Hopelessly Devoted to You

by Jill Steeples

  Thankfully over dinner no one mentioned Finn’s bombshell, which was an almighty relief and not in the least bit awkward. Well, only as awkward as it might be if someone had mentioned they’d murdered their granny and the dog and buried them under the patio. So not very awkward at all. She decided that the best way to get through the rest of the evening was by smiling, pretending that whole episode had never happened and throwing back her head and laughing when spoken to. She really wasn’t up to any deeper interactions.

  Far too much champagne had been imbibed by everyone and too much good food consumed and everyone’s mood was frivolously mellow, if that was possible. When the band started playing and the rest of their table departed enthusiastically for a bop, Finn edged his chair up to Ruby’s and took hold of her hand.

  ‘So tell me. What was it you wanted to say earlier?’

  ‘You know,’ she said, waving a hand in front of her face pretending to be sober. ‘I just wanted to ask what that was all about back there, why you turned down the offer from Owen. Why you didn’t tell me what…’

  ‘No.’ Finn laughed, stopping her in mid-flow. ‘Not that. I’m going to tell you all about that later. I meant when we were outside earlier, you said there was something you wanted to tell me. What was it?’

  ‘Oh that,’ she said, remembering. It seemed such a long time ago now. ‘It wasn’t important.’ She shook her head wildly. ‘It can wait until later.’ She patted him on the knee. ‘Until we are alone together.’

  ‘No, I want you to tell me now,’ said Finn, his tone suddenly serious.

  ‘Okay,’ said Ruby, her head spinning, wondering how all those other people were managing the dancing thing. She suspected she might fall over if she even attempted to stand up.

  ‘I will tell you,’ she said, poking him in the chest now. ‘What I wanted to tell you…’

  His deep blue eyes were gazing at her intently as he hung onto her every word. She noticed the strong definitions of his jawline and the small indentation below his bottom lip, which was something of a distraction, her train of thought lost to that little delectable spot on his face.

  ‘Yes… What I wanted to tell you…’ she said, trying again, ‘is that…is that I, Ruby Mellors, love you, Finn McRae. There!’ She sat back on her chair, almost falling off sidewards, looking completely exhausted by the exertion of her outpouring.

  It was amazing. She felt liberated by her declaration. Liberated and very drunk too.

  ‘That was what you wanted to tell me?’

  ‘Yes, that’s it! I’ve said it. It’s right out there. For everyone to know. It was very important for me to tell you.’

  ‘It was? And do you really mean it, Ruby?’

  ‘Of course I mean it,’ she said, sounding outraged, trying the sitting-up-straight manoeuvre once again and failing again. Finn caught her by the arm. ‘I wouldn’t have said it if I hadn’t meant it.’

  ‘Right. Okay.’ He nodded, mulling over this monumental piece of news. He leant across and clasped his hands around her face and kissed her on the lips. ‘That’s good, really good because for a moment there I thought you had some other kind of news for me.’

  ‘Other news?’ she said, screwing up her face to look at him. The lights had been dimmed, Maroon Five were reverberating through the dance floor and her head was still doing a whirly-gig thing.

  ‘Yes, I thought you were going to tell me that you didn’t want to marry me.’

  ‘Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha.’ She laughed and she laughed, verging on the wrong side of hysterical, before realising that perhaps she might be overdoing the surprised reaction. ‘Whatever made you think that?’

  ‘I don’t know. Just an instinct I had.’ He was doing that unnerving thing of looking deep into her eyes, seeing through the layers. ‘Say it again.’

  ‘Say what again?’

  ‘That thing you wanted to tell me. What you just told me now.’

  It was easy now. She didn’t know why she’d found it so difficult for so long. She could say it a hundred times over now if she wanted to. She could jump up on this table, throw her arms wide and tell the whole world.

  ‘I love you, Finn.’

  A deeply satisfying smile spread over his lips.

  ‘You know that’s the first time you’ve told me that.’

  ‘Rubbish. That’s absolute rubbish. I’ve told you loads of times.’ She wobbled on her chair again, vowing not to let another drop of champagne pass her lips tonight.

  ‘Not since the accident, you haven’t. Tonight’s the first time.’

  ‘Oh, right. I see. Have you been keeping count, then?’

  ‘Yes. If you must know. I have.’

  She smiled sheepishly.

  ‘Well, I’m really sorry about that, Finn.’

  What an idiot she’d been. She’d never suspected Finn would guess her real feelings, but she should have given him more credit than that. He wasn’t stupid and this had only shown her how close she’d come to losing everything. She was just relieved he wouldn’t be able to see her cheeks tinging pink with guilt in the subdued lighting.

  ‘I love you, Finn McRae.’

  ‘That’s really good news,’ he said, with a smile, touching her cheeks with his fingers, ‘because I was beginning to wonder about that, Ruby Mellors.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  ‘Hey, Sleeping Beauty, are you waking up today, or are you going to spend the entire day in bed? I mean if that’s the case then I don’t mind coming back to join you.’

  Finn was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, a mug of tea in his hand, looking at Ruby indulgently.

  ‘Ugh.’ She rolled over in bed, her eyes refusing to open. ‘What time is it?’

  ‘Ten o’clock. How’s the head?’

  ‘Not great,’ she said, putting a hand up to her brow just to make sure it was still there. The events of the previous evening came flooding back in a heady rush. ‘How about you?’

  ‘Good. All good. I was going to spend some time down on the boat, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t about to die on me. Fancy coming with me?’

  ‘No, I can’t. I’m meeting Laura for lunch.’ Slowly she edged her way up the bed, plumping a pillow up behind her to support her back, the sunlight filtering through the curtains forcing her to face the day, bringing her thoughts into focus. ‘Help me out here. Have I just had a really odd dream or did you really turn down Owen’s offer of the partnership last night?’

  Finn gave a wry smile.

  ‘Oh, good, so you weren’t that drunk, then?’

  ‘But why, Finn? I don’t understand. Being made a partner, it was everything you ever wanted.’

  ‘Yep.’ He nodded. ‘It was. At one time. But I’ve changed, if you hadn’t noticed.’ He quirked an eyebrow and her stomach went into free fall. ‘It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while now—well, since I came round from the accident. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things actually. My job, you, our relationship. What it is I want to do for the rest of my life.’

  ‘Oh, right,’ she said, feeling uneasy. What exactly had he been thinking about their relationship? she wondered. She was the one with the doubts. Not him. If there was one thing she’d been sure of, it was Finn’s unstinting love for her.

  ‘For the first time in years I’ve had some time to myself to be able to do the things I really want to do. It’s been an eye-opener.’ He came and put down the mug of tea on the bedside cabinet next to her. ‘I don’t want to go back to working fourteen-hour days. There’s not a lot of fun in that, not when there are so many other things I could be doing.’

  ‘I can see that, Finn, and I can see the change in you. It’s great. You’re much more relaxed and at peace with yourself these days, but I’m just worried that you might wake up in six months’ time and realise you’ve made the wrong decision. You could have just delayed going back to work and decided later what you really wanted to do. I’m sure Owen would have been happy with that arrangement.’
/>   ‘I know, but honestly, Ruby, I’m not going to change my mind. I realise that before the accident, I never stopped to smell the roses.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘It was almost as if I was on this runaway train and there was no way I was going to get off. I was so focused on achieving my goals, of being the perfect son, the perfect employee, the perfect boyfriend, that I never stopped to think if it was actually what I really wanted to do. I was living my life to please everybody else. Now, Ruby, I need to start pleasing myself too.’

  Ruby gulped. She tried to ignore the sense of unease festering inside. She knew exactly what he meant. She’d felt the same being his girlfriend, but she’d never questioned Finn’s commitment to his job and to their relationship. What would it mean for their relationship now that Finn was reassessing everything that was familiar?

  ‘I’m not turning my back on law completely,’ Finn explained. ‘There’s a couple of part-time opportunities I’ve seen, but there’s all sorts of other plans I want to explore. Are you disappointed, Ruby?’

  ‘What? No! Never. It’s what you want to do that’s most important. I just want you to be happy.’ And hadn’t she always been there right at the centre of his happiness? ‘I just don’t want you to have any regrets.’

  ‘No regrets,’ he said with a lazy smile. ‘And what about you? Do you have any regrets about what happened last night? I mean, you do actually remember, don’t you?’

  She stretched lazily beneath the covers, the memories at the forefront of her mind.

  ‘I remember the part where you took advantage of me and seduced me here on the bed. Is that what you mean?’

  ‘I wasn’t talking about that, Ruby,’ he said, completely ignoring her unspoken invitation to jump back into bed with her. ‘I was talking about the part where you told me something you’d been meaning to tell me for a while. Remember?’

  ‘Oh, that! Yes, I remember that. When I told you that I loved you, Finn McRae. Absolutely no regrets at all.’

  ***

  It was only as she was sitting in the coffee shop later that morning, waiting for Laura, that it dawned on her that Finn hadn’t actually told her he loved her in return. Not that she’d necessarily expected him to, then and there, but now she just wondered. She’d been so intent on getting her good news off her chest that she hadn’t even thought about Finn’s response. After all, it wasn’t an issue. She knew how much he loved her. He’d told her enough times recently. The fact that he hadn’t told her after she’d finally got round to telling him wasn’t of any consequence whatsoever. None at all.

  ‘Hello, darling. God, you look wonderful. Whatever you’re on I definitely need some of it.’

  ‘Laura!’ Ruby stood up to greet her friend, giving her a huge bear hug. Since Finn had come out of hospital their regular Tuesday night box set, wine and chocolate fests had suffered and she realised with a pang of guilt how she’d been neglecting her best friend of late and just how much she’d missed her too. ‘Ooh, it’s so lovely to see you. Come and sit down. I’ve ordered you a latte. Hope that’s okay?’

  ‘Great,’ said Laura, pulling out a chair.

  ‘So what’s this amazing news you have to tell me?’ Laura rested her forearms on the table and leant across the table. ‘Oh, God! You’re not pregnant or anything, are you?’

  ‘Stop it.’ Ruby waved a dismissive hand at Laura. ‘I am not pregnant, thank you very much. Why—do I look pregnant?’ She looked down at her tummy, aghast.

  ‘No, not really, although you do have a radiant glow about you. And when you said you had exciting news to tell me, well, I just put two and two together…’

  ‘I know…and got five!’

  Ruby laughed. Not really? What the hell did she mean by not really? She took another surreptitious glance down at her tummy, noticing the squidginess. Okay, she’d have to start the diet and stomach crunches sooner than she’d thought. Still, nothing could spoil her mood. It was just lovely to be with Laura again. And without the thorny issue of Finn and the wedding having to come between them now, she was hopeful that their relationship would get back to normal.

  ‘No, well, not exactly a baby but we do have a new addition to the family. We have a dog—did I tell you that? You must come and visit her.’ She only felt slightly ridiculous saying that.

  ‘A dog?’

  ‘Yes. Means lots of walks and fresh air so that probably accounts for the healthy glow.’ She didn’t like to say that it had probably more to do with the amount of amazing sex she’d been having. The dog story seemed much more wholesome.

  ‘Oh, right, I see,’ said Laura, looking highly doubtful. ‘And the dog, this is your exciting news?’

  ‘Well, amongst other things. Honestly, I don’t really know where to start.’ Her gaze drifted out of the window for a moment. ‘Can I ask you a question?’ she said, leaning across the table.

  Laura nodded eagerly.

  ‘Do you like Finn?’ The question blurted out of her mouth before she’d had chance to stop herself.

  ‘What sort of a question is that? Of course I like Finn. I’ve never not liked Finn. I’ve always thought he’s a wonderful catch. And he’ll make someone a great husband and father. Only I’m not sure that someone’s you.’

  ‘Oh, right, okay, that’s good because I just wondered.’ She ran a fingernail along a groove of the rustic-finished coffee table. ‘He’s given up his job, you know?’

  ‘WHAT?’ Laura grabbed hold of the edge of the table, her eyes wide, her mouth open, her exclamation attracting curious looks from the other customers. She dropped her voice, looking over her shoulders as though they were discussing something of national importance. ‘Why?’

  Ruby shrugged, before explaining what had happened last night.

  ‘Blimey, I can’t believe it,’ said Laura. ‘You don’t think the accident has turned him a bit funny in the head, do you?’ She twirled a finger at her head just in case Ruby was in doubt as to what she meant. ‘He’s clearly not well, is he?’

  ‘That’s what I was worried about, that the accident had affected his thinking, but he says not. He says it’s simply made him appreciate what’s really important to him.’

  ‘You have to admit it’s weird. Coming from Finn it’s really weird. But you know what the one good thing about all of this is, don’t you?’ Laura was animated now, sitting up in her seat and slapping her hands down on the table as though she’d been struck with divine inspiration.

  ‘What?’ said Ruby, not sure she really wanted to hear Laura’s answer.

  ‘Well, you’ve said it yourself. Finn is a changed man. He’s well on the way to recovery now and you don’t need to feel responsible for him any more. You’ve done your bit, above and beyond the call of duty. No one could blame you for walking away now.’

  ‘Hmm, right,’ said Ruby, her attention distracted by a passing waitress. ‘Do you fancy a cream cake?’ she said, seeing a plateful of delicious goodies go by.

  ‘You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?’ said Laura, exasperated.

  ‘Yes, yes, I have,’ said Ruby, smiling, ‘but you don’t understand, Laura. I haven’t told you my most exciting news yet. Well, I’m not really sure how to say this, but the thing is… The thing is, Laura, I’ve fallen in love.’

  ‘Oh. My. God!’ Laura was still hanging onto the table for dear life but she was standing up now, completely oblivious to the fact that everyone else in the place had turned to look at her again.

  ‘Would you sit down?’ Ruby giggled. ‘You’re making a scene. Have a cream scone,’ she said, offering her the plate that had just been delivered by the waitress. This was a special occasion and if they couldn’t have wine then cake would have to be the next best thing.

  ‘Woah. You don’t do things by half, do you? Why didn’t you tell me? This is so exciting. Surprising, but exciting too.’

  ‘Oh, Laura, I’m so happy you’re pleased for me. I wasn’t sure how you’d react. I know it must seem strange. After everything that’
s happened, it’s all a bit sudden really.’

  ‘Of course I’m happy for you. And sudden doesn’t even come close, but this is the best news ever! All I’ve ever been concerned about is your happiness. I just wished you told me sooner, although, with everything else that’s been going on, I understand why you’ve felt unable to.’ She picked up the scone and bit into it, cream squirting out of the side. She licked her lips, relishing every morsel of the cake and every snippet of this unexpected turn in the conversation.

  ‘So come on, then, don’t keep me in suspense any longer. I need to know all the gory details. What’s his name? Where did you meet him? What does he do for a living? Oh, hang on a minute, I know exactly who it is,’ she said, giving the table another bashing. ‘I should have guessed. It’s Hugo, isn’t it? You know, I wondered if there was something going on between you two when I popped into the restaurant the other day. Hugo couldn’t take his eyes off you and everything he’s done for you these last few weeks, it all makes perfect sense.’

  Now it was Ruby’s turn to splutter on her coffee. She threw back her head and laughed.

  ‘Darling, I can’t blame you,’ Laura enthused. ‘Hugo is an absolute sweetheart and, spending all that time together, something like this was bound to happen.’

  ‘No, no, no. You’ve got it all wrong.’ Ruby couldn’t stop giggling. ‘Honestly, Laura, no wonder you’re not having any luck in love. You really have no idea, do you? I haven’t fallen in love with Hugo. That’s such a ridiculous idea. Hugo’s just a really good friend. And it isn’t someone new I’ve fallen in love with either. Well, I suppose it is in a way, but not in the way you’re thinking. It’s Finn I’ve fallen in love with.’

  ‘Finn?’ Laura’s mouth dropped to the floor. She couldn’t have looked more shocked if Ruby had announced she was marrying a young peasant boy from Outer Mongolia.

  ‘I know it must sound weird after all this time but I think spending so much time together over these last few weeks has really brought us closer. I’ve got to see a different side to him and I’ve realised just how much he’s come to mean to me. It doesn’t matter what his job is, what he wants to do for the rest of his life, none of that is important now. I love Finn for who he is now, Laura, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.’