The Courage to Try

by C. A. Popovich

  “You look a million miles away,” Maggie said.

  “Just pondering. Things are going well.” Jaylin leaned forward in her chair and cradled her cup in her hands. “Kristen and I are dating. So far, it’s working well.”

  “Judging by the sparkle in your eyes and the grin, it’s going very well.” Maggie tipped her head and waited.

  Jaylin sighed. She knew Maggie wouldn’t push for more information. She struggled to sort out her conflicting emotions before continuing. It had taken all her resolve not to blow off her meeting and drag Kristen to her bed. It was what her body wanted, and she was sure Kristen wanted it, too, but was it too soon? Would it fall short of their expectations and ruin their growing connection? Was she brave enough to find out?

  “I took her to visit Roy’s grave with me. It was comfortable, and Kristen enjoyed it.” Jaylin considered the feelings her statement evoked. Surprise, relief. Love?

  “That sounds good. I was hoping she’d turn out to be worthy of you. It sounds as if she is. So, no more hot blondes?” Maggie grinned.

  Jaylin laughed and turned her hand to interlock their fingers. “We’re going to Kristen’s riding event Saturday, and Kelly will probably be there. But Kristen says there’s nothing between them anymore, and I believe her. I’ll let you know if I feel the need to break any of her limbs.”

  Maggie nodded. “Seriously, Jaylin. Does Kristen feel the same way about you as you do about her?”

  “You know, this might sound odd, but I recognize what I’m feeling for her, and if she doesn’t feel the same, it seems safer if I don’t know. Then it can’t hurt me.”

  Maggie sat quietly for a full minute before responding. “That makes perfect sense. As I said before, this isn’t advice, but for me, there would come a time when I’d need to know how she felt. It would hurt more to be with her and be unsure of her feelings, and find out they weren’t reciprocated later, when I was really invested, than it would to walk away. You may not be wired that way, but I do like that you took the chance to date her. It sounds as if you’re both allowing yourselves to see who you are together. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks, Maggie. I don’t know where it’s going, but it feels right. I just hope my courage holds up to see it through.”

  *

  “Your first patient today is a cat, Jaylin. The woman who called said she rescued him from the Humane Society, and now she thinks there’s something wrong with him. She’d like you to evaluate him. Her name is Joyce and the cat is Thumbs.” Sarah turned from her computer and shrugged.

  “Thumbs. Interesting. What time is she coming in?” Jaylin set a bag of warm bagels on Sarah’s desk.

  “Nine thirty. Thanks for the bagels again. I’m totally spoiled now, and Dr. Berglund even sneaks in to get a bagel once in a while, when he isn’t running all over working with patients in the field.”

  “You’re welcome. I’ll have to find out his favorite and pick up a couple extra. Let me know when Joyce and Thumbs get here.” She’d rarely seen Bill since she started at the clinic. She sometimes heard him talking to patients, or saw his car coming and going. He’d popped in and asked how things were going and to say he was hearing great things about her. Other than that, it was like working with an absentee boss, and it suited them both well. Jaylin took a bagel to the clinic and poured a cup of coffee before going to the outside table. She watched the birds on the feeder while she had her breakfast. The only thing missing was Kristen. She stood to go to her appointment when her phone chimed.

  I wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. I hope your day goes well. See you Saturday. K

  Jaylin smiled at the text message. Kristen was here after all.

  “Good morning, Joyce. I’m Dr. Meyers. Sarah says you have a new rescue cat.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Dr. Meyers. I rescued Thumbs from the Humane Society yesterday. They told me that he was up-to-date on all his shots, was neutered, and was healthy. After I got him home I noticed that something seemed wrong with his front paws.” Joyce opened the cat carrier and pulled out a large, green-eyed, bicolored cat. He began to purr loudly.

  “Well, you’re a handsome fellow.” Jaylin checked that it was a neutered male and began a thorough examination. First, she looked at his front paws.

  “See what I mean? I worried that these were tumors or something. Do you think I should take him back?” Joyce looked distressed. She hadn’t moved her hand from his back and he arched and purred louder. The two had obviously bonded already.

  “What you have is a polydactyl cat. He’s perfectly healthy; he just has a couple of extra toes. It’s a congenital physical anomaly and not dangerous, just not extremely common. The Humane Society probably sees so many cats that it’s common to them, so they didn’t mention it. Cats normally have five toes on each front paw and four on each rear. Ernest Hemingway was fond of these types of cats. He had a bunch of them. It just gives you an extra couple of nails to trim.” Jaylin looked into his calm eyes and checked his ears for mites. “He looks great. You have a nice cat here, Joyce.”

  “Polydactyl huh? That must be why they named him Thumbs. He’s a wonderful cat. He settled right in when I brought him home. He checked out every room and closet in my apartment and then sat in the middle of the kitchen waiting for food. Thank you for seeing him today.”

  “You’re welcome. Bring him here anytime. I can keep him up on his vaccinations for you.”

  “Polydactyl. It sounds as if he’s some prehistoric creature.” Joyce giggled and hugged Thumbs before loading him in his crate.

  “Take care, Joyce. It was great to meet you both.”

  Jaylin considered the bond between pets and their owners. She understood it better now that she had Railroad, and she wondered how it extended to humans. Joyce loved her rescued cat despite his abnormalities. She didn’t expect perfection, only unconditional love. Could falling in love with Kristen work the same way? Could she love me in spite of my imperfections? Jaylin gave Sarah Thumb’s chart and went to her office to return a text message.

  Chapter Thirty

  Kristen pulled into Jaylin’s driveway and sat for a minute. She’d thought of little else all week except seeing Jaylin. She suppressed her anxiety at seeing Kelly, while being with Jaylin. Kelly knew that their physical relationship had ended, but she worried that Kelly might not be ready to see her with someone else. She hoped it wouldn’t come down to a confrontation. She cradled the fresh flowers and strode to the door.

  “Hey.” Jaylin stood at the door regarding her.

  “Hey, yourself. These are for you.” Jaylin captivated her. She wore her sexy threadbare jeans, scuffed leather boots, and a butterscotch colored knitted shirt that reflected the gold specks in her eyes.

  “Thank you. Come on in. I’ll just put these in a vase and I’m ready.” Jaylin stepped out of the doorway for Kristen to enter.

  Kristen followed Jaylin into the kitchen and waited until she had the flowers in a vase before pinning her against the counter, clasping her head in her hands, and covering her mouth with her own. Jaylin grabbed her around the waist and pulled her even closer. She shifted and her thigh slid between Jaylin’s legs.

  “OhmyGod.” Jaylin writhed against her, pumped her hips, and shuddered in her arms.

  Kristen felt Jaylin go limp and realized she’d gone too far, pushed too hard. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to attack you. But God, you’re so sexy.” She kissed her gently and enfolded her in her arms. Jaylin’s tears were her undoing. Her stomach constricted. “Oh, baby. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” She rocked her gently, not knowing what to do or say.

  “I’m all right, sweetheart. I’m just completely embarrassed. I can’t believe that just happened. You do scary things to me.” Jaylin wiped the tears from her face and smiled.

  “I didn’t mean to—”

  “Kristen, hey. You didn’t do anything wrong. Did you hear me telling you to stop? No. Because I didn’t. I wanted you. I still want you. I want
you inside me, everywhere.” Jaylin clasped her face in her hands and immobilized her with a kiss.

  “You sure you’re okay? I didn’t mean to—”

  “Enough already. We’re going to be late for your event.”

  “Jaylin, I don’t care about being late. I want to be sure you’re all right.”

  Jaylin stepped out of Kristen’s hold and spun her around so she was against the counter. “I’m fine. I think you might not be, however.” She pushed her thigh between Kristen’s legs and Kristen’s knees buckled. “I want to finish what we started. But later. Properly.”

  “God, baby. I have to ride my horse in an hour.”

  “We’d better get going then.” Jaylin kissed her and turned toward the door.

  *

  Jaylin sat in the same seat on the bleachers that she’d been in the week she overheard that Kristen was in Texas. The same group of people sat behind her, and she looked forward to hearing their conversation this week.

  “Hey. Pogo and Kelly are back. They’re gonna take this race.”

  “Oh, no. There’s my App. He’ll be giving them a run for their money.”

  “I’m sure glad they’re back from that rodeo in Texas.”

  “Huh. It sure is more interesting when them two are riding.”

  Jaylin thought so, too. She settled down to watch and grinned at the thought of Kristen wet in her saddle. She wasn’t surprised when Kristen and Kelly faced off for the final race. If Kristen’s aroused condition interfered with her riding, it didn’t show. She and Zigzag raced out of the course a full neck ahead of Kelly and Pogo. Jaylin heard the back slapping and cheering behind her.

  “See. I knew my Appaloosa was going to win.”

  “This week. Wait til next week.”

  Jaylin hopped off the bench and made her way to the concession area to wait for Kristen.

  “Hi, baby. Zig did well, didn’t he?” Kristen gave her a swift kiss.

  Kristen was glowing and Jaylin took a second to enjoy her enthusiasm. “Definitely. You both did well. You looked great out there, and Kelly and Pogo looked good, too.” She could at least be civil.

  “I’ll grab us a couple of drinks and burgers.”

  Jaylin watched Kristen stroll away. She was such a sexy mix of strength and softness. Her firm ass swayed just enough to be inviting but her stride was solid and confident. Her breasts filled out her shirt exquisitely, and Jaylin couldn’t wait to feel their weight in her hands and their firm nipples tickling her palms. She felt a rush of heat between her legs and shifted in her seat. As easily as she’d come with Kristen only pressed against her, she worried she might spontaneously combust if she moved too much now.

  “She’s going to burst into flames if you keep looking at her that way,” Kelly whispered.

  Jaylin jumped, startled and embarrassed at being caught cruising Kristen. “Oh. Hi, Kelly. Great riding today.”

  “Thanks, Jaylin. I’m glad you could make it to cheer for us. Pogo did well in Texas, but we both prefer our little small town rodeo.”

  “Hi, Kelly.” Kristen returned with the drinks and food and set them on the table. “Good ride today.”

  Kelly laughed. “Yeah, thanks, but we’ll take you next week.”

  Kelly laughed again, and Kristen and Jaylin joined her. Any tension there may have been, dissolved.

  “I’m going to lunch with Debby before I take Pogo home. You two enjoy yourselves. I hope I’ll see you next week, Jaylin. When Pogo and I win.” Kelly strolled away toward the barn.

  Jaylin noted the distance she’d kept from Kristen and her genuinely friendly attitude and conceded that Kelly’s limbs were safe. She also acknowledged that her heart wasn’t. She knew she was in love with Kristen, and she desperately wanted to make love with her. If she offered the gift of her heart, would Kristen refuse to accept it? Would she offer hers in return?

  “You doing all right?” Kristen asked.

  She looked nervous and Jaylin grinned. “I’m fine. She’s nice, isn’t she?”

  Kristen visibly relaxed and nodded. “Yes, she is nice, and I’m glad you two are getting along. Let’s eat before these burgers get cold.”

  *

  “Thank you for a nice day,” Jaylin said.

  She let Railroad out the sliding door to the backyard and turned to lean on the door and face Kristen.

  “I’m glad you enjoyed it. I love knowing you’re there watching me.” Kristen held Jaylin loosely by the waist.

  Jaylin moved into her arms, cupped her face in her hands, thoroughly kissed her, and then leaned far enough away to explore her gaze. “I want to make love with you tonight.”

  “I’d like that very much,” Kristen whispered. Kristen pulled her into a searing kiss and pushed her gently against the door.

  “Wait.” Jaylin pushed her away, panting. “I’ll let Railroad in, and then I want you in my bed.” She slid the door open far enough for Railroad to enter and closed it swiftly as she grabbed Kristen’s hand. She led her down the hall to her bedroom and didn’t stop until they were standing next to her bed.

  She gently pushed Kristen onto the edge of the bed. She held her shoulders and straddled her lap before bending to kiss her. Kristen gripped her ass and moaned into the kiss. She lay back and pulled Jaylin down on top of her without breaking their connection. She slipped her hands under Jaylin’s shirt, and her hands were warm and gentle. Her touch reignited Jaylin’s desire from their earlier encounter. She rolled off Kristen to catch her breath and Kristen turned onto her side and nuzzled her neck.

  “I want to be naked with you.” Kristen tickled the hollow of her throat with her tongue.

  “God, yes.” Jaylin kicked off her shoes and inched further onto the bed. She unbuttoned Kristen’s shirt and pulled it out of her jeans. Jaylin reveled in the feel of her warm, smooth skin and her muscles twitching beneath her fingertips. She inched her fingers lower, past the waistband of her jeans. Kristen moaned and lifted her hips into her touch, and Jaylin unbuttoned Kristen’s jeans and lowered the zipper. She longed to feel her slippery heat, but first, ignoring Kristen’s protest, she got off the bed and pulled off Kristen’s boots. Kristen crawled further onto the bed and held Jaylin down with gentle pressure on her chest. She unbuttoned the top button of her blouse and kissed the exposed skin under each button, kissing her way down Jaylin’s chest to her belly. She flicked her tongue on the spot just above the button of her jeans and Jaylin groaned.

  “I’ve wanted you for so long.” Kristen kissed her lightly and nibbled on her lower lip, then she slipped off the bed and stood next to it to slowly remove her shirt and unclasp her bra.

  Jaylin could only whimper as Kristen exposed herself to her. Her breasts were as gorgeous as Jaylin had imagined they would be. Her nipples puckered and Jaylin ached to run her tongue around them. Kristen continued to bare herself as she lowered her jeans and briefs from her hips and stepped out of them. The curly patch of reddish-brown at the apex of her thighs glistened with her arousal, and Jaylin’s whimpers turned into noisy moans. She sat up and with one swift motion removed her own shirt and bra, then shimmied out of her jeans and lay back down. She wanted Kristen to be the one to reveal her. She reached out to Kristen in a silent plea.

  Kristen crept onto the bed to nestle next to her. She ran her fingers along the waistband of her panties, slowly pushed them off her hips, and pulled them down her legs, tossing them to the floor. Jaylin thrust her hips into the air spreading her legs wide. She grabbed the sheets and twisted them in her fists, her passion unleashed. Kristen rotated to settle on top of Jaylin and slid down to capture her essence with her tongue. She sucked the prominence of her clit into her mouth and flicked her tongue across the engorged tissue. Jaylin writhed in her arms, crying out her ecstasy.

  “Oh my God, baby. You’re amazing.” Kristen kissed the inside of Jaylin’s silky thigh before pulling her into her arms.

  They dozed off together, Jaylin falling asleep to the steady, sure beat of Kristen’s heart.


  Jaylin blinked as awareness seeped into her consciousness. Kristen’s naked body cleaved to her back and her arm wrapped her in a possessive embrace. Her faint snoring was the only sound in the dark room. She snuggled closer to Kristen, to the woman to whom she knew she would offer her heart. Panic threatened her serenity for a heartbeat at the fear of rejection, and Maggie’s words played through her mind again. If you don’t try…Was she opening herself up to be hurt? Was loving Kristen worth the chance? She closed her eyes and let sleep quiet her doubts.

  *

  “Mm, that’s nice.” Kristen opened her eyes in a state of semi-sleep and fell into the depth of Jaylin’s gaze. She felt the first beats of her orgasm begin at the top of her swollen clitoris. How long had Jaylin been awake and touching her? She rarely slept so soundly. Kristen half sat up and whimpered as she trembled with orgasmic aftershocks.

  Jaylin grinned and pulled Kristen into a scorching kiss. “I can’t seem to get enough of you.” She nibbled on Kristen’s lower lip.

  “I can’t believe I have to go.”

  Jaylin froze. She looked stricken.

  “Oh, baby, no.” Kristen wrapped her tightly in her arms and kissed her bare shoulder. “I have to go pick up Zigzag. I texted Debby last night to ask her to have him bedded down at the fairgrounds, but I need to pick him up by noon.”

  Jaylin’s grin spread across her lovely face. “Noon? We have plenty of time then.” She pushed Kristen onto her back and straddled her hips.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Kristen leaned forward, set herself for the recoil of the shotgun, and yelled pull. She felt loose and comfortable as she followed the target with her eyes and pressed her cheek against the stock of her mother’s twelve-gauge. Using her mother’s gun always made her feel as though her mom was watching. She was on track for a perfect round.