“Ethan, please. I want to help if I can.” She moves my hands and I push my chair back, inviting her in. She sits in my lap and I wrap my arms around her, holding her close.
“I’m scared because I have feelings. Feelings I don’t think I’m entitled to have.”
“Why would you think this?”
“Because I’m here and Lindsay’s not.” I watch her as she takes in what I’ve said.
“Ethan, from what I know it was a tragic accident. You can’t go through your life not living because of an accident. You didn’t cause the accident.”
“I know that and, believe me, it took a long time for me to come to terms with that, because I did blame myself. I don’t want to hurt or upset you and I fear that I will.” I feel tearful as I speak. I pull back slightly and our eyes lock, but I don’t look away. Her deep brown eyes tell me what I need to know. It’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just the opposite. She does care.
“Here’s the way I see it for what it’s worth, and this is just my opinion. I don’t think there is a timescale on grief. You loved your wife, everyone knows that including me. But you are still allowed to feel. You have to carry on living your life, not just for that beautiful little girl upstairs, but for yourself.” She pauses and presses her forehead against mine. “You have to find some happiness in your own life, because if you don’t your grief will work into Lucy’s life and all she will know growing up is sadness. And no little girls should grow up with dark shadows in their lives.” I hear the sorrow in her voice as she speaks. Is she speaking from experience?
Libby has told me a bit of Sophie’s past. The part that revolves around a certain Miss Katherine Hunter, when they were kids. I wonder if Sophie blames herself for Katherine being raped? If she brings the subject up we can talk about it, but I won’t broach the subject.
“That’s just the thing, I don’t think I ever truly loved her.” She sits upright, studying me with curiosity.
“I won’t pry, but if you want to talk I am a good listener.”
“Thank you, but not yet.”
“Now, it is still early . . .” she says, quickly changing the subject. “Let’s find a movie to watch and relax. If at the end of the movie you’ve changed your mind about having me here, I can get a taxi. It’s no big deal.” She stands and pulls me slowly to my feet. I lean forward and kiss her softly.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me yet; you still have a movie to sit through with me,” she says with a smirk. I couldn’t care less what movie she has me sitting watching tonight.
I pull her against me and she snuggles in, television remote in hand. I am going to relax and enjoy the rest of the night, regardless of what movie we end up watching.
She fits perfectly into my side, as though this is where she belongs. I try and shake that thought from my head. She flicks through the movie channels until she finds something she likes. Sophie surprises me when she settles on a Bond movie.
“I like this movie,” I mutter.
“I thought you might and so do I.”
This could be a match made in heaven. Okay, my last thought I need to forget. She’s only here for two weeks before heading home. Back to the life and business she runs in New York.
She wraps her arm around my stomach. I wrap an arm around her and move her hair behind her ear, and gently I stroke the side of her face. I can feel her smile spread, even though I can’t see it.
The feel of her body nestled against mine makes me want more. So much more than just sitting here watching a movie. I can’t make up my mind if this should feel wrong, because it feels so damn right. It feels so right sitting here spending time with Sophie.
We don’t speak as we both watch the movie, a silent understanding. Not uncomfortable or strained, but nice.
Her hand falls from my stomach and rests on the top of my thigh. Oh Sophie, that is too close for comfort. My thoughts have now changed from the screen in front of me to how long do we need to continue watching this before I can carry her upstairs?
At this rate we might not make it upstairs. I shift a little and try to refocus on the movie, trying to block out her hand which is moving delicately up and down my thigh.
I take a deep breath.
This girl must know what she’s doing to me, she must feel it. There’s not much point in me trying to think of anything else. I have one thing on my mind, and only one person to blame.
She moves and I hear her snigger, even though she does try to hide it. “Sorry,” she says looking at me before quickly looking away. “I didn’t think.”
“You didn’t think? Oh, I think you knew exactly what you were doing.” She moves from my arm and stares at me for a moment, before moving herself from the couch.
“Maybe you’re right.”
Taking me by surprise, she straddles me and kisses me hard and fast. I don’t even have a chance to respond before she pulls back.
“Ethan . . .” she says, her voice so low, I just barely hear her. We breathe each other in. How can I want her so badly? “I want you.”
She presses her lips to mine. Her fingers glide through my hair, tugging lightly. My hands rest on the nape of her neck. Her tongue dances with mine, setting off fireworks deep within. My grip on her tightens with the intensity of our kiss.
Realisation dawns on me—last night wasn’t a one-off drunken moment. I want to spend as much time as possible with Sophie in and out of bed.
I loosen my grip and pull back. I’m confused by these feelings I have. I’ve never wanted to spend time with a girl before. This is all new and complicated. I watch her as she gazes into my eyes. She’s searching for something within me.
“Well . . . ?”
“Well what?” I ask her.
“I said I want you.” Her breathing increases and anticipation builds within me.
“I’m glad you do, because it does make life simpler.”
“Why is that?”
“Because, I want you.”
She throws her arms back around me and pulls me close to her. This I want. Right now I want to be buried deep within her and I don’t want to hold back.
“Kiss me.” She doesn’t have to say that to me twice. I’m more than happy to oblige.
I press my lips to hers, closing my eyes. There’s no rush. Just sweet and tender. I stand, keeping hold of her; she wraps her legs around my waist. She picks up the baby monitor and I switch off the television before carrying her upstairs, flicking the lights off as we go.
Entering my new bedroom, I feel much more at ease than I did last night. It doesn’t feel so disrespectful. I walk toward the bed and lower her gently.
“I’m going to check on Lucy,” I tell her.
“I would’ve been disappointed if you hadn’t. I understand me putting her to bed probably messed with the routine you have with her.” I kiss her before leaving her.
When I look in on my daughter, she is so peaceful looking. She’s sleeping soundly and doesn’t have a care in the world. Why should she? So far in her short life she has gone through so much and isn’t even aware of it. I dread the day I have to tell her about Lindsay.
Lindsay! Why do my thoughts keep drifting to her tonight? Is she trying to punish me because I’m trying to move on with my life? Is she looking down on me from wherever you go when you die, and thinking I’m a bad person?
I need to push those thoughts to where they belong, the back of my mind.
Back in my room, Sophie has certainly made herself at home. She lies on the bed, naked. I pull my t-shirt over my head as I walk toward her. Her eyes follow me crossing the room. I unbutton my jeans as I reach the bed, her eyes widen and her smile grows. After I remove my clothes I climb into the bed beside her.
There’s something to be said about clean sheets. Although right now I’ve forgotten what that is.
I lean over her and place small feather kisses around her neck, her eyes constantly watching me. I move and keep my weight off her, hover in fron
t of her face, waiting. Waiting for approval.
“You’re beautiful,” I tell her, as I take in her naked body beneath me.
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
She pulls me toward her. With passion and desire surrounding us both, we kiss. Tongues collide and our desire burns away.
“I feel as though I’ve waited all day to feel your soft delicate skin beneath me,” I say breathlessly.
“It’s not been that long,” she teases.
She pulls me closer, if that’s at all possible. I know I wanted to be buried deep within her, but I also didn’t want to rush this moment between us. But at this moment I’m finding it an impossible task. One swift thrust and I would be inside her.
I decide to hold back. Rubbing my throbbing length along her wet folds, I hear her moan and she wriggles against me. I do this for a few minutes before she wraps her legs around me and pulls me until I enter her quickly.
“Sophie!”
“It’s fine. I’m on the pill,” she tells me in reply to my unspoken question. “I want to feel all of you. Nothing between us.”
I move slowly, but Sophie has other ideas as she pulls me back toward her. Our kiss is intense and I can feel the heat radiate from her. Her legs dig in at my hips, telling me I’m going too slow for her liking. Our lips remain locked as I up the pace. This is going to be over all too soon and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
She matches me thrust for thrust. I feel her muscles tighten around me and her body starts to shake as her orgasm takes hold. I continue pounding into her, drawing out every last ounce of pleasure as I search for my own release.
“Fucking hell!” are the words that fall from my mouth as I collapse on top of her, completely breathless. She is still panting, trying to regain some sort of composure.
“I didn’t want that,” I tell her.
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“No I wanted it, just not like that. I wanted to take things slowly.”
“I know, but I couldn’t wait.”
I fall to my side and lie staring at her. She really is beautiful. I trace my fingers down her face and she shivers. “Are you cold?” I ask.
“No, but I’m feeling tired.” Of course she is, we had very little sleep last night.
“Well let’s get some sleep.” I kiss her on her nose.
I hold her tight as we both close our eyes. I’m drifting off when I hear Lucy crying. I jump out the bed and pull my boxers on to go and see to my daughter.
I find her sitting up in her cot, she reaches her arms out to me. Oh she has daddy wrapped around her fingers.
“Come on, sweetheart,” I say picking her up. “What’s wrong with you tonight?” She stops crying, in my arms. I try putting her back in her cot, but she starts crying again. “No, Lucy, come on its bedtime for you.”
“What would you usually do when she’s unsettled at night?” I turn to find Sophie standing in the doorway wearing one of my shirts. Now, that is just sexy.
“She’s not one for getting up at night, she usually sleeps right through the night, but the handful of times she has got up during the night, I’ve taken her into bed.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know, go and sit with her.”
“Why don’t you just bring her into bed? I’m sure all she wants is a cuddle from her daddy.” She really does surprise me.
“You don’t mind?” I ask her.
“Why would I mind? This little girl is used to having you all to herself. Just the two of you. I’m the outsider. I don’t want her thinking I’m taking up all your time.”
The three of us go back to bed and I try to get Lucy to settle in my arms. But it seems it’s not cuddles from daddy she wants, as she wriggles out my hold. Sophie reaches out and takes her, she cuddles straight into her and closes her eyes, settling immediately. Sophie smiles and closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep with my daughter held tightly, protectively in her arms.
How the hell is a man meant to sleep around here now? I can’t take my eyes off the vision in front of me.
Beautiful perfection.
I REACH OUT, BUT THE bed is empty and the sheets are cold. I open my eyes. No Sophie or Lucy. I feel panic setting in when I look at the time. One in the afternoon. Shit! I never sleep that long.
I pull on a t-shirt and leave the room. Passing Lucy’s room I look in, but it’s empty. Walking downstairs, I stop when I hear singing coming from the living room before carrying on making my way to them. I pause, leaning against the doorway, just watching. Sophie has Lucy in her arms and is singing to her. Lucy seems mesmerized by her, she’s not the only one. I could stand here and watch the two of them forever. Forever? Lucy is smiling and giggling away in her arms.
“I know you’re there,” she says without turning around. I smile.
I walk the short distance to them both. I kiss Lucy on the top of her head before kissing Sophie on her lips. “Good afternoon. Why didn’t you wake me?” I ask her.
“Because you looked as if you needed it,” she says with a smile. She’s not wrong. I lay and watched the two of them sleeping for hours before I finally closed my eyes. “And anyway, Lucy and I have spent some quality time getting to know each other. She’s had breakfast . . .”
“What time did she get up?”
“Just before ten.” That is late for Lucy, but that means she has been entertaining my baby girl for three hours. Now I feel bad.
“What did you give her?” I ask.
“Well, I wasn’t too sure what she was allowed, so I phoned my mom. I told her what was in your fridge and she told me what to give her. So I gave her pureed fruit and milk. I was just waiting on you before giving her some soup for lunch. I hope that was okay?”
“Of course it is. But you should’ve woken me. Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me.” She turns her attention to Lucy. “We’ve had fun, haven’t we?” Lucy giggles.
“Do you want me to take her?”
“No, we’re fine. You go and have a shower. Then once you’re ready I can grab a quick shower. Now go, before I change my mind.”
I go because I can see they are both quite happy and, dare I say it, content. And Sophie seems to be coping well without me.
My shower is quick and I’m back downstairs within ten minutes to let Sophie shower and change. She needs to change; she’s too much of a distraction walking about in my shirt.
I take Lucy and go to the kitchen. I put her in the highchair so I can make some lunch for the three of us. But Sophie has beaten me to it. She has been busy. There are sandwiches made and soup in a pot.
“Well, Lucy, it looks as though we are both being thoroughly spoiled today.” As I speak to her she just sits giggling away. I put some milk in her cup and give it to her. She smiles, takes a drink and throws the cup down, laughing.
“Lucy. We are not playing this game, little miss,” I tell her, picking it up. I don’t hand it to her straight away because I know she will just throw it again. “Well, I should make a pot of tea, seeing as Sophie has everything else in hand.”
Lucy decides now is time for her lunch. She certainly knows how to get my attention with her crying. I sit and feed her some soup and, it has to be said, Lucy takes after the Stewart family with her healthy appetite.
That makes me think of Libby. I can’t believe our family is expanding by two. I hope she’s alright? I know she’s settled with Alex and they are getting married, but I didn’t see kids happening yet. She has so much she wants to do and achieve, especially where the hotel is concerned. I don’t even know why I’m worrying about her, because I’m sure she will cope with being a mother. That I don’t doubt. After all, she has had plenty of practice with this little one.
“I hope you’re hungry?” Sophie asks, entering the kitchen. I lift my head. She’s fresh from the shower, hair still wet but pulled back.
“Hungry, yes . . .” I don’t finish my sentence because, from the look
on her face, she knows where my sentence was heading.
“Enough, we should eat,” she says as she starts pouring soup into bowls for us. “Do you have anything you need to do before we go Libby’s?”
“Not sure. But I’m not opposed to being holed-up here for the day with you both.”
“Why is that?” she asks, sitting opposite me.
“Because Alex and your mum have already given you grief about the other night. I’m sure both of them put it down to the fact we were drunk. I’m sure everyone will have something to say about you being here now and spending time with me. So forgive me, but I’d rather spend my time with you both instead of being interrogated.”
“Does it bother you?” she asks me. I think for a moment before answering her.
“No, because I’ve enjoyed spending time with you.”
“Well that’s good, because I’ve enjoyed spending time with both of you.” Lucy starts babbling and Sophie interacts with her. I just sit and watch, a little taken aback. It has to be said from what I’ve seen; Sophie is amazing with Lucy.
Lunch is fun, although Lucy does show off her temper when she doesn’t get things her own way. Yes, my daughter has a fine set of lungs on her.
Our afternoon is spent lazily watching some television and playing with Lucy. For someone who hasn’t been round kids, Sophie is doing really well with Lucy. And Lucy is in her element at having someone new to play with.
As the afternoon goes on, I feel a little apprehensive about going to Libby’s. Everyone is going to judge me and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. Sophie tries to ease my concerns, but I’m worried about what my parents will make of this. I’m expecting us both to be given a hard time by almost everyone.
“Where is the mother-to-be? She had better be resting,” I shout as I enter Libby’s flat. I close the door behind us. Well we are here, may as well try and make the most of this. “Oh, you have company, sis,” I say, running my eyes over the man sitting opposite Libby and Alex as we enter the living room.
She's Captured my Love (Captured #4) Page 8
