She's Captured my Love (Captured #4)

by Karen Frances

  “I was going to head . . . You know what, yeah, just one more then I’m taking Lucy home.” I take the beer that is handed to me. Dad offers Sophie another glass of champagne, but she refuses. The others are all taking seats around the room and the conversations turn to talk about the wedding.

  I know this might all be too much, too soon for Libby, but Alex has stated he wants to be married quickly. I think this is one fight she won’t win. Not that they fight, no, just the opposite. But my sister is used to getting her own way, just as much as Alex is. She is very determined.

  I close myself off from the conversation of the wedding. I don’t need to hear this. Yes, I’m happy for them both, but there’s no guarantees in this life. When I got married to Lindsay, I thought it would be forever. God, how wrong was I? It was what? Fourteen months ago we decided, or rather Lindsay decided, that it was all over between us.

  She ripped my heart in two that night she walked out the door saying, it was all over. Only for a few days later to return home telling me she was pregnant and could we try again. We did try again, but there was nothing left between us. I could see it in her eyes, every time she looked at me. She was no longer in love with me, no glint in her eyes. We went through the motions every single day until the night she was so tragically taken from me.

  From us all.

  “You seem a million miles away.” Sophie’s voice sounds full of warmth as she speaks.

  “Sorry.” I find myself saying and meaning it. An awkward silence hangs in the air between us, as I stare at her. She looks away and her cheeks blush a beautiful shade of red. Beautiful . . . Lucy stirs a little in her arms, I instantly reach out to soothe her. My hand grazes against Sophie’s wrist; she shivers and looks away from me. I feel my heart quicken in my chest.

  What is it about this girl that is drawing me into her?

  Lucy settles again. Sitting here right now, you would think there were only the three of us here in this room full of our families.

  “Sorry,” I say.

  “It’s okay.”

  We carry on talking, just the two of us, mostly about Lucy. Sophie asks a whole lot of questions and I know I must be grinning from ear to ear. My daughter has that effect on me when I speak about her. As we talk I don’t need to turn to see my sister’s eyes burning through me. I feel them. She probably isn’t the only one, but she is the only one I sense. Call it what you will; I call it our connection. When we are around each other there’s a strong power between us. I can usually tell exactly how she is feeling and vice versa.

  Sophie is really easy to talk to, or maybe it’s just the fact she wants to know more about Lucy. She tells me her mother adores Lucy. This I already knew from the night when Libby took unwell at the hotel. Sarah took care of Lucy, while I looked after my sister. It was the least I could do for her.

  God, it was a long hard night. Her fever was so bad, she was drifting in and out of sleep. I try not to think of that night much, or the following day. We all had a part to play in hurting my sister, including me. Not what she needed after what she had went through at Jeff’s hands. I should have been more open and honest with her about what our dad had hoped to get from media coverage with Alex. She didn’t speak to me for days.

  We had never had a period when we weren’t talking to each other. I felt really bad for everything that happened. Especially after all she’s done for me.

  In my eyes I will never be able to repay my sister for all she’s done for me. Not that she wants repaying, but I feel the need to show her just how much I love and appreciate her.

  “I really should call a taxi and head home,” I say to Sophie.

  “Yeah, I suppose you should. Are you looking forward to tomorrow night?” she asks.

  “You know what, I am. It will be the first night out I’ve had in months.”

  “Well let’s hope it’s one to be remembered.” She blushes as the words leave her mouth. God, the look on her face right now; she’s so cute.

  I can’t look at her now. I have all sorts of thoughts running through my head. It would be great to have a night to remember and I know Sophie could make it that. ‘Don’t go there, Ethan. You don’t need this distraction.’ Standing, I go and get all Lucy’s things together to go home. I ask Alex to call a taxi. I will admit that I’m not ready to go home yet, even though I know I need to for Lucy.

  I’ve loved being around everyone, especially Sophie. Today has been the first time since Libby left my house that I haven’t woken up to just me and Lucy. Mum and Dad being with me made my first Christmas morning memorable for all the right reasons. Then Libby and Alex coming over so early to spend time with us. Today has been just what I needed, considering I really wasn’t looking forward to my birthday and Christmas. Having my family and friends has made it a special day.

  I say my goodbyes to everyone, telling Libby I will see her tomorrow night. She tells me we are all having drinks here before we go out. I smile as I watch Sophie put Lucy in her car seat; she’s now ready for our journey home.

  “It’s been great finally meeting you,” I tell her. It really has.

  “Yeah, you too. I’ll see you tomorrow night?” she says, sounding hopeful. Not as hopeful as me. I find myself wanting to see her again and more of her . . .

  “Night,” I call leaving my family behind. I get the feeling it won’t be long until everyone else leaves. Leaving the two love birds on their own.

  I grab a beer from the fridge, pick up the baby monitor from the table, and make my way into the living room. I hate being home alone when I have Lucy tucked up for the night in her cot. I do get lonely. Sometimes it’s not so bad but other times, like tonight, when I see Libby and Alex together so happy, it’s hard.

  As always, my thoughts go to my sister; I hope and pray she never has to endure what I have these last six months . . . No, the last fourteen months. Because, and this is a purely selfish reason, I’m not strong enough to help and guide her through it the way she has with me. She was my rock. No one deserves to go through what I’ve been through. Libby will get her happiness; of that I have no doubt. She deserves it.

  I switch on the television although I’m not in the mood to watch anything, so I turn on the music channel. Kicking my shoes off, I put my feet on the coffee table and fall back into the couch with my beer in hand.

  Sophie has wormed her way into my thoughts. My grin comes naturally as I think of her. Fuck. This is bad. I’ve only spent an evening in her company and here’s me, grinning away. I have to admit I felt a connection with her as soon as I entered the room. I can’t put it into words. I need to give myself a good boot up the arse. I don’t have time to be thinking of a woman, even one as good-looking as Sophie. I need to lose the thoughts in my mind.

  What I wouldn’t give to have her in my bed.

  It’s too late.

  I look down instantly realising I have a problem. At least I know it still works in the sense that I’m turned on just thinking about a woman. I reach down to adjust my trousers, but what’s the point? I leave it alone. I know that sounds strange, but I almost want to punish myself for living when Lindsay died. She should be here, taking care of our daughter.

  Stephen gave me a few magazines, just in case I needed a release. To take care of my own needs. I found myself flicking through them. I was turned on, but did nothing.

  Well that’s not entirely true; there was this one night Stephen and I got so drunk only a few weeks ago. I ended up doing something I’m not fucking proud of. I should’ve known better. It was so stupid. Christ, my parents would be so disappointed in me if they ever found out. Libby would be shocked. I did tell a little white lie; I have had a night out. I’m a man and of course I have needs, but I never imagined myself stooping so low. She meant nothing, just a means to an end. God, she wasn’t even that good looking. But none of that can justify me paying a hooker to satisfy my needs.

  I could blame it on the drink. I was really drunk but that didn’t stop me. My memories of that
night are a bit hazy and to be honest I would much rather push it to the back of my mind, forget it ever happened.

  Sophie is the first girl that has made me feel, and suddenly I don’t want to take care of my own needs, because I want her to do it for me. I need to stop punishing myself.

  This is bad. Really bloody bad.

  “COME ON BABY GIRL, WHAT’S wrong with you?” I ask a crying Lucy as I pat her on the back. Not that she can tell me what’s wrong. I’ve fed her, changed her and tried to play with her, but she’s having none of it today. On days like this, when she’s this unsettled, I doubt my abilities as a father and even a person. I think this is a part of my punishment for all the stupid things I’ve done recently.

  I’m still pacing the floor with her when the front door opens. “Ethan, it’s just us,” my mother calls.

  “In the kitchen.” I sigh in relief, thankful to have my mother’s help.

  “Here, let me take her,” Mum says reaching out for her. “How long has she been like this?”

  “Oh, on and off most of the day. Where’s Dad?” I ask. It’s true she has been like this since getting up this morning.

  “He had to take a call.”

  “I’m not sure about going out now.”

  “Why ever not?”

  “Because, I don’t like leaving her like this.” It’s true, I hate seeing her so upset. My mind wanders to November when she was ill, rushed into the hospital with breathing difficulties. She was extremely ill for twenty-four hours. The doctors couldn’t explain it, they tested her for all sorts but everything came back clear, much to my relief. Now I get anxious when she’s unwell.

  “You will do no such thing. You will go out with the others and enjoy yourself. This little one is teething, nothing more, nothing less. She will have plenty more days when she is like this. So you need to learn to take help when it’s offered; I am more than capable of taking care of her until tomorrow. You know I would call you if I thought there was anything more to it.” She sighs heavily as she rubs Lucy’s back. “So, you will go out and you will enjoy yourself. Please, for me?”

  I lean over and kiss her on the cheek. “Yes Mum, I will, only because you asked so nicely.” She smiles in return, not sure if it were my words or my kiss, but I do love my mother’s smile. “Hey Dad,” I call as he enters the room, putting his phone in his pocket.

  “You looking forward to tonight?” he asks.

  “Yes, I am,” I say, bringing yet another smile to my mother’s face.

  We spend a short time talking before I gather up all of Lucy’s things for her overnight stay at my parents. They have a lot of her things at their house, so it’s really only a few changes of clothes and her milk for her. They both love having her stay over. They’re not the only ones who love having her. Tom and Moria feel the same.

  When they do leave with her, I’m not as anxious as I thought I would be. She settled very quickly with my mum and that put me at ease. I know she is in very capable hands, my mum had me and Libby to deal with at once. Not an easy task. So here I am fresh from a shower, standing in my boxers in front of my wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. I’ve picked out four different shirts and put each of them back. This isn’t me.

  Why am I so bothered with what I wear?

  I know the answer to my own question. Sophie Mathews. I shake my head trying to distract myself from the thoughts heading my way. I grab a pair of jeans and pull them on. Next I take a white shirt. I look at it for a few minutes. ‘You know what it will do,’ I think as I put it on and roll up the sleeves.

  When I’m finally dressed I look around the room. I need to start making changes, not just here in the bedroom, but the whole house. Everywhere I look something else reminds me of Lindsay. Her toiletries still sit in the bathroom, clothes still hang in the wardrobe and drawers. She’s everywhere I turn. Her smell still lingers even after all these months. I’ve sprayed her perfume in the room a few times, so I would smell her.

  We might not have been close when she died, but that doesn’t stop me missing her. We were friends for such a long time. She had always been a huge part of my life from such a young age.

  I suddenly feel guilty about going out tonight. Or is it that I’m feeling guilty because I have thoughts of Sophie in my head? I’ve never really had thoughts for anyone other than Lindsay. Or is it simply because I have decided that my life is worth living after all? Not just getting by for the sake of my daughter. And again my thoughts are of the beautiful American.

  I have to admit I am looking forward to seeing Sophie again. I grab my jacket, keys and make my way to the waiting taxi, with a huge smile on my face. I need to pick up Kirsty and Jay on the way to Libby’s.

  Kirsty is her usual self, she keeps the conversation flowing as we travel to Libby’s. I’ve only met Jay briefly a couple of times before tonight; he seems okay. Although definitely not Kirsty’s usual type, if she even has one. I wonder how long she will keep Jay around for? I’ve seen her with that many guys in the last few years. She never keeps any of them around for long. Not quite sure why? There has to be a story to that, I’m sure Libby knows. But I also know my sister would never break her confidence.

  We arrive at the flat and as Alex buzzes us up; I feel a little . . . nervous. I really need someone to give me a kick up the arse, to sort me out.

  “Well sis, the soon-to-be Mrs. Mathews is looking good. How are you feeling?” I ask my sister. I’m glad she has Alex with her tonight, because going out with her looking like that, there is no way I would enjoy myself. I would be too busy trying to keep other men away from her. Part of me wants to tell her to go and change.

  Now I just sound like my Dad.

  I gave up trying to tell Libby anything a long time ago, just like our parents. My sister is very strong willed. God, if Lucy ever goes out dressed like that, I’ll have a bad turn. Actually, I think my daughter will be kept under lock and key. I know what men are like on a night of clubbing; they’re only looking for one thing.

  She eyes me curiously before answering.

  “I’m good, really good. And really looking forward to letting my hair down and having a great night. But most of all, I’m just looking forward to spending time with everyone.” She looks well, but I’m wondering if it’s just an act to stop me questioning her. She has looked tired these last few weeks, and it has me wondering if it’s just the work she has been putting in at the hotel, or is it something else?

  Alex approaches with beers in hand and we all take seats around the dining table. I take the seat next to Sophie. It’s not done intentionally, but if I had taken a seat at the other end of the table, I would be on my own away from the conversation. Which incidentally is flowing as freely as the drinks. Sophie has been in charge of making cocktails, which the girls all seem to be enjoying. At this rate Libby is going to be drunk before we leave here. She meant it when she said she was letting her hair down tonight. Alex is going to have his work cut out with her and not just tonight.

  I do try and hold a conversation with everyone, but my eyes always seem to land on Sophie. We talk about places she would like to visit whilst she is here in Scotland. Top of her list is Stewart Hotel, she wants to find out the attraction it holds. She tells me her mother has fallen in love with the hotel.

  What’s not to love about it? A beautiful family-run hotel, in a fantastic location. Great staff. So, why is it I don’t share my sister’s love and interest in the hotel?

  I feel at ease with her as we speak, but I do feel a set of eyes on us. For once they don’t belong to my sister. No, it’s Alex I feel watching us. I didn’t think this through. Of course Alex wouldn’t be happy. Christ, if I was watching Libby being so close to a guy under the same circumstances, I would be more than a little concerned.

  In my defence we are only talking.

  At least he doesn’t know about the thoughts running through my mind last night or earlier on today. But then again, he’s a guy. Maybe he does know what I’ve been thinki
ng. Shit! I’m sure that would cause more than a few problems between us.

  When we leave, the girls have finished off a few more cocktails. They are all laughing and joking. I can’t remember the last time Libby looked carefree. Even last night she still looked tired. Excited as well, but still tired.

  As we get in the taxi, Libby and Alex stand outside talking. Alex isn’t happy, that I can see, they are having words. I think I know the reason behind this. Shit! He had better not upset Libby, they might be getting married, but she is still my sister and I won’t let anyone hurt or upset her. Even Alex.

  The drive into the city centre seems uncomfortable between the pair, but everyone else seems oblivious to the frosty atmosphere. With the exception of Kirsty, she seems to pick up on it. Although she still manages to keep up with her party mood.

  Arriving at Blaze, the night club, Alex gets out the taxi and doesn’t wait for Libby. He seems really angry about something. I want to intervene and find out what’s wrong, but Kirsty beats me to it. She waits with Libby while the rest of us walk on.

  “What’s wrong?” Sophie asks.

  “I don’t know. But I think they had words outside the taxi earlier. I’m sure they will sort it out,” I tell her.

  “Oh, I hope so. He messes up this time, he’s on his own.” I know she helped Alex the last time he messed up. She played a huge part in bringing them back together. Libby had returned home to be with me when Lucy was unwell and Alex . . . Well he had no choice but to stay in New York. He was questioned by police about an allegation his friend Katherine had made. She alleged he raped her. It all came out that she made the whole story up. I think she was having some sort of breakdown at the time. She wanted Alex for herself and was desperate to split Alex and Libby up. When the matter had been cleared up with the authorities, Alex then stayed in New York to help Katherine, instead of coming here to be with Libby.

  We are led inside to the VIP area by the manager and introduced to our waiter for the evening. The girls are definitely in the mood to party as they order more cocktails. Libby also orders a bottle of champagne and beers. I get the feeling my sister won’t be in any fit state to walk back out of here tonight.