Bullets Will Work: A Vampire Slayer Novel

by Geoffrey C Porter

  We pulled to a stop under a small cluster of trees. The MREs had built in heaters, but they were still disgusting. Pup produced a brown paper sack. He pulled candy bars out and gave each of us one.

  "Where did you get these?" I asked.

  "I've had them," Pup said.

  "Do you have more?"

  "It's secret. Shhhh."

  A wolf or coyote howled in the distance. Nathan had his rifle out in a heartbeat. A dog was at the other end of our little area of trees. The animal was a Siberian Husky and beautiful. It came running at us, barking the whole way.

  I said, "Nathan!"

  Nathan did not fire. He fell to his knees and set the rifle aside. The dog licked him on the face, and he hugged the dog. Great, boy meets dog.

  "You can't keep him," I said.

  "The hell I can't."

  A whistle sounded in the distance. A man stood there holding a rifle, not pointed at us. I waved at him. He was older, easily in his fifties.

  I walked towards him. Facing back to my people, I said "Don't tell him anything. I'll lie."

  "Yes, because you're so good at lying," Erin said.

  The new man with the rifle shouted, "You know the world has gone to shit?"

  I nodded. "It's broad daylight, and neither of us is smoking."

  "Nope, I quit ten years ago."

  "Your dog?" I asked.

  The man smiled. "You tell me? Heel, boy!"

  The animal ran away from Nathan and sat at attention right next to the older man.

  "My name is Sidney."

  "Owen," he said. "Where you all headed?"

  "I really can't tell you. I don't feel like lying."

  "Traveling at night, sleeping during the day?

  "Seems that way."

  The man looked behind him and petted the dog. "If you're doing something useful, I could help."

  By then the rest of my crew had joined us. "We're just drinking moonshine and driving," Dawn said, "going to pick somebody up."

  "Really no room in out vehicles for a new person," Nathan said.

  "I got a vehicle," Owen said.

  "We need to bed down, get some sleep, before Dawn sedates us," I said. "Standard watch order, guys."

  Owen took his dog and wandered off. Risky even talking to him.

  I curled up in a ball in my tent and slept. Dawn took first watch. We were having more wonderful MREs are sundown. I wanted to know where Pup's bag of candy bars was, but I wasn't going to pressure him when I was too stupid to have my own bag of candy bars.

  We hit the road. A vehicle trailed us the whole time. I had to make a hard choice, stop and kill whomever it was or drive on.

  "We can't stop," Dawn said, as if she could easily read my mind.

  "I bet ten to one it's Owen," Erin said.

  Nathan groaned. "But we have nothing to bet with, not even gummy bears."

  "True that."

  So we just drove. Pulled to a stop after four hours. We had gas cans in the back of the SUVs, and we filled up from those. A vehicle pulled up. The passenger door opened. A Siberian Husky jumped out, and Nathan greeted the dog like an old Vietnam War buddy.

  Owen stepped out of the vehicle. He walked with a bit of a limp. A 9mm sidearm was on his hip, and I think the rifle he carried was a .306, but I wasn't sure.

  "You got some balls," I said.

  "Solid brass," Own said. "The world is gone to shit, and you guys are running blazes across country, to what, to do what? Some of you are also wearing slayer body armor. I'm not a fool."

  "We might as well tell him," Nathan said.

  Erin hit Nathan on the arm.

  He laughed. "With the armor on it doesn't hurt when you do that."

  "Next time I'll hit you on the skull."

  "Yay, so nice to me."

  I wanted to eat MREs and sleep. Not talk to these assholes. Or maybe I could be making sweet love to Dawn; that never gets old.

  Henry asked, "Is it really that important that it stays secret?"

  "No," I said. Without realizing I'd said it.

  "One vampire is responsible for everything. Jarken's his name. He's their leader. We're going to kill him."

  Owen slapped his thighs with his palms. "Hot Damn, I want in."

  We really weren't recruiting right then, but I saw no logical reason not to trust Owen. I just hated random factor, and he was random factor.

  "Welcome," Erin said.

  "Sure, to him, welcome, to me, I'm going hit you on the skull," Nathan said.

  "I'll probably hit Owen on the skull at some point too."

  "Oh, in that case, it's ok."

  Dawn grabbed my hand and pulled on me. "Somebody else take first watch. I need our fearless leader."

  Since when was I fearless?

  Chapter Nineteen

  I woke to the sound of a low growl of a dog. Moving as fast as I could, I got out of the tent. The others did, too. Owen had his rifle pressed to his shoulder. He glanced down at the dog. "Quiet, boy."

  The dog quieted. I still didn't know the dog's name. Did it matter? It kind of did.

  "Herd," Own said.

  Nathan pointed his rifle in the same direction as Owen.

  It was broad daylight. A little past noon. A herd?

  "At least two hundred, moving slow like," Nathan said. "Definitely coming this way."

  Gunfire might draw in more, too.

  "Break camp," I said. "We're not stopping for anything."

  They started folding up our tents and sleeping bags. We drove. No other cars were on the road. My bladder was ready to explode by the time we stopped. We pulled up to a small glen of trees. No helicopters followed us. It was just around sunset.

  People started dragging out tents and stuff. I growled my most refined, angry growl. "No."

  Everybody looked at me. "We're not stopping," I said.

  The tents went back into the vehicles. We had a quick meal and drinks. Dawn caught my eyes with hers. "You've been in the neural network since we left Colorado?"

  I stopped to think. I hadn't been. "No."

  "The doctors said the stimulant would block the neural network."

  Cool. I was glad to not be in the network.

  She passed out the chewable tablets to everybody. Pup gave all of us candy bars, and it was awesome. We hit the road. Fatigue itched away at my body, but I fought it off. The others fell asleep, and I paid attention to the road and the GPS.

  The next three days were uneventful. I mean, we drove, we stopped for rest, and the dog was friendly. We had satellite photos of the place we were hitting, but it was surrounded by lush vegetation and greenery. We could not find a vantage point to get a look at it. Based on the satellite imagery, two main entrances and exits were clear.

  We were sitting around in a circle, with a printed satellite photo in the center.

  "Nathan and I can cover the rear entrance with our rifles," Owen said. "Nobody escapes."

  "I'm a lot better with a rifle than a pistol," Henry said.

  Nathan fingered the weapon in his grip. "You want it?"

  "Well, I just know I'm not that good of a shot with a pistol. A man has got to know his limitations."

  "I like my belt fed gun," Pup said.

  Nathan pushed the rifle into Henry's hands. I kind of wanted a rifle myself, like an M-16 or an AR-15. I did have an extra 9mm on my side holster.

  I looked at the map again. "We hit it at dawn. Sneak up on it."

  Dawn said, "I'm not entirely sure everybody should go in."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Well, we've got explosives. Enough to level the compound. Maybe somebody should stay outside, to plant the explosives."

  "I'm not sitting this out," Erin said. "I'm going in the front."

  Nathan pulled a knife and started cleaning his fingernails. "I'm going in, by Erin's side. For sure."

  "I'm the only one with an actual machine gun," Pup said.

  I looked at Dawn, not sure what her intentions were. Did she want to sit
it out? "Up to you."

  "If somebody is injured, you're going to need me on the inside," Dawn said.

  Then this argument was pretty much pointless. We needed both riflemen on the rear exit.

  "Hit it at sunup. I like this plan," Owen said.

  We had maybe six hours. I held Dawn tight. I didn't sleep. The sun poked its head up on the horizon. Owen was standing watch.

  "We're really going to do it?" He asked.

  "Come Hell or high water, Jarken must die," I replied.

  Chapter Twenty

  Yes, the plan was to just barge in the front door guns blazing. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. My colt was in my right hand. I threw all my weight into kicking the double doors open. Nobody waited inside. Stairs led up into the house. I didn't want to split up, but Pup raced up the stairs.

  A hallway led further into the house, with doors going off to each side. Pup's gun went rat-a-tat. Doors dotted both sides of the room. Erin was on my left. Nathan on my right. One by one, they'd kick in doors. A few shots rang out in the distance, but not Pup's gun, the sniper rifles. Nathan fired two rounds. He hit a vampire in the chest and then head. It was a wild one, though, covered in bites and blood.

  A door closed at the end of the hall. I raced towards it. Part of me said, this is really dumb, but I pushed forward anyhow. We hadn't really given them enough time to set a trap. Had we?

  I kicked the door open. The room was pitch-black. I had a flashlight, and I turned it on. The room was huge, bigger than my flashlight could brighten.

  A click sounded. Bright light purred to life across the room. I stared back at a hundred gun barrels. They were in prone positions in a semicircle around the room.

  A loudspeaker sounded. "We could kill you now. Likely should have already killed you."

  Our only hope was to back out of the room and regroup, but we were three steps in the room.

  "Don't even move. Don't think about it. Drop your weapons, and you'll live a long life."

  Pup's gun went rat-a-tat again, and then a blast rang out from elsewhere in the house. Henry and Owen's guns were silent. Dawn bent down and set her 9mm on the ground, and gently kicked it towards the vampires.

  Nathan and Erin didn't budge.

  The loudspeaker spoke again. "We'll do you no harm. We want you to represent mankind in our negations for peace. You'll be treated well and fairly. Peace must be restored."

  "I don't like it," Erin said.

  "Me either," Nathan said.

  I bent down and set my .45 on the floor. I pushed it away from me with my foot.

  "Nine mm too, and your blades, all of you," the loudspeaker said.

  I did it. I disarmed. I hated myself.

  I looked at my young slayer friends. Erin was crying. Nathan slowly set his pistol and sword on the ground. Erin followed suit.

  The loudspeaker spoke, "Step away from the weapons."

  Nathan grabbed Erin's hand in his. We walked deeper into the room. The men or vampires or whomever with rifles stood up and surrounded us. Four of them stepped forward. One said, "Follow us."

  We followed those four. I knew it was going through Erin and Nathan's minds that we could jump those fuckers. Dawn really wouldn't have been that helpful, and if those guns were loaded with Teflon bullets, they'd dice our armor.

  We were led into a large room. Three computer monitors or high-definition televisions lined one wall. Jarken sat in a recliner.

  In person, he was just as grotesque, leading me to honestly question if he was born of this Earth. The other thing that raced through my mind was, were there more creatures like him, hiding, maybe underground?

  He stood up and waved at us like we were old friends. Two women were in the room with pistols on their hips. A fourth man was there.

  "Sidney, I know, I've been in his brain for over a week," Jarken said. "He should have stayed in Colorado."

  Erin kicked me on the shin hard enough to hurt even though my armor.

  "Dawn I recognize too, but the others I'm not sure on," Jarken said.

  Erin squeezed Nathan's hand.

  "The boy is Nathan, and the girl is Erin," I said.

  "Are they lovers?"

  "I really don't know. I rely on them for their steel, not their genitalia."

  "We don't have to tell you anything," Erin said.

  "So be it," Jarken said. "Bring in their heads."

  A vampire walked in with three heads on a silver platter. I recognized Pup, Henry, and Owen. Damn.

  "What do you want with us?" Nathan asked.

  "You'll speak for humans. You'll be put in communication with every free range human outpost, and you'll end our conflict."

  I nodded. My darker parts of my brain began to grow curious. "You've been inside my head?"

  "Not twenty-four-seven or I'd surely go mad," Jarken said. "Only on the rare occasion when I'm fully in the neural network."

  So he didn't know everything. He didn't know about the satellite phone and the airstrike. This would all be over soon enough.

  Jarken pointed at Dawn. "I need that medicine bag so conveniently strapped over your shoulder."

  Dawn handed it to him.

  "Are you going to help negotiate a lasting peace? It's your destiny," Jarken said. "Sidney is slowly turning, and he won't be able to fight the hunger in the end."

  "Give us a day to sleep on it," I said.

  "There are dozens of spare bedrooms in my mansion. I'll post two armed men outside of both doors. But if you need food or anything like that, ask those men."

  The same four men with assault rifles led us to two bedrooms. Erin and Nathan went in one. Dawn and I the other one.

  For a few moments, I just held Dawn close. I whispered in her ear. "Tell me you have some of those pills that send me into the neural network?"

  She reached into her pocket and withdrew lint. I pulled the lint out of the way, and three little white and blue capsules were there.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I pooled some saliva in my mouth. The pills went down my gullet. Dawn kissed me. I knew it would take some time. My vision started to shift into the neural network, but I fought it. I didn't want to go into it until the drugs were truly in my veins.

  The neural network became like the pull of a great whirlpool, and I was swimming. I resisted it. Not sure why, I knew I wanted to enter the network at my best strength.

  Then I was in it. Strength coursed through my body. I jumped from one vampire to the next, easier than in the past. I locked on Jarken, but he was napping in a bed.

  Time to focus. I did my best to jump to the vampires guarding our rooms. My essence was inside one of them. I hoped that the gun in his hand was loaded. The safety was off. I put as much strength into it as I could and raised the rifle. Squeezed the trigger. The other vampire fell. I pointed that gun at my own skull and pulled the trigger. Brains splattered, but I felt nothing, just a flash of darkness.

  I was back in the network, floating. I zoomed in on the guards outside Erin and Nathan's door. The strength was with me. Both died. I jumped to the next armed vampire. Blew his brains out, too. It was creepy as hell to die by my own hand, but I knew it was the neural network, not me.

  I did more and more of them. It got easier. Somebody in the neural network was shouting. "Shut it down!"

  I had killed maybe thirty vampires by then. I was back in the room with Dawn. Trying to get a grip on how things were working out, I just stared at her. Was this reality now? Erin and Nathan burst into the room carrying guns. In fact, they had enough guns for Dawn and me.

  "We're not surrendering again," Erin said. "I'd much rather die in a hail of bullets than be stuck in a room with Nathan again."

  "What?" He asked.

  The dog I didn't know the name of was there too, and the animal was smiling. Nathan reached down and petted the dog. "He's better company than you anyhow."

  Erin stuck his tongue out and petted the dog.

  "We need to get fucking moving!" Dawn sa
id.

  I grabbed one of the spare guns from Nathan and headed to the hallway. The way was clear. I ran to the left without looking back to see if they followed. Left I think was the direction Jarken was in.

  Up ahead vampires started pouring into the hallway. I aimed for the heart on them and fired. Erin was directly to my left, and Nathan was to my right. Our guns blazed. The vampires seemed slow to respond, possibly a side effect of the neural network being down. Erin and Nathan, on the other hand, were highly trained and Angry.

  We cut down eleven in the end. Some fired back with 9mm, but it didn't punch through our armor. Why the vampires were stupid enough to let us keep our armor, Hell.

  I ran in the direction the vampires had come from. That led into another hallway. Every so often there were vampires with their brains blown out. A loud boom echoed from down the hall, and a cloud of smoke appeared. I fired rounds into the smoke. It was clearly somebody with a high-powered rifle. I looked back at my guys. Erin was clutching her side. Shit.

  Dawn said, "Lay down. The armor comes off!"

  Erin undid the top of her armor. She had a black lace bra on, but I surely had no interest in noticing that. She had a hole in her right side just over her hip.

  Nathan grabbed her hand and squeezed.

  "The last thing I need is a constantly horny male grabbing my hand," Erin said as she jerked her hand free.

  Dawn looked in the hole. "I can see the bullet. But I can't do anything without my medical bag."

  Nathan hit me on the arm. "Let's get it."

  "I'm not that good of a shot," Dawn said. "You need to stay with us, Nathan."

  It would mean I had to finish this myself, alone. I was fine with that. The dog started mewing and pulling on his leash. Nathan let the animal go. The dog ran off.

  Dawn stood up and hugged me. She whispered in my ear, "I need the medical bag now. Not in an hour or a day. Now."

  I tried to focus on Jarken. I wasn't sure it if was reality or not, but I saw him waiting for me, near the neural network broadcaster, and the medical bag was at the other end of the room. It may have been a fantasy my mind generated. I hefted my machine gun and took off in a run.