Unapologetic (A Novel)

by Pamela Ann

  “In case you didn’t hear me properly, let me say it again. It’s over, Parker.”

  “How dare you?” he bellowed, clearly beside himself. “How fucking dare you? Do you think you’re that hot? You’re nothing but some z-list actress who’s willing to sleep with River Ellis to get more publicity. Do you know how many chicks are after me? You’re going to fucking regret this, Cara. You can’t get anyone better than me!”

  Yeah, I highly doubt that.

  “Bye, Parker.” I ended the call, appalled from the whiplash of his madness. I had never encountered anyone like that. Even in the height of anger, I was never that vile and horrid toward River. I understood where he was coming from, I did, but he was being so unreasonable. What the hell!

  Still reeling from that entire ordeal, I gripped the phone as I stared at it, wondering why I liked to be in a state of denial just so I could hide from the plain truth.

  “That bad, huh?” River spoke behind me.

  I had forgotten where I was for a second.

  Letting out a melancholy sigh, I winced before spinning around to face River. “That’s putting it mildly.”

  River thoughtfully scrutinized my face before brushing a soft stroke along my cheek. “If it’s any consolation, you’re better off without him.”

  “Yeah, I knew you’d say some lame shit like that.” It was inevitable that he would jump in and take control of the situation. That was typical River. He did the same thing when he found out my first kiss didn’t turn out to be with him.

  “You know me so well.” He chuckled, warming my heart a little when I spotted the once-adored dimple on his cheek before he pulled me close and kissed my forehead. “Let’s get you inside the shower. I don’t want you to catch a cold in your wet clothes.”

  When he said I needed a shower, I didn’t expect him to join me. “I can shower without your help, River,” I said. “I didn’t pin you as a stalker, you know.”

  “Trust me a little, okay? There’s no need to be nervous, Cara,” he whispered as he slowly stripped me of my clothes. “I’ve seen you naked a million times.”

  Trust him? Why wasn’t I fighting back? Where was the deep-seated scorn in my heart? For two years, I never wavered, but right this moment, I was stripped of all the hate and animosity, becoming the woman I was before the man I had once agreed to marry hurt me.

  I was paralyzed as he took off my clothes. He didn’t utter a word, but I saw his throat bob like he was as nervous as I was. Apart from that small indicator, he resorted back to being mercurial as took care of me.

  If I was going bonkers before, I was wrong, because the second River took off his Calvin’s, his eyes trained on mine, pulling me in, mesmerizing me, I felt unhinged. His honed chest, sculpted abdomen, and the beautifully protruding proud cock me salivate like a dog in heat.

  Holy cock. Was he always that enormous?

  I swallowed hard while trying to unglue my eyes from the massive thick intruder. How did I imagine to survive this arousing ordeal? He was literally making things difficult for me to think, let alone breathe.

  Shutting my eyes for a brief moment, I felt faint from the powerful tug of desire thrumming throughout my body. Desire so potent it was nothing but mental. It was like fighting the pull of two magnets attracting its counterpart.

  “Let’s warm you up,” he murmured, holding my hand as he led me toward the marbled shower with the hot spray already running, gradually steaming the glass.

  I didn’t need warming. One gaze at his thick, lengthy member was all I needed to remedy that problem.

  I didn’t dare glance south again.

  Clearly out of my element, I was too overwrought to properly function. So, when he gestured to shampoo my hair, I barely managed a nod to let him do as he pleased. He then soothingly lathered my body with soap, being careful not to touch my breasts and other sensitive areas. That was some sort of consolation. He probably understood the turmoil I was in, while he seemed composed, as if he had done this a million times.

  He then proceeded to carefully wash my back, softly trailing the base of spine, tracing the soft curve of my back before reaching my bottom. He paused then before taking a sharp intake of air, while I anticipated his next action.

  “Cara …” he rasped out before I felt his lips against the back of my neck, hovering. He inched closer against my back, and I shuddered when I felt his cock graze my butt cheeks.

  There was no denying that I was sex-starved wherever he was concerned, but I wasn’t sure I wanted it. Thinking and acting were two different things.

  “Please don’t,” I begged.

  “I know.” His breathing went ragged before he slowly spun me around to face him. “I’m just testing to see if you want me as I want you. You’ve proven me wrong.”

  Compounded with conflicting emotions, I kept my mouth shut. It was blatantly apparent that, though he tried to smile, there was sadness in his eyes. It was most likely from his dented ego from my somewhat rejection.

  Keeping my mouth sealed was the only way I could keep myself together. I didn’t trust myself to reveal the turmoil I was experiencing, because I didn’t want him to use it against me.

  Both freshly showered, I wore his shirt while he donned a new pair of black Calvin’s. I was tempted to ask for a pair myself since I had nothing underneath the shirt, but words deserted me when the man switched on the fireplace across the room, lights off while playing Niia’s “Last Night in Los Feliz” in the background.

  “How about that dance, petal?” he asked as he treaded toward me with his hand out and a pleasing look on his face.

  I watched the flames dance on his face, highlighting his dark beauty. He was so beautiful it ached to look at him without having my heart pang with such longing it was unendurable at times.

  Giving him my hand, I cautiously gazed at him. “You’ve become such the seducer, Romeo. Were you always like this?”

  That remark earned me a soft cackle before he pulled me in a sweet embrace. “Only with you, my love … only with you.” He held me like I was the most precious thing—securely, gently—as we slowly swayed to the music.

  My eyes closed as I rested my cheek against the side of his neck. I was transported back to the first time we had danced. Just like this. It was the same fated night I gave myself to him on his sixteenth birthday. The memory was bittersweet. It gnawed on me, leaving me vulnerable and unguarded.

  “I’m never leaving you. I’m never giving you up, not for a second time. We’re entwined you and I. Maybe not as lovers, but as friends, as family. It’s not negotiable,” he uttered with such conviction that it almost brought me to tears.

  We vowed that no matter what, we were family. A promise I had tried not to honor.

  “I’m terrified …” Of him and what he could do to me. He knew my weaknesses, and I couldn’t trust him not to use them against me. If I couldn’t protect myself, who would?

  “You’re not alone. I’m terrified, too, but I can’t go on living a life without you in it, Cara. The past two years were hell. I love you, and I know you’re not willing to be mine, so I’ll settle for the second best. I’ll take it. I don’t care if it’s killing me. Someday, you’ll understand that my love for you has no conditions.”

  Hot, heavy tears rolled down my face, my resolve slowly dissolving. We had separately come so far, yet somehow fate brought me here, to him.

  “Just hold me, please.” No words could describe what was going on between us, and I sure as hell didn’t want to decipher it.

  “I’m sorry for letting you down. I swear it won’t happen again,” he reassured as we got lost in our embrace, lost in the spell that once held us together. I reveled in his smell, his body heat, and being with him again. “Everyone’s drunk; why don’t you stay with me tonight?” he asked softly as he smelled my newly washed hair.

  What time was it, anyway? If I agreed to stay, would he behave like a gentleman?

  “Don’t you have that shoot in a few hours?” />
  “I do, but can you stay, anyway? I know it’s asking a lot. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “If I wake up before you get back, I won’t prolong my stay.”

  That brought a smile to his face. “Fair enough.”

  So, we danced, bewitched as nostalgia engulfed us. Time ceased to exist. And when the song ended, we ended up cuddling like it was the most normal thing in the world. Shutting down my mind, I relished the moment as my nose pressed against his neck while his arms secured around my hips.

  “This feels like the old days, doesn’t it? I’ve missed this,” he murmured, lulling me into submission.

  Enveloped in his arms, I had forgotten how it felt to feel secured, all the strains and troubles of the world a distant memory. This … This sense of being present, of living in the moment, was all that mattered to me.

  River always gave me security, a home. He was my sanctuary through the storm. And I could admit that I could easily fall back into the old routine. However, my pride wouldn’t let me stoop to that level of pathetic-ness.

  Falling in love with River would end me. I wouldn’t let myself go down that hellish path, even if my heart was pulling its might that way. It was calling out for him, but I was headstrong and resolute. He wasn’t going to make a fool out of me twice. Once was enough.

  Looking up at his face, I felt a twinge of regret, of helplessness, and a sense of loss. The once bright future we had once dreamed of all gone.

  He stared at me as if in awe, gaze filled with wonderment and yearning. I didn’t know what came over me, but I brought my lips to his, brushing them slowly, cautiously, before pulling back. Call it absentmindedness or a moment of madness, but it had felt right.

  “Goodnight,” I mumbled before pulling away.

  “Oh, no. Fuck the goodnight. Come here,” he groaned out before hastily rolling me on my back, pinning me before ravishing my lips as he effortlessly situated his rock-hard body on top of mine. Ready to conquer. Set to obliterate.

  “Fuck …” I whimpered at the magnificent feel of him dominating me. There was nothing like a commanding man. He was so unbelievably skilled I melted as he stroked and cupped whatever he wanted. He fevered my body.

  For hours, I had ached for this, and now that I was getting a taste of him, my body wasn’t letting up. My legs parted to accommodate him as our kiss deepened. I was so horny that I began rubbing my pussy against his hardened cock over his briefs.

  “God, River, how can you feel so fucking good?” I never remembered it like this—where I was out of control like a frenzied woman who hadn’t been touched for centuries. Our hunger brought us to this pinnacle of combustible energy. It felt unhinged. Uncontrollable. Unstoppable.

  “Touch me, Cara,” he implored, fiercely tugging at my nipple and extracting a harsh sound from me.

  I sought below as I pushed his boxers off his thighs. My avaricious hand eagerly sought out to stroke his thick, silky length, and I shivered upon the impassioned contact. Had he always been this massive? I remembered us making love, but hell … I had forgotten how his colossal size achieved to fit inside of me. Parker had a decently sized member, but this … this was Armageddon proportion.

  “Jerk it hard, baby,” he grunted between kisses before hissing my name in vain as I obliged him, trying to balm my worries from his immense size and concentrate on pleasuring him.

  While one hand busied and focused itself on his length, the other stroked his scrotum, tugging, massaging to his delight. River began to thrust, hitting my clit with the tip of his fat cock. The more he did so, the more essence my pussy secreted, lubricating his cock further.

  The exquisite sensation made me sob against his lips. I was delirious, out of my mind with need. He was relentless, merciless, as he began to fuck my sensitized clitoris. The motion made me heady and ready to be ravaged by him. All of my inhibitions flew out the window, and all I could focus on was the sweet, mind-inducing, visceral experience he was bestowing me.

  “Want this cock to fuck your sweet cunt, Cara?” he grunted as he slid his length through my moistened folds.

  Holy gigantic cock! My nails dug into his shoulder as he carried on his sweet torture. “You’re fuck—” I screeched when the pressure of the swollen head pushed against my entrance, partially impaling me. My mind went blank and all senses honed in on the sweet constriction that strained to stretch my wet channel. I began panting, almost panicking at the maddening feel of him throbbing. “I don’t think it’s going to fit,” I rushed out, heaving in protest. That monstrous thing would be the death of me.

  River paused before tenderly lifting his face to scrutinize mine. “How’s that even possible, Cara. You’ve been sexually active,” he stated in disbelief before trying to read my contorted expression.

  He had no idea. Yeah, I did have sex … once, just once in two long years. But I wasn’t going to undermine his claim. That would make it seem like I had been pining for him.

  “Maybe you’re just too big, River. Not every guy has a porn star dick like you do.”

  He snickered before briefly kissing my lips. “Or maybe you’re just too nervous,” he whispered in my ear, hot breath teasing my skin and making my nipples harden. “Close your eyes, relax, and let me pleasure you.” He trailed his lips downward until he reached the sacred spot he used to worship. “God, you smell and feel the same. Just like a fucking petal. Sweet, silky, and just fucking beautiful,” he breathed out before letting the tip of his tongue flicker against my tender nub.

  My fingers dug into the sheet as I tried to hinder myself from screaming. “River,” I moaned in delighted frustration. My body came alive, and I was too overwhelmed to know what to do. Had I always been this responsive? Good God, my body was on fire while free falling at the same time. I wanted to scream, scratch, and then scream some more.

  “Baby,” I sobbed in agony when I felt his finger dip into my core as I continually secreted juices for him to lavish and devour on.

  I deliberately lifted my hips for a short reprieve, but he was hell-bent on torturing me, forcefully flattening his palm against the top of my mound, grounding me into the mattress to constrict my movement, making me endure the onslaught of what his digit had to offer.

  The rapid impact of his finger rubbing against my G-spot sent me into a deep spiral of defenselessness. My body bucked and screamed for mercy as the hot wave of an orgasm sent me into a quivering mess.

  Hot tears prickled the backs of my eyes as I rode the surge of electricity shuddering through my body. It was no wonder I was once addicted to this kind of drug. It was potent, raw, and intoxicating.

  “I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you, Cara.” There was a smile to his voice as he left soft trails of kisses against my body before reaching my neck then slowly making love to my lips.

  I was too dazed from the whole ordeal that it took me a moment to respond back to his kisses, and when I did, in the very depths of my soul, it reminded me that this was where I belonged … with the man I had grown to hate.

  “River …” I whimpered as I felt his cock nudge my entrance again. But this time, he carefully entered me without hindrance, gradually inching himself inside my wet core. He was halfway in when he couldn’t prod farther.

  He took a deep breath to calm himself before he cupped my cheek. “Do you trust me?”

  I knew he was going to do the deed, and it felt like I was that young virgin again, ready to give herself to the man she loved.

  “I do. But this doesn’t change a thing, River.” This was sex, not love or reconciliation. I had to get that out there, just in case he thought otherwise.

  His depths darkened before I felt his powerful hand grapple the side of my hips. “I love you. Nothing you say or do will ever fucking change that.” He then withdrew his cock and thrusted back into my pussy with such potent force I cried out in pain and pleasure. I felt it scrape against the opening of my cervix.

  He was beyond consumed with lust, pacing himself before
taking my lips once more.

  “I love you,” he grunted in vain as he slid in and out of my wetness, stretching me wide. “I don’t care how many guys you’ve fucked. My heart’s still yours.”

  He had this whole spiel while I was going through another wave of orgasm. How in the world did he expect me to rebut that?

  River kept murmuring words, but nothing registered, too overwrought with the copious amount of back to back orgasms before he finally reached his.

  “Cara, baby, I’m coming inside you.”

  He screamed my name as he came inside my womb, the experience so profoundly intense and so mind numbing that, by then, I was literally a breath away from blackening out.

  “Sweet dreams, my little petal.” He kissed my forehead before tucking me around his body. We fitted like a glove.

  A soft smile played across my lips before sleep took me into its warm embrace.

  Chapter Twelve

  I had no dreams; no nightmares to speak of. My body felt sated, floating, unburdened, all my worries gone, a foreign feeling.

  Where was I? The question bubbled from my foggy brain as my eyes slowly peeled open. The brightness of the room made my head spin a little. The room was unfamiliar. And why was it so bright? It took a good minute or two before my sight became accustomed to it. Then I realized I was naked in bed with barely any sheet to cover my most intimate parts. I groaned as I rolled onto my side. And then it hit me. Hard.

  Last night.

  River.

  “Damn.” Images of us rutting like some sex-starved idiots flashed before me. I could still feel him throbbing inside my pussy, pushing his way into my body. God the size. How in the world did I survive? “Damn,” I stated again in pure and utter disbelief.

  Recalling last night’s events left me wanting. I wasn’t sure how that was possible since I remembered how he had woken me up before leaving to shoot the commercial hours ago.

  River had whispered into my ear, apologizing for taking me again and how he couldn’t stop himself. What was most shocking was the fact that I had actually told him he could take as much as he wanted. Hopefully, he didn’t take that invitation too seriously.