Love Tarot for Beginners

by Jhone Daniels

  All the good qualities she possesses stand as a definition of this card, even when there is no “person” connected to it. See it abstractly then, as a circumstance. Look for kindness and comfort. This is an island of calm in a turbulent world.

  POSSIBLE OUTCOME

  Same as above, only more so!

  For a man’s reading, it is entirely possible you have found THE ONE FOR YOU, of either gender.

  KING OF PENTACLES

  TRADITIONAL MEANING

  Wealthy, earthy, practical man. Generous.

  ROMANTIC READING

  Everyone has his or her type, and everyone has his or her needs, but the King of Pentacles is, in many ways, as close as one gets to someone with a fairly universal appeal, simply because he is very kind, calm, prosperous, generous, warm, and very good hearted.

  Is he an intellectual? He’s not stupid by a long shot, but he lacks the moody intellectualism of the King of Swords. He’s street smart and good at business. He’s smart with money.

  Is he funny and fun? He isn’t the Golden God the King of Wands represents, but he is the man you want to hug and flirt with gently. He knows interesting things and has old school skills.

  Is he a great lover? He isn’t a virtuoso lover poet like the King of Cups, but he is tender and thoughtful and cares about your pleasure.

  He is in all things and all ways a Good Catch, for sure. Devoted, reliable, steadfast, and honest.

  You could do worse.

  I mean, you could do WAY worse, than this big handsome sweetie.

  In his least interesting aspects, he might be a bit dull and lacking in spontaneity, or maybe lacking the creative or intellectual curiosity you might think you need to be utterly fulfilled. Maybe. I tend to want to say here that you should never rely on one person to be all things for you, and this is a good guy. Hang out with friends for that variety, but come home to comfort and love.

  This is definitely NOT “settling.”

  POSSIBLE OUTCOME

  Oh yum. Take this opportunity and enjoy yourself. He’s the marrying kind.

  SOME USEFUL SPREADS

  There are many richly detailed books about nothing but Tarot spreads, and that's extremely interesting and loads of fun and I suggest that when you become more expert, these new spreads can be a great tool to use to expand your capabilities.

  Still, I find that you need to “trust” your spread for it to accurately tell you what you want to know. By this I mean it's become a good friend; you know each placement by heart, it feels natural to you, and you have used them over time. This is why I use only a few different spreads in my own readings. Classics, as it were, though modified over time.

  There are many fancy spreads out there, and if you find one during your travels that resonates with you strongly, USE IT! There is a reason it resonates for you, and you should run with that. But, if you are new to Tarot, try a few classics first, and get to know them well, and you can learn much.

  Here are the spreads I use most often, and a sample reading will follow to show the cards in action!

  For all readings, I prepare the cards by having the querent shuffle the deck in ANY way that works for them: traditional card shuffle, smear them into a big pile and then gather them up again, drop them from a really high place and …ok, no. Not that.

  Mix them up until they feel “done” in any way you like. You will know when this happens if you keep a calm and focused mind. Don’t chat about your day while shuffling; be in the moment, and mix up the cards completely. Then, cut the deck once, re-stack, and draw from the top of the cut.

  While doing this, think the following:

  “What do I most need to know about ___________?” … filling that blank spot with the subject of interest.

  “What do I most need to know about ______'s feelings for me?”

  “What do I most need to know about my current relationship's potential?”

  “What do I most need to know about that weird behavior ______ engaged in last Saturday?

  Keep it simple, keep your mind open, and Tarot will give you more information than you might receive had you thought something very layered...or very specific.

  Tarot can often give you very sophisticated answers to very simple questions. Consider handing over the reins and seeing what happens!

  ISSUE-ACTION-OUTCOME

  This is a variation on the classic three card Tarot spread of "Past-Present-Future", and I find it to be much more useful!

  Shuffle the cards till they are done while focusing on your area of interest. Cut the deck once and draw from the top of the cut.

  Lay three cards out, from left to right.

  Turn them over (again, I read only upright, as the deck is already perfectly balanced, but it can be helpful to notice when a card is reversed, as it can mean a less vibrant expression of its meaning).

  Here is a sample reading of three cards. This was a spread that a friend got in response to a question regarding a man she was dating who had suddenly started pulling away:

  1. Issue: Two of Swords

  2. Action: Hanged Man

  3. Outcome: Temperance

  This is rich with information, in spite of being only three cards, so let's unpack this first and fundamentally useful spread carefully.

  The Issue: Two of Swords. Stalemate. Impasse. Rejection of love offered, emotional withdrawal. The Love Avoidant attachment style. Good times here. Could mean you dig Spock, but usually it means something once embraced is currently being rejected. Painful.

  Action: Hanged Man

  As we know from reading the definitions of the cards, the Hanged Man is a strong admonition to take your hands OFF a situation, and realize the less you do, the better the result. Things are happening to you and around you, and yes, it feels like you're twisting in the wind, but this is a case where it is a fertile time of withholding in order to be able to express yourself later.

  This card strongly says "Do nothing. Back off. You have no control here."

  Outcome: Temperance

  Peace. Balance. Calm, and contentment. Not a card of boredom. A card of healing. Especially good if querent is in a state of ill health or stress currently, as it suggests freedom and healing.

  So there is a rather obvious interpretation here, and that is that her new man is definitely withdrawing, she most definitely feels helpless, and it is painful. Doing anything, chasing after him, anything at all, will make it worse. It ALSO suggests that if she refrains from doing this, the result is that he will return, and calm will reign.

  Sounds nice on the surface, and it is, for a while, but let's look deeper.

  I would expand on this. People tend to assume that they can engage in a behavior indefinitely. That they can just "Be more quiet", or, "ask for nothing", or somehow hold themselves to a different standard of behavior in order to create a persona that will be pleasing to another...forever.

  You can't. You simply cannot do this. Eventually the resentment will reach a fever pitch and you will explode. With an emotionally avoidant or unavailable person, making yourself smaller and smaller in order to not seem needy isn't going to work long term.

  A lot of reasonable needs are chalked up to neediness in a world that values detached "chill" more than earnest and sincere desire. You get to have needs. Being discerning as to what is a reasonable need and what is true "neediness" is a muscle you can build up easily, but it takes self-compassion, and a realization that you are deserving of excellent treatment from the people in your life.

  So my friend could ask for less. Need less from this cool person. And as a result, she will get to keep him for a while. But at what cost?

  He is near her, they might get naked together regularly, but her needs for deeper connection remain unfulfilled.

  When reading Tarot, looking deeper can show you how issues of fit are fundamental here. These are two people with different basic needs. They both can change behavior but the needs are still there and will not change. Stalemate might be achieved
, and it IS possible that if she asks for next to nothing this skittish unicorn of a man might actually calm down and let her pet him and make him hers; it DOES happen...but you are rarely the exception to the rule; it's why they are called exceptions.

  BUT...

  Here's an important caveat: Am I reading a lot into a little spread? POSSIBLY.

  I’m doing this because this is the easiest and most useful go-to spread around, and I want to show you how much you can get from so little.

  Still…

  Sometimes a spread like this means simply that the man in question is having a bad week, and if you back off, all will be well. That is why it is important to look at the whole spectrum of outcomes, and then gently hold both in your minds eye. On one hand, it could just be a bad week, on the other hand, this guy could be an emotionally unavailable six month time-suck that you would be better off dumping as soon as you know for sure that this is going to be a permanent state.

  So WHAT TO DO? Well, you have been given advice. Do little, back off, and observe, in this instance. There are plenty of cards that will tell you to DO SOMETHING, but not in this case. Now is the time to pay attention. So, no action for a while. Set a timetable. A week, let's say. The situation will provide you with answers if you pay attention. Does he come back warm and open and apologetic? Good sign. Let's give it another week!

  Does he come back, but is still emotionally reticent, and maybe holding you to a new "reality" where he gets to be less available but you are still expected to be lover and confidant? Hm. Ok. Want another week to confirm it? You know best. Trust your gut, and then act with the love you feel for yourself, which I hope is abundant, Star Pirate. Don't snack on crumbs and call it toast.

  There is a happy ending here. The reading let my friend know to pull back, and so she did, and over the course of a month realized that she was dealing with a man who would always run hot and cold. As a result, she stopped twisting herself to fit his needs at the moment, and took care of herself first. The relationship died a quick and natural death, with little pain to her, and left her open to meet the real sweetheart who was open, wanted the same thing in a relationship as she did, and was delighted to express his feelings towards her consistently and openly.

  FIVE CARD SPREAD: DEEPER WATERS

  This is an extremely useful, but not overly complicated spread that is handy for when you are feeling confused about your own motivations and wanting advice, rather than to simply see the future.

  Five cards, left to right, in a simple line:

  1. The Crux of the Matter

  2. Your Secret Feelings

  3. What You Don't Know

  4. What You Should Do About It, or be aware of going forward.

  5. The Outcome

  Here is a delightful real life example of this spread in action that I shall never forget!

  The person asking the question was a woman, very much in love, contemplating marriage with a man who was very traditionally masculine. Herself, very liberal, feminist, and free spirited.

  The spread suggested she had everything she needed to be very happy with this man (in spite of a lack of obvious fit), and that marriage was their possible destination.

  Here are how my client's cards fell:

  1. Three of Cups

  2. Emperor

  3. Empress

  4. Strength

  5. Four of Wands

  Ooh! Good Stuff here!

  1.The Crux: Three of Cups: Celebration! Traditionally, a wedding. We are off to an accurate start.

  2. Her Secret Feelings: The Emperor. Will his loving but traditionally macho ways grow oppressive over time? Will there be a bait and switch? Will he be loving now, controlling later? The Emperor is a fine man, but what if?

  3. What you don't know: The Empress. How delightful it is when these two Uber Monarchs show up in a spread together. It traditionally means not only are you very well suited, but you are a wonderful balancing act for each other...each bringing playfulness and stability as needed. Sexy.

  4. What you should do about it: Strength. The Strength card not only suggests that the Emperor is a good-hearted and loving guy in spite of his exterior traditionalism, but that he admires Our Empress's strength and adores her free-spirited soul.

  Additionally, she, as the Empress, has everything she needs in the way of emotional intelligence, charm, and strength to handle this larger than life man. They appear to be a match, and that's excellent, because:

  5. The Outcome: Four of Wands. Not only does it go well, as well as strongly suggest marriage in a traditional interpretation of this card, but the Four of Wands is about "expected good turning out even better than expected"...in other words. What you hope for is achieved, and THEN SOME.

  This is a dream spread, really, and is full of romance. They DID marry, and while I am sure that particular Star Pirate didn't make a life decision based on a Tarot spread (Because that would not be smart, RIGHT?)....I want to think it helped throw a few rose petals on their path.

  THE CLASSIC: THE CELTIC CROSS SPREAD

  Probably the most famous Tarot spread in the world. So much so that I considered not including it here, but there is a reason it is the most famous spread. It works. And, it has a long, long history of working, so it's very energetically charged, so to speak. I use it regularly.

  There are whole books devoted to this spread, so I will do my best to condense a sample reading here to something easily grasped. You don't have to be a master to use it...it's a Giver right out of the box.

  Just keep doing it over and over (not the same question, obviously), till you know the card positions backwards and forwards, and then it will start to tell a story, even when not obvious at first glance.

  As with all spreads, shuffle and cut as discussed above, while thinking about your query.

  There are ten cards, arranged as pictured here. Their placement meanings are:

  1. Overview of situation

  2. New influences or obstacle that crosses your path

  3. The basis of the situation/distant past

  4. The recent past/influence that is leaving

  5. Influence that is coming/near future

  6. More near future (five and six should be combined, really)

  7. The atmosphere of the future as it progresses

  8. How other people affect you

  9. Secret hopes or fears.

  10. Final outcome

  Here is a spread I did recently for a male client who was considering ending a relationship that had become more roommate-like than loving in expression, and while his girlfriend agreed with him and was even supportive, he felt guilty.

  Here are how the cards fell:

  1. Overview: Seven of Pentacles.

  A pause to evaluate, and wondering if the continued investment in a project is worth it. That's about right, yes? When the first card in a spread matches the question, it is a sign of a good reading to come.

  2. The Influence/Obstacle that crosses your path: Eight of Pentacles.

  Interesting. This is generally a positive card in a love spread, as it does mean that the people involved want to grow daily, are willing to put in the effort and work to make it happen, and neither takes their partner for granted. Is this a hindrance here, this commitment? More on that in a bit.

  3. The Basis: Six of Pentacles.

  Lots of earthy, practical Pentacles here!...This says good things about the people involved...both are responsible, generous, stable.. But, it does suggest that this is more practical comfort than love, and the very basis of this relationship is nostalgia and warm association with the past, rather than passion

  4. Influence that is leaving: The Moon.

  Ah. What was murky under the Moon's influence is going to soon become easier to grasp as it moves to the past. As a result, decisions can be made, perspectives shift, because the whole picture of the relationship, with its troubles as well as triumphs, can be seen. Something needs to change, and soon.

  Sometimes it
is very hard to call it a day. It is much easier to hang in there, without the stress of change, as evidenced by the obstacle of the Eight of Pentacles in position 2.

  Cards 5 and 6, both about the near future, and so I read them as a pair, each equally influencing the other.

  Respectively, we have the Eight of Cups, and The Star.

  Aw. Bittersweet. Our querent is feeling a strong desire to walk away from something he has been heavily invested in for years, and he has a lot of hopes and fantasies about what that freedom might look like. Still, so much tenderness between these two. This is most likely a split, but it will not be acrimonious. There is too much love and care here, and neither wants to hurt the other.

  Moving further into the future...

  Card 7: The Fool. Faith in the Universe to provide. This card suggests that both of the people involved want something to change so badly that they are willing to let go without a plan of

  "what's next?". The spread suggests that when they do separate, the positive changes they make in their individual lives will cause a vacuum that will fill up with lovely New People and Experiences. The Fool suggests the Universe is positively itching to get started with this, actually, and that the change is long overdue.

  Card 8: How other people influence you: The Four of Swords. Now this is interesting, as in a romance spread this card suggests retreat...solitude, and rest. And this makes sense here, if you think about it.

  When you are contemplating ending a relationship, you might have a lot of Big Ideas About Your Fabulous New Life that is just about to start...but in truth, for most of us, there needs to be a period of rest and alone time, to recharge, or heal, and contemplate what you need in a relationship, as it will shift with time and experience.

  I'm not of the belief this is needed EVERY time, by the way. Nor do I think every "too soon" new relationship is a rebound, or that you need to wait a set amount of time before you dive back in the pool.

  Sometimes, Mr. or Ms. Wonderface just shows up when they show up, least expected and marvelous, and you get to roll with the beautiful surprise of it all.