My sister doesn’t look comfortable at all. Now is it because of the company, or is she in pain? There’s something I don’t like about this man; I can’t quite put my finger on it. I turn to Sophie and she looks horrified. She obviously knows him.
“Hi, Sophie,” he says.
“James.” Her voice is cold and her body is tense. I look back at my sister and it clicks.
“As in THE James, who caused my sister so much fucking pain?”
“Ethan, enough.” Libby voice breaks through the tension filled air. “Mum is in the kitchen; I’m sure she would like to see Lucy.” Seriously, my sister is dismissing me?
“I take it that means I’ve to move it. I want it noted I’m not happy about this. He shouldn’t even be in the house.”
“Come on,” Sophie says, not even looking in the direction of James again. Something seems off with her. This is not the relaxed girl I’ve spent the last two days with. Even coming here to face our parents didn’t seem to faze her, but James has and I want to know why.
“There’s my beautiful grand-daughter,” my mum says with her arms out to take Lucy as we enter the kitchen. Everyone is here, my parents, Sophie’s parents and Michael. “Everything okay, you two?” she asks with concern drawing everyone’s attention to us. I nod. She doesn’t push the topic. Maybe they’ve all done their talking about us before we got here.
Sophie greets her parents with a hug. Richard has something to say to his daughter, I don’t hear what is said, but they do look okay.
“So, you two?” Michael says handing me a beer.
“No thanks, I’m driving.” I stand watching Sophie. She still looks uneasy as she takes a glass of wine and almost finishes it in one gulp.
“That must’ve been a shock for Sophie.” I turn to face Michael, wondering what the hell he’s talking about. “Seeing James sitting in the front room.” So there is a story to this.
“Yes, it is. Why is he here?” I ask him. Michael tells me he was with Libby last night before Alex got to the hotel after she had her accident. He just wanted to see how she was for himself, before he heads back to America. Alex joins us, Michael hands him a beer. I can hear Kirsty’s voice speaking with Libby.
“Is everything okay?” Alex asks me.
“Yeah, although Sophie didn’t take your house guest too well,” I add.
“No, she wouldn’t. I should make sure she’s alright.” He walks towards her and she doesn’t look happy. I want to go to her but stop myself. She and Alex have words before he kisses her head. She smiles weakly at him. Michael looks more concerned than he did moments ago.
Kirsty comes bounding into the kitchen; someone is happy. She speaks briefly with Sophie who leaves the kitchen quickly.
I hope she’s okay.
“Hey sexy, you’re looking good,” she says with laughter.
“Some of us can’t help it.” She stands staring. “What’s wrong, Kirsty? Cat got your tongue, you would usually have a witty reply.”
“You’re right. I’m at a loss of words. Something is different about you . . .” Before she can finish a loud shrieking comes from the other room. “Well, it’s official, Sophie and I are going to be bridesmaids. We are going to have so much fun.” Ah, so that’s where Sophie went. “Now where was I?” she asks. “Now I remember; Ethan is happy and I can only presume that is down to the girl who can shriek louder than me.”
What can I say to that? She is entirely right.
Libby and Sophie join us as dinner is being served. I sit down and Sophie takes the seat next to me. I can see a few raised eyebrows, but I’m not even going to react.
Alex stands and makes a speech. It pleases me seeing how happy and in love my sister is. Talk around the table is all about the wedding and the babies. A wedding that is going to take place in five short weeks. I hope they can pull it off, five weeks is no time at all for organising a wedding. But it does seem as though Libby already has everything in hand. She has been busy making lists this afternoon.
I close myself off from the conversation, not because I’m not interested, but because I’m more interested in two girls that both hold my interest more. Lucy is loving being here; she has gone between my mum and Sarah, both of them happy to have her. And then there’s Sophie. Sitting beside me, she holds my interest for very different reasons altogether.
I know I’ve hardly taken my eyes off her. I’ve sensed Libby watching me. Sophie has joined in the conversation with the girls, turns out they plan on going dress shopping tomorrow. I feel a pang of jealousy as I hear that, it means I won’t see her tomorrow. She might not even want to see me.
Realisation hits me again. I do want to spend more time with Sophie.
I’ve really enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. Both on our own and with Lucy. It’s been nice having some adult company at the house. Just sitting on the couch, having her in my arms, watching a movie. It felt so right, as though it’s where she belongs.
Libby is shifting in the chair; she looks a little tired.
“Libby, come on, I’ll help you into the living room,” I say, standing up. I know she wants us to talk, but I don’t think now’s the time or place.
She uses me to lean on as she walks. She has obviously done a bit of damage with the pain she is in from her fall. I try to be careful with her.
“You look a little tired, sis. You should’ve just had a quiet night, without having everyone here.”
“What, and miss out on being surrounded by everyone I love?” Her smile is real as she speaks. “I don’t think so. Now you wanted to talk to me?”
“I do, but not when we have a chance of being interrupted.”
“Look, Ethan. I have eyes and can see the attraction between you and Sophie. It’s none of my business. But your statement on Christmas night makes me think I must’ve been walking around with my eyes shut not to notice anything different between you and Lindsay. I know we hadn’t spent a lot of time with each other during her last few months, but I put that down to her being busy at work. Now I think my oldest friend was purposely avoiding me.”
“I will make this brief,” I say, as my eyes drift to the kitchen and then back to Libby. “We were going to separate, then we found out Lindsay was pregnant and we tried to make a go of it.”
Libby looks shocked.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks.
“Because we all have our own lives to lead.” It’s true. At the time she was with Jeff, working part-time at the hotel, and studying. She had enough to cope with without worrying about me.
“Libby, even if the events of that tragic night hadn’t happened, Lindsay and I wouldn’t be together. We didn’t love each other. I mean real love like the love that I see with you and Alex. We never had that. We were comfortable with each other. But we both wanted and needed more.” I feel sad as I say it. I’ve finally told her. My married life was just a sham.
“Ethan, you still have to remember all the good times you had. You have a beautiful daughter from your marriage. You have a lot to be thankful for. Me, as your pushy sister, I just want to see you happy. Nothing more, nothing less. All I will say is that you need to be careful not to upset Lindsay’s parents. They are a part of Lucy’s life.”
“I know that and, no matter what happens in my future, they will always be a part of Lucy’s life.” I sigh. “They knew we were going to separate, Lindsay had told them, because she had planned on moving back in with them.”
“I see. Look, you have to do what’s right for you and Lucy, she has to be your top priority. But, as I said, it’s nice seeing you happy. Just don’t rush into anything.” It’s funny hearing that from my sister. The one who’s getting married in five weeks. “Have fun, but be careful too. I don’t want to see you or Sophie hurt. That’s all I will say on the matter.”
I put my arm around her and she cuddles in tight against me.
“I love you, sis.”
“I love you too.”
Alex comes into the
room with some pain relief and water for Libby. He smiles as he walks towards us.
“Libby, I’m going to head off home with Lucy,” I tell her.
“Alone?” she asks me. She looks to Alex for some sort of reaction, but he gives nothing away.
“Yes, alone. I want to get Lucy settled, I have some work to finish off for the casino opening.”
“If you have any problems, let me know,” Alex says. “I know I have put you under pressure with this extra work.”
“No, it’s cool. It will be done by tomorrow. I will email it as soon as it’s ready.”
I turn my head to see my babbling daughter in Sophie’s arms as they enter the room. Sophie looks away, embarrassed. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because her brother’s eyes are on her.
The rest of our family and friends all come through. Mum isn’t happy that I’m leaving already, but she tries to understand when I tell her I have some work to do. Sophie gets Lucy ready for me and, after I say my goodbyes, she walks out with me.
“Don’t come downstairs, it’s too cold,” I tell her.
“Can I see you again?” she asks, surprising me.
“Of course you can. Whenever you want.”
I put my free arm around her. She leans in and rests her head on my shoulder.
“I know we agreed earlier you should go home alone, but I’m wishing I hadn’t said that.”
“You are busy tomorrow now anyway. How about I get someone to watch Lucy and I take you out for dinner tomorrow night?”
“I think I’d like that.”
“Okay, so we have a date then?”
“Yes it seems so. Drop me a text when you get home.”
“I will.” She moves and I can now kiss her.
“Night,” I say walking down the stairs.
LUCY IS AT MORIA AND Tom’s for the day, which means I have had peace and quiet to finish working on the marketing material for Alex and the casino. He’s been in touch since I emailed over the finished article and is more than happy with what I’ve done. Hopefully it could mean extra work in the future for the company. Alex as good as said there will be more work for me. He needs someone to sort out his advertising and marketing here in Scotland. In New York he has his own in-house team, but nothing here as yet, so this makes perfect business sense.
I had asked Moria if they could watch Lucy tonight for my date with Sophie, although I didn’t tell them it was a date. But they had plans and wanted to take her today. So I have ended up asking Libby if she and Alex could look after her. I didn’t really want to ask Libby as she’s still meant to be taking it easy. But she assured me Alex would do all the running around. So they will bring Sophie here when they come over.
Libby had suggested they would keep her overnight, but I said no, for them just to watch her here. I do try to keep her in a routine as much as possible, especially at bedtime.
So I now find myself standing in the main bedroom trying to decide what to do first. I know I have made small changes downstairs, but moving out of a room I shared with Lindsay is a big change. Now I need to go through all her belongings.
There is so much in this room that belongs to Lindsay. Stephen wanted to come over today and help me. But this is something I need to do on my own. I have spoken to Moria about what of her daughter’s things she would like. The only things she wants is all of Lindsay’s childhood pictures, which goes without saying, the necklace she wore on our wedding day, it belonged to her grandmother, and she asked about her wedding dress. The dress I will wrap up for her, because I would’ve only put it with the rest of her clothes to a charity shop. It’s not worth keeping for Lucy, I’m sure it will be outdated by the time my daughter gets married.
Not a thought I want to dwell on. I can’t imagine Lucy older, being married and having kids. I just hope she never finds herself in the situation I’m in at the moment. I couldn’t bear to watch my daughter go through the same pain and suffering I have. No, Lucy won’t. I will always protect her and keep her safe.
I hope.
I have boxes and black bags sitting on the bed, ready for me to start. I decide to clear out the bathroom first. It should only be a case of putting the toiletries in the bin.
The bathroom was as I expected. It didn’t take me long to do at all. I also gave it a quick clean, because with all my things in the other bathroom it needed it.
I move around the room and I find myself at Lindsay’s side of the bed. Everything on the bedside table is just the way she left them, with the exception of her wedding and engagement rings. I put them there. I didn’t know what else to do with them, her jewellery box is full. It had no room even for these two small items.
I’ve already decided most of the jewellery will be kept and packed away for Lucy when she’s older. I’m sure she will want a few things from her mother’s vast collection.
I pick up the rings and my mind drifts back to our wedding day. We were both so young, full of determination, in love, or so we both thought. She kept me waiting, which was typical of Lindsay. She was late for everything, no matter where we were going. Stephen was my best man, he joked on the day she had second thoughts. But she did show up and was a beautiful bride. She was picture perfect.
I had such a clear vision of how our life would be. We would have a nice house, couple of kids, a few holidays a year. Everything was meant to be perfect. I didn’t count on the fact they we didn’t love each other in the right way. I never envisaged for one moment that we wouldn’t spend a lifetime together.
I make a start, because I know I won’t have time to get through all this today. There’s just so much to do. I pack most of the jewellery into a box, the rest is just costume jewellery and can go to charity shops along with the clothes when I get round to clearing them out.
I open the drawer to find Lucy’s first scan pictures. I hold them in my hands, staring at the mass of white on the dark picture. I smile, remembering the midwife had to explain clearly to both of us what each part was. When we left the hospital that day we went for some lunch. During our conversation Lindsay said, ‘Please tell me you understood what she was telling us. To me it just looked like a white blob on the screen.” We both laughed.
How can so much change in our lives in such a short space of time? If we hadn’t tried to give our marriage another go, Lindsay would still be here. We wouldn’t have gone out for dinner that night. I know it’s wrong for these thoughts to be in my mind. Yes, I know I’m not responsible for her death, but I can’t help but wonder how both our lives would be if she was still alive. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, we wouldn’t be together. I’m certain she would have moved on, met someone else, if she hadn’t already. Would she still have allowed me to be part of Lucy’s life? Or would some other man be bringing up my daughter as his own?
I shake those last thoughts from my mind. The scan pictures I will keep, because they are of Lucy. I carry on and sort out the things for Moria. She can take them home when she brings Lucy home.
Home, I’m not sure this feels like home anymore. I know it was my house before we got married, but it is the house we shared. I can now appreciate some of Libby’s reasons for moving. The biggest reason was me, she wanted to let me get on with bringing Lucy up on my own. Having her right next door was too easy for me. I was relying on her a lot and I know now that wasn’t fair on her, especially as she was working long hours at the hotel. The other reason, and I don’t know if she will ever admit it, would have to be Jeff. He hadn’t officially moved in with her, but he was there most of the time.
Maybe I should be thinking about a fresh start for me and Lucy, somewhere that doesn’t hold so many memories of Lindsay. Memories I will always have; they can be kept. But ghosts, I don’t want to be haunted by the ghosts from my past.
I look at the time, I should really go and grab a shower before Lucy is home, because I won’t get one when she does.
I’m walking down the stairs with the dress and box for Moria just as she walks in the door with L
ucy. My baby girl has a huge smile for me. I’ve missed her today and now I feel guilty about going out tonight.
“You look nice, Ethan. Are you going out with Stephen?” Moria asks.
“No I have a date.” As I say it I really wish I hadn’t. Moria looks away. “Sorry.” I say.
She turns her head to face me and I see her warm smile. “What are you sorry for? Life has to move on.” I take Lucy from her, after putting the box and dress down, and walk into the living room. Moria follows me.
“I don’t know.”
“Look, Ethan. This doesn’t have to be difficult or awkward. I’m well aware that you tried very hard to do the right thing by my daughter, and make a go of your marriage when she found out she was pregnant. I don’t want you to be a single father all your life. Tom and I care for you too much and we don’t want to see you going through life on your own. We want you to be happy and to do that you have to let go of the past. We will always be here for both of you.”
“Thank you. Lucy is my top priority and always will be,” I tell her, not wanting her to think anything less of me.
“I know that son, and I couldn’t ask for a better father for my granddaughter. Now I will get out of your way. Is Libby watching her tonight?”
“Yes, she needs all the practice she can get.” Moria smiles in surprise as she realises what I’ve just said.
“So, Libby is expecting?”
“Yes, with twins.”
“That is great news, your mother must be thrilled. I know that Libby will make a great mother. I will always be so grateful to her for looking after Lucy as if she were her own.”
“You and me both,” I say with sadness.
“None of that, you had a lot to deal with.”
“Yeah, but so did Libby, especially with Jeff.”
“As I said, we shouldn’t live in the past. Now, I want you to go out and enjoy your night. And your date is a very lucky girl.”
“Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
We say our goodbyes and I feel better for not keeping it a secret from her. Moria and Tom have always been good to me. I spend some time with Lucy and I know I shouldn’t feel guilty about going out tonight, but I do, especially after not seeing her all day. But I am also looking forward to going out.
She's Captured my Love (Captured #4) Page 9
