“Because, I wasn’t sure about what was happening between us. My feelings for you developed really quickly and I was struggling with them. I didn’t want you to feel as though I was pressuring you into anything.”
“I still wish you had mentioned it.”
“Maybe.”
It turns out Lucy was hungry; she’s finished all her milk. I get the feeling Sophie is trying to avoid me because she decides to take Lucy and change her nappy. So, I sit on my own wondering what the hell is going on. She has closed herself off from me. I don’t want her to be upset when we are apart. But having said that, I hope we won’t be separated for much longer. I want her to come back to Scotland when I go home. I just need to find the right time to bring this up.
From my seat I can see everyone outside getting their pictures taken. They are all going to come back in frozen. I should get a pot of tea for Libby because I’m sure she will need it. I turn away in time to see Sophie walk back toward me. The distant look from mere minutes ago has long gone, to be replaced by the confidence that I’ve grown to love.
“You feeling better?” I ask hesitantly.
“Yes, I just let her get to me. Look, as soon as we can after the meal can we make our excuses?”
“Of course we can. I’m only here for you, nothing else. And we don’t really need an excuse when we have Lucy.” We both laugh because it’s true. Libby’s wedding was a tiring day for us all; today doesn’t need to be. I’m more than happy to be back in our room lying up with both my girls by my side. What more could a man want?
“I’ll be back shortly,” I tell her, before heading to the bathroom, leaving them on their own.
As I make my way back, I see James approach our table. I wonder if everyone is back inside now? Even from here I can see Sophie’s body tense. I walk a bit quicker. Feeling the need to protect her.
“James,” I say as I take my seat.
“Ethan, hope you are well? I’m sorry about my sister. There was no need for her to be so off with you.” He seems a little distracted as he speaks to me; his focus is on Sophie and Lucy. His eyes dart between the two.
“There’s no need for apologies,” I say. There’s something not adding up, Sophie hasn’t even spoke to him or looked in his direction yet. She’s staring straight past him into space.
“James, is there a reason you are here?” she finally says abruptly, but still doesn’t look at him. This has me wondering what the hell has gone down with the two of them because it’s now pretty obvious there is history between them. And not good history by the tension surrounding us.
“Well, yes, it is my sister’s wedding.”
“No, I mean standing in front of me?” she says with her voice wavering. She closes her eyes and I can see the pain that she’s in with his presence.
“I was just watching you with, it’s Lucy isn’t it?” Her eyes fly open in what I think is fear. She nods. “It just made me think back.” Her whole body starts shaking at his words and if I’m not mistaken she is fighting the urge to cry. What the hell is it with him?
“James, I think you should leave,” I say firmly, standing up and moving closer to Sophie in support.
“All in good time,” is his reply with a smug grin. “It just made me think about our baby. You would have been a great mother. Shame this one will never be yours. She can’t replace our baby.”
Have I heard him right? As I look at Sophie I know I have. She’s lost. Totally speechless. Her tears have started to fall.
I wrap my arm around Sophie’s shoulder, comforting her. He doesn’t need to know this statement has come as a complete surprise to me. “Is everyone in your family the bloody same? I think you NEED to leave NOW. Before I do something I might later regret,” I say.
“Sorry, Sophie, I didn’t mean to bring back painful memories,” he says smiling before walking away.
I move a chair closer to her and now sit down facing her. She needs to know I’m here for her no matter what is in her past. After all, we all have pasts. I know that only too well and she has accepted my past. She rocks back and forth holding on tightly to Lucy, who is now fast asleep in her shaking arms.
“Sophie, sweetheart you need to try and calm down,” I say, trying to get her attention.
“What the hell is wrong?” Alex shouts at me. I never saw them approach us. “Ethan, what have you done?” He would jump to that conclusion. Libby looks on.
“Libby, can you take Lucy please?” I ask, as I stand facing Alex.
“Yes.”
“As for what I’ve done, absolutely nothing. Are you always going to jump to conclusions about me hurting Sophie, I’ve never given you any cause to think that I would hurt her, unlike you.”
“Ethan!” Libby chastise me.
“What, no wonder. Not everyone is like him.”
“Ethan, you are pushing your luck. So, if you’re not the cause of Sophie’s tears, would you mind telling us what’s wrong?”
“James.”
“Fuck. I’m going to fucking kill him.” Alex kneels down in front of his sister. “Soph, tell me what he’s done.” She shakes her head.
“If you won’t tell him, I will,” I say. Sophie stares at me. Pleading with unspoken words, she doesn’t want me to say. So I don’t. Whatever it is, Alex doesn’t know the full story either.
“Ethan, take Lucy,” Libby says handing me her. “Sophie and I are going to freshen up before dinner.” She takes her hand and leads her to the bathrooms.
“Ethan, I want to know what the hell is going on,” Alex says running his hands through his hair.
“You and me both. Sophie was wanting to make our excuse after dinner. Hopefully when I get Lucy settled she will talk to me.”
“Would you like Libby and I to have Lucy?” he asks.
“Maybe, let’s see what happens after dinner,” I tell him.
“Okay, but when she finally opens up, I need to know what the hell is going on. Because whatever it is, I will make him pay,” he tells me angrily.
“Well, let’s hope she does tell me. None of us can help her if we don’t know what’s wrong.”
“THANKS FOR HAVING LUCY,” I tell my sister, as we take what she needs for the night into her suite. Libby and Alex are keeping her overnight for me, it means I don’t have to worry about Lucy. “If you can’t get her to settle later, I will take her.”
“You will do no such thing. Lucy will be fine; you don’t have to worry about her. I won’t keep her long downstairs at the reception. Just you concentrate on Sophie, I’m sure she will open up to you. But remember whatever she tells you in confidence has to stay that way no matter what Alex has said to you.”
“But . . .”
“No buts, Ethan, leave Alex to me. I’ll talk to him. She has to be able to trust you.”
“Okay.”
“Now, go back to your room and look after Sophie, just remember and listen to her. Hear what she has to tell you.”
“You know, don’t you?”
“No, Ethan, I don’t. If she wants to talk to me, I’m always here. She knows that, but I suspect whatever it is Alex and the rest of the family might not know. I have my own suspicions.”
We part company, Libby going back to the reception to where Alex and my daughter are, and I make the short journey to our room. Entering, I find Sophie sitting on the couch with a glass of wine in her hand staring into space. Looking at her now, I have no idea how she managed to stay composed all through dinner. No one else knew anything was wrong, but now it’s very clear. There would be no hiding it from anyone.
She’s an emotional wreck.
I make my way to her and kneeling in front of her, I take the glass from her hand. I can’t bear to see her this distraught. I extend my hands to her, wanting her to make the next move. She lifts her head and slowly takes my hands. Thank goodness for that; I thought she wasn’t going to take them. I thought she was going to shut me out.
My mind is running in all sorts of crazy circles. I have
no idea if she will tell me, and if she does decide to tell me, what she will say. I have lots of questions I want to ask her. The biggest one being what the hell James meant. It’s obvious his words have hit a sore point.
As I continue to watch her, she starts to cry. It breaks my heart to see her so vulnerable, and that’s not a word I would associate with Sophie. This is a completely different side to the confident girl, I’ve fallen for.
“Sophie, please let me in. I want to help you. But I’m lost because I don’t know what’s gone on between you and James. You need to tell me.” I sit in front of her; she’s completely motionless as I watch her, looking for a small glimmer of light. But after a few minutes it’s clear there is no bright light burning in the background, only darkness clouds her.
I’m prepared to sit here like this all night. If that’s what it takes.
“I want to help you. Take away the pain you are in.”
“Help me to forget.” She pulls her hands out of mine and cups my face, pulling me closer to her. “Please, I need to forget,” she pleads. Her voice is needy. “I want you.” Her lips collide with mine, but this doesn’t feel right and I pull away. She covers her face with her hands and hangs her head.
“No, Sophie, not like this.”
I stand and turn my back to her, needing to gather my thoughts. I can’t let this happen between us when she is in this state. It wouldn’t resolve anything. I take my jacket and tie off and undo the buttons on the top of my shirt. It might make it a bit easier to breathe.
Her uncontrollable sobbing has me turning to face her. I walk toward her and sit down on the couch beside her. Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her tight to me. She has to find some comfort in me. I hate that she now thinks I’ve pushed her away. Thinking I don’t want her because that isn’t the case. I want her, of course I do.
“Sophie, when we make love tonight, it has to be for the right reasons. Not to make you forget about the past. It has to be about us, me and you. No one else should come between us,” I say kissing her hair. “You said something earlier today about no one coming between us. We both have pasts; you’ve helped me deal with mine. Now let me help you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” I tell her. “I just want you to open up to me. I don’t want anything to come between us. Let me help, please.” I can almost feel her brain ticking as she ponders her thoughts.
“I think I’m going to need a drink,” she says. I pick up her glass and hand it to her. She takes a long drink and hands me back the empty glass.
“So, you and James were together?” I ask. She looks to the ceiling closing her eyes.
“Yes, but it’s complicated.” She turns to face me.
“Hey, you’re looking at Mr. Complicated.” A small smile plays on her face.
“I’m not sure if Libby has told you any details about Alex and James?”
“She gave me a brief rundown on their so-called business relationship. I know about the club Alex signed over to him and the reasons he did it.”
“Well, that’s good I can skip that part then. I suppose I always had a bit of a crush on James when I was growing up. They were friends, not as close as Alex and Michael, but friends all the same. Alex trusted him. So when everything about the underage and illegal girls came to light, Alex was furious. He vowed to make him pay, saying he would get his own back. I can only presume James was aware that Alex would eventually do something that could hurt him or the business.” She pauses.
“We all attended the same function one night. That was the first time James showed an interest in me. Alex wasn’t happy about it and warned me to stay away from him. I should say at this point I wasn’t aware of what was happening in business terms between the two of them. Everything had been kept hush hush. Alex rarely discussed business with me or Mum, Dad yes because he always and still does, all his legal work. James must’ve seen Alex and I having words, because he paid a lot more attention to me from then on. I know now he was using me in his games, but it doesn’t make me feel any better, even after all this time.”
Her beautiful face is etched with pain as she speaks.
“James and I started spending a lot of time together. Alex was furious when he found out we were dating. He tried to warn me that James was playing games, but I was young and foolish. God, I thought back then I was in love with him.” She stops and smiles before adding. “I now know I was never in love with him, because I know what love feels like. I’ve never felt love for anyone before, not the way I feel for you.”
I lean toward her and brush my lips against hers in the softest of kisses acknowledging her words.
“Thank you. I just needed you to know that before I carried on,” she tells me. “James was sly; he would never come right out and ask anything about Alex. He had a way of making me give up information very easily. Not that I knew much to give away, but I suppose all the small details would’ve helped him. He also had a way of me giving up my virginity easy as well.”
Shit! I wonder if I can sit here in silence and listen to her story? I don’t think I can. I already want to punch James in his smug face.
“Up until I met James, I was very much little miss innocence. Especially given my brother’s lifestyle. James and I were together for six months before I had my eyes well and truly opened. As far as I was concerned back then, I loved him and would’ve done anything for him. But he didn’t feel the same and I found out very publicly.”
Her words make me think of the newspapers. Alex has a very public life that the press wants to know every part of, so I’m guessing James was the same.
“In the space of a week, James made the newspapers with a different girl on his arm every night. Alex had warned me about his womanising ways, but I just wasn’t prepared to listen. I was deflated. Totally devastated. I couldn’t understand why he would so publically humiliate me. But I later found out Alex had caused a bit of trouble for him at the club. So this was payback for Alex. Hurt Alex by hurting and using me. Before Libby, Alex didn’t care about any girls, but he did always look out for me.”
This I can understand. I know I’ve always tried to look out for Libby when I’ve been fit enough to do it. I try not to dwell on the thought I wasn’t around to help with Jeff.
“James never got back in touch with me. No phone calls. Nothing. I was hurt.” Her eyes pool with tears. Watching her, I realise there is still a lot more to her story. “He broke me, completely. I was empty, not eating, not taking care of myself. I was a mess. I missed a lot of time at college. My parents were really worried. As for Alex, he and James ended up in a fight one night in a club. Dad managed to pull a few strings and Alex never faced any charges, even though he put James in the hospital. I can only guess it cost him a fair bit of money, but I never asked and still to this day, I don’t want the details.”
She sighs and wipes away the tears that fall.
“It was two months after James and I . . . when things ended I collapsed, I found out I was pregnant. My parents don’t know this and neither does Alex. I was with Michael when I took unwell. No one wanted me to be left on my own at any time, so when Alex or my parents couldn’t be there, it was Michael looking after me. Michael is like another brother. I’m closer to him than I am to Connor.
That day was a nightmare. Michael got me to the hospital and stayed with me. The doctors weren’t sure what was wrong with me, but after lots of tests, they told me I was pregnant. I could see the disappointment in Michael’s eyes with me. It was bad enough seeing the disappointment in his eyes, without seeing that same look in my family’s eyes.”
“Sweetheart, take a deep breath, and a break if you need to,” I tell her.
“No, I need to carry on. I’m scared if I stop talking, I might not carry on speaking.” I nod. “Okay, so I was allowed to go home later the same day, after I had my scan. The scan showed I was nearly twenty weeks pregnant and I didn’t even know. I fell pregnant the very first time I had sex,” she says th
rough her tears.
“Sophie, it’s okay.” I try to reassure her. She takes several deep breaths and I wipe away her falling tears.
“Michael spoke to me at great length. Tried to get me to see reason. He wanted me to tell my parents. He said my mom would be better to talk things over with, because what did he know about babies. I refused. Silly, I know, considering I was so far on; it was only a matter of time before they would all find out. I knew I needed to speak to James; he had a right to know he was going to become a father. But I was scared to face him. Deep down, I suppose I knew how he would react.
I asked Michael for his help in setting up a meeting for me, because I didn’t want anyone else to know. I actually ended up staying with Michael for a bit. There was tension at home between Connor and I, and I supposed I used that as an excuse. Alex was busy with work and didn’t question why I would need to stay with Michael. Alex knew that I was safe at his place. That Michael would look out for me. Just the same as they had both done since we were kids.”
“James agreed to meet me at Michael’s apartment. To say James was shocked when he saw me, was a huge understatement. I told him how far along in the pregnancy I was, but he really wasn’t interested. Even insinuated that there was no way the baby could be his. Christ, he was the only person I had slept with. He really didn’t take the news very well. Lots of floor pacing and cursing. He was surprised that Michael knew and also a bit relieved that Alex didn’t, considering what had happened before with them.”
“He told me he didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby. Michael was furious with him for being so cold hearted. This lead to a full argument between the two of them, where they came to blows, only I stepped in the middle of them, just as James threw the first punch. Knocking me clear across the room. Michael threw him out, shouting he was never to try and see me again. Michael wanted me to see the doctor, but I refused, telling him I was fine and there was nothing to worry about.”
I have a feeling I know where this story is going.
“It was the middle of the night when I woke up Michael screaming in agony. I was also bleeding. By the time Michael got me to the hospital I was so out of it. I don’t remember all the details or what took place over the next few hours. But I do remember Michael stayed with me the whole time, even when they wrapped my tiny baby up and handed him to me.”
She's Captured my Love (Captured #4) Page 18
