Satisfying Lonergan's Honor

by Maureen Child

  Yes, she thought, but that wasn’t the point, was it? Besides, it wasn’t as though she’d been following him through the years. She’d only done an Internet search on him the one time. And it had been enough.

  Jake Lonergan, one of the articles had read, rides his motorcycle like a man chasing death. The safe, careful moves seem never to occur to him. Instead, this competitor rides where no one else dares. He pushes his custom made bikes into speeds unheard of in racing circles. When Jake Lonergan enters a race, he rides to win—even at the cost of his own life.

  Those words rushed into her mind now and Donna just managed to squelch a shiver. Eric needed a male role model in his life. But he didn’t need Jake.

  Neither did she, no matter what her body might be telling her.

  “Enough to know,” she said quietly, gaze boring into his, “that you haven’t changed any. You’re still looking for the thrill. The rush. Just like when you were a kid, driving Jeremiah’s truck like a crazy person. You compete in a dangerous business and even your competitors think you’re crazy.”

  He frowned at her and straightened up to his full, very impressive height. “The racing is something I do because I like it.”

  “That’s what concerns me,” she muttered.

  “But,” he said, “it’s not my whole life. I don’t race all the time. I run my own business, too. Jake’s Choppers. I design and build custom motorcycles for people with more money than style.”

  She hadn’t known that. Probably could have found out, but she’d stopped reading about him the minute she’d reached that one specific article.

  “That’s nice, Jake, but—”

  “And I fund a shelter for runaways in Long Beach.”

  “That’s…” She paused and blinked up at him in stunned surprise. “You do?”

  He nodded slowly, his gaze fixed on hers. “I’m also on the board of a number of companies I have holdings in.”

  “On the board…”

  Donna couldn’t quite grasp this. He stood in a wash of moonlight, looking like a modern day pirate, with his ponytail, scruffy jeans and dusty boots—not to mention the scowl on his face. Not exactly the mental image she carried of a regular businessman.

  “And,” he finished, his voice even lower, “my design company hosts a yearly challenge for new, young engineers—giving them the chance to see their designs become reality.”

  “I didn’t know,” she said, and wasn’t entirely sure about what to do with the information now that she had it. Did it change anything? Did any of this change Jake on a basic level? Just look at how he dressed. Still the rebel. Still pushing at the edge of an envelope only he could see. And he’d just admitted that he still liked to compete in dangerous races.

  “You could have asked,” he said tightly, his mouth a grim slash across his face.

  She nodded. “Okay. Fine. I admit, there’s more to you than I thought there was. But there’s still the racing, Jake. Or, what one article called your habit of ‘chasing death.’”

  “Oh, for—” He scrubbed both hands across his face, glanced at Eric to make sure he was still fiddling with the bike and then asked Donna, “You believed that? One guy’s opinion?”

  “It sounded like you,” she said. “And I don’t want Eric to pick up on any of that.”

  “I’m not going to take him racing, Donna.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “But I won’t stay away from him, either.” His features softened. “He’s a great kid.”

  Everything in her melted a little. The surest way to win a mother’s heart was to compliment her child. “Yeah, he is.”

  “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.”

  Emotion choked his voice and Donna knew it had cost him to reassure her. She blew out a breath she hadn’t even been aware she was holding. “I know that, Jake. I really do.”

  “But?”

  “But,” she repeated, staring up into dark eyes that she knew would haunt her for the rest of her life, “that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be hurt anyway.”

  “Mom,” Eric called out, “the bike won’t fit in your trunk.”

  “Put it in the back of Coop’s car. That thing’s big enough to carry a boat,” Jake yelled back.

  “Great,” Eric said with enthusiasm, “can I drive?”

  “No,” Donna said instantly.

  “Oh, man…”

  Jake laughed. “Gotta give him points for trying.”

  “Jake—” Donna interrupted.

  “Look, I’ll drive him home, then you and I can finish this discussion tomorrow.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Over dinner?”

  “Jake’s coming for dinner?” Eric said as he passed by them on the way to Cooper’s SUV. “Great. Can we have spaghetti?”

  “Sounds good to me,” Jake said, turning a questioning look on Donna.

  She knew when she was beaten. At least for the moment. “Fine,” she grumbled. “Spaghetti it is.”

  “Cool!” Eric’s voice came to them from a distance.

  “I’ll bring the wine,” Jake said and leaning down, planted a quick, hard kiss on her mouth before stalking across the yard to help Eric.

  Donna stared after them for a second or two, trying to figure out just exactly when she’d lost control of the situation.

  By the following afternoon, Jake was feeling like a kid getting ready for his first date. Stupid, he knew, but couldn’t quite seem to squash the sensation. He’d actually enjoyed himself last night with Donna and Eric at the barbecue.

  Until he’d noticed that every time one of the guys said Mac’s name, Donna winced. And that small instinctive flinch fed the guilt that still grabbed at his insides like a fist, squeezing.

  Shaking his head, he put the bottle of red wine into the bike’s saddlebag, closed and locked the lid. Picking up his helmet off the workbench, he turned back to the bike and stopped short when he spotted Cooper in the barn’s open doorway.

  “What?”

  “Always so damn friendly.” Cooper chuckled and moseyed into the barn. Hands in the pockets of his black slacks, he moved slowly, like he always had.

  “Aren’t you afraid of getting dirt on those spiffy black shoes of yours?” Jake asked, clutching the strap of the helmet.

  Cooper ignored the question and asked one of his own. “Date with the lovely Donna, huh?”

  “Not a date,” Jake said, though in his mind, it was just that. “Just dinner. With her and Eric.”

  “Uh-huh.” Cooper ran one fingertip across the top of the workbench, glanced at the accumulated dirt, then flicked it off. “So you’re not still crazy about her.”

  Everything in him went cold and still. “What?”

  “Come on, Jake. I’m not stupid. Wasn’t stupid when we were kids, either.” Cooper shrugged negligently and leaned back against the edge of the counter. “Mac never noticed. Hell, Mac never noticed much except the engines you guys were always working on. Always surprised me that you and Donna never hooked up.”

  Jake slammed the helmet down onto the motorcycle’s black leather seat. “Back off, Coop.”

  “In a minute.” Cooper tilted his head to one side and studied him. “I saw you with her last night, you know. Couldn’t take your eyes off of her. I half expected her to burst into flames the way you were watching her.”

  “This is backing off?”

  His cousin grinned. “Nope.”

  “We’re done talking.”

  “Almost.” Cooper pushed away from the bench and took the few steps separating them until he was standing beside him. “I know what you’re feeling, you know.”

  “Is that right?”

  “You’re still feeling guilty about Mac,” Cooper said softly and the quiet words stabbed at him. “And that’s what’s keeping you from going after Donna like you should have fifteen years ago. I recognize the guilt in your eyes. Saw it in my own often enough.”

  Jake swallowed hard and tried to argu
e. But what could he say? He looked at Eric and felt the pangs of regret hammering away at his soul. There was nothing he could do to make up for what he hadn’t done fifteen years ago and that remorse lived with him always.

  “What’s your point?”

  “My point is, Jake,” Cooper said, reaching out to lay one hand on his cousin’s shoulders, “that you don’t have anything to be guilty about. We were just kids. We didn’t know Mac was in trouble. And besides,” he added with an understanding smile, “you’re the one who wanted to go into the lake after him, remember? It wasn’t your fault. You should stop beating yourself up over it.”

  “Right,” Jake muttered with a shake of his head. “Nobody’s fault. It just happened. Mac died. We lived. Simple.”

  “Nothing about it was simple,” Coop said, letting him go and taking a step back. “But you don’t have anything to be guilty about, either. If you still want Donna, go for it. You don’t owe Mac anything.”

  But Jake knew better. Jake knew the real truth he’d managed to hide from everyone. Cooper had it right that Jake had been the one who’d wanted to go into the water after Mac. But it hadn’t been because he’d been worried about his cousin.

  No. He’d only been thinking of himself. He’d wanted to jump into the lake and drag Mac up before he broke Jake’s record. It wasn’t concern for Mac that had prompted his action. It was plain selfishness guiding him.

  Just like it had been the night he and Donna had come so close to making love. He’d never been honest with Mac about his feelings for Donna. He’d never been man enough to admit that he was in love with his cousin’s girlfriend.

  And that guilt was something he couldn’t bring himself to tell anyone.

  “Let it go, Coop. Okay?”

  “I’m just saying…”

  “I get it. Now, let it go.”

  “All right,” Cooper said, already moving toward the door. He stopped in a slice of moonlight, turned and looked back at Jake. “But you should know that last night, I also noticed the way Donna was looking at you. And if you let her get away this time, then you’re a moron.”

  “Dinner was good.”

  Donna looked up as Jake took the wet dish and slowly dried it. “Thanks, but spaghetti? Pretty hard to screw it up.”

  He grinned. “I’ve managed it.”

  She felt a smile building inside her and fought it back down. She’d had a good time with him and Eric. Too good. With her mom out of town, it had been just the three of them for dinner and a couple of times during the meal, they’d almost felt like a family. With Eric talking about his friend Jason and the skateboarding park on the outside of town. Then Jake had entertained them both with stories of all the countries he’d been to—of the things he’d seen.

  A part of Donna envied him for his adventures. Even though she wouldn’t have traded the time she’d had with Eric for anything, there were places she still wanted to go. Things she’d always planned to do.

  “You’re thinking,” he said, his voice gruff and rumbly along her spine.

  “Sorry,” she said, forcing a smile that didn’t feel quite real. Then she reached for a comfortable lie. “Just wondering if Eric remembered to take his…toothbrush with him to Jason’s house.”

  And of course, she was wishing she’d told Eric no when his best friend had called to invite him over to spend the night. If she’d just crushed his plans, he’d still be here to chaperone her and Jake.

  Pitiful, she thought. Wanting to use her fourteen-year-old son to keep her own hormones in check.

  “He got everything,” Jake said, taking the next dish from her after she’d washed it. “And is that what you were really thinking?”

  “No,” she admitted with a sigh. Pulling the plug in the sink, she stared, fascinated, as the water whirlpooled down the drain. “I was thinking about all the places you talked about at dinner. Spain. Italy. Switzerland.” She swiveled her head and looked up at him. “I’ve always wanted to see the world.”

  “There’s nothing stopping you.”

  She laughed shortly. “Right. Just Eric. And my job. And my mom. And—”

  “Okay, it wouldn’t be easy, but if you want something, you should do all you can to get it.”

  His tone, more than his words, reached her on some deep, elemental level and left her shaking inside. Slowly she lifted her gaze to his and felt a hard jolt when she read the hot flash of desire written in those dark depths.

  “Jake…”

  He tossed the dish towel down onto the counter and moved to capture her. He braced one hand on either side of her and leaned in. Donna pulled in a shaky breath and let it slide slowly from her lungs.

  Her mother’s cozy kitchen felt familiar, warm. The scent of dinner still hung in the air and the sizzle of something more erupted between them.

  “Donna, there’s something here. Between us. Always has been.”

  “I’m not saying there isn’t.” She should be, she just wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Impossible to lie to him about something like that when he could probably see the flames flickering in her eyes. “I’m only saying that we shouldn’t—”

  “Why not?”

  “Because of Eric and—”

  “Eric’s not here.”

  “No, he’s not.” Why had she let him leave? Stupid, stupid. “But he will be tomorrow. And the day after that and the day after that.”

  “And you’re not allowed to have a life until he’s grown and out on his own?”

  That sounded wrong. Even though it was exactly the way she’d been living until Jake had come back to town. She’d concentrated solely on Eric for so long, she barely remembered having any dreams that didn’t center on her son. He was the most important person in her life, but she knew that if she didn’t eventually find a life of her own, she’d have nothing when Eric grew up and moved on. Still…

  “No, but any decision I make affects him.”

  He moved his hands closer to her sides. Close enough that she could almost feel his touch. Close enough that she wanted to move into him so she would feel his hands on her. Oh, boy.

  “Agreed,” he said, dipping his head until his mouth was just a breath away from hers. “But at the moment, it’s just the two of us.”

  “Jake,” she said, closing her eyes because she couldn’t trust herself to turn away if she was looking at him. She sucked in a gulp of air. “Please don’t do this.”

  He lifted one hand and smoothed his fingers over the curve of her breast and even through the fabric of her pale blue T-shirt, she felt the heat of him. She blew out that breath and hoped wildly that she’d be able to draw another at some point.

  “You really want me to leave?”

  “No,” she admitted, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly. She chewed frantically at her bottom lip. “So you really should.”

  He stepped back from her and nodded. “Okay, if that’s what you really want, I will. On one condition.”

  “You just can’t take no for an answer, can you?”

  He grinned. “No.”

  Donna sighed. “Fine. What’s the condition.”

  “Come for a moonlight ride with me.”

  She hadn’t been expecting that. “On your motorcycle?”

  “Yep. Now.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” she said, shaking her head, “I already told Eric he couldn’t ride that motorcycle of yours and—”

  “I won’t take Eric on it,” he said, holding one hand out to her, “but I want to take you.”

  Dumb, Donna. Really, really dumb. Silently she laid her hand in his and her breath caught when he smiled at her. She’d probably regret this in the morning, Donna thought, but right now, there was nothing she wanted more than to be sitting behind Jake on a motorcycle headed into the night.

  Seven

  Darkness swirled around them as the wind rushed past the motorcycle. Jake concentrated on the road ahead, but another part of his brain was focused on the fact that Donna was sitting right behind him, pressed u
p close. Her thighs rested along his, her arms were wrapped tight around his middle and he could have sworn he felt the heat of her hard, pebbled nipples burning into his back.

  His groin ached and his blood pumped thickly through his veins. The familiar roads all looked somehow different to him tonight, with Donna by him. The summer air was rich and sweet with the heavy scent of jasmine and the road was empty enough that it felt as though they had the night to themselves.

  All his life, Jake had loved speed. Fast cars, fast bikes. He made his living building custom choppers for those with enough money to indulge themselves—but lived to race. To chase the edge of danger. There was nothing quite like feeling the world race past you. The adrenaline rush that came from cheating death was more powerful than anything he’d ever felt.

  Until tonight.

  The feel of Donna’s arms tightening around his waist, her breath warm against the back of his neck, the heat of her body pressing into his—nothing compared to that. Nothing even came close.

  Surprisingly enough, he wasn’t interested in speed tonight. He wanted to slow down. For the first time in his life, Jake wanted to throttle back on the bike’s powerful engine. Yet he knew, that even as he wished for more time, the few moments he had with her were quickly slipping past.

  “Where’re we going?” she asked, her mouth close to his ear, her voice barely rising above the roar of the engine.

  “Does it matter?” he shouted back, fists tightening around the handlebar grips.

  “No.” She laid her head against his shoulder and everything inside him lit up like the sky at a Fourth of July picnic.

  Jake clenched his teeth and fought the rising tide of need making his body ache and thrum with pent-up desire. There was only one place he wanted to take her. Had to take her.

  He didn’t need streetlights to guide the way. He remembered these back roads so well, he could have found the grove blindfolded. Which he might as well have been. The quarter moon was just a slice of light in a dark sky filled with the distant flicker of stars. Blackness stretched out on either side of the road—broken only by the occasional splash of light coming from a farmhouse window.