“What triggered you to acknowledge these feelings you have for your friend’s brother?”
“Kyle? I’ve always had feelings for him. But if I had to pinpoint the exact time, it would be first grade. I used to believe he was my one person, the one I’d marry. It only increased when I was in junior high and I found myself becoming extremely jealous of the girls he started dating. In high school, my jealousy led me do crazy things. Like one time I told a girl that he brought to a party that I noticed he was taking some pills a few weeks ago that was generally known to get rid of the clap.” I lean forward and shake my head. “I know. It was stupid and childish. But it wasn’t enough, you know?
“He still didn’t notice me. No matter how much I sabotaged his hook-ups. So I started changing things about myself. First it was my tops, I made sure it showed off enough where he got a little peek of the girls upstairs. Not that there is a lot or anything. But then I’d purposefully tell my best friend Madison about each one of my dates. Maybe it would cause like a little spark or something, you know?”
This reflection of myself makes me sick. The things I did just for him to notice me, and he still didn’t see me. “It didn’t do anything.”
“It wasn’t until I went off to college and came home from break that he took a special notice in me. I’d like to say that after Christmas break these feelings went away. They didn’t. I tried ridding myself of them with the normal fix. Finding a hot guy to have fun with and then get rid of before it got too serious. Unfortunately, this is how I ended up with Vince.”
Just saying his name sends a shudder down my spine. “Anyway, I agreed to go on this vacation with my best friend Madison and a few of our other friends. Her brother, Kyle, tagged along. And even though I’ve been trying to stay away from him, I can’t.”
I sigh and slump back into the chair. “For example yesterday after our session, I felt very good. Relieved mostly from talking about the things that happened to me in Florida. I haven’t told anyone about it. Not in full detail. I just chalk it up to a bad experience for my parents, I say I didn’t like it to my friends, and Kyle is the only one who seems to not buy into my lies. So yesterday I came home from our session and wanted to share my relief with one person, and that ended up being Kyle.”
“And what are you feeling now that you shared this experience with Kyle?” Dr. Sommers asks.
“Well, I didn’t share. Not in the sense of me talking about it. We shared a different moment if you will. We kissed, and we’re kind of intimate with each other. I knew it was a big mistake though as soon as he said we could not put labels on whatever we were doing and just have fun. I can’t be the old me. I don’t want to be that person.”
Dr. Sommers rocks back in her chair. “Do you regret what happened?”
“Yes and no. Yes, because I want more with him. No because for some reason Kyle makes me feel safe. Like no matter what happens, he will never hurt me.”
She nods. “This is a good thing. Your need to be cautious is a very good thing. You obviously don’t want to end up in an unhealthy relationship like you experienced with Vince. You also do not want to revert to your past ways, and you strongly feel this is what will happen if you pursue Kyle?”
“Yes. I think so.”
“Have you discussed this with Kyle? Have you said what things you wanted and what you didn’t want if you two were ever intimate with each other again?”
I suck in my bottom lip. “I did. I mean, I told him.”
“But you said you feel safe with him. Can you explain that further?”
I close my eyes as the memories of last night come flooding back. “He seems to always ask me if something is okay before he does it. Like kissing me. Removing articles of my clothes. Holding me certain ways. He also seems to know whenever I’m having a panic attack. He’ll hold me and soothe me with calming words until I feel better.”
“I believe that you are right, Emily, to build a wall around yourself. You need a little time to heal from the experience you had with Vince. I also think you shouldn’t push Kyle out of your life. If you feel safe with him, that’s a good thing. That’s healthy. Hold off on being intimate with him again until you and your body are ready. Because even if your body is ready, if your mind and heart are not, whatever will transpire will turn into a disaster.”
I nod. “How will I know though?”
“There is no right or wrong time limit for these types of things. You’ll know. One day you will not feel the need to look over your shoulder out of fear. One day you will find yourself searching, and it won’t be for a face that causes harm to you but someone who brings you joy. That’s when you’ll be ready.”
We end our session shortly after this, and once again, I feel better. I’m not crazy. I’m not just projecting my wants on the nearest living single male I know.
I return to the house, and Madison is in the kitchen ticking off items we’re out of to Bryce who’s scribbling on a notepad. She looks back at me and smiles. “Hi. We were going to get some groceries.”
“Okay. I told your brother I’ll pay for them all while we’re here. Just give me this list when you’re done and I’ll go get them.”
“Want to go together? Just you and me?”
I probably should go with her. I’m scared she’s going to pick me apart over the crap at dinner. “Honestly, I could use the space to clear my head a little, Maddy. How about next time?”
She frowns a bit. “Yeah. That’s fine.” She grabs the list from Bryce and hands it over me. “Did you want me to go grab Kyle’s keys?”
“Oh, um … yeah. Thanks.”
She nods and leaves the room. Bryce moves from the island to the fridge. “She loves you like a sister, Em. She doesn’t mean to pry.”
“I know. Believe me I know. But I do need some space to think. And I know she’ll bombard me with questions.”
“I get it. She’s worried, and I hate to see her like this.”
“I know. I promise when I’m ready I’ll let her pepper me with questions.”
He smiles. “Good.” He walks out of the room and out the door leading to the beach.
Madison enters the kitchen and hugs me. “I’m sorry.”
“Maddy. It’s not you, I promise.” She hands me Kyle’s keys.
“He wasn’t in his room, so I just took them. Please be careful. Not that you aren’t.”
I laugh. “I’ll treat his baby like it was mine.” I shake my head. “That came out all wrong.”
She laughs. “I get what you mean. Are you sure you don’t want us to pitch in?”
“I got this.”
She nods; then I take the list and leave the house again.
Chapter Nineteen
Kyle
I don’t where things went wrong. I thought … ah, fuck. It doesn’t matter what the hell I thought. Getting emotionally involved is always a bad idea, and here is a perfect example why. Emily is obviously determined to avoid me, and it’s my own damn fault. Dropping my guard for one second and wow, a shit storm of high magnitude occurs.
Once Em gave me the cold shoulder, I decided to go on a long run. On my way back, I didn’t feel like I was ready to face Em again. I stopped by the courts and joined in a few games to help clear my already confused head.
Sweaty and feeling slightly better, I finish my run back to the house. As the house comes into view, I notice something is wrong. My vehicle is gone. WTF! I storm up the stairs and enter the house, looking to murder the first person I see. No one takes my ride. No one!
Maddy walks down the steps like she’s heading to the beach. Bryce is behind her with his hands resting on my little sister’s waist. I growl while sweat drips off my face. “Where the hell is my ride?”
Maddy narrows her eyes at me. “Calm down.” She comes closer which is probably a bad idea on her part. I want to throttle her. She can’t tell me to calm down. My fucking car is gone!
Bryce steps in front of my sister. She looks at us like we’re about to go
to blows. It might come to that too. I’ll put her damn boyfriend right in his place. My sister presses her fingers into his shoulders while she says, “Everyone needs to chill. Em took it into town to get us groceries.” She wrinkles her nose and waves her hand in front of her face. “God, Kyle, you smell. Go shower.”
I know I smell awful, but guess what, I don’t give a shit right now. “Who said you could go handing out my keys?”
She glares at me. “Why does it matter? Emily has a perfect driving record, and she knows how you are about your car. You’re freaking out about nothing. Besides I thought you’d want to eat.”
“A. I didn’t ask what kind of record she has, but good to know. B. You can’t just go handing out my keys to anyone. Go hand out the keys to his ride.” I point at Bryce, who shrugs. “C. Next time there is this thing called permission. I’m not here the answer is FUCK NO!”
My sister sighs. “You’re stupid and impossible! What crawled up your ass today?”
“Nothing! You know what? I’m not going to be here next weekend.”
“What? Why?” She steps around Bryce and smacks my shoulder. “Oh Jesus, did you and Em have a spat or something? Is that why you’re being a total douchewad?”
“Stay out of my business, Mads. I mean it!”
She balls up her hands and rest them on her hips. “You made it my business as soon as you started fucking my best friend! Rules, Kyle! We have rules.”
I flip her off. “That’s what I think about your fucking rules, Maddy! Another thing, I’m not sleeping with your best friend. Do I want to? I sure as hell would be the stupidest guy on the face of this earth if I said no to that. But seeing as your damn BFF doesn’t want to talk to me at all, I don’t think you have to worry about your big brother nailing your friend.” I’m done with this conversation. I storm off to my room before she can get another word in edgewise, grab some clean clothes, and then head to the shower.
Once I’m clean, I return to my room and lay on my bed. The last person I want to think about is Emily. But of course, she’s the only thing on my mind. Her scent is probably going to be absorbed into the seat of my car. Making forgetting her down right impossible.
I pick up my phone and call Granger. He answers after the first ring. “Issac. What up?”
“Hey, man. Just chilling. Are you and the guys still planning on going to Cali?”
“Yeah, bro. We’re going to be there in a week. Why? You change your mind?”
My door pops open, and my gaze lands on Emily waltzing into my room. “Yeah. I did. Do you have room for one more?”
“Hell yeah, we do. This is going to be epic! When you thinking about coming?”
“I’ll be there at the end of the month and stay until the fifth. Is that cool?” Right as I say this, I watch Em, she pauses near the dress with a frown etched on her face. Why is she sad? I figured she’d be happy I left. “Hey, Granger,” I say. “I’ll call you back if that’s cool.”
“All right, bro. I’ll shoot you a text with the details.”
“Awesome.” I click end right as Emily drops my keys onto my dresser and then tries to bolt from the room. I catch her hand before she makes it out of door.
“Let me go, Kyle,” she says in a low tone.
I’m not letting her go though. I need to know what the hell is going on. Why does my heart pound like fucking crazy around her? Why do I want to make her frown disappear? And why do I still want to hear my name pour from her lips?
I back her up against my door and whisper, “Are you going to talk to me?”
“No.”
I caress her cheek, and she leans into my touch. “Fair enough. I’m going to talk.” I drop a kiss to her luscious mouth. I shouldn’t kiss her, but I can’t help it.
“Kyle,” she moans. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Talking?”
She narrows her eyes. “You know what I mean. This … this won’t work.”
“Why?” I press another kiss against her neck. Her fingers wrap around my neck and then dig into my shoulders.
“Quit acting like you want more. It’s not fair.”
What? The words piss me off. “Where the fuck do you come off telling me how I can act? You ran out of here and wouldn’t speak to me. That’s not fair either.”
“You were being an asshole!” she screams as she shoves me.
I take a step toward her. “Was I? I thought I pleasured the hell out of you last night. If I was being an asshole, I would have left you flustered and went to bed.”
“Screw you, Kyle!” I cradle her face and kiss her hard. I should let her go, but I can’t help this pull between us. “I hate you,” she whispers.
“No, you don’t,” I say against her lips. I lift her, and her legs wrap around my waist. Instead of pressing her to the door, I walk her to the bed. Once I lay her against my pillows, I take in all her little ticks. From her hard breathing to the way she stares at me all the way down to her body still tangled with mine.
“We should stop,” she pants.
“Is that what you want?”
She closes her eyes briefly, then opens them. “I don’t know.”
“Em, I’m not going to rush this. I’ll do slow for you.”
“Slow.”
I kiss her softly, and we continue to do this until it turns dusk outside and someone taps on my door. I roll away from Emily and snarl, “Fuck.”
She giggles a little and shakes her head at me. “Shh. Just go answer the door.”
Somehow just staring into her beautiful hazel eyes calms me down. I reluctantly leave the bed and answer the door. “What?”
Madison is on the other side glaring at me. “Have you seen Emily?”
“Not since she dropped off my keys.” I don’t know why I’m lying to my sister. At this point, it’s kind of stupid because part of me wants to rub this in her face. Part of me really, really wants to crack open this door a little wider and say, “Look who crawled into my bed.” But I can’t do any of this. Not if I want to keep Em.
My sister sighs. “I wanted to talk to her after she got the groceries. She’s been disappearing a lot lately. I just thought you two … were … I really hope you aren’t messing around.”
How in the world I’m still calm and not blowing a fuse right now is beyond me. Trust me, I want to lay into her and tell her who I’m with is none of her fucking business all over again. I can’t do that because, hell, I am not even sure what Emily and I are even doing.
“Maybe she took a walk.”
She nods. “Maybe. Um, I hated to ask this but … Bryce and I were wanting to go out on a date. Just us. And I wanted to know if you were cool with handling dinner tonight? I trust your skills over Sarah’s. Don’t tell her I said that.”
“No shit. Only thing our cousin is good at making is sandwiches. I’ll man the grill.”
She narrows her eyes, and I knew I slipped up. Not sure where but I did. “I knew something was up with you. You never would agree to cook let alone because Bryce and I want alone time. Out with it.” Shit. I just wanted her to go away quicker so I can get back to Emily.
I move out into the hall. “Nothing is up.”
“Who do you have in there?”
Aha. She thinks I have someone else in my room not Emily. I can totally play this shit off. “Don’t. You told me not to go after your friends, so I’m being nice. You should be thanking me not scowling at me.”
“What about Emily? What if she finds out?”
“Like you said before, she’s been disappearing a lot. I bet she’s found someone to keep her company.”
She frowns. “Yeah. Well, have fun with whoever you have in there. I’m going to go get ready for dinner.”
I give her a slight nod and turn toward my room. When I enter, Emily slips out of the closet on the left and asks, “Is she gone?”
“Yes. Did you find anything interesting in the closet?”
Em laughs. “Sadly no. You’re pretty boring, Mr. I
ssac.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Don’t call me that. Mr. Issac is my dad or my grandpa.”
“Oh. Not a fan of being called ‘mister’?” she purrs while running her fingers up and down my chest.
“Definitely not,” I say in a gruff voice. If she keeps doing this, I’m going to lose all my control and tear her clothes from her body, then lay her out on the bed. Let’s not forget to mention that Em’s seductive stare is fucking killing me.
“Do you want to kiss me, Kyle?”
I nod.
“Do you want to kiss me all over?”
I nod.
“Do you want to have your way with me?”
“God, yes.” I take a step closer to her, but she takes a step back and continues walking her fingers slowly up and down my chest.
She smiles at me. “Remember we’re going to take it slow.”
Damn it.
Chapter Twenty
Emily
I don’t know what has come over me. Last night I laid in Kyle’s bed and made out with him for most of the damn night. This morning I made an emergency call to the therapist. She probably thinks I’m a real winner of a patient at this point.
In her office, I lay against the chair and throw my hands into the air. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I had a strict plan to stay away from Kyle. Somehow I ended up making out with him again,” I scream at my therapist. I don’t know why I’m yelling. “It’s like every time I’m around him I have no self-control. I just swoon right into his delicious muscles and I’m putty!
“Yesterday, I basically told him to go fuck off, and he kisses me. A normal person would have slapped the hell out of him for doing something like that. But what did I do? I kissed him right back.” I shoot up from my chair. “I’m insane, aren’t I?”
She looks over at me and smiles. Why the hell is she smiling? She should be scolding me right now. Or grounding me to my room. Scratch that—that’s what moms do. She should be doing something more than smiling at me.
“Emily, you need to relax. You’re not crazy. This is what love is like. It’s impulsive. It makes your body react in ways you normally wouldn’t.”
Kyle (Scandalous Boys Book 3) Page 9
