Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Golden Plunger Awards

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  FROM GREEN TO CLEAN

  A city as big as New York can’t afford to shut down major streets for very long to clean up such a mess, particularly in the Financial District, home to the New York Stock Exchange and the center of the global economy. So immediately after the Giants’ parade ended, 350 Sanitation Department and 50 Alliance for Downtown New York workers hit the street with hand brooms, leaf blowers, and mechanical street sweepers to clear up the debris, which was placed in 12 collection trucks. They finished before the evening rush hour.

  TICKER TAPE TRIVIA

  • Admiral George Dewey, hero of the Battle of Manila Bay, was the first living person to be honored with a ticker-tape parade on September 30, 1899.

  • One of New York’s most famous ticker-tape parades (and its 21st) occurred on June 13, 1927, in honor of Charles Lindbergh’s successful transatlantic flight.

  • Aviators—like Amelia Earhart, Wiley Post, and “Wrong-Way” Corrigan—and then astronauts were popular recipients.

  • So were sports figures and teams: golfer Bobby Jones (twice), Jesse Owens, the 1928 and 1950s American Olympic teams, Connie Mack, the New York Yankees (8), the New York Mets (3), the New York Giants (baseball) (1), the New York Rangers (1), and the New York Giants (football) (1).

  • Some fairly forgettable people were honored as well—Jack Binns, Joseph Joffre, and the Order of the Knights of Pythias. Who?

  • The following people (outside of sports teams) have been honored more than once: explorer Rear Admiral Richard E. Byrd (3), Captain George Fried (2), golfer Bobby Jones (2), Amelia Earhart (2), pilot Wiley Post (2), Dwight D. Eisenhower (2), Charles de Gaulle (2), Ethiopian emperor Haile Selassie (2), John Glenn (2), and Italian politician Alcide De Gasperi (2).

  A DUBIOUS HONOR

  Each year, the Boston Phoenix releases a list of the unsexiest men on Earth. 2008’s Top Five: baseball player Roger Clemens, Spencer Pratt (of the reality show The Hills), Senator Larry Craig, Tom Cruise, and CNN’s Lou Dobbs.

  THE POP, POP, FIZZ, FIZZ AWARD

  Galco’s Soda-Pop Stop

  If you’re bored with the same old soda choices, take a drive

  to this tasty relic from Hollywood’s golden age.

  TEMPTING TREATS

  Diet Coke, Sprite, and Sunkist Orange sodas are so . . . common. You can find them anywhere. If you’re ready for something different in a soft drink—a new taste, a bolder flavor, a different kind of carbonation—you need to head to Galco’s Soda-Pop Stop in Los Angeles. The small, 100-year-old sandwich shop carries 400 varieties of soft drinks to tempt you.

  Galco’s started life as an Italian grocery, and John Nese and his family still make their famous overstuffed sandwiches in the back. But the front room is dedicated to Nese’s passion for pop.

  EGG CREAM OF THE CROP

  Galco’s carries common and classic sodas, like Coca-Cola and Faygo, but it also stocks more unique products like bottled New York egg creams. Those egg creams were a New York-area craze for decades, consisting of nothing except chocolate syrup (usually Fox’s U-Bet), whole milk, and fresh seltzer.

  Some of the other products Galco stocks are among the champagnes of soda pop: Fentiman’s Mandarin and Seville Orange Jigger, Almdudler Krauterlimonade (herbal lemon–lime soda), and Blenheim’s HOT HOT Ginger Ale. These sodas—with unusual recipes and high-quality, all-natural ingredients—qualify for gourmet status. And Galco’s doesn’t view soda pop as just an American institution; Nese recognizes that people all over the world enjoy soft drinks, so his store carries imports from Europe, Asia, Latin America, and the Caribbean.

  Along with colas, ginger ales, and cream sodas, you’ll also find rose-petal pop, sorrel soda, and bubble-gum bubbly. There are plenty of brewed choices, too; after all, “root beer” got its name from the process by which it’s manufactured. Birch beers and sarsaparillas will take senior family members right back to the good old days.

  Whenever possible, Nese tries to stock all-natural sodas. You’ll find Coke products, but they come from Mexico, where the sweetener is still sugar cane and not high-fructose corn syrup. Plantation Mint Julep soda has real mint in it, and some of the citrus sodas contain real zest.

  THE PAUSE THAT REFRESHES

  Nese originally decided to devote his shelf space to boutique brands of soda pop as a mini-revolt against the big bottlers, whose products dominated grocery store aisles around the country. At first, his customers were older people looking for a taste of the past, but Web and other media coverage has brought him many new customers.

  Perhaps the younger crowd is drawn to shelves filled only with glass bottles—there’s not an aluminum can or plastic bottle in sight. Nese believes that, because plastic leaks, modern beverage makers overcarbonate soda and as a result ruin its natural flavor and feel. In creating his collection of soft drinks, Nese has been a blessing for small manufacturers, both in the United States and overseas. When he hears about a new soda, he tracks it down—and often orders enough stock to keep the manufacturer in business for a while.

  DRINK UP

  In fact, Nese has actually revived five sodas, including one that used to be known as Delaware Punch (now called Pennsylvania Punch). Delaware Punch was never made in Delaware; it was invented and sold in San Antonio, Texas. But its flavor came from Delaware grapes, hence the name. Delaware Punch was a soft drink without carbonation (in the 1920s it was billed as “America’s SOFT Soft Drink”). Today, the Coca-Cola Company owns the name Delaware Punch and sells versions of it in Texas and Louisiana. But when Nese tried to track Delaware Punch down for a customer who wanted it, he found someone who had the original recipe. Nese took the original formula (complete with real sugar instead of high-fructose corn syrup), rather than the one Coca-Cola uses, and had a small bottling company in Pennsylvania re-create it.

  Although tracking down and reviving old sodas has an element of nostalgia, Nese doesn’t see his store as being a nostalgic enterprise. He believes that by offering customers a large variety of high-quality products, he’s simply serving their needs. Considering how many people from the Los Angeles area and around the country flock to Galco’s Soda-Pop Stop now, it seems that they find Nese’s approach a refreshing alternative.

  FAILED SODAS

  • Pepsi AM (1985): After research showed that some people drink cola instead of coffee for breakfast, Pepsi introduced this, which had more caffeine and less carbonation than regular Pepsi. Morning Pepsi drinkers continued to just drink regular Pepsi.

  • Orbitz (1996): A clear, fruit-flavored soda with round bits of gelatin floating in it.

  • Pepsi Blue (2002): A highly sugared “berry cola fusion”—and it was blue.

  • C2 and Pepsi Edge (2004): To cash in on the low-carb diet fad, both Coke and Pepsi released sodas with half the sugar of their regular versions. Both bombed in under a year.

  • Mountain Dew Black (2004): Same flavor as regular Mountain Dew—only it was black.

  • Coke Blak (2006): A combination of Coca-Cola Classic . . . and ice-cold, imitation coffee.

  THE MISSED MANNERS AWARD

  Forgotten Etiquette

  Uncle John may have forgotten which fork to use first, but he’s

  certain that these customs are a little behind the times. While

  many of the rules sound absolutely ridiculous now, they were

  rooted in practicality, or at least in logical thought.

  HERE’S MY CARD

  Today, people exchange business cards all the time with little thought, but there was a time in Western society (particularly British society) when giving a card with business information to a social acquaintance would have been terribly rude. During the 19th century, every gentleman and lady had engraved calling cards—some were made of thick paperboard, others from copper. The cards served as an introduction, and there were many rules to govern their use and contents:

  • A married woman’s card was larger than her husband’s; his had to fit in his breast pocket. A young
girl could have a calling card, but only after she’d been in “proper” society for a year and only one that included her full and proper name.

  • Cards were always presented (by a servant) to the mistress of the house. If the mistress wasn’t at home, the caller wasn’t welcome.

  • Servants collected the cards on silver trays (or in glass bowls for the less-well-to-do) and presented the cards to the lady of the house with the most important caller on top.

  • After moving to a new neighborhood, it was polite to wait until your neighbors left their cards before you went over to meet them.

  • A proper lady or gentleman never wrote “regrets” or “accepts” on a card as a reply to an invitation. Those required a hand-written note.

  There was also an elaborate system of card protocol when leaving a community. Some people used special “P.P.C.” cards, or simply wrote these initials at the bottom of their usual cards. “P.P.C.” meant “Pour Prendre Conge,” or “To Take Leave.” In other words—so long! Accompanying the initials was an even more elaborate system of corners turned up or down that showed whether you were leaving on a short trip, a long trip, or moving away permanently.

  SEAT-SIDE RINGS

  These days, napkin rings are more likely to hold paper napkins than cloth ones, if a host even uses them at all. But in the 19th century, cloth was the rule, and napkin rings were as common to a table as forks . . . they were as practical, too. Before washing machines, all clothes, bedding, and other cloth items had to be washed by hand. That was a lot of washing, either for a servant or for the lady of the house. So people were always looking for ways to cut down on the laundry.

  Enter napkin rings. Made of wood or silver, napkin rings, monogrammed with each person’s initials, kept track of whose napkin was whose. The same person used the same napkin for several meals and would only wash it when it got really dirty. Of course, over the years, napkin rings became widely used and were put into service at formal occasions, when no one would be reusing a napkin afterward.

  BRIDAL BESTS

  Have you ever gone to a wedding and enthusiastically said “Congratulations!” to the bride, only to have a relative correct you? That’s because, as Emily Post reminded us in 1922, “it is a breach of good manners to congratulate a bride on having secured a husband.”

  There are probably people who still abide by this bit of forgotten etiquette, but the reason behind it is so outmoded that it bears mentioning. You’re supposed to say “Congratulations!” to the groom and “Best wishes!” to the bride. That’s because a long, long time ago, in a world of etiquette far, far away, two things were true:

  First, throughout history, women were not always willing participants at their own weddings. Marriages were often arranged to bring together warring clans or to join financial forces. The bride was the prize (“Congrats, old man!”), and the poor young woman could only be encouraged with good wishes as she left for a life she might detest.

  Second, by the 18th century, if not before, securing a marriage proposal and wedding had become the goal most women’s lives. But to congratulate her would be unseemly because one wouldn’t want to imply that a genteel lady had been involved in any intrigues, snares, and machinations to snag her man. So “Best Wishes” it was.

  HATS ON OR OFF?

  Maybe the rule requiring men to doff their headgear inside a building has faded in the face of so many guys wearing billed caps, but real cowboys still know and practice the increasingly forgotten art of hat etiquette. Historically, tipping a hat was practiced mostly by cowboys. Removing one’s hat dates back to the days of chivalry when knights would raise their helmet shields as a sign of respect.

  But no matter, gentlemen. According to the John B. Stetson Hat Company, founded in 1868, there are very specific rules that dictate when to tip your hat and when to remove it:

  Tip Your Hat . . . Remove Your Hat . . .

  If a woman thanks you. During the playing of the national anthem.

  After receiving directions from a stranger.

  On entering a building (one exception: you may keep it on in an elevator).

  If you excuse yourself to a woman.

  When walking with a friend and he greets a woman you don’t know. During an introduction.

  When attending a funeral.

  When initiating a conversation.

  THE SANDWICH MAKER AWARD

  Mayonnaise

  Anyone asked to name a favorite condiment might quickly reply

  “ketchup” or “mustard,” and sure—those are good. But we’re

  going to tell you why mayonnaise is the real culinary star.

  YOU SAY MAHONNAISE, I SAY AIOLI

  Mayonnaise is the bedrock ingredient of numerous condiments and sauces worldwide (rouille, remoulade, tartar sauce, and Thousand Island dressing, for example). Mix a jar of ketchup with mayo and you’ve got Russian dressing. Mix mustard with mayo, and you’ve got Hellman’s Dijonnaise. The list just goes on and on.

  There is no definitive source for the origin of the word “mayonnaise,” but there are several theories:

  • One is that the word derives from the Old French word moyeu for the yolk of an egg, which is an essential ingredient.

  • Another is that the French made mayonnaise from a popular Spanish recipe for allioli, an egg-based sauce flavored with lots of garlic.

  • A third story says it’s from the French verb manier, meaning “to mix or blend.”

  • “Mahonnaise” may be an honorific after the Spanish port of Mahon, where the French Duke de Richelieu defeated the British in a 1756 naval battle.

  OLD, BUT NOT SPOILED

  If mayonnaise comes from Mahon, it’s more than 250 years old now—and as popular as ever. The first recorded English use of “mayonnaise” appears in an 1841 cookbook. The British renamed it “salad cream” in 1914 and kept this term after an attempt to return to mayonnaise in 1999 resulted in a public outcry.

  AMERICAN FLAIR

  The first commercially manufactured mayo was born in a New York City delicatessen—Richard Hellman’s Columbus Avenue storefront—in 1905. Hellman sold his wife’s homemade salads, which used mayonnaise as a dressing, and soon people were asking to buy it on its own. The condiment became so popular that in 1912 Hellman built a factory to produce it in large quantities.

  Originally, there were two versions of the creamy spread, and to tell them apart, Hellman tied a blue ribbon around one jar, which was consistently more popular. He called that one Hellman’s Blue Ribbon Mayonnaise.

  Meanwhile, across the country, Best Foods introduced Californian consumers to a slightly tangier version of mayonnaise. No one outside the conglomerate knows for sure, but gourmands suspect that the Best Foods formula contains more lemon juice. (Today, Best Foods owns Hellman’s, but maintains both brands and their distinct recipes.)

  Hellman’s and Best Foods split the coasts, but there’s one more brand in the American mayo lineup, beloved by Southerners past and present: Duke’s. Still made to Mrs. Eugenia Duke’s original formula in Greenville, South Carolina, Duke’s Mayonnaise (“The Secret of Great Southern Cooks”) contains more egg yolks than the other commercial brands and no added sugar.

  IT’S ALL IN THE WHISK

  True mayonnaise eggheads, however, swear by homemade, even though it’s made less often now due to the fear of contracting salmonella from raw eggs. Making mayo isn’t difficult—just slow and steady.

  The essential ingredients are an egg yolk and oil. Additions may include mustard, vinegar, lemon juice, and different oils and seasonings. Mayonnaise making is all in the whisk (or blender or food processor), because the oil has to be added drop by drop to emulsify with the yolk and then is beaten until a thick cream forms.

  MAYONN-AIZING FACTS

  • The world record for eating mayonnaise is held by Russia’s Oleg Zhornitskiy; he ate four 32-ounce bowls in eight minutes.

  • In Hispanic markets, Mayonesa con Jugo de Limon (mayonnaise with lime j
uice) is so popular that, in 2002, Hellman’s began marketing it as a separate brand.

  • Of the Spanish-speaking countries, Chile is the largest mayonnaise consumer.

  • Residents of New Orleans, Louisiana, eat 2.4 times as much mayonnaise as citizens of any other U.S. city; people in Omaha, Nebraska, eat the least.

  • The Midwest remains loyal to Miracle Whip, a Depression-era concoction that replaced some of mayonnaise’s more expensive fat with starch.

  • Mayonnaise can be used in baking to produce moist cakes.

  • Mayonnaise is touted for many nonfood uses, including lice removal, hair conditioning, and facial masks. It’s even said to be effective for bumper sticker and tar removal from cars. And professional florists swear by it to produce clean and shiny leaves.

  THE MOUNT HOREB MUSTARD MUSEUM

  In downtown Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, Barry Levenson’s World-Famous Mustard Museum opened in 1986 when Levenson started collecting bottles of the spicy yellow stuff. Mustard Museum lore says that, distraught from the Red Sox’ World Series loss to the Mets, Levenson drove to his local supermarket and wandered the aisles, eventually picking up 11 bottles.

  Those 11 bottles have swollen to 4,800 bottles—and jars, tubes, and packets—from all over the world. The Museum also hosts its annual National Mustard Day on the first Saturday in August and publishes a newsletter. Levenson judges the WorldWide Mustard Competition, whose finals are held at the Napa Valley Mustard Festival.

  THE WORLD’S LONGEST STORY AWARD

  Peanuts

  The trials and tribulations of Charlie Brown and friends played