Motorhead

by Landish, Lauren

  Her casualness about it swirls inside me. I thought she understood, at least a little bit. But no, she’s just like everyone else. She thinks I’m some pet project that can be fixed with a little jabber-jawing .

  How can I explain how it feels to be the cause of an innocent civilian losing their life, or to hear your friends screaming for their mothers as their lifeblood bled out to someone who has never put themselves any closer to danger than maybe going jet skiing one time during their honeymoon in the Keys, probably while wearing a helmet, wetsuit, and life vest? No, shrinks can’t help me .

  I know I’m fucked up, but talking about it sure isn’t gonna fix the shit I did or the stains on my soul .

  I don’t answer, the walls that had cracked mere minutes ago going solid once again. I help her get back on the bike behind me and head home. It’s gonna be a long ass ride if we’re going to get her home by sunrise .

  Chapter 19

  McKayla

  M ental note , I think to myself as I hold onto Evan while we thunder down the highway, Evan is fucking mental about shrinks .

  I don’t get it. I wasn’t bullshitting Evan when I said almost everyone I knew in LA had seen a shrink at one time or another. Hell, even I did back when I had a rough patch after a breakup where I’d started having some . . . aftereffects .

  But I’m damn sure not telling Evan about that now. I can feel the tension through his body, and it makes me sad because he feels just as wound up as when we started this ride, not like the relaxed guy he’d been when we pulled up at the truck stop .

  I was hopeful that it was the ride with me , not just the ride, that had helped him chill. It was why I climbed on the bike even as I knew I was naked under my pajamas .

  We were making so much progress. He was being playful and being commanding and everything I could ever think Evan can be, but I should’ve known it wouldn’t be that easy. Every conversation is like a damn minefield, never quite knowing where to step and what’s going to set him off .

  If I’m honest with myself, and my long ago-shrink demanded that I always try to be, the drama is a little exciting. Not that I pissed him off—I feel bad about that—but that I’m still learning his triggers .

  It’s kind of like a dance, really. I don’t want to always be the one to push his buttons, but the process of learning them, so I know how to traverse the path to his heart without getting hit by shrapnel, sounds like a pretty damn sweet reward .

  He thinks he’s a big scary man, too much for little old me, and used to girls running off at the first sign of trouble. Maybe that’s what happened in the past. But with me, he’s got another thing coming. I like his growling, rude asshole ways because they make the sweet things he sometimes says and the nice things he sometimes does all the better because they’re rare. Not to mention that it seems he really only does and says those things with me, which feels pretty damn special .

  It’s a long ride back, but I try to relax into the twists and turns of the road, enjoying the time on the powerful beast beneath me with the monster in front of me. My pussy is aching with a need for more than Evan’s fingers, but I know it’s not going to happen tonight .

  It’s got to be close to four in the morning when we roar up in front of the salon. Evan pulls in, letting me climb off after he turns the Harley off. The sky is still pitch black, and now the street is still and silent. Still, I can sense that dawn’s going to be coming soon. There’s the same tense silence that seems to fall when the night owls have gone to bed and the early birds aren’t quite up yet .

  He throws a leg over and stands, reaching into his chest pocket for a cigarette and lighter. I’m quiet, still deciding how to roll with this. I don’t like the smoking, but it’s the least of the issues he’s got to deal with .

  With a grin, I decide balls to wall is the right play, or at least I hope it is. “You’re an asshole, you know that, Evan ?”

  One corner of his lips tilts up, maybe a snarl, maybe a smile . . . it’s too early to tell yet. But so far, it seems like a good opening move. “You sound surprised. But I never said otherwise, Princess .”

  He called me Princess. That means I’m making progress. He only does that when he’s trying to playfully piss me off. My inner bitch starts jumping up and down and clapping, and it’s time to push the line just a little more .

  “But it’s a front. Did you know that?” I smile at him like I have it all figured out. Maybe I do, at least a little. “Once upon a time, you were a nice guy, then some shitty things happened to you and you did some shitty things to other people. It hurt, and it’s still hurting you. So you, in all of your infinite self-awareness—in case you couldn’t tell, that was sarcasm—you somehow decided that the best way to keep from hurting was to shut down and close yourself off. That way, you wouldn’t be hurt anymore and you wouldn’t hurt anyone else. No risk. But do you know the problem with that ?”

  I pause and I can see the fire in his eyes as he listens to my rant. When I see he’s not trying to come back at me, I continue. “The problem with that is that it doesn’t work! You know what happens with no risk? No reward. And guess what, genius? You’re still hurting and you’re still hurting other people. By being an asshole, you’re hurting your brother, who just wants to talk to you again without fear that something he says will set you off. You’re hurting people around town, who just want to be your friends. And you’re hurting me . You think I’m some weak little woman who would be scared by what’s inside you. Newsflash, I’m not little and I’m damn sure not weak. And what you need . . .” I take a big breath. This is gonna go spectacularly. Well, either spectacularly like sparkly fireworks or spectacularly like a racing forest fire. “What you need is a woman who is strong enough to put up with your shit and call you on it when need be, but be a soft place for you to land when you need that. And I don’t see a line of women with those attributes asking you to make them yours, so you’d better figure it out really damn fast what you’re hoping for here .”

  My chest is heaving as my heart races. I’m definitely taking a risk here so I hope there’s a reward in it for me. There’s barely a second of question in the air before he covers my mouth with his, demanding entry and taking over my world with his kiss. I instantly melt into him, kissing him back and letting him know I’m just what I said I was. I’ll call him on his shit, but I’ll also be soft when he needs me to be .

  Evan lets go of me but brings his face down even with mine, growling at me, threatening. “You think you can handle me ?”

  I nod, biting my lip as I turn and unlock the door. It swings open and he shoves me inside, closing and locking it behind him. In the darkness of the salon, he’s outlined by the streetlamp outside as he shrugs off his jacket, his eyes glowing greenish red in the faint glow from the LEDs on my computer and phone .

  He stalks me toward a bench near the makeup area, giving orders this time and not taking disobedience for an answer. “Hands and knees, Princess. You think I’m fucked in the head, but you can take it? I’m gonna show you how fucked up I am, and you’re gonna scream my name, either to get away from me or because maybe you can handle me. Guess we’ll see, won’t we ?”

  I hear the challenge, and I’m up for it, knowing that I’m good for whatever he can dish out .

  I have a momentary flash of apology to Brad, who I’m sure never intended for his fancy white tufted leather bench to be used in quite this way, but I quickly climb up on all fours .

  He’s already unbuckling his jeans, eyes locked on my ass on display for him through the thin cotton of my romper .

  He rips the fabric wide open, the cool salon air making me gasp. In mock protest, I look over my shoulder, glaring at him. “Hey, I liked this nightie !”

  He huffs out a breath and smacks my pale, curvy ass. “Get another one. Because I liked it too .”

  Without any further prelude, he thrusts into me balls-deep in one stroke. It doesn’t matter because I’m soaked and ready for him. After coming once tonight and t
hen feeling the vibrations of his cycle, I’m practically insane with hormones. He hammers into me, hands wrapped around my hips to pull me back at the same time. He’s raw this time, and I fucking love it .

  The result of his savage penetration is that he presses so deeply into me, and it hovers right on the edge of pleasure and pain every time he bottoms out in my pussy. I might be wild, but I’m not a fucking porn star, and I can feel things in my core getting touched that have never been touched before. He’s gone, primal in his need, and it’s glorious .

  Evan thinks this will break me, make me run in fear, but it’s broken me in another way. I’m ruined for anyone else because it’ll never be like this. Only with him can I have this feeling of being overwhelmed and safe all at once. He presses my chest to the bench, keeping me there with a splayed hand between my shoulders as his panting voice sings sweet symphonies to my cock-addled brain. “You like this, Princess? You want me to fuck you so hard that you don’t come, you just shatter apart into a million pieces ?”

  I can barely speak, but I manage to grunt and push back into him with as much strength as I can muster. “Yes . . . yes . . . give it to me !”

  He roars, and I don’t know if that was the right answer or the wrong one, but right now, I can’t care. He slows down, thrusting hard and then grinding there , against the deepest part of me, and I come apart .

  “Evan-Evan-Evan!” I scream it like it’s a chant, and I know in my heart that it’s because I can handle him .

  Challenge accepted, and challenge conquered .

  The flutters in my pussy go on, squeezing and massaging his cock until it triggers his orgasm and he thunders, “Princess !”

  I feel him fill my pussy with jet after jet, leaving me feeling absolutely devastated, wrung out, and blissfully complete. That’s right, Evan. I’m your woman, and you are my man .

  When he refocuses, I see him look at me, confusion written all over his face and a run of emotions in his eyes that flashes too fast for me to decipher them. He pulls out, fastens his jeans back up, and helps me stand .

  “McKayla . . . I, uh, I don’t know what to say. Sorry . . .” He turns and walks out the door, but I can’t let him leave like that, so I scramble after him, grabbing his arm and turning him toward me. I stand up on my tippy toes, bringing my lips to his, trying to tell him that everything is okay .

  I’m lost in the kiss, in him, when I feel him tense. Pushing me away, I see his eyes go darker, intense in a different way as he growls into my ear, “Go to the door. Don’t move .”

  At first, I think we’re back on track here, growly and dominant, but the last few minutes proved that I’m more than okay with that. But as I step back toward the salon door, Evan takes off, running around the corner of the building .

  What the fuck? Did he really just bail on me? I hear scuffling and a grunt, and I step forward to try to hear what’s going on .

  “Evan? You okay?” I try to focus in the darkness, looking the direction he disappeared but not seeing anything .

  Out of the black night, I see a dark figure coming straight at me, and I freeze. It gets closer, and the shadow knocks me to the ground with an oomph. Evan comes barreling around the corner a second later, chasing the shadow, but when he sees me, he stops to help me up and the shadow gets away .

  “What the fuck just happened ?”

  Evan lets out a big sigh but takes my arm, guiding me toward the door again. “Let’s get inside .”

  Evan seems to almost cover me the short walk back into the salon, locking the door behind us, and we walk up the back stairs to my apartment, locking that door as well .

  Finally in my apartment, I find the strength to question him. “Again, what the fuck was that ?”

  Evan checks the small window overlooking the street, then turns away to look at me. “I heard a clicking sound when we were kissing. Took me a split second to place it, but I realized it was a camera shutter clicking. I took off around the corner and that guy was there, a camera around his neck. I tried to get the camera, to knock him out for the police, but he’s a wily little fucker and he got away. You okay ?”

  I’m in shock. That’s gotta be what this feeling is. “Um, I think so. He just knocked me down, and I’ve got plenty of cushion back there, so I’m fine. But why would someone be taking pictures of us ?”

  Evan shakes his head, looking out the window again. “Princess, I don’t think he was here to take pictures of us . I think he was taking pictures of . . . you .”

  Someone creeping on me at the salon too? I mean . . . this is my place. My safe place. And someone was perving on me here ?

  Chapter 20

  Evan

  M y life hasn’t been this complicated since my time in the Army. I hate to admit it, but part of me hasn’t felt so alive since then either. I don’t know what to think. My mind has been swirling for two days after the mess I made with McKayla .

  I keep replaying the ride, the things she said and how scarily on target she really was in the truck parking lot. Riding back, her ranting tirade, and the angry sex that didn’t prove the point I thought it would. If anything, it had the opposite effect and pulled us somehow closer together. I’ve never abandoned myself to such utter animalistic, passionate fucking, and I’ve never felt anything like McKayla pushing back and giving it as good as she was taking. I’m never going to be able to top that .

  And of course, the guy with the camera. Immediately afterward, McKayla tried to downplay it, refusing my desire to call the police. She does have a point. There’s not much they can do other than agree to keep a watch on the place since I didn’t catch the guy. I think there’s more to it, though. She’s the new girl in town and doesn’t want to cause any drama. But if this keeps up, sooner or later, the police are going to need to be involved .

  In the end, I agreed with her so she would quit arguing with me, not because she was right but because I don’t need the police to keep watch on her when I can do that myself. Besides, the cops in this town aren’t exactly the FBI. They’re more like . . . well, I don’t trust them further than I can throw most of them. Then again, maybe I’m just biased from all the side-eyes I’ve gotten .

  Either way, I can’t do it alone. I know just the person who knows everything about everyone on Main Street and who knows a lot of people around this town . . . including the people some others might not want to know about .

  Closing the hood on the van that I’ve been working on, I call out to TJ, who’s changing the tires on a Honda. “Need anything from Earl’s? Gotta go talk to him for a tick .”

  TJ raises an eyebrow at me, the question evident, but he doesn’t ask out loud. I haven’t told him much, even why I’m living above the garage full-time now. I’ve only been back home over the past two weeks to clean out my fridge, grab showers, and to check the mail .

  But he hasn’t even attempted to ask me. Fuck, maybe McKayla was right about his walking on eggshells around me. I guess I’ve always known it, of course, but I liked to pretend it was for his own good. Don’t go fucking with a grenade unless you’re willing to deal with an explosion. Now, though, I wonder . . . is all of my shit just a selfish ploy to keep myself from being vulnerable ?

  TJ finally answers, shaking his head. “Nope. Tell Earl I said hi though .”

  I toss TJ a wave and leave the shop, walking down the street. There’s a part of me that notes that today is especially beautiful, with a bright blue sky, fluffy clouds that give a little bit of shade but don’t threaten rain, and a little breeze that makes me glad I grabbed my jacket instead of just walking down in a t-shirt. It’s the sort of day that shouldn’t be spent working, but out at a lake eating a turkey sandwich .

  But instead, I’m scanning left and right, up and down. Most folks who look for danger look left and right, just on their level. It didn’t take me long in the deployed zone to learn to scan in all directions, and after a particularly nasty incident where my platoon ended up short a lieutenant, I learned to look into the
drainage holes cut into curbs too as they’re a perfect place to hide an IED since most folks don’t look down .

  Even with my eagle eyes, I don’t spot anything out of the ordinary, and for the most part, I enjoy the half-mile walk to Earl’s store. As I get closer, I see him out front, haggling over what looks like a load of manure with Paul Tannen, a local farmer who could probably fertilize his crops on his own with the amount of bullshit that comes out of his mouth. Earl sees me out of the corner of his eye as I get closer, and while he doesn’t stop talking to Paul, I can tell he’s keeping me in his sights too. That man’s training never went away and he’s never gotten sloppy .

  Hell, if I asked him, I bet he could tell me the threat potential for every car that’s passing us, along with a half-dozen ways to turn Paul’s load of manure into all sorts of nasty things. Then again, I can too, so maybe that’s just normal for guys like us .

  I climb on the old-fashioned ‘country store’ porch he’s got and drop down into the rocking chair, waiting for them to finish up. When Earl does, he comes over and leans against a post, not saying anything, just giving me a raised eyebrow. After a few minutes of silent rocking, I give in. “You gonna say hi like you usually do ?”

  Earl leans over, hawking a gob of spit into the dusty asphalt of his parking lot before speaking. “Well, Mr. Evan, I’m thinking you came all the way down here to talk to me. You’re not the kind to just walk up the street for a social spell like I am. I like to give a man the time he needs to say his piece. So whenever you’re ready, I’m ready .”

  I smile. Earl’s a smart man. And he’s right, the last time I came to his store was to drop off a tractor attachment he’d shopped out to us. “Earl, it’s like this . . . McKayla had a little incident a week or so ago. Her car got marked up a bit—male territorial stuff, if you catch my meaning .”