‘Look, we’ll stay with him tonight. And we promise, if there’s even the slightest change, we’ll give you a call. Why don’t you come back in the morning and do the day shift? You’ve had a tough couple of hours. You look as though you could do with catching up on your sleep.’ He stroked her cheek tenderly and she felt her eyes fill with tears again.
Now he mentioned it, Ruby realised how utterly exhausted she felt. She looked down at Finn, her heart filling with sadness. He looked beautiful. If it weren’t for all the tubes and the unfamiliar surroundings, she could just imagine that he was lying in her double bed, sleeping in on one of their lazy weekend mornings. She suppressed a sigh. Whatever happened to Finn now, she knew there’d be no more of those special mornings; her actions tonight had put paid to that, one way or the other.
‘You promise you’ll call me?’
‘Of course we will.’ Gerry took hold of her hand with one of his, and slipped his other hand into his wife’s palm, gently squeezing their fingers in a show of strength and unity. She knew they must both be experiencing the same sense of fear and desolation that she was feeling. Finn was their only child. The light in their lives. If that light were to go out, Ruby knew there’d only be one person to blame. Even if they could ever find it in their hearts to forgive her, she knew she’d never be able to forgive herself.
Chapter Four
Ruby climbed out of the taxi, paid the driver and stood looking up at her block of flats, contemplating for a moment at how unremarkable the building appeared. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but she hadn’t been prepared for how normal everything looked after what had been an earth-shattering event to Ruby. Why hadn’t the bricks crumbled? Why were the lights still shining inside? How come people were still going about their business as though none of this had ever happened? Ruby’s life had spun on its axis, yet life seemed to be going on as normal for everyone else.
‘Ru-bee!’ The shriek came from across the other side of the road and Ruby turned to see Laura waving, running towards her, a big smile on her face. ‘Hi, darling, where have you been? I’ve been knocking on your door for the last ten minutes and you’ve not been picking up your mobile. I was getting worried. Thought you might have bottled out again and disappeared into the sunset with Finn.’ Laura’s sunny expression clouded as soon as she got close to Ruby. ‘Oh, God, you look like death! What’s the matter? What’s happened? Did it not go well?’
‘No, Laura. It didn’t go well. It was awful, just awful.’
Ruby was shaking now, her teeth chattering, her whole body finally giving into the enormity of what had happened.
‘Crikey, look at you,’ said Laura, taking her jacket off and placing it round Ruby’s shoulders. ‘You’re shivering. Let’s get you inside and you can tell me all about it.’
‘I can imagine how bad it was.’ Laura steered her through the double doors of the apartment block out of the cold. ‘But at least you’ve done it now. It was never going to be easy, but you’ll feel better about it after a good night’s sleep. Honestly, you will.’
She had no idea, thought Ruby. No idea, whatsoever. At the moment she couldn’t imagine a time when she would ever feel better about it. She wasn’t sure she could even face telling Laura what had happened, having to go over all the gory details for another time. They walked together up the three flights of stairs, with Ruby trying to eradicate on one side the soothing words coming from her worried friend and, on the other side, the images tormenting her mind of Finn’s helpless body tumbling down the stairs. Breathless and heady when she reached her flat, she fumbled with the key in her door, desperate to get inside and away from the unwelcome reminders in the hallway.
She fell into the flat followed by Laura, who Ruby knew was doing her best not to bombard Ruby with a dozen questions.
As soon as she was inside Ruby’s legs gave way beneath her and she leant against the nearest wall for support, her body slinking down to the floor. All the anger and energy she’d been holding onto flooded out in a tumble of tears.
Laura crouched down onto her haunches beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
‘Come on, Ruby. You can’t sit here. Come through into the living room. I’ll make you a cup of tea. Have you had anything to eat?’
Ruby rolled her eyes in the direction of the dinner table.
‘Oh, yes, of course. I’d forgotten about that. Well, maybe a coffee, then,’ she said, clocking the empty wine bottles.
Ruby fell onto the sofa, dropping her head onto a cushion and drawing her knees up to her chin. She stayed in that position for a few minutes before Laura reappeared with the coffees and a plate of biscuits. Unfortunately, heartbreak had never put Ruby off her food, only causing the opposite effect, and she eagerly helped herself to a Hobnob.
‘So, come on, then. Do you want to tell me what happened?’
Through tears Ruby told her the sequence of events. Hearing her own words and seeing Laura’s horrified expression at the unfolding of the story, she still could hardly believe it herself. It had gone from an almost romantic dinner à deux to Finn fighting for his life within a few moments.
‘I can’t believe it.’ Laura buried her head in her hands. ‘Not Finn. It doesn’t seem possible. What did the doctors say?’
‘He’s in a coma. They’re not sure of the extent of the damage he’s done to his brain. They won’t know that until he wakes up. If he wakes up…’
Laura visibly flinched before jumping up from her seat and throwing her arms round Ruby in a bear-crushing hug. ‘Of course, he’ll wake up. We have to be positive about this. He’s a fit, strong man. He’s had a nasty fall, that’s all. A couple of days and he’ll be sitting up in bed charming the socks off all the nurses.’
‘I don’t know,’ sighed Ruby, at last voicing the fear that had been residing in her heart ever since Finn had landed in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs. ‘I’m not sure I share your confidence. The doctors were very cagey about his prognosis. This is all my fault, you know that.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ Laura delved into her jacket pocket and pulled out a grotty used tissue, using it to mop the tears from Ruby’s eyes.
‘You mustn’t blame yourself. You weren’t to know this would happen. Honestly, Ruby, you have nothing to feel guilty about.’
‘I do blame myself though. Wouldn’t you know, the day I choose to tell him we’re finished is the day he’s offered a partnership at his firm?’
‘Really?’ Laura grimaced. ‘Oh, no!’
‘I know. I don’t know what I was thinking. I should never have done it.’ She fell silent for a moment before casting her gaze at Laura. ‘I wish you hadn’t talked me into doing it.’
‘Woah, wait a minute!’ Laura sat up straight on the sofa, pulled her shoulders back and turned to face Ruby. ‘I’m really sorry for what’s happened to Finn, but don’t you dare go laying the blame on me. I didn’t ask you to do it. This is what you wanted, Ruby. Or have you forgotten that? What about all those late-night conversations we had? About whether or not Finn was the one. I think you came to the pretty decisive conclusion that he wasn’t.’
‘I know, I know.’ She tipped her head back against the sofa, exasperation colouring her words. ‘I’m sorry, but I think I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life. The last thing I wanted was for Finn to be hurt like this. I know it sounds stupid, but I didn’t think he’d be that upset. Finn’s not the type of man to be on his own for long. I thought he’d walk away, nursing his wounded pride, and then a few months down the line he’d meet another lawyer type, someone he could live out his happy ever after with. Now not only have I given him a broken heart, he’s got a broken head too.’
Laura’s mouth twisted in a smile.
‘Look, it’s happened and all the talking in the world isn’t going to change that. You’re just going to have to deal with the here and now, both of you.’
Ruby sighed, her bones aching with exhaustion, her skin now free of the mak
e-up she’d applied earlier, all the tears she’d shed having wiped her face clean. Her eyelids closed involuntarily, but immediately her mind was flooded by thoughts of Finn’s accident. Her eyes pinged open again; she didn’t want to face those images yet. She felt a warm surge of gratitude that Laura was here, looking at her fondly.
‘You look lovely,’ she said, noticing for the first time that Laura was wearing a floral floaty dress and only just realising the significance of such a rare event. ‘Oh, my goodness, your date! How did it go?’
Laura shrugged and rolled her eyes heavenwards.
‘It was a disaster. Yep, I know, another one. I’m coming to expect nothing less.’
‘Really? I thought you had high hopes for…what was his name…Max?’
She nodded.
‘I did, but I didn’t like him.’ She shuddered and pulled a face. ‘He did this weird thing of talking in different voices. He would just change accent mid-conversation. It was part of his act apparently, but over a get-to-know-you drink it was all a bit odd. It was as though he had multiple-personality disorder.’
‘Blimey. I guess there are some strange people out there.’
‘I know! And I think I’ve dated most of them now.’ She sighed and stretched her arms out in front of her. ‘Still, I reckon my luck has to change soon.’
‘Too true. Mr Perfect will be out there waiting for you somewhere.’
‘You reckon? Well, I really hope it doesn’t take too long to find him. I’m getting a bit fed up now with the dating lark. Having to look lovely and be scintillating company each night gets a bit wearing after a while. Although sometimes I wonder why I bother. It’s not as though my dates go to the same amount of trouble.’ She gave a rueful smile, looking across at Ruby. ‘Funny to think I’m putting all this time and effort into finding my Mr Perfect and you’ve been doing your best to get rid of yours.’
‘You make it sound as though I’ve been deliberately trying to finish Finn off.’
Laura quirked an eyebrow and pursed her lips together in a look of mischievousness.
‘Well, I did wonder if you pushed him down those stairs.’
‘Laura! That’s a terrible thing to say!’
‘I’m only teasing you. Finn will be all right, I’m sure of it.’
Ruby sighed, wishing she could share in Laura’s positivity.
‘Do you really think so? But what if he’s not all right, Laura? What if he dies? Or if he stays in a coma for the rest of his life? If he does wake up he might be brain damaged and need twenty-four-hour care.’ She scrunched the hair at her temples between her fingers. ‘Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? To think that I’m the one responsible for Finn’s condition. It’s horrible. No, whatever happens now, I’m determined to stand by Finn. To see him through all this. I owe him that much at least.’
‘Oh, God! I hadn’t thought of that.’ Now it was Laura’s turn to sigh dramatically. ‘Wouldn’t that be an awful twist of fate? To think that you finally get round to dumping your boyfriend only then to be chained to him for an entire lifetime because of a freak accident that leaves you feeling indebted to him out of a sense of guilt.’ She shuddered exaggeratedly. ‘It’s like the plotline of a Hollywood blockbuster!’
‘Would you just stop it, Laura? You’re not helping—you’re not helping at all. This is my life we’re talking about here. Not a film. And this morning, apart from the small matter of having to dump my boyfriend, my life was looking pretty damn good and now in the space of a few hours it’s all crumbled around me. If Finn doesn’t wake up, I don’t know how I’ll ever live with myself.’
‘Look, obviously that’s the worst-case scenario,’ said Laura, trying to drag Ruby out of the pit of despair she’d helped to create. ‘It probably won’t come to that. And besides now is not the time to make any rash decisions. He’ll probably come round in a few days’ time, if not sooner, probably tomorrow, I bet, and then everything will be fine again. Everything will be back to normal.’
‘Yes,’ said Ruby, nodding her head maniacally as though if she did that enough times it might actually make it come true.
‘Yes,’ said Laura, joining her in the nodding frenzy. ‘Everything will be absolutely fine.’
They both did more of the nodding thing, although neither of the girls were doing a good job of convincing the other that they actually believed any of it.
Chapter Five
‘Hello!’ The next morning Ruby eased open the door of Finn’s room, her heart pounding in her chest, desperate to see him and yet not really wanting to find out what was waiting for her on the other side.
She’d fallen asleep almost immediately last night after Laura had put her into bed, but she’d awoken again three hours later and had spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, the memory of Finn’s body tumbling down the stairs playing over and over in her mind. She’d thought about getting up and making a cup of tea, but she hadn’t wanted to disturb Laura, who’d insisted on staying over and was sleeping on the sofa.
Now, though, her lack of sleep was firing her veins, the surroundings of the hospital seeming reassuring and terrifying in equal measure.
‘Hello, love.’ Gerry stirred in the armchair next to Finn’s bed, when Ruby entered the room. His eyes, the same deep searching blue eyes as his son’s, flickered open. ‘I think I must have nodded off.’
‘Where’s Jan?’ Ruby asked, looking around and lowering her voice as though she didn’t want to wake Finn when in fact she longed for the very opposite.
‘I told her to go home. To make some phone calls and then to get some rest. There’s no point in us both sitting here staring morosely at Finn. She’s going to come in this evening and stay overnight.’
‘Oh, okay. Has there been any change?’ She looked at Finn, already knowing the answer.
Gerry shook his head and gave a wry smile.
‘I don’t really expect there to be yet. Perhaps we’ll find out more today.’ He stood up, stretching his arms above his head. ‘What about you? Did you manage to get any sleep?’
‘A little, although I kept waking up thinking about the accident. You just wonder, don’t you? If only Finn hadn’t come round last night or if we’d met in a restaurant instead of at the flat or if he’d left just a little bit earlier or a little bit later, then maybe none of this would ever have happened.’
‘Don’t torment yourself over it, Ruby. This really isn’t your fault. It’s just one of those things. And we can’t change what’s happened. We just have to deal with the here and now.’
‘Yes, of course.’ She didn’t expect anything else other than Gerry’s positivity. Like Finn, he wasn’t one for soul-searching or navel-gazing, he just dealt in plain facts, but she wondered whether in the dark of the night, alone with his only son, he’d entertained any of the terrifying thoughts that she’d been wrestling.
‘Come on, come here and give me a hug.’ He held out his hands to her and she gladly walked into the safety of his embrace. She rested her head on his chest, imagining that his solid, firm body belonged to Finn.
‘He will be all right, won’t he, Gerry?’
‘Hey!’ He pulled back from their embrace, his hands resting on her upper arms, the sincerity in his eyes shining through. ‘Are you kidding? Of course, he’s going to be all right. He has to be. I’ve always had an instinct as far as Finn is concerned and every instinct in my body is telling me that he’s going to pull through this. Whatever Finn has to face in the coming days and weeks, we’ll be there to help him through it, won’t we?’
Ruby nodded mutely, that familiar gnawing sensation of guilt stirring in her stomach. Should she tell him? Wouldn’t this be the ideal opportunity, alone with Finn’s father, to tell him how she’d invited his son over for one reason alone: to give him the news that she didn’t want to marry him any more? She should let him know that Finn hadn’t left her flat in a good frame of mind, but had been barely keeping a lid on his anger when he’d strode away from her fro
nt door. His mind had been distracted when he’d taken that fateful first step down the stairs that sent him crashing to the floor. Didn’t Gerry and Jan have a right to know all that?
She thought they probably did, but they were suffering enough as it was. Offloading her guilty secret to them would only make them feel a lot worse and cause a huge amount of additional tension that she really couldn’t face at the moment. No, it would need to remain her little secret for the time being. She sighed, burying herself back into the warmth of Gerry’s jumper, closing her eyes, wishing she could stay there for ever. Wishing that when she opened her eyes again she could return to being the favoured future daughter-in-law and not the evil ex-girlfriend she now found herself cast as.
She looked up into Gerry’s eyes.
‘Yeah.’ She bit on her lip to stop the tears that were gathering in her eyes from falling. ‘He’s going to be okay and we’re all going to be there for him when he wakes up.’
He nodded reassuringly and she wondered if she didn’t notice a moistening in his eyes too.
‘I’ll go and grab you a coffee before I go. I hope you’ve brought a paper or a book to read. I think you might be in for a long day.’
***
Ruby had actually come well prepared. She’d brought along a book and a paper to read, some knitting—a jumper for Finn—and a drawing pad and some pencils in case she suddenly found the urge, but it became apparent, within minutes of Gerry leaving, that she had neither the inclination or the concentration to do any of those things. Instead her gaze travelled around the hospital room fixing all the details in her mind. The small window with the floral curtains, the empty vase, the bedside cabinet with the jug of squash, the small sink, the hand sanitiser, the tubes and machinery with their oddly distracting flashing lights, all the numbers tormenting her with the numerous possibilities of their meanings. They, and the constant visits from the nurses and doctors, all conspired to add to the low-level anxiety that permeated the room. Well, if Ruby was being honest, her anxiety levels were sky-high, but she was doing a good job of trying to keep a lid on them.
Hopelessly Devoted to You Page 4
