parents.’

  He waited a few seconds for her to pick up on his cue, but when instead she yawned widely and squirmed underneath the duvet he laughed softly and kissed her shoulder. ‘You’re not going to go to sleep on me for the second time this evening, are you?’

  ‘I’m tired. I feel as though I’ve been through the wringer today. I’ve had more on my mind in the last couple of weeks than I’ve ever had before in my life. It’s exhausting.’

  ‘Then you can safely consider yourself free from future exhaustion.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘I told you that I would take care of everything, didn’t

  I?’

  ‘And I told you that I was really grateful.’

  ‘Except, I didn’t quite take care of everything.’

  ‘I can’t think what you missed off the list.’

  ‘Well, before you began falling asleep on me, I may have mentioned it—your parents.’

  ‘Are doing fine, now that you’ve persuaded them that Leigh isn’t going to become involved in some dreadful drugs-den with Freddy. In fact, when they find out about the marriage, and about your generosity in putting money behind Freddy’s venture, they’re going to be over the moon. Jobs are in short supply these days, and Leigh doesn’t always come across as the ideal applicant for a position. It was just something else that was worrying them, so thank you for that. The down side, of course, is that Maisie will be losing her playmate. She and Leigh have been like twins all their life. It’ll take some getting used to for Maisie now to have a married sister in charge of a business.’

  ‘Not quite what I was referring to when I mentioned the situation with your parents.’

  ‘No? What else is there to mention? Everything’s fallen into place, like a jigsaw puzzle when the last piece has been put in.’

  ‘Except for the small matter of your parents losing their house thanks to your father’s unwise investments.’

  ‘Ah. That. Well, on the bright side, at least there’ll be no worry about Rose or Leigh—and, before you tell me that they’re going to target Nicholas as some kind of private-banking system, they won’t.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to tell you that. I was going to tell you that I’ve instructed my accountant to sort out their debt problem. They’ll be able to keep the house. I’m going to give them the money.’

  Lizzy froze. ‘You’re what?’

  ‘I’m going to give them the money. I didn’t mention this to you, but I had a pretty long conversation with your father about those investments he made. Yes, they were pretty stupid, but he’d run his affairs in a fairly tidy fashion up until then and I’m convinced that lessons have been learnt from this.’

  ‘You’ve spoken to my father and told him what, exactly?’

  ‘That I would see what I could do about recuperating some of the money he’s lost. Naturally I didn’t talk about a rescue package, but essentially I will ensure that there are no debts hanging over his head and no worries about losing the house they’ve lived in since they were first married.’

  Lizzy felt cold, hot and cold in sickening waves. She pushed herself up and slipped her legs over the side of the bed and was aware of Louis moving around the bed to confront her.

  With quick, shaky, frantic movements she dragged the duvet from the bed and wrapped it protectively around her nakedness.

  ‘What the hell is going on?’

  ‘There’s no way that you’re going to bail my parents out!’

  ‘What’s wrong with you? I thought you’d be pleased.’

  Lizzy didn’t dare look at him and she wished that he would just do the decent thing and put some clothes on. Ranting at a naked Greek god lookalike was so much more difficult.

  ‘And look at me!’ Louis roared in bewildered, enraged frustration.

  ‘You throwing money at my parents, in a rescue package that’s not a rescue package, makes me feel soiled!’ she flung at him furiously. ‘It makes me feel as though you’re buying me.’ She dodged past him and headed for her clothes strewn on the ground, although progress was severely impeded by the weight of the duvet.

  ‘Work that one out for me.’

  ‘Work it out for yourself!’ She managed to grab her clothes, shed the cumbersome duvet and fly into the en suite bathroom in the space of five seconds. Once there, she locked the door behind her and leant against it, breathing heavily and steadying her nerves, which were shot. Any thought of a shower couldn’t have been further from her mind and she just washed her face, making sure not to look in the mirror, and then stuck on her clothes before taking a deep breath. Louis, waiting outside, would be a towering inferno.

  But thankfully a clothed one, although the clothing only consisted of a pair of black boxers. He was looming by the window, arms crossed, waiting.

  ‘I thought that being attracted to you was enough,’ Lizzy told him, making sure to keep a safe distance. ‘But it’s not.’ Because you still think that it’s all about the money. Instead of expensive gifts, he would give her parents bail-out money. ‘You give my parents money, and for me that would be the equivalent of being bought—and do you really think that I have a price? Did you think that I would have to be forever grateful to you, and therefore you would have the right to enjoy me whenever you wanted?’

  ‘I’ve never heard so much rubbish in my life! ‘

  He made a move as though to get closer to her, and she stumbled back until she had her back to the bedroom door.

  ‘In the end, it’s all about money for you. What you can buy. Who you can buy.’

  ‘Your parents were in financial difficulties; I am in a position to help them, and I wanted to because you’re in my life.’ He faltered to an awkward stop and half-turned away from her. ‘You drive me crazy,’ he muttered under his breath.

  ‘You’ve done enough, and I don’t want you giving anything to my parents. I have some savings. I can help out however I can.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. You have no idea the extent of how big your father’s debt has become over time.’

  Lizzy pulled open the door and took a backward step out of the bedroom while she continued to watch him warily, the way someone might watch a tiger poised to attack. But he wasn’t approaching her. Already she could feel him letting her go. She was too much trouble. Her heart felt as though it was literally cracking open, but the mantra playing in her head was it’s better for this to happen now.

  Maybe, subconsciously, she had fancied her chances at becoming indispensable to him; maybe her decision to take what was on offer had been more to do with that little seed of hope than a sudden, daring recklessness on her part. Who knew? But she knew now, and conclusively, that she would only ever be one in a line for him, maybe lasting a little bit longer because of her novelty value. He would have bought his expensive, well-groomed, well-manicured women diamonds and exotic weekends abroad—and her? Well, he would buy her her parents financial security because she wasn’t the ‘diamonds and exotic weekends abroad’ type.

  ‘I don’t need to!’ Was she being selfish? She had no idea just how far into debt her father had dug himself, but she guessed that her paltry savings weren’t going to go a long way to curing the problem. For a few agonising seconds, she was gripped by indecision, but then she rallied. ‘And I don’t want to see you again. It doesn’t matter how enjoyable this…. this.’ she waved her arms helplessly in a sweeping gesture ‘… thing we have is. It’s just not enough.’

  ‘You’re overreacting.’

  ‘Don’t tell me that I’m overreacting! ‘

  ‘When you calm down, you’ll see that what I’m offering makes sense; if you feel better, I can construct it as a loan.’

  Now he was lowering himself to accommodate her crazy misinterpretation of the situation? Louis could scarcely credit it, and confusion rooted him to the spot.

  But Lizzy was on a
roll. What filled her mind was the repulsive notion that he was throwing money in her direction with the intention of buying her for however long he wanted. He had clumped her in with all those women whose beds he had shared, women who had been willing to accept gifts from him and disregard the fact that the greatest gift of all—his commitment—would never be on the agenda. And she couldn’t even blame him! She had been as eager to hop in the sack with him as every other woman, so how could he expect her to react differently to his choice of present? Except his choice of present somehow made her feel soiled.

  ‘I don’t want you constructing it as anything,’ she snapped in stubborn, blind refusal. ‘Thank you for everything you’ve done, but now I just want you to step out of my life!’

  ‘There’s something going on here that I’m not getting,’ Louis grated with menacing intent. ‘What is it?’

  That I’m in love with you, Lizzy thought bitterly. Hence I would have given you anything you wanted—but the second you put money on the table it feels like an ugly trade-off …

  ‘I wanted to sleep with you,’ she told him in a more subdued voice, picking over the truth and extracting the bits of it she could share. ‘I was willing to finally admit the attraction between us and not run away from it. I knew,’ she was compelled to stress, ‘that we weren’t suited on any level except the physical, but I was willing to overlook that. But your offer, your kind and generous offer to bail my parents out of their debts, felt like a down payment on my body, and I’m sorry but I can’t deal with that. You are who you are; you can only think of people in terms of money—and please don’t tell me that I’m being ridiculous.’

  She drew in a deep breath and waited for his continuing fury but instead he half-turned away from her.

  He said, over his shoulder, in the tone of someone voicing an afterthought, ‘Fine. We gave it a shot; it didn’t work. I’ll make sure to avoid you whenever possible. If you leave details of your school’s email address and anything else relevant I might need, I’ll make sure my accountant deals with my donation. Unless, of course, you’d like to object to that as well. No? In that case, you know how to find your way out.’