The Courage to Try

by C. A. Popovich

  “Oh. She told me you two were dating, but it sounds a little more serious than that.” Debby smiled as they walked through the emergency room doors.

  “Yeah. I’m totally in love with her. It’s serious for me, anyway. I can’t believe I have to wait until tomorrow to see her.” Jaylin looked back at the hospital in frustration.

  “The doctor said she’s sleeping. Maybe by tomorrow she’ll be awake enough to know that you’re there. Come on. I’ll follow you to Kristen’s and make sure the animals are fed.”

  *

  “Thanks for coming, Debby. I appreciate it, and thanks for being there for Kristen. I’m glad she has you for a friend.”

  “She’d do the same for me. I’m glad she has you now, too. She won’t admit it, but she’s been lonely. You’re a lucky woman. When Kristen loves, she puts everything she has into it. I’ll probably see you tomorrow at the hospital. Get some rest.”

  “Good night, Debby. Thanks again.” Jaylin locked the door behind Debby, put Railroad’s water and food bowls on the kitchen floor, and walked through the house to familiarize herself with the light switches. She checked the locks on all the doors and went in search of a bedroom.

  She flicked on the light switch to the right of the door in what she thought would be Kristen’s room. A lamp next to the bed cast a soft glow. It illuminated the area enough to read or get dressed without being harsh. A beautiful patchwork quilt covered the queen-sized poster bed. It appeared to be handmade. Folded neatly and resting on one of the pillows was a pair of flannel boxers and a cotton T-shirt. She’d take those to Kristen in the morning. She quietly closed the door and found a guest room. She wouldn’t sleep in Kristen’s bed until they were in it together. Right now, it would only be a reminder of the fact that Kristen was alone, in a hospital.

  Jaylin awoke to the sounds of bird songs outside the open window when her alarm went off at six. There was no way she was going to be late for visiting hours. She stretched and rolled to her side. An odd sense of correctness overtook her, as if she were meant to be there. “Not without Kristen.” She spoke aloud and Railroad whined. “Okay, girl. Let’s go outside.” Jaylin popped a K-cup in Kristen’s coffeemaker and pushed the brew button before letting Railroad out into the front yard. The morning sun cast its rays across the property, and the water in the pond sparkled. Jaylin took a deep breath in an attempt to capture the serenity in an effort to calm the simmering panic that had stayed with her all night. Her gut twisted at the thought of Kristen waking up alone in a hospital room. “Come on in, Road. I’ve got to go.”

  *

  Jaylin arrived at the hospital ten minutes before seven and went directly to the service desk to inquire about Kristen’s room. She was allowed into the room exactly at seven o’clock. Kristen was warm. Alive. Her breathing was slow and steady. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully, and a tiny bit of Jaylin’s anguish melted away. She scooted a chair as close to the bed as she could, slid her hand under Kristen’s shoulder, and rested her head on the bed next to Kristen’s side. It was as close as she could get, but she’d take it.

  Jaylin awoke to the caress of Kristen’s gaze. Her hand was asleep, but she didn’t care. Kristen was awake and smiling at her.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Where else would I be? You’re here.” Jaylin reluctantly pulled her hand out, flexed her fingers a few times, and then stroked Kristen’s cheek.

  “This wasn’t exactly how I wanted to wake up with you this morning,” Kristen said. Her voice cracked, and Jaylin reached for her water cup.

  “Here, sweetheart. Have a sip of water.”

  Kristen drank some water, laid her head on the pillow, and groaned. “Thanks. My head feels like it’s going to explode.”

  “The doctor said you have a concussion. You were in the ICU all night. Did they tell you anything?”

  “Dr. Wilson talked to me this morning, or maybe it was last night. I don’t know. He said that I was in a car accident, and that I hit my head on something when the car rolled over. I didn’t have any brakes. I take such good care of that car, and it didn’t have brakes when I needed them.” Kristen groaned again. “My ribs hurt like hell, but I guess my airbag and seat belt probably saved me from being hurt worse. I’ve got a few bruises that will heal, but I think I’m driving my truck from now on.”

  “Good idea. I don’t think your car will be in any shape to drive anyway. It looked pretty bad.”

  “You saw it?” Kristen tried to sit up but only made it partway before plunking back.

  “I went looking for you when Tim told me you hadn’t shown up for the shoot. The police were pulling your car out of the ditch when I got there. You were lucky you weren’t hurt worse. You must’ve managed to swerve away from the trees.” Jaylin’s throat tightened at the thought of how quickly Kristen could have been taken from her.

  “Did they say anything? I don’t remember exactly what happened, but I know my brakes gave out. Nobody has been here to question me.” Kristen shook her head.

  “No. Nobody asked me anything. When I saw your car, I nearly panicked. I was so worried you were hurt, and I didn’t think to ask any questions. I turned around and drove directly to the hospital.” Jaylin took Kristen’s hand in hers. She wouldn’t let go unless forced.

  “I couldn’t move when I woke up. I thought I was paralyzed until I realized I must have a concussion, and they’d restrained me so I wouldn’t get up and hurt myself, which I nearly did. I wanted to find you to tell you I was all right.” Kristen squeezed Jaylin’s hand.

  “I’m here now. You rest. I’ll be here when you wake,” Jaylin said.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  “You didn’t have to take more time off to do this, baby. Debby offered to pick me up.” Kristen kissed Jaylin lightly.

  “Sarah rearranged my schedule, and I’ll go in on Saturday to make up some appointments. It’s not a problem, and this is where I need to be. With you.” Jaylin stroked her cheek. “Bill said he’d be by next week, and you’re supposed to ‘get well soon.’ He said he’d continue Zigzag’s worming schedule, take care of his teeth, and get in touch with the farrier. You’re to do nothing but take care of yourself.”

  Take care of myself. Kristen had spent the last few years of her life taking care of her sick mother, and then her declining father. Her mom was dead, and her dad faded further away from her every week. She loved shooting skeet and riding Zigzag, but those were fun, a diversion from life. Working with Jaylin had revived a need to be productive and had reminded her how much she enjoyed working with animals.

  “What do you think about me coming back to work with you once in a while?” Kristen took Jaylin’s hand as she spoke.

  “I think it’d be great, but not until you’re healed. What brought that on?” Jaylin gently squeezed her hand.

  “I could’ve sustained worse injuries or been paralyzed from this accident. That, and working with you, has stirred my need to do something with my life besides play. I miss nursing a colicky horse back to health, or helping Dr. B deliver a foal, and I even miss assisting you with surgery patients. Dad’s where he needs to be with good care, and he seems to be happy. Bill’s told me numerous times that I’d have a job if I ever wanted one. I want to go back to work.”

  “Whenever you’re ready, honey.” She gave her a lingering kiss. “Let’s get you out of here.”

  Kristen sat in the requisite wheelchair and relaxed as the nurse maneuvered it to Jaylin’s waiting vehicle. Her headache had subsided to an occasional dull throb, and her ribs only hurt if she pushed on them. They hadn’t been broken, only bruised from the airbag deploying. She’d spent three days in the hospital, and she was ready to get home to sleep in her own bed. With Jaylin.

  “Will you stay tonight?” She didn’t care that she sounded pleading. She desperately wanted Jaylin by her side.

  “Of course, sweetheart. If you want me to.” Jaylin smiled and squeezed her hand.

  Kristen closed her eyes and re
sted on the trip home. She contemplated what home would be like with Jaylin. In her semi-dozing state, it was perfect. She felt a gentle touch on her forehead and cheek, and then a warm breath and soft kiss on her neck.

  “We’re here.”

  The sexy voice drifted into her consciousness and tugged her awake.

  “I think the pain pills they gave me at the hospital have kicked in.” She pushed the door open and stepped out of the car.

  “Hang on. I’ll help you.” Jaylin put her arm around Kristen’s waist and guided her into the house.

  “Railroad’s here.” Kristen laughed at her frantic tail wagging.

  “She loves your yard. I had to keep her away from Zigzag and the pony, though. She tries to herd them. Zigzag doesn’t seem to care, but your pony gets scared. I don’t think she’s ever seen a dog before.” Jaylin steered Kristen to a chair.

  “Nope. She never has. I’m glad you’re making yourself at home, baby. I like having you here. No, that’s not right. Damn pain meds. I love having you here.” She held Jaylin’s face and carefully kissed her.

  “Come on. Let’s get you comfortable in bed. You can sleep off the pain medication.” Jaylin took her hand and led her down the hall to her bedroom.

  “Why is the door closed?”

  “I closed it. Sorry, I didn’t think to open it before I left this morning.” Jaylin opened the door that had been shut for three days.

  Kristen walked to the bed and turned to Jaylin. The room was exactly as she’d left it, minus her sleep clothes, which Jaylin had been kind enough to bring to the hospital for her. She didn’t see any of Jaylin’s things. “Didn’t you sleep in here, baby?”

  “No.”

  Kristen pulled Jaylin into her arms. She nuzzled her neck and stroked her back. “Why not?”

  “I hadn’t been invited.”

  “Oh, baby. Consider yourself invited now. I want you in my bedroom, in my bed, in my life. I love you.”

  Jaylin sagged into her arms. “I was so scared I’d lost you. When I saw your smashed car pulled out of the woods, my world collapsed. I’d finally found real love, and I was so scared. I love you, too, forever and always.”

  Kristen’s and Jaylin’s tears mingled as they kissed, lay down on the bed, and held each other.

  *

  Jaylin gently pulled the quilt up over them. Kristen had fallen into a sound sleep shortly after they’d snuggled under the covers and her soft snores soothed Jaylin’s unrest. She cuddled closer to her and rested her soul.

  The sunshine streamed into the bedroom along with the birds chirping their morning calls and Jaylin savored the bliss of waking up this way. She loves me. She gently snaked her arm around her waist, mindful of Kristen’s sore ribs, and pressed the front of her body against her back. And I love her. She would’ve been content to stay in this spot, in this position, for the rest of the day, but the ringing of Kristen’s cell phone interrupted her luxuriating. She wrestled with the appropriateness of answering it. It could be important, and Kristen still snored beside her.

  “Hello. This is Jaylin answering Kristen’s phone.”

  “Jaylin? This is Debby. I wanted to see how Kristen was feeling.”

  “She’s asleep right now. The pain medication they gave her hit her hard. Can I give her a message?”

  “No. I’m glad you’re with her. Is she better than yesterday?”

  “I’d say yes. She’s been asleep since we got home last night. I’ll have her give you a call when she wakes up.”

  “Sounds good. Did I say I’m glad you’re there with her?”

  “Thanks, Debby. I’m glad, too.”

  Jaylin disconnected the call and kissed Kristen’s neck before quietly sliding out of bed.

  She sat on the front porch and watched Railroad sniff every corner of the yard and then roll onto her back and wiggle. Jaylin sighed and sipped her coffee. She’d have to go to work tomorrow and make up for the two days of cancelled appointments, but all she wanted to do was stay with Kristen. She’d begun to form ideas of making love to her that didn’t involve intense activity when Kristen wrapped her arms around her from behind and kissed her neck.

  “I woke up and missed you.”

  “You were sleeping so soundly I didn’t want to disturb you. How do you feel, love?”

  “Much better. Even though those pain pills made me loopy, I think they helped. My head isn’t pounding anymore, and I want a cup of coffee. Then can I convince you to come back to bed for a while?”

  “Oh, yes. Not much convincing needed for that. Sit. I’ll get your coffee.” Jaylin stood, kissed Kristen lightly, and turned toward the door.

  Kristen clasped her wrist and tugged her into her arms. “I love you, Dr. Meyers. I think I can forgo the coffee for now. I need you.” Kristen kissed her and Jaylin relaxed into the safety of her arms for a moment before following her to her bedroom.

  *

  “Oh my God, yeesss!” Jaylin rolled her hips as she soared into another orgasm. Kristen’s mouth was hot on her sex, and her tongue was relentless. Kristen had promised to stop if she felt any discomfort, so she’d given up worrying over Kristen’s injuries. They’d tossed the pillows off the bed, and Kristen reclined on her back while Jaylin kneeled over her. Kristen clutched her ass and pulled her against her tongue. Jaylin felt the ripples building to another climax.

  “Come with me this time, baby.” Jaylin spoke between breaths. “Touch yourself.”

  Kristen moved one hand off Jaylin’s ass to reach herself. Jaylin fondled her own breasts and squeezed her nipples. Their eyes locked and they spilled over together.

  “I think I’m all healed now, baby. Your love is all I need.” Kristen nibbled Jaylin’s earlobe.

  “Well, I have to be able to walk tomorrow, and we both could probably use some hydration, but yeah. I need your love, too. Ready for a shower?” Jaylin traced the curve of Kristen’s breast with her finger and brushed her nipple.

  “Can you finish what you’re doing first?” Kristen arched into her hand, and Jaylin had no desire to resist.

  *

  Jaylin watched intently as Kristen scrambled eggs and chopped vegetables. She placed two pieces of toast in the toaster and returned to the heated pan to toss the vegetables into it. “You’re good at that.” She spoke with reverence.

  “It’s only scrambled eggs.” Kristen tilted her head and smiled shyly.

  Jaylin sensed the question in her look. “You’re the first person ever to cook breakfast for me.”

  “What about your foster moms? Didn’t they cook breakfast?”

  Jaylin chuckled, pointed to the refrigerator, and said, “‘Milk’s in there.’” Then she pointed to the cupboard and said, “‘Cereal’s in there. Don’t get into any trouble today.’ Then they were out the door. I got good at filling bowls with Cheerios for me and Roy.”

  “Well, those days are over, baby. We are going to dine on vegetable omelets and whole wheat toast. You can be in charge of making the coffee.”

  Jaylin blinked back tears. “I can do that.”

  They were sitting on the porch finishing their coffee when Kristen’s cell phone rang. “It’s Tim,” Kristen said. “I’ll grab us some more coffee while I talk to him.” She stood and took her phone into the house.

  Jaylin rested her head back in the chair and let her thoughts drift. She reflected on how much her life had changed since her decision to move to Novi. She was happy, and that was a wonderful feeling.

  Kristen returned with two fresh cups of coffee.

  “Thanks, sweetheart. What did Tim have to say?” Jaylin set her empty cup aside and took the full one Kristen handed her.

  “He wanted to tell me that Rupert won the shoot Saturday. No surprise to me. He also said that Rupert was being an asshole. He strutted through the gun club bragging about beating me, even though I wasn’t even there to compete.” Kristen shook her head.

  “When I talked to Tim Saturday, he said Rupert was pushing him to disqualify you.”


  “We all had designated starting times to keep the event moving along. Tim had the right to shift shooters to a different time if necessary. Rupert would have known that. I wouldn’t have been disqualified until after the last group of shooters was called to begin.”

  “It sounds as if he was nervous,” Jaylin said.

  “Huh. I don’t know. Could be. Tim told me something else about him. Besides his blustering, he was drinking heavily in the clubhouse after the event. Before Tim could kick him out, he went on a rant. He was insisting he could have beaten my mother, ‘the cunt,’ and he’d showed her by beating her ‘cunt dyke’ daughter. I’m thinking there was more to his rage than just wanting to beat me at skeet shooting. He sounds homophobic. I got another call when I was inside. The police report regarding my accident is finished. They concluded my brake lines were cut.” Kristen looked pale and her hand holding her cup shook slightly.

  “Oh my God, baby. Who would do that?” Jaylin sat up straight in her chair. Fear constricted her throat. Was someone after Kristen? “What about that Rupert guy?”

  “I don’t know for sure. I don’t know who did it, or why, but I told them about Rupert’s remark about me might not even making it to the shoot. They’re going to pick him up for questioning.”

  “What’s this about a remark about not making it to the shoot?” Jaylin moved her chair closer to Kristen so she could touch her. She needed to feel her, to remind herself that she was, in fact, safe and really there with her.

  “He said something to me when we were practicing the other day, about me not making it to the shoot, that he was going to beat me for sure. I didn’t think much about it then, but I’m glad I mentioned it to the police. They’ll investigate him. It’ll be okay, baby.” Kristen leaned to kiss Jaylin. “Tim told me that Rupert quit the gun club before Tim could throw him out. It seems his only goal for joining was to beat me.”