Fuck.
“He looked so perfect. I didn’t know at that stage he would look just like a sleeping baby. I was so naïve, but then I hadn’t known I was pregnant to start with. I will always have the memory of how my tiny son looked in my arms. I was allowed to leave the hospital later that same afternoon, once the doctors were satisfied with me. Michael spent the next few days covering for me with my family. I’m sure Alex thought something was going on between us.”
I’m sure he did.
“Michael was my shoulder to cry and lean on in the weeks that followed. He still wasn’t happy about keeping this from the rest of the family, but he did respect my wishes. I suppose I depended on him during those weeks. I wanted to do something nice for Michael, so I cooked his favourite meal one night and opened a bottle of wine. I was and always have been comfortable in his company. But one bottle of wine lead to another, then another and before I knew it I threw myself at him.”
This I didn’t expect, she’s still clearly upset as she speaks and tells her story.
“But he refused me, pushing me away. Saying it wasn’t right and how we would both regret it in the morning. He was trying to let me down gently because he was well aware of how unstable I was. He ended up putting me to my bed and sat with me all night, making sure I was okay.”
I sit and digest her story. It’s tragic. She has been through a lot. And I hate seeing her this upset. But James’s words from earlier are haunting me. Something isn’t adding up. I know Sophie would’ve been a great mum to her son, I’ve seen her with Lucy.
“I know how hard that must’ve been to share with me, but I’m glad you did. Are you okay?” I ask her.
“Yes, I’m fine. It’s just been a while since I thought about that. Other than Michael and James, of course, you are the only other person that knows. I couldn’t tell my mom I know how she would react. I didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on her face.”
“What about James?” I ask, thinking he must have been in touch. “What did he say?”
“Michael went and saw him a few days after I was released from the hospital to tell him what had happened. Michael blames himself and James for me losing the baby. James; all he could say was it was for the best. How is me losing my baby boy for the best?”
“I don’t know.”
“It was best for James, alright, meant he didn’t have to acknowledge his baby.”
“Sophie . . .” I look at her and she squeezes her eyes closed, shutting me out again. “Sophie, I have a question?”
“Yes.”
“Are you using Lucy as a replacement for your lost baby?” I ask before I think. The words are out of my mouth and I know it’s too late to take them back when I see the hurt in her eyes.
“Is that what you think?” Her body starts to shake again, her shoulders slump forward and instantly I know I can’t take it back.
“I don’t know what to think. This between us has happened so fast and you are always keen to show attention to Lucy.”
“I can’t believe you let the words pass your lips. I love both you and Lucy.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it.”
“Ethan, I want you to go.”
“Please, Sophie, I want to be here for you.”
“Go! Just fucking leave,” she screams at me, lashing out with her hands. Pushing me away. “I don’t want you anywhere near me.” I feel sick as she lashes out. I’ve now done the one thing I promised Alex I would never do. The pain Sophie is in, I’ve caused.
Me. I’ve done this to her. I can’t believe I would say that to her, because deep down within my heart I know it’s not true.
I leave reluctantly. I’ve well and truly fucked up.
Me and my fucking mouth.
I SIT AT THE BAR, drowning my sorrows. Wallowing in my own self-pity. The bartender must think I’m having my very own fucking pity party. I’m sure he’s getting ready to refuse me the next drink. Or maybe he’s trying to suss out if I’m going to cause trouble. But I don’t care, every drink has helped. Helped me to feel numb. If he does decide to stop serving me, I’m sure I can go to my room and start on the mini-bar.
My room. Shit! I don’t have a fucking room now. I will need to try and get one for tonight, or maybe I can just crash on the couch in Libby’s suite.
I should have gone and found Libby and took care of Lucy myself, but if truth be told, I couldn’t face her. My sister can be a tad intimidating at times. I’m not ashamed to admit she fucking scares me. I know she would give me hell for what I said to Sophie. Shit, Alex will probably hang me up by my balls for it. I know I would do it for my sister. That makes me think I should let Libby know what’s happened so she can go and check on Sophie. Make sure she is alright.
I’ll just have another drink before I go looking for Libby.
I can’t believe I just walked out without even trying to speak to her. I wasn’t even man enough to make sure she was alright. She had just bared her soul to me. Told me her biggest secret, that she has carried almost on her own, and what did I do? Questioned her motives for being with me. If I’m honest with myself I know deep down within my heart, she loves us both not just Lucy. Or at least that’s what I’m hoping because, if she doesn’t I don’t know if I will cope. The love I feel for Sophie is unexplainable; I never knew I could feel like this for anyone. Never have I experienced the depths of the feelings I have for Sophie.
She shouldn’t be on her own. Not now.
Yeah, I’m a fucking arsehole. With a capital A.
I wish I could go back in time, even to a couple of hours ago, because then I wouldn’t have said those words and hurt the one person who means as much to me as Lucy. If I could take it back of course I would. I hate myself for adding to her pain today.
I can’t believe today started so good and now look at it. I blame James Andrews. That man obviously has no fucking heart. He deliberately set out earlier to cause trouble with Sophie and me, just as he did to Alex and Libby only a few short months ago. I have half a mind to go looking for him and hurt him as much as he has hurt Sophie.
I pick up my glass and take a drink, finishing it in one mouthful I put it down on the bar. The bartender brings over the bottle of whisky and pours another with a shake of his head. I could grow to like him maybe he’s not so bad.
“Well, well have you and Sophie had a falling out?” His voice sneers over my shoulder. I don’t turn because I would recognise his voice anywhere. My blood boils thinking of the pain and suffering he has caused both Sophie and Libby. “I think I’ll join you for a drink.”
If I’m an arsehole, Christ knows what that makes him.
The bartender approaches with the whiskey. “Don’t bother pouring, he’s not staying.” I turn to James, now rising from the stool. I’m standing only inches from his face and right now all I want to do, is wipe the smug look from his face. I clench my hands in a fist at the side of my body, one hit. Just one hit would be enough.
“You will do no such thing. You really are a nasty piece of shit. I never liked you when I knew what you did to Libby and Alex. That was low, but this? What you’ve done to Sophie is beyond words. Your words earlier made it sound as if you both lost a baby. That you actually cared. But you are a cold-hearted bastard,” I shout and swing a punch and it lands him square on the face. He stumbles, but quickly regains his composure. I lift my other hand, to hit him again.
“That one I’ll let you have because I can see you are upset. Upset at finding out it’s not you she really wants, just your daughter. She wants to replace our baby.”
“ENOUGH. What the hell is going on?” Alex’s raised voice distracts me just as James retaliates, hitting me just below my eye.
“Ethan!” Libby calls. I turn and find my sister standing with my daughter in her arms. Shit! I’m glad Lucy is too young to see this, her daddy in a fight.
“You stay put,” Alex tells me with a glare. “And you, I heard enough of the conversation. So, I think it’s about t
ime you and I had a chat. A baby, you had better fricken explain. You and Sophie with a baby.”
“Alex!” Libby’s voice sounds like a warning. I should know, she’s called my name many a time with that very same tone.
“I don’t need to do anything. This, for once doesn’t concern you, it doesn’t even concern Ethan,” James says.
“I think you’ll find it does concern me. You’ve really messed with her today and I won’t stand for it,” I state. “You get some sort of kick from causing grief and upsetting others? She’s in fucking pieces.”
“So, if she’s in pieces what the hell are you doing here?”
“Gents.” The bartender walks toward us.
“It’s fine,” Alex says calmly. “There will be no more trouble.”
“Fucking speak for yourself,” I shout. “I want to kill him.” I lunge at him again, but two arms drag me back. I turn to see who is behind me, Michael. “As for you, you should have dealt with this piece of scum at the time, for what he did to Sophie. I can’t believe you would stand back knowing and do absolutely nothing about him. Call yourself a friend? If he had been dealt with, then maybe he wouldn’t have caused my sister so much grief either.”
Michael looks taken aback. But then he would; this is a secret that he has kept to himself.
Why did I have to open my big mouth?
“Ethan, stop it. This isn’t helping anyone,” Michael tells me.
“Ethan, come and take Lucy.” My sisters voice is stern and her face straight as I look toward where she stands.
“No. I’ve had too much to drink to look after her now.” It’s true I would never sit and drink like this if I had Lucy to look after.
“Where is Sophie?” Libby asks.
“In her room, maybe you should go and see her, but I wouldn’t take Lucy.”
“Why ever not?”
“Are you worried she is just using you for your b . . .” I don’t let him finish, pulling free of Michael’s hold, I don’t hold back. Hitting him once, twice before Alex and Michael both hold me back.
“Libby, take Lucy out of here and go and check on Sophie,” Michael tells her over the noise. She leaves with the shake of her head, drawing me a look of disgust. I struggle in their hold, trying to break free. But they both manage to keep hold of me.
“Ethan, have you calmed down yet?”
“I still want to fucking kill him, but I am calmer.” Alex lets go of me and I sit back on the stool.
I signal to the bartender for another drink. He studies me, trying to work out if I’m going to cause more trouble, before filling my glass. I thank him. This might help me.
I was just sitting here minding my own business, not bothering a soul. Why did James have to approach me?
“I’m expecting someone to tell me what the hell is going on. And seeing as you seem to be involved.” Alex speaks directly to James. “You should start explaining.”
“I have nothing to say to you, Alex. It’s in the past and that’s where it should stay. This isn’t your concern; it’s between me and Sophie, no one else,” James says turning and walking away. Alex tries to stop him, but Michael stops Alex. Leaving James to walk away from all the chaos he’s caused today.
Fucking typical.
“I’ll tell you, even though this isn’t my story to share. Before I start you have to try and not overreact. Sophie didn’t want anyone knowing this,” Michael tells him.
This should be good.
I wave the bartender over for more drinks, because I have a feeling Alex is going to need it when he hears this story. God, Michael could very well be on the receiving end of Alex overreacting, given he kept this from his best friend.
I sit and drink my whisky as Michael tells Alex the story about Sophie and her baby. To say he’s shocked is an understatement. He curses more than a few times and also hammers his fist down on the bar. He shouts angrily at Michael, telling him this is something that he shouldn’t have kept to himself. I’ve never seen Alex so angry.
“When she was staying with you for so long, I thought there was something going on between the two of you,” Alex tells Michael. “You weren’t going out as much and I just presumed, wrongly, that you two were an item.”
“Sophie might not be a blood relative to me, but she is my sister. I love her the same as you do and would do anything for her. There has never been anything like that between us, although she did throw herself at me at the same time as all this was going on.”
“Fuck!” says Alex. “I hope you let her down gently?”
“Of course I did. It wasn’t something either of us had wanted. Sophie was just wanting to forget about everything.” That sounds familiar.
“I don’t know what to say about all this,” says Alex resting his head in his hands. “I now know how you feel, Ethan, because I really want to go looking for James and finish what you started.”
“Guy’s, not to point out the fucking obvious, but shouldn’t Sophie be the one you both go to? The one person you should be thinking about. She has carried this secret for years; she must be devastated that it’s come out in the way it has. There is also the small matter of your parents. This little incident is bound to get back to them, so you are going to have to think about what you tell them.” He turns to me. “So why are you sitting drowning your sorrows in the bar alone? You should be with Sophie. She needs your support,” Michael asks me wide eyed.
“Because she threw me out.”
“Why?” Alex asks the question I don’t want to answer.
“Because I said something I shouldn’t have.” That’s all he’s getting from me. There’s no way I’m telling him, given the mood he’s in; I value my life.
“Ethan, I warned you about fucking hurting her. I told you what would happen.”
“Cool it. Just rein it in. I’m not the only one who has fucked up recently. You need to remember that.”
“Ethan, don’t push your fucking luck. I will admit when I’m wrong, especially when it comes to Libby. Right now I don’t know what you’ve said to her, and maybe I’m better off not knowing. All I will say, if you love her as much as I think you do, go and sort it out before it is too late and you don’t get the chance to.”
I take another drink, needing some comfort from this glass. Or is it bravery I need? I’m sure I’m going to have a fight on my hands just getting her to see me.
“I don’t think she will see me. I was going to ask if I could kip on the couch in your room.”
“Ethan, grow a set and go and see her,” Alex says.
“You’ve spent too much time with my sister, that’s something she would say.” Michael smirks, understanding me. Yeah, my sister has him exactly where she wants him.
“Look, Ethan, if you can’t sort things with Sophie there’s a sofa in my room you can sleep on,” says Michael.
“Thanks. I am going to have one more drink before going to see her, are you both joining me?”
The three of us end up having more than one drink as we sit at the bar. As much as the alcohol is making me feel numb, I don’t feel pissed, which is a good thing for when I do face Sophie. But maybe I should order a black coffee, it might help clear my mind.
“You are a fucking arse.” I turn to face my angry sister and she slaps me across the face. She holds a sleeping Lucy in her other arm.
“Libby, what the hell?” Alex steps toward her and takes Lucy from her grip. He stands now rocking my daughter lightly in his arms. I know he’s going to blame me for this. Alex is just a bit more protective of Libby now that she is carrying the twins. “Baby, you need to calm down. You being angry and upset isn’t good for the babies.”
“Angry? This isn’t me angry, is it, Ethan?” I shake my head because I know I’ve seen her a lot worse. “So everything Sophie has just told me, is it true?”
“Yes,” I answer her straight away.
“I can’t believe you would just leave her after she told you.”
“She threw me OUT. What
do you want me to do? I didn’t mean what I said.”
“Tell her that. Be prepared to put up more of a fight,” she says. “Some things in life you need to fight for. Some things are worth the fight.”
“I don’t think I’ve any fight left in me.”
“I think we’ve had a very similar conversation. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Now get your act together and grow up, for your own sake. Because if you don’t, you will lose her for good.”
I half smile knowing very well we’ve had this conversation, only it was under slightly different circumstances.
“You’ve said your piece, baby, let’s get this little one settled for the night,” says Alex glancing between Libby and Lucy. I lift myself from the stool and kiss my sister on her cheek. She always manages to give me the boot up the arse I need, along with a few home truths.
“Wish me luck.”
“Luck had better be with you, because if you break my sister’s heart . . . Well let’s just say it won’t be pretty,” Alex tells me.
“Message received loud and clear.”
I’VE BEEN STANDING OUTSIDE OUR room door now for a few minutes, it could be longer. Time seems to have stopped for the moment. I have the card in my hand, not yet finding the courage to open the door and face her. I know I need to get this over with. It could go one of two ways; she either tells me to leave permanently, or she accepts my grovelling apology and we can move on and start building a life for us.
I know which one I want.
Taking a deep breath, I finally find the courage to swipe the card.
Opening the door, the first thing I notice is it’s dark and cold in the sitting room. Although there is a glimmer of light shining under the bedroom door. I stop in the middle of the room, that’s when I hear her. It’s faint but I do hear and it’s partially my fault. I open the door to the bedroom.
She's Captured my Love (Captured #4) Page 19
