Undaunted Spirit
Page 20
Lawrence was the kindest, most gentle, and most considerate person she had ever known. But was that enough?To give up her hard-earned independence, her freedom? Impossible.
“You don’t have to make up your mind right away, Mindy,” Lawrence said. “I know it’s a big decision to make. An important one. All I can say, is that I love you very much.”
“Thank you, Lawrence. I’m flattered by what you’ve said. But, yes, I need time. So much to think about . . .” Her voice trailed off uncertainly.
“I understand. I won’t pressure you.” Still holding her hand they continued up the hill.
Meanwhile Mindy prayed fervently. If this is your Will for me, Lord. Show me. Give me a sign. She had been taught it was wrong to bargain with God, but she felt so shaky, so unsure, the decision was such a big one, she needed guidance. Divine guidance.
Together they stood at Byron’s grave. Mindy read the engraving and knew she had received her sign, her answer. TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE, THOU CANST NOT THEN BE FALSE TO ANY MAN.
If she left Coarse Gold now, she would be betraying herself. She had come too far, worked too hard, accomplished too much to leave it all behind. It would not be fair to herself. More important, it would not be fair to Lawrence. She remembered what Elyse had said about both herself and Mindy. They were a different kind of woman. If she accepted Lawrence’s proposal, how long would such happiness satisfy her? A part of herself would always be denied. He was too fine a person to give him a divided heart.
So Mindy gave Lawrence her answer. Even the night before he was to leave, he attempted a last-ditch plea to get her to change her mind and to come with him. “I promise you, I won’t try to change you, won’t try to force you into some kind of mold. I love you the way you are, Mindy. I love everything about you. Why would I do anything to alter that?”
All his arguments were in vain. Mindy felt she had received her direction. She was to stay in Coarse Gold, convinced it was God’s will for her life, determined to fulfill that destiny.
She knew Lawrence was leaving on the noon stage to Boulder. Then he’d catch the train back east. She stayed busy working at her desk, trying not to look up from the copy she was editing to look out the window. From her desk she had a direct view of Main Street and the Palace Hotel where the stagecoach took on passengers. She dared not look, afraid she might see him, and lose all her resolve, to dash out there.
And do what? Beg him not to go? Or worse, throw caution to the winds and agree to go with him? Mindy pressed her mouth into a tight line and kept working.
However, she couldn’t miss the shouts of the driver and his helper as they loaded on the luggage. Then she heard the crack of his whip, the jangle of the horses harnesses, the creak of the wheels as the coach started off. In spite of herself, Mindy jumped up from her desk and ran through the newsroom, pushed open the door, then stood there watching as the stagecoach rumbled down the street and disappeared in a cloud of dust.
She went limp. All life seemed to drain out of her. The thought of the days ahead of her flashed through her mind in an endless stream of emptiness.
That night she stayed late at the paper. The small circle of light cast by the oil lamp at the edge of her desk was the only illumination in the dark office. She tried to concentrate on her work but found it difficult. Her mind kept veering off in tangents. She had felt the most devastating sense of loss. Lawrence was gone. A man who had become a best friend. A man who loved her and offered her everything most women would have been overjoyed to accept. Had she been wrong? Had she mistaken her leading? She thought she had made the right decision, but now the desolation of being alone to face whatever lay ahead swept over her in a paralyzing inertia.
She threw down her pencil, buried her head in her hands.
Just then she heard the rattle of the rusty doorknob of the newspaper door, followed by a loud, insistent banging. Mindy looked up startled. Some drunk probably wandered over from one of the saloons, having seen the light and stumbling up the steps. Should she ignore it or open the door and send whoever it was on his way?
Hesitantly, she got up from her desk. Just then the fierce knocking came again along with a familiar voice calling, “Mindy! It’s me, Lawrence, please open up.”
Lawrence! In a minute, Mindy rushed across the room and unlatched the door. A bedraggled, dusty, disheveled Lawrence stood there, grinning.
“What on earth!” she gasped. She had never seen Lawrence any way except immaculate, neatly dressed. “What happened to you?”
“A change of plans. At the first stage station, I got off the coach and hitched a ride back with a fellow hauling a load of lumber to Coarse Gold. Mindy, I hadn’t gone but a few miles down the road when I knew I had to come back. I realized I didn’t want to go back east. I didn’t want to leave Coarse Gold. I didn’t want to leave you.”
He flung out both hands. “I realized I can’t live without you. I don’t want to live without you. Whatever we have to do, however we do it, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He paused. “I love you, Mindy. More than I can tell you. More than I even knew.”
Bewildered, Mindy wondered, Could this really be happening?
“Do I understand what you’re saying, Lawrence? You want to stay here and help me with the Gazette?”
“If you’ll have me.” His eyes were full of hope. “I think I have some ideas that could help—” He stopped abruptly. “The important thing is, do you love me?”
She thought of the Biblical definition of love, especially the phrase, “Love does not seek its own.” Instinctively she knew Lawrence’s love for her was unselfish. He was proud of what she had accomplished, interested in her plans for the future. A future he was willing to share. The love he was offering was not binding but infinitely freeing. How she knew that, she wasn’t sure, but she did.
“Do you, Mindy? You haven’t said it yet.”
Mindy felt confirmation rush up within her. She suddenly knew Lawrence was everything she had been searching for. In him she could imagine a life of shared dreams, goals, and mutual support. All that and a loving companionship besides. As he drew her slowly into his arms to kiss her, her lips were already forming the words. “Yes—”
EPILOGUE
Monday morning of the next week, Mindy walked into the back room where Pete was setting type. So much excitement and happiness was bubbling inside she wondered if it showed. She stopped beside him, waited until he had finished the line and shoved the stick into place. “Pete, you’ll have to reset the paper’s masthead.”
The furrows in the printer’s brow deepened as he raised his scraggly eyebrows. “What’s wrong with it?”
“We have to change the editor and publisher’s name.”
“What do you mean? We just did that when you took over.”
“I know but still there’s a new name.”
Pete’s mouth dropped open, almost losing his teeth. “You sold the paper?”
“No, but this is the way the masthead should read from now on.” She handed Pete a slip of paper. He glanced at her suspiciously then down at the paper. His lips moved as he read what she had written. He looked up again and growled, “Is this some kind of joke?”
Mindy thrust out her left hand, wiggling her third finger on which the new gold band shone. “That’s my new name, Pete. Lawrence and I were married over the weekend.”
“Is that a fact?” Pete grinned. “Well, I’ll be . . . he’s a fine fellow. Liked him right off. A lot like the boss, wouldn’t you say?” He winked at Mindy, “I mean like Byron.” Pete looked over his type faces, nodding his head. “Now let’s see. This here will look nice set in Bedonia—don’t you think? Independence Day, Editor.”
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