Diary of an 8-Bit Warrior: Crafting Alliances: An Unofficial Minecraft Adventure

by Cube Kid

  Even as the mobs approached, I stared at the wall. Behind me, I heard the slimes crawling, the zombies breathing …

  Suddenly, I pictured all the kids who lived in my village. Every last one. Some I barely knew. Regardless, I knew at least one thing about each of them.

  They all had dreams.

  Hopes. Secret little wishes.

  Just like me.

  There must have been over one hundred of them, each with their own dream. Thrasher, who hoped to improve the combat cave. Olivine, Shelby, and Anna, who wanted to become expert horse riders. Enderstorm, whose goal in life was someday mapping the End. There was even a human named Bobbyzilla who hoped to start a human city near us. One after another, they flashed across my mind, clear, like paintings on a wall. If those mobs reached our village, their dreams and ideas would never turn into reality. Drago’s lavaspring trap. Flamewolf’s note block music machine. Skyler’s restaurant featuring legendary, hard-to-craft food.

  All that would be gone.

  I turned around for them.

  They were the reason I reached into my inventory. After remembering all of them, I had come up with an answer. For this, both sword and bow went into the extra-dimensional space of my inventory.

  I started running at the slime wall. As I neared it, I threw that ender pearl high into the air. I’d never thrown one before and had no idea just how far up it would go.

  It felt like

  forever.

  I reached the slimes while the pearl was still high in the air. They looked at me; I looked at them. Then I started running back to the village.

  At last, like an arrow that had been shot almost straight up,

  the ender pearl came crashing down.

  Behind them. And suddenly, I was behind them, too.

  The slimes and creepers were totally confused. I had been running away from them, and then I’d vanished. Surely I had teleported in the direction I was running, right? They had no idea that I was close, just three blocks behind them. The zombies spotted me, though, since they were facing me, and swarmed in my direction. That was right where I wanted them. Everything was falling exactly into place. You see, I’d learned in Mob Defense that flint and steel could cause creepers to begin their detonation sequence. It takes only a single hit—against them, flint and steel might as well be an obsidian sword with Bane of Plants XXVIII. Of course, they still blow up, which is usually an undesired effect.

  In this situation,

  though, well …

  that was more like

  a bonus.

  I sprinted away just as the first blast went off. Unable to react in time, the zombies were obliterated. The large slimes broke down into medium ones. They were trapped in the trench the blasts had created. The skeletons retreated back into the woods. I’m not sure why. They could have finished me off. There must have been a reason …

  I took a step back. My ears were ringing. My heart was pounding. Worse, my vision was flashing red. I was in so much pain. I hadn’t moved entirely out of the blast radius, so I’d taken a lot of damage.

  Before that, I’d suffered falling damage from the ender pearl. I’d forgotten all about that. I was in a state of shock. Despite this, my mind was still functioning: There were three things left to do.

  1) Eat a cookie.

  2) Eat another cookie.

  3) Eat another cookie.

  Crumbs flying, my hunger bar was finally topped off. My health bar slowly began to fill back up. I know. Facepalm. Not only had I forgotten about the ender pearl’s damage, but I hadn’t thought to eat before the battle. Go ahead, laugh at me. I’m not a noob, however. I’m only slightly noob—technically not a full one. No, scratch that. I’m just not Steve level yet, okay?

  Life no longer in the red, I gazed at the smoking chasm. The slimes tried hopping out, but there was no place to climb up.

  No one messes with Villagetown on my watch, I thought. No one. Well, except ender cave spiders, I mean. If those things start attacking us, I’m becoming a cow farmer and/or milk bucket salesman. My shop will also be in the sky. In a rain cloud.

  For a second there, I felt so cool. Blown-up zombies strewn all around. A smoking crater full of defeated slimes. The wind caught the smoke just then, making it drift across me. All I needed was the steely gaze of a warrior.

  Oh, and a cool one-liner.

  "Guess you guys didn’t have Blast Protection."

  (Wait a second. Doesn’t armor protect against explosions?)

  I walked over to the edge of the pit. A countless number of slimes trembled helplessly. Then I retrieved the lava bucket from my inventory. Due to the incredible heat, it was uncomfortable to hold for any length of time. A weird feeling came over me. It felt like I was beginning to change in some way. Yet I wasn’t sure if that change was entirely … good. The bucket trembled in my hands. No, I wouldn’t be pouring lava on those slimes. If a zombie comes charging at me, I’ll give it arrows until it resembles a guardian fish, but this—not for anything.

  What was my problem?

  Was I getting soft or something?

  Pebble would have done it without a second thought, like he was watering crops. I really can’t explain what came over me. It just felt wrong somehow. Even if they were mobs. Or maybe I just thought of Jello. Who knows?

  As the smoke cleared, I noticed some people standing on the wall. They were waving, shouting, pointing. They were cheering for me. Or so I thought.

  Then I heard a crunching sound behind me … tch, tch, tch …

  BOSS BATTLE?!

  One of the things we’ve been learning in Mob Defense is how to identify a monster by the sound of its footsteps. Well, from behind me came the sound of iron boots across grass.

  I was certain. I whirled around.

  Oh.

  Okay.

  Not iron.

  Gold, enchanted to the brim.

  A zombie in a full suit, with a sword to match. So shiny. Apparently, that’s the fashion over there in Mob City.

  He was probably their commander. It wasn’t fair. I was way too tired for a boss fight. Judging by the look on his face, I doubted he’d wait around for my health bar to refill. Not even if I said "pretty please with a charged creeper head on top." After he got within stinky-breath distance, the zombie spoke:

  "Ten creepers. Not bad. I hope that was worth the pain you’re about to experience."

  With impossible speed, the zombie threw a potion using his left hand. It happened so fast. In my tired state, there was no way I could have avoided it.

  It struck me right in the chest. The glass bottle shattered against my body. Liquid splashed out and evaporated into a cloud of grayish-blue swirls. Surprisingly, there was no pain. I took a step back. It was the slowest step I’d ever taken. I might as well have been walking underwater. On top of that, my whole body felt weighed down, like I was wearing armor made of anvils or something.

  The truth immediately became clear. The zombie had hurled a Slowness Potion. It must have had some kind of enhanced effect, too. Normally, that kind of potion reduces your speed to that of a crawl. This, however, was more like moving through cobwebs over soul sand over ice. Slower than that, even.

  To quote Drill,

  "like a mine cart off the rails."

  Hurggg.

  Who would have expected a zombie to throw a splash potion? I opened my mouth to shout for help, then closed it. It’d only make me look like a wuss. It was pointless anyway. No doubt everyone was already charging back here. As if that would help. By the time they arrived, they’d find only a pile of items on the ground …

  If he doesn’t loot me first, I thought. And he probably will, if I know funky-looking zombies.

  Huh?

  What’s that?

  Something was moving s
lightly in the corner of my eye. It was past the zombie, past the dirt-covered obsidian cube. Yes, hiding behind the dirt mound was a familiar thin black form …

  Figures.

  I turned my back to the zombie.

  Well, at least I can relax now.

  A gentle wind drifted through the plains. In addition, the flowers around here were quite lovely. I closed my eyes and took in their fragrance. Thankfully, the zombie was upwind.

  "Turn around and face me," the mob said from behind. "You have no chance of running."

  "Running … " I caught the flowery scent once more. "No, I’m afraid you’re the one who should be doing that."

  "Oh?" Deep laughter erupted at my back. "And why is that?"

  "You’ll find out soon enough."

  To the casual observer, I should have been afraid. At the very least, I shouldn’t have turned my back on him. This zombie was quite powerful, deserving of the title "mini boss."

  Alone, the only way I could have defeated him was through superior footwork, which, given this current debuff, was impossible. Yet it no longer mattered. I knew who was out here. I’d caught her movements. After today, only one thing is for certain. No matter where I go or how much danger I’m in … she will always be there.

  Yesterday, Breeze gave me a hug. This morning, we actually held hands. Um, technically, I guess. It’s really not what you’re thinking.

  We had a huge celebration.

  The mayor joined us up there, along with Brio, Drill, and many other teachers. Rose petals were flying everywhere.

  "Herobrine’s forces are constantly improving," the mayor said, "and yesterday, their attack caught us all off guard. Yet two brave young villagers stood up to them. Aspiring warriors everywhere should take notes."

  Unbelievable, right?

  You never thought you’d see the day, huh, Mr. Diary?

  As of today,

  Breeze and I are officially war heroes.

  We received special cloaks, too. Wanna know what’s super amazing about that? Our cloaks are actually better than the ones Pebble and Emerald have.

  The cloak comes with not one but two really amazing enchantments. Surefooted is for knockback resistance. The usefulness of that goes without saying.

  As for Safeguard … if I have very low life, a protective effect will kick in. It only can do this once per full moon, but it’s still amazing.

  Kolbert was also praised for his defense of the village the other night. I wasn’t surprised to hear Pebble’s friends making jokes about his new scarf. Notice how I said, "Pebble’s friends," not "Pebble and his friends." Pebble didn’t say anything. He was like that since the start of the celebration. He took off with Rock when the speeches were over and it was time to eat. He seemed angry, although I could tell he was trying to hide it. Who cares. No need to dwell on someone like him. Good food was everywhere, and everyone else was so happy.

  It was the biggest party

  we’d ever had.

  Even Breeze smiled. A rare moment. Once more, she ran her fingers across her new cloak. She’s never really had a good item before. Now I feel guilty for using that ender pearl …

  I was thinking about what to buy as a replacement gift when Drill came up to me.

  "Good work out there, Runt. Keep it up. Some day you might be calling me endermite."

  He shook my hand. Thankfully I was still wearing my hood because my cheeks must have been as red as a redstone block. The combat teacher raised a bottle of melon juice. A flavored drink. The village’s very first. Something Tails and Maya had come up with.

  "I don’t know if you’ll manage to become a captain, though." He took a glug. "Tough competition this year. Pebble sure has it out for you."

  My mind totally froze.

  Captain?!

  Why had I never heard

  anything about this?!

  At my obvious confusion, Drill’s smile faded. "Never mind," he said.

  He took off in a hurry after that, before I could ask any questions. Breeze turned to me as Drill vanished into the crowd. "Why do I get the feeling the mayor’s going to make a big announcement today?" she asked.

  Indeed. Even before Drill had come over, I’d sensed something different about the teachers today. You could see it in their expressions. Hear it in their laughter as they chatted together in small groups. Nervousness. Yesterday was the biggest victory our village has seen. Yet, at the same time, the monsters surprised us, as they always have … I thought about this for a moment, but yeah—you know how my mind wanders. Besides, Brio came over not too long after that.

  "It’s time," he said, in an extremely serious tone.

  I blinked. "Time for what?"

  Then he smiled—but ever so slightly.

  "Time to make posters,

  of course."

  Even now it feels unreal to me, like this is all just a dream.

  Here’s another thing I thought I’d never actually see.

  After yesterday’s battle, I’ve become the second-highest student. I passed everyone but Breeze. Graduation is right around the corner, too.

  All I have to do is hold onto my ranking. Make sure no one sabotages me.

  Pebble, I’m watching you … !!

  In less than thirty minutes, Breeze and I finished our posters. We rejoined the celebration to open arms and cheers. Stump gave me a high five. He’d heard from the other teachers about my rank in school. He wasn’t doing bad himself—seventh place.

  I promised to help get him up there. How could I not? How could I fight hordes of monsters without my BFF, my buddy, my pal? The friend in question retrieved a strange, box-like item from his inventory.

  "Look what I crafted," he said.

  I stared at the curious-looking item. I’d never seen anything like it before.

  "The humans were telling me about how they have these things called birthday parties, where they eat cake and open presents. And this … is a present." He shoved the box into my hands.

  "Um, thanks." I stared at the colorful item again. "So what am I supposed to do with it, exactly?"

  "Well, it’s like a gift—"

  Gift … ?

  As in, free cool stuff?

  I immediately knew what I was supposed to do with this item.

  Literally 0.0000000001 seconds after that word came out of his mouth …

  No, I’m not eating it—those pieces are flying from my excited little hands. By the way, you can’t see my hands because they’re moving that fast.

  As quickly as I’d opened it, the wrapping faded to reveal … a diamond.

  A diamond!!!

  I don’t need to tell you how super mega rare diamonds are in my village. Even so, I’d like to share a little story to help you fully understand. There had been a bunch of diamonds in a storeroom somewhere, including the ones from that double ore vein we’d found. The mayor had been saving them for the right time. Before that time had come, though, Urf decided to betray us. Now there are zero diamonds.

  The miners have been digging deeper and deeper in recent days, trying to find more. So far, nothing. Not a single new vein. Actually, even iron ore is rare now. In the countless layers of stone beneath our village, we’ve already mined up almost everything.

  Even stone. We extracted a great deal of stone for our constant building, leaving huge, dark tunnels. Now those mine tunnels extend far and wide, in confusing twists, like a giant maze with many levels. Endless corridors of stone and gravel entirely picked clean.

  In short, we’re running out of resources. We have a continual supply of wood from the tree farm, but you can’t grow new ore. For this reason, the miners grew frantic. The mayor has been pushing them to find more.

  So they started working harder and faster. Deep down, in Tunnel 67, one of
them opened up a hole into a dungeon of some kind. The chamber they broke into was massive. Their torchlight barely reached the ceiling. The opposite walls couldn’t be seen. Just inky darkness. Whatever that place was, it was huge—and most likely filled with treasure chests, gold, emeralds, weapons, armor, and the relics of a forgotten time.

  At first, the miners were too excited. After all, there were probably diamonds in there as well. Yet as soon as they entered, they heard this horrible hissing. Heard something moving in the darkness beyond their torchlight. Whatever it was, it was big. Really big. An enormous spider, perhaps. Or something not found in any of our books on ancient monsters.

  Well, those miners aren’t noobs. There’s a reason why they’re still alive after working down there for so long. They climbed right back out, sealed up that hole, and sealed off the mine tunnel leading to it—with five layers of cobblestone, no less.

  Later, they put numerous signs around the area, warning everyone not to enter. They even made a fence.

  I gazed down at the diamond resting gently in my hands. Considering all of that, I had to wonder how many emeralds Stump had to trade for it. My friend just shrugged, like he’d given me a loaf of bread instead of an amazingly awesome gemstone.

  "I know you’ve been wanting a better sword," he said, "so I thought I’d try to help out. We should find a good crafter."

  "… "

  I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t know what to say. Stump seemed to understand what I was thinking, though.