Former Rain-Forsaken Box Set

by Vanessa Miller

  While Kenneth carried Danae in the house, Elizabeth picked up a sleepy Erin and trotted behind her husband.

  “Look at this house. My God, what have you been doing all week?” Kenneth complained.

  “You may have finally remembered where home is, but don’t think that gives you the right to pick on me.” Elizabeth brushed past Kenneth and took Erin upstairs.

  Kenneth stepped over toys and clothes, as he took Danae upstairs. “Where do you want me to put her?”

  “Put her in our room.”

  He looked at Elizabeth. The coldness was in his eyes again. “I’ll put her in your bed. Hopefully, it’s not filthy in there too.”

  “On second thought, Erin is going to sleep with me tonight. You can take Danae into the guest room with you.” She turned her back to him, strutted into her bedroom and laid Erin on the bed.

  He stood in the hallway, an exasperated look on his face. “Well what am I supposed to do with Danae all night?”

  Elizabeth stomped over to the doorway of her bedroom. “Do what any decent father would – take care of her.” As he opened his mouth to respond, she slammed the door in his face. She leaned up against the door and sighed. “I’m sorry, Lord, but he makes me so mad.”

  17

  Elizabeth and Nina were at Red Lobster grubbing during an all-you-can-eat crab-legs night. Elizabeth told her about an in-home Bible study group that her brother held monthly. Nina realized she needed something to do that involved the Lord and no drama. Isaac made his rounds to Marguerite’s house once a week. Each time, he arrived with someone different. A realtor, a dressmaker, the manager of a children’s store, anybody he could find to help make Nina’s life easier. She knew he was trying to make up for beating her at the abortion clinic, but she had already forgiven him. All she wanted now was to be left alone. Nina refused to take anything from Isaac. She told him that the Lord would make a way for her. That finally did the trick. He stormed out of the house, vowing that he was through trying to help hardheaded, stubborn people like her.

  “That sounds good. Is your brother a good teacher?” Nina asked.

  “I’ve never attended one of his classes, but I think he knows his stuff.”

  Nina cracked open one of her crab legs and stuffed the meat in her mouth. “If he can help me make sense of what I’ve been reading, count me in,” she told Elizabeth, as she cracked another leg and swallowed the succulent contents.

  “Slow down, girl,” Elizabeth said while laughing.

  “Hey, I’m eating for two. I’m allowed to pig out.”

  By the time they finished eating and talking, Nina and Elizabeth were both convinced that they needed a break from the toil and trouble of their dramatic lives. They had a hunger to know more about the Lord, so they decided to join Michael’s study group.

  The first month they attended, Elder Michael expounded on the book of Hebrews and Romans. “Turn in your Bible to the book of Hebrews chapter eleven, verse six.” While the pages turned, Michael told the group, “I want to get you hooked on faith.” They had only been attending The Rock for a month, but in that time, Elizabeth and Nina had discovered the location of quite a few books in the Bible. And if they couldn’t easily find something, they knew how to locate the table of contents.

  When the pages stopped turning, Michael read:

  “But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.”

  One of the original members of the Bible study group lifted his head. “So you can’t even believe in God without faith, huh?”

  “Correct. That’s why faith is so important to God.” After a sufficient pause, Michael told the group, “Turn to Romans chapter ten, verse seventeen, and we’ll find out how we can obtain faith.”

  The pages started turning again. “Could you read this verse for us, Elizabeth?” Elder Michael asked.

  She looked at her brother. Why did he have to call on her? She had half a mind to tell him to read it himself, but he was not only her brother, he was an Elder in the church. She figured that his position entitled him to a little respect. So she bent her head and began reading. “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.”

  “Okay, so far we’ve learned that faith is the most important thing to God and the only way to obtain faith is by listening to the Word of God.”

  Their meeting continued in the same fashion for the next two hours. Whenever Nina, Elizabeth or any of the other group members didn’t understand a certain concept, Elder Michael would break it down to their level of understanding. At the end of the two hours, Elder Michael told the group to read the entire books of Romans and Hebrews before their next meeting.

  ***

  The next meeting Nina and Elizabeth came back with loads of questions. This faith thing was a lot to grab hold of. They were eager to devour and learn the Word, so they pressed Michael until he was all out of answers. “Okay,” Elder Michael finally said, “I can see that you guys have really been studying the chapters I gave you last month. Do you feel like you’ve got a better understanding of faith now?”

  Numerous nods of affirmation went around the small room.

  “Good! Now I would like to introduce you to the man you have been reading about in Romans and Hebrews.” He then had them turn to the book of Matthew and began reading: “The book of the generations of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham…” he continued reading the entire first chapter of Matthew. Michael then took time to explain how all of these people from generation to generation connected with each other. At the end of their second meeting, he assigned the reading of the book of Matthew.

  They left the meeting full of fire. “This is awesome!” Nina told Elizabeth on their drive back to Marguerite’s house.

  “I know. I can hardly believe how good I feel.”

  Nina sat back in the passenger seat and smiled. “It’s like I’ve got all this stuff stacked against me; I’m going to be a single mom, I’ve got no place to stay, and my baby’s daddy is a drug dealer – but it doesn’t bother me. Somehow, I know that God can help me fix this mess.”

  They pulled up to a red light. Elizabeth looked at Nina and shook her head. “I wish I had your faith. I don’t know if my husband is going to come home from one day to the next. I’m not so sure that God can fix my mess.”

  Nina put her hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder. “It’ll work out. Just don’t stop believing.”

  18

  Elizabeth was in the kitchen going through the cabinets, making a list of the items she would need to pick up from the store for Thanksgiving dinner, which was only a week away. Kenneth was in the family room playing with the girls when the phone rang once and then stopped. Elizabeth looked over at Kenneth. He was still playing with the girls as if nothing was going on. Five minutes later the phone rang once and stopped again.

  This time Kenneth got up and walked up the stairs. Elizabeth waited a few minutes then picked up the telephone in the family room. She heard a woman’s voice say, “Am I going to see you today, baby?”

  Kenneth whispered, “I don’t know about today, Denise. I’m trying to spend some quality time with my kids.”

  Denise spat, “Is she there?”

  “Yeah, Elizabeth’s here. But she’s doing her own thing so I can be with Erin and Danae.” Kenneth let out an exhausted sigh. “For once, she’s not tripping.”

  Elizabeth put her hand on her hip. “Oh, you’re wrong about that, Kenneth. I am definitely tripping.”

  “Elizabeth!” Kenneth exclaimed.

  “Were you expecting someone other than your wife?” Elizabeth replied.

  “Hang up this phone right now! Do you hear me?”

  The sistah-sistah head motion was going now. “Just because you seemed to have lost your mind, don’t think that I’ve lost mine also.”

  “Get off the phone.”

  “Do you think I’m going to let you keep on di
srespecting me like this? Your little tramp has got one more time to call my house playing the hang up game and I’m going-”

  “What are you going to do?” Denise asked Elizabeth.

  “You little home wrecker! Give me your address, and I’ll come over there and show you what I do to no-good-men-stealing strumpets like you!”

  “D-Denise, don’t give her your address. Just hang up – I’ll be over in a minute.” Kenneth hung up the phone and came barreling down the stairs with keys in hand.

  Elizabeth met him in the foyer. “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “Out.”

  “Kenneth, if you open that door, I swear I’ll… I’ll -”

  “Elizabeth, why can’t you accept the fact that we just don’t work anymore?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with us. If you would quit sleeping around, you'd have time to work on your marriage.”

  Kenneth laughed. “Work on my marriage? Elizabeth, I don’t want my marriage – I don’t want you.”

  Now that hurt. But Elizabeth knew how to make him hurt too. She looked around the room trying to find something to lay her hands on. Her eyes feasted on the pedestal in the foyer. Atop it was a very expensive oriental vase Kenneth’s mother gave them as a wedding present. “Well, guess what, Kenneth? I don’t want this,” she told him as she pushed the vase to the floor and watched it shatter into numerous pieces.

  “My mother gave that to us.”

  “Like I care. I never liked your mother anyway.”

  Kenneth released the knob and advanced on her.

  “You want to know what else I don’t want?” Her eyes were full of fury as she picked up the pedestal and flung it at Kenneth’s head.

  He moved out of the way and the pedestal went through the window. Kenneth grabbed Elizabeth’s arms and shook her. “Are you crazy?” he screamed at her. “I just had that window fixed!”

  Her heart was filled with turmoil. She was going through this same drama, and she didn’t know how to stop. Didn’t know how to make it better. She lost all her resolve as she crumpled to the ground. “Why don’t you want me?” she cried in a pitiful tone. “You’re supposed to be different. You promised me you’d be different.”

  Kenneth looked into his wife’s eyes. He saw the pain she carried. He had hurt her deeply, but what could he do? Their life was what they had made it.

  Erin and Danae ran into the foyer. “Mommy, Daddy, what’s wrong?”

  Kenneth released Elizabeth and hugged his children. “Everything’s okay. Don’t worry.”

  Elizabeth looked at the mess she had caused. She saw the look of fear in her daughters’ eyes. “Oh no,” she said. “Not again – not again.” She put her hand over her mouth. “Oh God, what is wrong with me?” She crawled back and forth on the floor until she ended up in a corner rubbing her hair. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  Kenneth put the kids down and went to her. “Liz, Liz.”

  She didn’t respond. Just kept rubbing her face and hair. He picked her up and carried her upstairs. “Talk to me, Liz,” he said as he opened her bedroom door.

  She looked at him as he laid her on the bed. He saw the tears and the regret in her eyes. Eyes that looked like his mother’s had the many times she caught his father cheating. “Don’t you remember?” she asked him.

  “Remember what?”

  “Us, Kenneth. Remember us?” she asked as she brought her knees toward her chest and wrapped her arms around body.

  Kenneth backed away from the bed. “I never meant to hurt you, Liz.” The tears blurred her vision, but he could still see her pain. It was as clear as if he were watching a Mac truck run him over. “This was a mistake, Liz. I shouldn’t have moved back home. I’ll pack my stuff and be out by morning,” he told her, then left the room.

  Elizabeth turned her back on the door. With tears soaking her pillow, she cried out to the Lord, “Please help me, Lord. Please…”

  Long into the night she communed with God. His sweet presence overwhelmed her and filled her with peace. That is, until she heard the words release your pride spoken into her spirit. “What do you mean?” she demanded as she looked toward heaven. “I’ve lost everything. Now you want me to let go of my pride and fall down at Kenneth’s feet?” She tossed and turned through the night unable to accept the gentle guidance of the Lord. “I can’t do it,” she finally told the Lord.

  At 8:00 a.m. the next morning, Elizabeth lay in her bed as Kenneth took his belongings to his car and left. She wanted to run to the garage and beg him to stay – tell him how much she loved and needed him, but she’d never begged for anything, not one single thing in her entire adult life. How could she start now? Kenneth was trying to humiliate her. That was all there was to it, and there was no way she was going to let him get away with it. Let him leave, he’ll be back. But the next time he walks his butt back into this house, it’ll be on my terms, she thought to herself.

  Elizabeth made her decision. Now she set her mind to concentrating on her children and forgetting about Kenneth, but the passing days were so lonely without her man. How could she make it through the day without remembering how things were between them when they first met at Howard University? In those days, Kenneth would hang on her every word. He made her feel important, like she mattered.

  She thought about how Kenneth would laugh at her jokes, no matter how corny. Her mind traveled on the path of midnight love in Kenneth’s dorm room. All at once, Elizabeth’s passionate mind stroll stopped. Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my God, we were sinning.”

  Erin and Danae were on the couch taking their afternoon nap. Elizabeth laid hands on both of them and prayed, “No sex before marriage, in Jesus’ name I pray. Thank You God.”

  On Wednesday, she received a summons to appear at a preliminary divorce hearing the next morning. She picked up the phone to call Kenneth’s office, dialed three digits, then hung up. She sat down on the couch. “I need to think.”

  ***

  As Elizabeth drove to Bible study that night, she kept asking herself what she wanted out of life, and what she was willing to give up to get it. They were having testimony service this evening, which was rare for her church. Numerous people stood and declared the goodness of God. Elizabeth stood up and shouted, “I want my husband back!” She broke down in front of a crowd of three hundred people, and could care less. When she shared her tumultuous life, many saints agreed to fast and pray about the outcome of the divorce hearing she had to attend in the morning.

  Morning came like ice water poured over a warm, unsuspecting body. Determined to get through this day, she pulled her tired body out of that comfortable bed, took a long hot shower and put on a beige linen pantsuit. She dropped the kids off at her mother’s house. As she drove to Kenneth’s lawyer’s office, she remembered how Nina admonished her to never stop believing. Elizabeth also remembered the scripture in Hebrews that talked about faith being the substance of things hoped for. Then she thought, what if I dare to hope that things will work out? What if I just choose to believe that God can fix my mess?

  “Please go with me,” she said to the Lord as she got out of her car and walked into the lawyer’s office.

  When the secretary brought her into the conference room, Kenneth was already seated with his attorney. They looked at Elizabeth. “Gentlemen,” she said with a slight nod of her head as she pulled up a chair and sat down.

  “Where is your lawyer?” Kenneth asked her.

  “I brought all the help I need,” she told him. Then silently prayed, Lord, please be with me.

  Kenneth’s lawyer extended his hand. “I’m Mr. Massey. Sorry we’re not meeting under better circumstances. Okay, well, let’s get down to business, shall we?”

  Kenneth lifted his hands to stall the proceeding. “Why didn’t you bring a lawyer, Liz? This is serious business.”

  She folded her hands in her lap. “I don’t need a lawyer. Just tell me what you want, Kenneth.”

  He loosened his tie. “
Look, Liz, besides joint custody of the girls, all I want is to be able to keep my business. You can have everything else.”

  Mr. Massey shuffled a few papers. “Now that’s fair, wouldn’t you agree?” he asked Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth ignored him. “Kenneth, I have no problem with your request. You want to keep your business and all I want is to keep my husband. I think we can help each other out, don’t you?”

  Kenneth shook his head. “No, Liz. You’re not getting your way this time.”

  She was silent for a moment. Unable to look him in the eye, humbled and with a bowed head, she told him, “I need you, Kenneth. I can’t live without you.”

  “You’ve got a problem then, because I can live without you.”

  “What did I do that was so wrong?” Elizabeth demanded.

  Mr. Massey broke in, “The purpose of today’s meeting is to go over a few preliminary issues. Nothing more.”

  “Please, Kenneth. I need to know.” Elizabeth said.

  He looked at his wife. Her eyes begged him to tell all; to help her understand. He owed her that much, didn’t he? “It wasn’t just one thing, Liz. It was seven years of things. Everything had to be your way. You constantly complained and ridiculed me.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Maybe I shouldn’t have cheated on you. I thought I would be a better man than my father, but I… I. Ah, forget it. Let’s just get this over with.”

  Elizabeth stood up and pushed her chair under the table. “All right, do whatever you want. I don’t have the energy to fight you. I just want to know one more thing.”

  “What’s that?” Kenneth asked.

  A single tear rolled down her cheek. “How did you stop loving me? I’ve loved you since the day we met and I don’t know how to make it go away.” Her shoulders slumped as she turned and walked out of the office. Despair enveloped her, but she was determined not to fall apart. She didn’t know how all of this was going to turn out. But trying to hold on to a man who was ready to go, was like trying to catch the wind. “Lord, I’ve got to let Kenneth go. I place my marriage in Your hands. Your will be done.”