Satisfying Lonergan's Honor

by Maureen Child

  “What he’s trying to say is,” Sam interrupted, “the royalties on that little whatever—it—is come to some serious money.”

  “So?” Donna whispered.

  “So,” Jake said, his hands tightening on her shoulders, gaze boring into hers, “we each get a quarter of the money. We’ve been donating every year what would have been Mac’s share to different charities. Now that we know about Eric, we want him to have Mac’s share.”

  Nine

  Donna went cold and still inside as she looked from Jake’s heated gaze to Sam and then to Cooper. God, she couldn’t believe that only five minutes ago, she’d been having nothing but warm fuzzy feelings for these guys. Temper spiked inside her and fury began to bubble and froth in the pit of her stomach. All three men were staring at her, waiting for her reaction.

  Well, she wouldn’t disappoint them.

  “I see,” she said through gritted teeth. “Let’s just make sure I get this straight. Every year you give Mac’s share to some charity or other.”

  “Right,” Jake said, smiling.

  “And now we’re your new charity?”

  Jake’s smile vanished.

  All three of the Lonergan cousins looked as if they’d been hit in the head with a two-by-four. Three sets of dark eyes widened, three mouths dropped open and three expressions shifted to worry.

  “I didn’t say that,” Jake blurted.

  “You did say that,” she countered, stepping out from beneath his touch so the heat of his hands couldn’t slide down inside and confuse her further.

  God. Her body was practically vibrating with fury. She was embarrassed and angry and—too many things to try to identify at once.

  “Damn it, Jake,” Sam said, shoving his cousin until he staggered back a step or two.

  “I knew you’d screw this up,” Cooper accused, stabbing one finger at him in disgust.

  “What’d I say?” Jake demanded, ignoring his cousins to stare at Donna. “What the hell did I say wrong?”

  “Apparently everything,” Sam grumbled. Shooting a look at Cooper, he snarled, “I told you we shouldn’t let him be the one to bring this up.”

  “You’re not helping,” Cooper told him.

  “I still don’t know what I said that was so damn wrong,” Jake complained, throwing both hands high then letting them fall to his sides.

  “Well then, allow me to be the one to explain it to you,” Donna snapped, stepping forward to poke her index finger into his chest with every single word. “We are not your latest cause, Jake Lonergan. My son and I don’t need charity from the Lonergan boys. We get along fine. Always have. Always will.”

  “I didn’t say you were a charity,” he countered hotly. “All I said was—”

  “Trust me,” Donna interrupted and fought down the urge to kick him, “you don’t want to say it again.”

  “This really isn’t going the way we’d planned,” Cooper put in.

  “You think?” Jake nearly shouted.

  “So, Coop and me will just wander on out of here,” Sam said, stepping around Jake to grab his other cousin’s arm and give it a tug. “Donna, you and Jake can hash this out and we’ll just see you inside when the battle’s over.”

  She didn’t even glance at the other two men. Didn’t acknowledge that Sam had spoken. Her gaze fixed on Jake, she concentrated on seeing past the red haze of fury that had her vision blurred.

  “How could you say that, Jake?” Shaking her head, she swallowed hard to get rid of the knot in her throat, then asked, “How could you even think I’d go along with that?”

  “Damn it, Donna,” he argued, “you’re deliberately misunderstanding.”

  “Oh, I think you were very clear.”

  “Apparently not,” he muttered.

  She poked at him again, just because she needed to. “Yes, you were. Now that you know about Eric, you’re going to make him your own private charity. Well, no thanks. That’s not what my son needs from you guys.”

  “It’s not charity, damn it,” Jake shouted and reached up to shove both hands along the sides of his head as if trying to keep his brains from spilling out. “It’s what’s right. It’s fair.”

  “Do you think Eric came around to meet you guys because he wanted money?” Donna asked, still riding the crest of the fury pumping within. She inhaled sharply as another thought crashed through her brain. “Good God. Do you think that’s why I let him come here?”

  Scraping both hands up and down her own arms, Donna fought to get control of her rampaging thoughts. Her brain was in turmoil and her body was still—damn it all anyway—hungering for Jake’s touch. Even as furious as she was, she couldn’t ignore the burning ache within.

  Which only made the situation far worse.

  Jake sucked in a deep gulp of air and let it slowly slide from his lungs. A couple of seconds ticked past and then he was there, in front of her again, reaching for her again and Donna had to scramble to keep a safe distance between them.

  “You’re overreacting,” he said.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Trust me.”

  She snorted.

  “Fine,” he huffed. “Then just listen to me.”

  She blew out a breath, fixed her narrowed gaze on him and said, “Go ahead.”

  Jake shoved both hands into his jeans pockets as if to keep from reaching for her again, then he hitched one hip higher than the other and locked his gaze with hers. “Of course you didn’t let Eric come here hoping to get money out of us. Hell, how would you know there was any to get?” He paused and shrugged. “Except for Coop, of course. Mr. Big-Time Writer has buckets of cash.”

  “Jake…”

  “Not the point.” He shook his head. “Ever since we found out about Eric, the three of us have been talking. If Mac were alive, he’d be getting a quarter share of the royalties on our invention.”

  She nodded, ignoring the tiny twinge of pain at the memory of Mac.

  “Well, Mac’s not here. But his son is.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “You said you’d listen.”

  “Right.”

  “It’s what Mac would want,” Jake said, his voice so quiet, so low, she had to strain to hear him. “He’d want his son to have his share of the money. You know that, right?”

  “Yeeessss…” Of course Mac would have wanted Eric to have his share. But that didn’t make it any easier to accept.

  “So we want to make Eric a full partner—legally—for Mac’s sake.”

  Her whole body went limp. Like a balloon that had been suddenly deflated. She couldn’t very well argue with that kind of logic. And just for an instant, her mind whirled, showing her how much easier her life could be if she simply accepted what the Lonergans wanted to offer her and Eric.

  But almost as soon as she entertained the notion, she let it go again.

  “I understand,” she said finally, her voice empty of the fury she’d felt only moments ago. Lifting her gaze to Jake’s she said, “But how can I accept when I’ve spent the last fourteen years teaching Eric that people should stand on their own two feet?”

  He smiled and carefully moved toward her, as if unsure about her temper and his welcome. “I get that,” he said, “but he’ll still have to stand on his own two feet, Donna. The money just makes a nice cushion if he should happen to fall.”

  “I don’t know…”

  “At least,” Jake said quickly, “let us put the money into a trust or something for him. It’ll be there for college and for anything else he wants later on.”

  The thought of being able to send Eric to a good college without having to worry about how to pay for it was just too enticing to pass up. And if the money was in a trust for her son, she wouldn’t be using it. She wouldn’t be relying on the Lonergans to support herself.

  Relief pooled in the pit of her stomach even as she nodded and said, “All right. I’ll agree to the college fund—on one condition.”

  One corner of his mouth qui
rked. “You’re a hard woman, Donna.”

  “You betcha,” she said, then continued. “The money’s to be used only for college. Whatever’s left has to go into a trust that Eric can’t touch until he’s thirty.”

  Both eyebrows lifted, but Jake nodded his agreement. “Okay, we’ll set it up. But Donna—” He paused, took a breath and said, “Look. I know you’re only doing what you think best for him. But you should be careful with Eric.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He pulled his hands free of his pockets and took her shoulders in a firm, gentle grip. “Don’t get all fired up again, I’m just offering a little free advice. Take it or not, as you like.”

  She tried not to notice the heat from his hands pooling into her body. Instead she focused on his eyes. So dark. So deep. She swallowed hard. “Go ahead.”

  “It’s just…after my dad died, my mom tried to shut me up in a closet, make sure I was safe. It backfired on her. I rebelled every chance I got.” He shrugged. “Hell, I even joined the Marines right out of high school, just to get out on my own.”

  “I remember.”

  “Yeah well, the point is, if Mom hadn’t tried to tie me down so tight, I wouldn’t have fought so hard to get free.” His thumbs moved on her shoulders, stroking, soothing. “It’s not something I’d like to see happen to Eric. Or you.”

  His words, quiet, gentle, rang true inside her and Donna couldn’t ignore them. Eric was getting older, pushing at the rules, straining to be his own person. Donna had spent the last fourteen years protecting him. Even though she knew it was natural for him to test his boundaries, it wasn’t going to be easy to learn to take a step back.

  “I know you mean well, Jake,” she said, not wanting him to know just how hard his words had hit her, “but you’re not Eric’s father.”

  “I almost was,” he reminded her and her body flushed with heat as flames licked at her soul.

  “You’re never going to let that night go, are you?” she whispered.

  “Nope.” Sliding one hand from her shoulder to the curve of her breast, he cupped her, stroking his thumb across her hardened nipple until she sucked in a gulp of air and held it. “Although I admit that the night we spent together recently is a much better memory.” He paused. “I’ve missed you the last few days.”

  “Jake…” Her eyes closed, then flew open as his hand dropped to the hem of her T-shirt and slid up beneath the fabric. When he reached the barrier of her bra, he slipped beneath that, as well, so that he could touch her breast, skin to skin. “Oh,” she said on a sigh, “you so shouldn’t be doing that.”

  “No, we should be doing a lot more,” he said, dipping his head to take her mouth in a sweet kiss of promise.

  “You’re not playing fair,” she whispered brokenly.

  “Damn straight.”

  She laughed, then gasped as his thumb and forefinger tweaked and pulled at her nipple. The drawing sensation seemed to shoot all the way to the soles of her feet and back up again, with a slow, burning pit stop at her center. She’d never known want like this. Hadn’t even known she could feel like this. She leaned into him, licked her lips and sighed as he continued his teasing touch.

  “I wasn’t going to see you again,” she admitted. “Not alone, at least.”

  “Yeah, I figured that out,” Jake told her, kissing her forehead, her closed eyes, the tip of her nose.

  “I have to see you again,” she said on a sigh.

  “I was hoping for that,” he said, dropping his head to kiss her mouth, stroke the tip of his tongue across her lips.

  She shivered. “This can’t be a good idea, Jake.”

  “We’re two adults with no ties, Donna.” His breath dusted across her face and she nearly whimpered with the wanting. “We want each other. Why shouldn’t we have each other?”

  Donna stared up into his eyes and shook her head again. “You make it sound so reasonable.”

  Jake grinned and winked at her. “Well, we’re making progress,” he said, still smiling. “A couple days ago, I was just Danger Man. Now I’m reasonable.”

  She chuckled and bent her head to rest her forehead on his broad chest. “How does everything get so turned around? So confusing? I swear Jake, sometimes I just don’t know what to think. Or feel.”

  “You make it harder than it has to be, Donna,” he said. “You always did.”

  She lifted her head to look at him and saw those deep, dark eyes of his glittering with a heat that warmed her through in an instant. “No, Jake. I just see the consequences of things. You never wanted to look past the moment.”

  “People change,” he said.

  Her mother had said that very thing to her not long ago. And she had the same answer now. “No, they really don’t.”

  “Donna…”

  Laying her hands on his chest, she felt the steady pounding of his heart beneath her palms and used that rhythm to regain her own sense of balance. “Jake, it doesn’t matter. For right now, this moment, nothing else matters. Just the feel of your hand on me. The taste of your mouth. I’ll worry about the consequences later.”

  His hand covered her breast, holding her, kneading her flesh with sure, gentle strokes. “You shake me, Donna. Right down to the ground, you shake me.”

  “Shut up, Jake,” she said softly, going up on her toes to kiss him.

  He pulled her close, his hands sliding around to her back, pressing her body to his, aligning their lengths as he took her mouth with a relentless passion that left her breathless. Tongues entwined, breath mingling, they dissolved into each other, the world drifting away.

  Until Eric shouted from the house.

  “Mom! Grandma says she’s going out with Mike and that we should stay and have fun!”

  Donna jolted free of Jake’s kiss and choked out a laugh as the back door slammed shut behind her son again.

  Jake looked down at the woman in his arms, her features flushed, her mouth ripe with need. “Having fun yet?”

  “Oh, yeah.” The hell with consequences, she thought wildly, eager for another taste of him.

  Over the next week, Jake and Donna indulged in a flirtatious dance that kept them both on the edge of madness. But there never seemed to be time for them to be alone. The families kept intruding. Between the Lonergans and Eric and Donna’s mom, there was always someone else around. The occasional stolen kiss seemed all the more sweet because of it, though, and Jake spent every spare minute thinking about what he and Donna would do to each other as soon as they got a chance.

  Meanwhile, though, he and Eric spent a lot of time together. And the more he saw of him, the more he saw the boy for who he was instead of seeing him solely as a reflection of Mac.

  Still, as he came to know the boy better, Jake’s sense of guilt, of regret, grew until it nearly choked him. Every moment he spent with the boy ragged on Jake as he realized all that Mac was missing.

  Dying at sixteen had cheated Mac of not only living his own life, but also of the chance to watch his son grow into a hell of a kid.

  While Eric carefully cleaned Jake’s tools before putting them away, Jake tried to tell himself that Mac would want him spending time with the boy. But even that wasn’t enough to completely ease away the old, familiar ache he’d lived with for so many years.

  “Mom said you were in the Marines.”

  “What?” Jake blinked himself out of his thoughts to look at the boy watching him. “Uh, yeah. I was. Six years.”

  “Did you like it?”

  “Yeah, I did.” It had given him what he’d needed most at the time. A sense of belonging. A job to do. A place to bury his pain.

  “You think I would make a good Marine?”

  Jake stared at the boy’s wide eyes and the too-long hair laying across his forehead. He looked impossibly young. “Sure you would,” he said, then added, “but if you join up after college, you could go in as an officer.”

  Instantly a shutter dropped over Eric’s eyes. “I’m not going to college.”
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  “Your dad would have wanted you to.”

  “But he’s not here, is he?”

  “No.” Pain lanced through him and once again, Jake was reminded of all he had and all Mac had lost. How long would he pay for that one summer day? How long must he live with the guilt that surrounded every thought of Mac?

  Eric finished with the tools, then turned to face Jake. “My dad was smart, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  The boy nodded. “Mom always talks about it. She always tells me that my dad was really smart. Smarter than most people.”

  “He was,” Jake said softly.

  “Well I’m not,” Eric told him, shoving both hands into his pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. “I’m not as smart as him and I’m never gonna be, so I don’t want to go to college.”

  Jake watched the kid and saw pain etch itself into his features. It seemed as though Mac had left a stamp on all of them. Even the boy who’d never known him.

  “You don’t have to be like your dad,” Jake said quietly. “If he was here, he’d tell you to be yourself.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Then I don’t want to go to college.”

  Jake sighed. Hell, arguing with a kid was like walking in circles. No beginning, no end. “You might change your mind.”

  “That’s what mom says. But I won’t.”

  “Eric, you’ve got plenty of time to make that decision.”

  “You didn’t go,” the boy said defiantly.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “And you turned out okay.”

  “Yeah, but it was harder than it should have been. And there’s a lot I regret.”

  “Like what?”

  Jake leaned against the workbench, folded his arms across his chest and stalled for time. Hell, he was so not the guy to be talking to a kid about major life choices. Sam ought to be doing this. Or Cooper. But as he looked into Eric’s eyes, he knew there was no escape.

  “Like missing out on the chance to be a kid. To go to school with other kids.” Jake shrugged and said, “No point in learning life the hard way, Eric. College is something everybody needs these days.”