by Pamela Ann
His nose flared, eyes igniting a new flame of anger. “You bring Mattie up like you still care. You abandoned the very people who cared and loved you. You haven’t seen her since you left. She’s barely two hours away, and you can’t even bring yourself to see her. Honestly, Cara, you’ve become this uncaring, heartless woman! You don’t care about anyone but yourself, so spare me the lecture. You’re not in better shape to judge me.”
His speech hit close to home. I became this way because I had been hurt beyond repair. Still, I cared about his wellbeing.
“I am what I am. I’m not going to apologize for it.”
“Good to know. I guess we’re done here. You know your way out, Cara.” Closing his eyes, he began to massage his temples.
I wasn’t going to let him eject me out of the house just because he didn’t like me prodding into his drug problem.
“River—”
He let out an impertinent groan. “My head hurts, and quite frankly, getting screamed at isn’t helping. Please, Cara, I just can’t keep bickering with you.”
I wasn’t going to let up. If this drug problem was a serious addiction, I was going to help him get through it. I might hate him from time to time, but that didn’t mean I was going to abandon him. No, I would be his rock, even if he wished me gone.
“It’s her, isn’t it? The one who got you hooked on this bullshit?”
River remained mum, avoiding my condemning gaze. He was becoming overprotective of her now, too? Well, that didn’t sit well with me. He could ruin his life in other ways if he so wished it, but drugs?
His parents both died from overdosing. So, for him to spiral into the very same pattern was unacceptable to me.
Armed with enough ammunition to argue with him until kingdom come, I purposely marched toward where he stood before cupping his chin so he couldn’t avoid my scathing eyes.
I was just about to give him hell when I felt the shocking temperature of his skin. He was scorching hot. No wonder the man was pale.
“You’re sick. How long have you had fever? Jesus, sit down while I get you medicine.”
“I’m fine,” he grumbled, but didn’t resist when I led him toward the couch so he could recline.
Should I call for an ambulance? Noting his pallor, I was becoming nervous, hoping it wasn’t as serious as pneumonia.
“Where’s your medicine cabinet?” I asked while my mind buzzed with ideas with what to do next.
He shook his head. “It’s empty.”
I took a sharp breath. “What do you do when you’re sick, then?”
“Nothing,” he replied as if it should leave me unbothered.
Why was he so reckless with his body? The drugs, and now he didn’t even bother if his temperature was beyond abnormal.
“What do you mean by nothing?” Glaring at him, I tried not to seem too alarmed.
“I always had you before … But after you left, I just didn’t care anymore.”
“God, you can be so dumb sometimes!” Disconcerted, I knew it wouldn’t be wise to leave him while his fever was climbing. Men, I could never understand why they threw caution to the wind when it came to their health. “I’m calling an ambulance.”
“Don’t you dare. I won’t speak to you if you do that. Promise me.” He almost jolted to his feet, but had a dizzying spell so he fell back down.
“I promise.” Why did I just say that? Damn, I have to exhaust all options before resorting to hospital. He wasn’t critical, was he? Well, for one, the man was conversing with me, so that was a good sign.
Okay, think, brain, think! My mind zoned in to the only person who could help me.
“I need your help, like, right now,” I apprehensively asked Anton after dialing his number. “Can you get medications for me?” I gave him the rundown, and that I was at River’s condo.
Frantically going toward the kitchen, I almost said hallelujah when I found a Ziploc baggie before filling it with ice then scrambling back into the living room.
In the small span of time I left him, River had cushioned his head on the pillow and seemed to have fallen asleep. I was torn between waking him up and letting him rest. But worry won out. If I didn’t get his temperature down, I would most likely have to call the ambulance and our so-called relationship would cease, or whatever was left of it.
Touching his forehead with the back of my hand, I cursed myself. I had become too caught up in my own feelings that I didn’t notice how sick he was.
“I have an icepack,” I murmured softly, hoping to reassure him. “It’s going to be really cold, but give it a minute or so, you’ll get used to it.”
“Thank you,” he responded with a wince as the makeshift icepack touched his skin.
“Don’t fall asleep yet. Anton’s on his way over to bring some meds … so just hang in there.” Guilt ate at me. I couldn’t stand seeing him in such as state. A major part of me thought he was heading into a dark path, one that he wouldn’t be able to get out of if I left him be.
“You don’t have to do this, you know. Don’t feel sorry for me. I’ll be okay,” he whispered.
I wanted to take care of him, but it seemed that he wasn’t comfortable in letting me nurse him.
“I’ll leave once you’ve taken your medication.”
His phone rang in his pocket, breaking the awkwardness between us.
“Do you want me to check that?” I offered, knowing he was too out of it to move.
“Could you?”
Doing the utmost effort not to touch him, it took forever to maneuver the phone out of his pocket. And when I did, I wished I had let it go straight to voicemail.
“It’s your girlfriend.” Yeah, it was difficult not to say that without sarcasm.
“Don’t sound like that, or I might accuse you of jealousy,” he muttered under his breath.
Though his eyes were closed, I felt him sensing me, picking up on my emotions, which was beyond bewildering.
I kept my mouth shut and instead of wondering if he was ever going to pick up his girlfriend’s call, I stood up and busied myself with cleaning the litter around me, starting with the blasted white powder that irked me to no end. Every speck of it went to the sink.
“You just couldn’t resist throwing that out, huh?” he grumbled in the background, but didn’t sound angry.
Striding back to the living room, I harrumphed with both hands planted on my hips. “You know better than to waste yourself in this. I’m so pissed that you did. What happened to the vow you took about never touching drugs?”
River gradually opened his eyes, gazing at me with a deadpan look. “I could ask the same of you. You seemed to abandon yours, too.”
He totally caught me off guard. How was I supposed to rebut that?
We grew apart. I was gutted, too. How did he expect me to stay in a relationship that was one-sided?
Throwing him a pleading look, I ached at the sight of him boring those pained eyes. “That was different, River.”
“It’s not.”
“I don’t want to argue with you when you’re half-delirious.”
“Huh.” He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head before granting me those wounded eyes once more. “So, tell me, is the sex really that good with Kyle? ’Cause those screams, man … you sounded like you were getting murdered.”
“Stop!” How dare he go there when all I was trying to do was help him? “Don’t go there …” I whispered.
“I’m really curious. Can you blame me?” His jealousy was consuming him, and he didn’t even have the audacity to mask it.
I joined him on the white couch, taking a seat a few inches away from him. My eyes wouldn’t leave him, drinking him in, realizing that our love ruined us both. There was no escaping it. We were feeling the whiplash of our errors, and the only way forward was to keep on and not give up. We had to lead separate lives, and maybe in time, when we were both healed, maybe … just maybe, we could mend things again.
“You have nothing to say?” he
pressed. He was holding it against me and wouldn’t let up until I gave him what he dreaded to hear.
“It’s just sex, River. You have it all the damn time.”
“This—you—it’s making me sick,” he confessed in the most heartbreaking manner. He looked like he couldn’t wrap his mind around my decisions and why I had to throw and vandalize something so delicately beautiful.
“You don’t mean that.” My voice quivered.
“I do. You’ll be my downfall, so please just walk away. We’ve said what we needed to say. So, go on. I’m not stopping you from moving on anymore. Just forget I ever happened to you these past months.”
His words shredded my heart, my soul. He was gutting me raw, draining the life out of me. River never spoke to me this way, and it was bewildering to hear him say it to my face.
“Can you wait for a little bit longer? I’ll go home after …” I came here to explain myself, but this somehow turned into something I couldn’t control.
“I’m moving out of LA. I’m going east for a bit until this all settles,” he stated in such a way that proved he was moving on with Hailey, away from me, away from the toxic hurt we inflicted on each other.
Licking my lips, I tried with difficulty not to cry. “But, why are you leaving?”
Pressing his temples, he let out a shaky breath before shutting his eyes as he rested his head against the cushion. “I just want to start over with my life. A fresh start without any reminders of the past. It’d be hard to do that here.”
I was living a hellish nightmare that didn’t seem to stop any time soon.
“But you can’t just up and leave. Do you even like New York? Is she moving out there with you, too?”
“She offered to help, but I’m not sure yet.”
I was sure she did. Hailey was obsessed with him. I didn’t doubt it for a second that she would leave everything behind to be with him. Was that the kind of woman he liked? A stage five clinger?
“When do you leave?” I tried not to picture them moving into a condo, doing all sorts of domesticated things such as cooking together, grocery shopping.
FUCK. My heart couldn’t take it.
“Tomorrow night … The movers will come the day after tomorrow to finish the rest,” he stated with finality that rendered me speechless.
I remained silent, embroiled in turmoil and heartache, loss and regret. His move entailed a far greater meaning. He was giving me the middle finger. He wasn’t going to dwell on the past as I had done.
I should be happy. This was what I had wanted all along. Yet, that was further from the truth.
I didn’t want to get back with him, right?
Simmering in my own entangled web of emotions, I barely heard the knock on the door. It had to be Anton.
Getting up from the couch, I strode toward the door to greet him.
“Thank you for coming,” I said as I ushered him inside River’s apartment.
Handing me the bag full of things I asked, he gave me a short, loving hug. “How bad is he?” he asked, sounding concerned. “I knew something was off the other night …”
Right, he was there at House of Blues, too. I was sure he witnessed Hailey draping herself all over him. Not that I was going to pry. I could only handle so much. And after the bombshell River had just dropped on me, hearing about how him and Hailey as a couple would leave me deranged.
“River?” I asked softly as I tenderly stared down at his quiet form, feeling helpless at his weakened state.
“I think he’s asleep,” Anton said, standing right behind me.
I was literally gone for a minute to let Anton in and River was out cold. Damn.
“How am I going to give him his meds now?”
Anton was downhearted, looking at River. “Maybe we should take him upstairs. He looks really uncomfortable.”
Eek. Biting my bottom lip, I shook my head at my dear friend. “That might piss him off. We’re not on the best terms.”
“You guys fight, make up, fight again.” He shrugged before mussing up my hair. “Trust me; that man would love to have your hands all over him.”
Not anymore, I thought. But Anton was right; River would rest better if he was in his own bed.
“Let’s get him upstairs, then.” Slipping off my shoes, I eyed Anton as I slowly woke River up.
Stroking his forehead, I gently leaned over his sleeping form before softly whispering into his ear, “Hey, I’m sorry to wake you. We’re going to help you upstairs. Can you stand up at least?”
“Hmm,” River grunted in response to my question.
“Okay, I guess that’s a go,” Anton cheerily announced before instructing me to take the opposite side before we gradually lifted him.
“Damn, he’s really heavy,” I exclaimed as I placed my shoulder underneath his.
Anton, being the stronger one, aided us slowly toward the stairs. River seemed out of it as I tried to softly speak to him, reassuring him as I asked him to lift his leg one at a time. We were beyond grateful upon reaching the landing. And in less than two minutes, we finally reached River’s bedroom.
Gently, we lowered him down on the mattress. Pale as he was, his lips were redder than usual. Gazing at his tranquil face, he reminded me of a sleeping angel. Softly brushing his hair away from his forehead, I lowered my body and kissed his feverish skin.
“It’s hot,” River mumbled with his eyes closed.
“Can you sit up so I can give you meds?”
He gave a nod, shifting his upper torso just enough to gulp down the pills. He was woozy, so I didn’t ask him to hydrate more.
Expectantly glancing at my friend, I let out a sigh before joining him a few feet away at the foot of the bed. “Should I turn on the AC?”
“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea at all.”
Well, damn. “Okay, I guess I can take his clothes off. Hopefully that’ll help him cool down a bit.”
Without Anton’s help, I pulled the covers down and began to pull his shirt off first. It was tricky to maneuver his deadweight, but I somehow managed, sweating as I did. Who would have thought stripping someone was such a hardship? He only had his Calvin’s on.
Just as I was about to put the covers back on him, Anton made a guttural groan.
“What?” I asked, turning to see what was wrong.
“I’m getting wet.”
Christ Almighty.
“Oh, stop it, you pervert! The guy has a freaking fever; give him a break.”
Anton giggled. “I know, I know. But are you blind? Oh, my gosh, this is a wet dream come true. Would you be mad if I took a selfie?”
I threw him a murderous glare. “Anton, shush!” This wasn’t the time or place to be ridiculous. Seriously.
He held up his hands, still beaming madly. “Okay … Geez, it was only a question.”
Rolling my eyes, I looked at him, hoping he would be more useful, instead of drooling over River’s physique.
“What else can I do to lessen the fever?”
“Let me google it,” Anton offered before pulling out his phone and typing on the screen. “Okay, wait—okay, so how about you get a cold towel and put it on his forehead?” he said as he scanned the page. “It says here to make sure his head is always cool. But if he’s worse, wouldn’t it be easier to call nine-one-one? I mean, what if this is something else? He’s been very bad lately, and he might’ve had a bad reaction, you know.”
He made an excellent point.
“He made me promise not to.” My hands were tied for the time being. “If he’s not any better tomorrow, I’ll definitely call one.”
“Well, you better get to being the best nurse in the world. He’s dangerously hot. This could turn into something else, Cara.”
“I know.” It was dangerous to be toying with his wellbeing, most especially after the lecture I had spewed on him earlier. But … he made me promise, and I was going to keep it until I knew I couldn’t help him anymore. “Keep your phone next to you just i
n case I panic.”
“Will do, Sprinkles.” He gave me a tight hug before kissing my cheek. “Try to get some rest, too. You look like shit. Still pretty, but tired.”
“Thanks.” I laughed as we slowly walked out of the bedroom.
Anton had to be somewhere, so I was beyond grateful that he took a moment out of his schedule to drop by.
After Anton left, I restlessly cleaned. It was a good effort to keep my mind off things. It took me about an hour to finish and polish everything back to its pristine condition before I joined River upstairs.
The second I stepped foot in his room, I heard him cough a few times.
Rushing to his side, I asked if he needed anything.
“Can you get me something to drink? I’m thirsty,” he croaked out, barely opening his eyes.
“Of course.” Pouring him a glass of water, I held it to his lips as he took small sips. After he was done, he let out a ragged breath before dropping his head back to the pillows and taking hold of my hand, halting me from moving away.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped out before closing his lids again.
Two words, and my heart melted, all the pain we had caused each other ebbing away.
“I’m sorry, too.” I knew he couldn’t hate me for long. We never could.
Setting my alarm so he wouldn’t miss a dose in six hours, I cautiously maneuvered myself next to him as I intently viewed his chest, making sure he was still breathing.
While the world carried on about their day, I found peace in the most unconventional of places. And as the minutes ticked, my eyes began to droop. Not before long, sleep caught me, as well.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The unending loud shrill of my alarm brought me out of my deep slumber. River began to stir, as well.
When I reached out to touch his forehead, his temperature hadn’t gone down as I had hoped.
Barely awake, I slid off the bed and rounded toward his corner and took two pills from the foil packet before pouring water into a glass tumbler. His pale pallor didn’t ease my worry.
“It’s time to take your meds.” I softly shook his arm to wake him up. “It’ll be a quick sec, I promise.”
