Still Human jh-2

by Kerry Heavens

  “What?”

  “Liv,” she says quietly.

  I look at her in disbelief. “Why the hell would she be a factor in all this?”

  Steeling herself, she explains. “You should be together, Danny, having your own family.” She pauses, leaving it hanging in the air. I feel like I'm going to suffocate. Jen just watches me.

  “Fuck Jen, why are you doing this to me?” I snap. “I don’t want to hear her name again.”

  “But you still love her and you can’t tell me there isn’t a chance she still loves you.”

  I shake my head and stare out of the window.

  “Danny, a week ago, you were going to give up your whole life here to make a new one with her. That doesn’t just go away.” She tries to take my hand but I pull it away. “Scott and I have talked and we both agree, you need to talk to her, find out why she left.”

  “I’m not calling her, Jen. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want me. It’s over.”

  “Danny, you don’t know why she left. She may have seen something between you and Brooke and thought you cheated.”

  “Nothing happened with Brooke!”

  “I know that, but would she?” She reasons. “You said Brooke was already undressed when you came out of the shower. Liv could have seen that.”

  “Or she just didn’t love me.” I stand up and walk to the window.

  “Danny, be realistic. You know she loves you and it’s too much of a coincidence that she left the night Brooke pulled her little stunt. Now I’ve let you do this your way for over a week, but if neither one of you is going to give in and call the other, then I’m afraid I’ll have to fight dirty.”

  I spin around to face her, “What the hell does that mean?”

  She stands and puts her hands on her hips. “If you want us to consider your offer, then you have to call her.”

  And there it is…the bribery, now she’s pulled every trick from her hat and she looks so pleased with herself.

  “Careful,” I warn. “I’m not playing.”

  “Neither am I.” She holds firm.

  We have a standoff for a moment and then she lays it on the table. “We don’t want to take your first child Danny, it’s not fair. Call her. Sort this thing out. Live happily ever after…Then and only then will we accept your very generous offer, if Liv agrees too. We can wait.”

  I shake my head, the gloves are really off. I’m too stunned to speak.

  “If she did leave for the reasons you think, then I won’t mention it again. But you have to find out for sure.”

  Feeling the anger rising up in me, I grab my keys. “I can’t handle this.” I say as I storm past her and out the door.

  I’m fuming as I back my truck out of the parking lot. Who the hell does she think she is? This is emotional blackmail. I expected better of her.

  When I get in I slam my keys on the counter and pace back and forth. I really needed to sleep, now Jen has got me so worked up, there is just no way that’s going to happen. It’s not like I didn’t call her, when she was missing I was frantic. She has dozens of messages from me and she didn’t have the decency to put my mind at ease. I had to hear from her family that she had flown home, at least she left them a note! As if I would call her now. She left me. Even as I’m thinking this while pacing around like a caged animal, the idea that she may have left for another reason starts to incubate. I haven’t given it a thought before, I’ve been too angry. I’m still too angry I think, shaking it out of my head.

  I sit at my desk and fire up the computer. My fingers drum while they wait for something to do. As soon as I’m in, I start furiously hammering the keys. Work will block this ridiculous chain of thoughts out.

  Twenty minutes in, I’ve made so many mistakes and had to retrace my steps too many times. I put my head in my hands. This can’t be happening. Work was the only distraction I had and now, thanks to Jen, Liv has crept into that too.

  I drop onto my bed and close my eyes. Not to sleep but just for lack of other inspiration. What if Jen’s crazy notion is right? What if Liv thinks I did something wrong? Surely I would have had a call from someone if they thought I had wronged her? If I thought Scott had cheated on Jen I would have been all over it. Max would have done the same wouldn’t he? Maybe I should call him. Then I don’t have to chase Liv, I can just find out what I need to know from him and put this mess to rest once and for all.

  Before I know it I’m dialling his number, I’ve always been slightly impulsive. My stomach is in knots. It rings and I hold my breath.

  “Hi,” he answers with a tone of uncertainty.

  “Hi,” I respond, not sure how to proceed.

  “What the hell happened?” He cuts straight to the chase.

  I sigh. “I don’t know where to start.”

  “Well you don’t have to go back to the beginning, you can just fill me in from the bit where your ex-girlfriend is doing the striptease in your bedroom.” He sneers, anger and disgust oozing from his voice.

  Strangely, I heave a sigh of relief. I pause to take this all in.

  “Wait. Is that why she left?” I stupidly ask.

  “Yes, that’s why she left. Wasn’t that obvious?” He spits, mystified that I could question him. “And she made me promise not to call you, but trust me, if I see you again, I’m going to break your neck.”

  “So it wasn’t because she found out about the proposal?” I mutter in a daze, not taking in what he is saying to me.

  “WHAT PROPOSAL?”

  “The night she left, I was going to propose,” I say quietly.

  “What, after you fucked your ex?”

  Silence…his words just hang in the air. My mind goes into overdrive. Max has just confirmed that all my worst fears were unfounded. She didn’t leave because she found out I was going to propose. This is about Brooke. Thank fuck for that! Even as I’m thinking it, I know how ridiculous the whole thing sounds. I would rather Liv thinks I cheated on her, than find out she didn’t love me. But, I realise, that is the truth. I hate myself for being relieved, as it dawns on me the pain she must be going through. But this can be fixed, I know it.

  Fleetingly, I wonder if I should be upset that she would think so little of me. But I know I made her question my honesty and I remind myself, it was only a couple of months ago that she found that sleaze Mark with her friend, in her own bedroom. No, this isn’t about me and if I’m ever going to get her back, I must focus on making her trust me again. I need Max to understand the facts.

  “Max, I don’t know what she saw. But she didn’t see enough.” I assure him. “I came out of the shower and Brooke was in her underwear lying on my bed. She stole a key a couple of weeks ago and let herself in. As soon as I saw her, I threw her out, straight away. Then I called Liv to tell her what happened, because she asked me to be completely honest with her. But she didn’t pick up and I haven’t heard from her since.” I pause, he says nothing. “I’m not asking you to believe me, but it’s the truth. I love Liv and I would never do anything to hurt her.” The words come from deep inside, they bypass the thought process. My brain is still in the hurt, angry state it was in five minutes ago, it hasn’t caught up with this turn of events. Yet I’m saying how much I love her and I know instantly that I will fight for her. Whatever it takes. Fucking Jen was right. Shit.

  “She saw you, Danny,” he says, more unsure of his argument now.

  “No, she didn’t, ask her. She didn’t see me put a finger on her, because I didn’t. The only time I touched her was when I was shoving her out the door.” I shudder at the memory. “Ask her, please.”

  “Why don’t you just leave her alone? She’s been hurt enough.”

  “Because I love her and I’m going to get her back.”

  “Oh really, you love her so much, you left it over a week to bother finding out why she left?”

  “I was convinced she left because she didn’t want to marry me. I’ve been a real mess.”

  “Why would she do that? She
loved you.”

  I sigh. I’ve been so stupid and selfish. “Because…” I hesitate. Outside of Jen and Scott, I’ve never discussed this with anyone and all of a sudden, my lifelong insecurities because of it seem so irrational. “Because, when we were kids and I was going away, I bought her a ring, I worked up the guts to propose to her, but before I could get the words out, she told me to go, she said I should make the most of the opportunity. She said it would be best for both of us. She must have known what I was going to do and was pushing me away so that I didn’t do it…I just thought she was doing it again.”

  "You wanted to marry her?"

  "Uh-huh. Then and now." I sigh.

  “She didn’t know, mate. Trust me, I picked up the pieces after you left. She thought you didn’t fight hard enough, she wanted to go with you.”

  "You're kidding me?" I can’t handle this. “I’m such an idiot,” I whisper.

  “You’re telling me!” he sneers.

  I think about what to do next. I have to talk to her.

  “I have to get her back.” I think aloud.

  “Please just leave her alone, she can’t handle any more heartache.” The thought of her so hurt is like a knife to the chest.

  “Max, please, I’ve done nothing wrong. Please just ask her, I’m begging you.”

  “I have to go.” He hangs up. Fuck! I slam my cell onto the bed. This can’t be happening. I have to get her to listen to me. I grab the cell again and select her name.

  ‘This is Liv, leave a message.’ Her cell is off, it didn’t even ring. I don’t leave a message, I wouldn’t know what to say.

  I don’t know what to do now. On auto-pilot, I slowly gather myself up and drift to my truck. I find myself back at Jen’s store less than an hour after storming out.

  “Danny?” Jen calls as I walk in from the back door. I sit down on the sofa with a bump and put my face in my hands. Jen has a customer, so I try to remain inconspicuous while she finishes up. Lost in my thoughts, I don’t notice her standing right in front of me. I jump at her proximity when I finally lift my face up to look around. I look up at her and hold her stare. She waits to hear what I have to say.

  “She thinks I cheated on her with Brooke,” I say in barely more than a whisper.

  Jen sits beside me and touches my arm. “I knew it.” She rolls her head back. “So did you explain?” she asks gently.

  “I didn’t talk to her, I called Max.”

  “You should talk to her.”

  “Her cell is off, I tried.”

  “Will Max talk to her for you?”

  “I don’t think he believed me, he hung up.”

  “Shit.”

  “What do I do?”.

  “We should look at flights,” she says, opening her laptop. While we wait for it to load up, she strokes my back. My face is in my hands again. How did I let it get this far? I’m so fucking stupid.

  While I mope on the sofa, Jen has a look at flights for me, but we both agree I should try to make contact again before charging in. If Max doesn’t believe me, I could be opening myself up to some pretty serious wrath. Given the week I’ve had so far, I could really do without getting my neck broken. I’ve tried her cell again, but it’s still off. The phone at the flat just rings out, she must have switched off the machine and I wouldn't want to leave a message when there is so much to say. I could call the diner, but I don’t think it’s fair to do this to her at work. So I try Max again.

  Prepared to leave a message, I’m shocked when he answers.

  “Did you talk to her?” I ask, hopeful that he might have had enough faith in me to at least ask the question.

  “Yeah, I did,” he says in a hushed tone. “So what are you going to do?” he asks, reluctant to admit that he believes me for fear of betraying his friend, but certainly with a slight change of tune.

  “I have to talk to her and I can’t get through, so I’m looking at flights.”

  “I have her phone, she threw it away. I doubt she’ll see you.”

  “What do you suggest then?”

  “Give me a few days with her. I’ll keep in touch.”

  “Stay here you mean?”

  “I think it’s best. If you push her now, you might blow it for good.” Then there is a loud crash on his end of the line “Fuck, Liv!” he yells and then the line goes dead.

  “Max?” What the hell just happened? “MAX?” I yell.

  “What?” says Jen when she sees my expression.

  “I don’t know,” I say quietly. “But I think something just happened to Liv.”

  Chapter Two

  Liv

  You’re the clumsy one.

  I’ve survived the Connie onslaught. She was easier to deal with than I expected mainly due to the fact that she feels responsible. She revealed to me that she contacted Danny in the first place. I was furious. For a few days, I was so angry I could hardly talk to her, but then I realised that I was just disappointed. It was just more proof that Danny didn’t really love me, he didn’t contact me without a push. Connie and I are okay now, I can’t stay angry with her.

  I’ve spoken to Mum and persuaded her to stay in LA because Grace needs her far more than I do. She’s promised me that she won’t get involved and go and see Danny. I’ve even left the phone plugged in upstairs so that she can call me, she was pretty pissed off that I cut myself off completely. The problem is, I dread going back up there now. I’ve no idea if, when, or how many times Danny has called me since I left, but now he could leave a message if he wanted to. He hasn't reached me on my mobile because I threw it away, it’s full of messages and photos I can’t face. Who needs a mobile anyway?

  But still, it has been eerily quiet since I got back. I was expecting more of a fight, he didn't know I saw them together, so he can't have known why I left so suddenly. He must have been worried, frantic even. The fact that he didn’t follow me is both a relief and a crushing disappointment. I don’t want to see him or listen to anything he has to say, but he hasn’t even tried to fight for us…again. This just proves it was all me again, like it was before.

  Work has been thankfully busy and the new furniture for the garden arrives tomorrow, so I’m getting everything ready. I decided to close the outside area this week and we have cleared all the furniture out. I’m spending the day jet washing, which is very therapeutic and everyone is leaving me alone to get on with it. It’s just what I need. But there is so much to do and now there is one less pair of hands to help me do it. He was going to put up the canopy of fairy lights for me. But it looks like Max and I will be up the ladders.

  Soaking wet from jet washing, I pop upstairs to change. The light on my phone is blinking. I bloody knew it, I should have left it unplugged. It could be Mum and if it is and I don’t reply, I’ll get another bollocking. Shaking my head, I go and turn the shower on. I need to get out of these wet clothes. But I can’t leave it and I have to go and listen to the message. I can’t help myself, this is why I left it unplugged, what if I’d been here, answered it and it was him? I can’t trust myself to be strong, but I press the button anyway.

  Time stands still as I wait for the beep, then I hear Mum’s chirpy voice. Relief and devastation briefly do battle for control over me. I can’t handle the emotional ups and downs at the moment. Mum is bleating on in the background, hoping I’m eating and looking after myself, but I barely hear her. All I can think is, why hasn’t he called? But if he did, I’d be angry. It's impossible. Mum finishes waffling and I switch off the machine. I don't have a choice about having the phone on, but if I heard his voice it would kill me, I can't take the risk. Reluctantly, I trudge to the shower.

  Max has a coffee waiting for me when I get downstairs. He’s sitting in the booth at the back sipping his and I slide in opposite him. We haven't really done this since I got back. I suppose I’ve been swerving any probing discussions. I take charge of the conversation straight away to stop him from talking about...him.

  "So, shall we start the lights b
efore it gets dark?" I suggest. "I'd like to get at least half of it done tonight."

  "Only if you sit with me first," he says seriously.

  Here we go... "Max, I really don't want to..."

  "Liv, stop." He interrupts. "I’ve given you some space and I haven't pushed you, but this is getting ridiculous, it's been a week." He looks at me with concern in his eyes. "I thought one of you would have made the first move by now."

  A wave of nausea washes over me. Why hasn't he tried to call? I swallow hard. It’s not as if I want to talk to him anyway, I remind myself. "There’s no first move. It's over." I tell him firmly.

  "Liv, what you have with Danny can't be over without a discussion, or a huge fight, or something. It's not something that you would both just let go of like that."

  "Max, he cheated. I've let go, that's it."

  "Okay, that's why you let go, what about him?"

  I stare at him. This is the question I’ve been trying not to ask myself all week. Tears sting my eyes and I want to run away. Max stares me out, he isn't going to give in. "I don't know." I sniff.

  “What exactly did you see?" he finally asks.

  I sigh. "I told you what happened; I really don't want to talk about this again, Max."

  "You told me he cheated with that girl, but what exactly did you see?"

  "I saw her taking her clothes off in his bedroom."

  "Where were you?"

  "I was outside. I saw her through the window before I got to the door, I saw her and I left." I play down the drama of my departure.

  "And where was Danny?"

  I sigh, why is he making me go over this? "I don't know...there somewhere, obviously."

  "But you didn't see him?"

  "No, there was only a small gap in the curtains and I didn't hang around."

  "So you don't know if he actually touched her?"

  Where is he going with this?

  "Oh of course he touched her, he's a man!" I immediately regret my outburst, as I once again count Max out of his gender group, not because of his sexuality, but because he would never, ever hurt me. The rest, however, are bastards. Danny included.