“What are you doing up?” I ask her.
“I could ask you the same thing?”
“I have one or two things on my mind.” She sits upright with a concerned look. “Everything is fine. Just thinking about you and Lucy.”
“Is that so? I think you should enlighten me then. Tell me what you’re thinking?”
I should just tell her how I feel. I really have no idea of why I’m holding back, what I’m scared of? If I don’t at least tell her, I will always wonder, what if?
“Sophie, I was just thinking how special you are to not just me, but Lucy too. I watch the two of you together, even when you think I’m not. I love watching the bond the two of you now share.” She smiles shyly at my words. “Don’t turn away. It’s true, the only other person who has bonded with her in this way is Libby, and I put that that down to the fact she looked after her like she would her own. You have no idea how I feel when I see you with her.”
“She makes it very easy. She is an amazing little girl, who is a credit to her daddy. Who, may I say, just happens to look really sexy in the morning.”
“Just the morning?” I tease.
“No, and you know it.”
“Look Sophie, I have been trying to find the right time and the right words but something always seems to come up or I don’t find the words.” She leans forward and silences me with a kiss.
“Ssh, I know. I feel the same.”
“I need to tell you.” I draw in a deep breath and ready myself for the words. “Sophie, I love you.”
She smiles. “I know you do.”
“You do?”
“Yes, because I love you, so damn much it hurts when I’m apart from you. I’ve never felt anything like this before. Those weeks apart were torture,” she tells me.
This time I pull her face to mine and kiss her, with everything I have. My heart thumps loudly in my chest as she tries to deepen the kiss between us. I don’t let her; this kiss has to be sweet and loving.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” I ask her as we pull our lips away from the others.
“Because, my dearest Ethan, everything has moved quickly between us; I needed to know you felt the same. I also needed to know nothing would come between us.”
“Lindsay . . .”
“Yes. I know most of the details about your relationship now, but I wasn’t prepared to fight a battle against a ghost. I needed to know how you felt. I suppose I’ve known, but I needed the reassurance from your words before I bared my soul to you. You see there is much more at stake for me to lose.” Her eyes lower from my face. I lift her chin up so I can see the sadness that’s there.
“Sophie?”
“Ethan, I don’t want to lose either of you. If this doesn’t work out between us, you only have to deal with losing me. But me, I have to deal with losing the two most important things in my life, in you and Lucy. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either of you, surely you must know this?”
I wrap my arms around her tightly as her tears start to fall, and I just hold her. Stroking the side of her face seems to have a calming effect on her.
“I’m sorry,” she says as she finally composes herself.
“Don’t apologise. I need you to be honest with me, at all times. I’m glad I know how you feel.” I place a kiss on her forehead. I wonder if now is a good time to bring up our next conversation? I want her with me and Lucy in Scotland.
Crying interrupts my thoughts.
“I’ll go,” Sophie says standing up. I follow her back through to the bedroom. It’s safe to say my daughter isn’t happy this morning. Been a while since I’ve heard her crying so hard.
“There, there baby girl,” Sophie says in a warm reassuring voice. Lucy reaches out her tiny arms to Sophie. I smile. She picks her up with no hesitation. After several deep breaths, Lucy finally stops crying and settles in her arms. “What do you want me to do with her? It’s still too early for her to be up,” Sophie says.
I agree with her on that. If she stays up now, she will only be grumpy later on at the wedding.
“I’m happy to take her into bed with me and see if she falls asleep.”
“Ok,” I tell her. “I’ll go and get some milk for her, that might help.”
I leave the room as she climbs into the bed, still clutching Lucy in her arms. I quickly make up a bottle of milk for her. Even if she only gets another hour sleep, it would be better than nothing.
I walk back into the room with bottle in hand, but it would seem we might not even need it. I stop and watch. Sophie has her tucked into her side, she’s stroking just above her eyebrows. That usually helps when she is feeling sleepy. Her eyes are heavy. I’m reluctant to cross the short distance to them both, in case I disturb her.
This is how I envisage my mornings with Sophie. I could stare at her forever. Every single day of the rest of my life should be spent with these two amazing girls. Lucy wriggles and I take that as my cue to cross the room. I hand Sophie the bottle and she starts to feed her. Her little eyes close as she drinks her milk.
“It won’t be long until she’s sleeping,” she whispers.
“Or you?” I say as she yawns. “Close your eyes and try and get some more sleep.”
“No, I feel as though we should talk.”
“We have all the time in the world to talk. There’s no rush.” I lie down on the bed beside them, Lucy in the middle cuddles into Sophie. I remove the bottle when I hear she is no longer sucking.
“SOPHIE, ARE YOU READY?” I call through to the bedroom. “Libby and Alex are waiting for us downstairs in the bar.” I don’t add how long they’ve been waiting on us.
“One minute.” Another minute, I’ve lost count how many times she has shouted this to me.
“She needs to get a move on, baby girl. She’s going to make us all late,” I say as I carry Lucy on my hip, trying not to crease her dress.
Sophie banished me an hour ago to get ready for the wedding. Libby came up then to do her hair and see if I needed help with Lucy, but I had it all in hand. Sophie and I went shopping together for Lucy’s outfit for today. She insisted it was her treat. So I have Lucy all dressed in a beautiful cream silk dress with embroidered flowers on it, with a black cardigan. The black was Sophie’s idea and I wasn’t sure at first. But she looks so adorable, even if I don’t say so myself.
The door opens and Sophie steps through it and stops. I gasp at the vision in front of me. I know I’m gawking but I can’t take my eyes from her. She is wearing a black dress that moulds perfectly to her curves and has a cream shawl around her shoulders. She matches with Lucy, perfectly. Her long blonde hair falls neatly down over her shoulders.
“Do I look okay?” she asks. Okay, holy fuck she looks amazing. I can’t take my eyes away from her.
“Okay, you are fucking beautiful,” I finally say, as she walks toward us.
“Language,” she says looking at Lucy. “Well, baby girl, you look amazing,” she says to Lucy placing a kiss on her head.
“Ahem.” I cough.
“You look pretty good too.” She smiles and kisses me on the cheek.
“Just pretty good?” I ask in a teasing voice.
“No you look more than pretty good. I would have to say your amazingly sexy. That you look so good I don’t want to leave the room,” she says breathlessly against my neck. “But as it is, we have this little one wide awake and if we don’t go now, we’re going to be late. I do love you in a suit and out of it.” She said the last part turning away from me. I am now thinking of ways to get us both on our own and out of these clothes. I need to change my line of thought otherwise I won’t be leaving here anytime soon.
“Come on, let’s go before I call Libby to take this one and have you all to myself for the day.” It’s intended as a joke, but now I’m not so sure. Because as I stand here looking at her, all I want to do is devour her after I’ve slowly peeled that dress from her silky smooth skin. I walk toward her and kiss her on the lips before gatherin
g up Lucy’s bag. Sophie takes Lucy from me and we make our way down to the bar.
Libby catches my eye as soon as we enter, she’s sitting by herself by the window. A quick search around the room and I find Alex at the bar. I make my way to Alex to order drinks as Sophie makes her way to my sister.
“Alex.”
“Ethan. Are you wanting drinks?”
“Yes, a white wine and a beer.”
“So how is Libby today?” I ask him.
“She’s really good, although she is a bit worried about you.” He turns to face me as the bartender makes up our order.
“Why is she worried about me?” I ask him out of curiosity. I’ve not given her any reason to be worried about me lately. And personally I think that’s an achievement.
“Because she’s worried about what’s going to happen when you and Sophie finally admit how you feel about each other. She thinks she’s going to lose her brother,” he tells me flatly.
“First, Sophie and I have admitted how we feel. I love your sister, Alex. I can’t hide it, just the same as you couldn’t hide it with Libby. Secondly, I couldn’t leave Scotland. I can’t take Lucy away from her family. Tom and Moria and my parents would all have something to say about that.”
“Okay, I can understand all of that. I can, but Sophie has a life here and a business; you can’t expect her to be the one that makes all the sacrifices.”
“Alex, I understand this I do, but Lucy will remain my priority.”
“So where does that leave Sophie?”
“Alex, when the twins are born you will understand how I feel. It’s a different kind of love you feel for your own children. I don’t know where this will leave my relationship with Sophie. We haven’t discussed it yet.”
“I know you will try and do the right thing, Ethan. But all I ask is that you don’t hurt Sophie in the process.”
“It’s not my intention to hurt her.”
“Glad to hear it. Now grab those drinks.” Alex seems much more accepting of our relationship.
We take the drinks over to the table and as we get closer, Libby and Sophie are giggling like school girls. Sophie has Lucy sitting on her knee with her soft doll.
“What’s so funny?” Alex asks them. They look at each other and burst out laughing again. It’s obvious they’re not going to tell. Alex just shakes his head. If these two are like this all day, it could make for a very interesting day.
Alex and I take seats at the table, we still have twenty minutes before we need to be in our seats for the ceremony. Libby fills us in on The Mountain, St. Lucia. She would love to go back I can hear it in her voice as she speaks. From the sound of it, they both had an amazing time.
“Oh my, look at you all,” Sarah says approaching the table with Richard. “And Lucy, can I?” she asks. Sophie hands her over to her mum almost reluctantly. “Oh sweetie, you are going to steal the show today,” she says holding onto Lucy.
“I think we should all go through and take our seats,” says Richard.
“Do we have to?” Sophie asks. The question earns her a scowl from both her parents.
I watch as Libby takes a few deep breaths, for what reason I have no idea. Having said that Alex talks to her and I do hear the mention of James’s name. She stands after a few minutes, completely composed. Ready to take on the world. Sophie looks a little taken aback as she listens to their conversation. I want her to be open and honest with me. I need honesty in a relationship, but I don’t want to push the subject; she has to want to tell me what has happened with James.
Maybe now that we have both admitted our feelings for each other, it will be the turning point in our relationship.
We all make our way through the hotel. Sarah has Lucy but she starts crying and it’s Sophie she has her arms outstretched to. This hasn’t gone unnoticed by my sister. Sophie takes her and she settles instantly much to everyone’s surprise but mine.
Entering the room, the first thing I notice is pink. My eyes travel around the room but everything is bloody pink. Libby and Sophie both notice my reaction and try to hide their laugh, but unsuccessfully.
“Seriously, who likes this much pink?” I ask in a low voice.
“Emma.”
We take our seats, but someone comes rushing in to speak to Sophie, something about a problem with a dress. I don’t take much notice until she hands me Lucy. Who is now not happy that her favourite person has left her. The rest of us sit chatting amongst ourselves. Connor stands at the front of the room with his best man and the officiate waiting. Looks as though his bride is going to be fashionably late. This makes me think of Lindsay.
I’ve made a decision.
After today I’m not attending another bloody wedding. I don’t care who’s it is, I’m not doing it. I can’t have Lindsay keep popping into my head. Messing with my mind. Especially when I finally feel happy.
Lucy has been as good as gold sitting in my arms as we wait. Sophie sits back in the seat beside me, looking happy with herself.
“Is everything okay?” I ask her.
“Yes, it is now after a quick repair job from me. I hope Emma appreciates it.”
The music starts to play and the bridesmaids enter the room all wearing pink. After seeing all this pink today, I could certainly go off the baby pink colour. Sophie takes my free hand in hers as Emma walks down the aisle.
I close myself off from the service and lose myself in thoughts of Sophie and Lucy.
As the services reaches the end, Lucy is a little restless. Libby tries taking her to settle her, but she refuses to go to her. She only has eyes for one person and it’s not her daddy. Sophie takes her and she’s instantly happy, cooing away and giggling. Libby looks a little disappointed, but still manages to smile.
“I hope you two know what you’re doing? Because Lucy is very attached to Sophie and vice versa. If this doesn’t work out, who is going to pick up the pieces of not just yours, but Lucy’s shattered heart?” Libby whispers.
“It will work. We both want it to work. I love her.”
Libby nods in acknowledgement and faces the front, where Connor stands kissing his new wife. That has to be one of the longest wedding ceremonies I’ve sat through. Even Libby’s wasn’t that long, and hers was in the church, although I’m sure Father O’Connor had something else on his mind that day. A certain old firm football game that he was heading off to after the ceremony. Yeah, I’m sure that’s why it wasn’t a long service.
As the wedding party leave the room, I turn my attention to my two favourite girls. “So, what is happening now,” I ask Sophie.
“I’m sure they are going outside for some pictures, then I suppose some inside before the meal is served. But given this is Emma’s wedding anything could happen.” Libby hears her and laughs.
We follow the bridal party out of the room. Sophie was right, they are wanting to do lots of pictures outside, with both families. I can relax and watch from inside. Poor Libby, she’s not going to cope with being outside in this weather considering she’s spent the last two weeks on an island in the sun.
“Ethan, come on. What’s keeping you?” Sophie says. Emma draws her a dirty look. “What?” she asks her.
“Ethan isn’t family.” All conversations around the families stop and all eyes turn to Emma. “What?” she says throwing her hands up. It’s only now that I see James, standing with I presume his parents shaking his head. “It’s true, Ethan isn’t family,” she states again. Now I understand why Libby thinks she’s just rude. Sophie looks angry, actually she’s not the only one. Both Libby and Alex look the same.
“Sophie, it’s fine. I wouldn’t take Lucy outside in that weather.” That’s true and there’s no one here I know or trust to leave her with.
“I’m staying inside too,” she says flatly, much to Emma’s annoyance.
“Sophie?” Sarah questions her. “Please, sweetheart?” She pulls her to the side away from the rest of the family. I take Lucy from her arms and move away.
“Enough, there’s no need for that. Please, even one family picture, for Connor?”
“No, and he should understand.” She’s angry; I can hear it in her voice.
“I know what they mean to you. I’ve had to hear from your father, about how you were crying yourself to sleep at night when you were back here. I felt so helpless, being in Scotland helping Libby and Alex, and all the time my baby girl needed me. Sweetheart, I’m always here to talk to. So yes, I understand your decision. I will speak with Connor and see if we can do some family pictures inside before the meal.” I wish I had moved further away. I feel as though I’ve intruded on a private conversation. I don’t like what I’ve just heard, it’s upsetting. Sarah turns to me. “Ethan, see if you can calm her down before we come back inside.”
“I will. Come on, let’s get you a drink,” I tell her taking her hand. Libby catches my eye before moving, ‘are you okay?’ she mouths. I can only smile in reply, because I am. I’m now more worried about Sophie after hearing Sarah’s confession.
We walk back through to the bar; I leave Sophie sitting with Lucy whilst I order us some drinks. Sophie didn’t want a wine, so we are both having a coffee. I can also use this time to give Lucy some milk. Walking back over I can see Sophie is calm again.
“Here, let me take her so you can drink this.”
“No, I’m fine. She’s a bit unsettled, is she hungry?”
“When is she not?” Sophie starts feeding her. “Okay, so I see what you and Libby mean about Emma. Is she like that all the time?”
“Mostly. I think it runs in the family,” she says turning her attention back to Lucy. It’s not gone un-noticed that she has avoided eye contact with me.
“Sophie, about what your mum has just said, why haven’t you told me how upset you were?” I ask her.
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