Foolish Me

by Tinnean

  “Miss Su! Shame on you! I’m so sorry, Tim!”

  “It’s okay, she didn’t draw blood.”

  “She’s never done that before.” Not when… when a certain someone who I wasn’t going to think about anymore held me. “I don’t know what’s gotten into her.”

  “Don’t you?” Tim grinned wryly and patted my shoulder. “Maybe she just doesn’t like seeing you with another man.” He picked up Miss Su’s bowls and food. “I’ll take these into the kitchen and meet you there when you’re ready.”

  “Bad girl,” I scolded my kitten as I emptied the carry-on. “You want Uncle Tim to kick us out? Now you stay there and behave yourself.” She sat down, her back pointedly toward me, and began to groom herself. “Fine. Be that way. Just remember I control the can opener.”

  She paused and looked over her shoulder. “Mrrow.”

  “Never mind the can’s got a pop-top.” I waggled my thumbs at her. “I’ve got the opposable thumbs.”

  She yawned in my face, lay down and tucked her paws under her, and closed her eyes.

  “Humph.” I put my underwear in the top drawer of the dresser. Jeans and shirts went into the next two drawers. Maybe I should have packed slacks and tailored shirts, and wing tips instead of sneakers.

  I left my shaving kit on top of the dresser and wandered down the hallway to the bathroom. It was large considering the size of the apartment, with a roomy shower/tub combination and a dual sink vanity.

  I used the john, washed my hands, and went to join Tim in the kitchen.

  Chapter 17

  TIM LOOKED up from the takeout menus that were scattered in front of him and nodded toward the two bottles on the table. “Beer, Sweets?”

  “Thanks. Let me feed Miss Su first.” I filled a bowl with water and emptied the can of Grilled Salmon Feast In Gravy into her food bowl. “Din din, puss,” I called. The words were barely out of my mouth before she came trotting in. She rubbed her cheek against my leg, then began to eat. “I guess all is forgiven, huh?”

  I picked up the beer, used the church key Tim had pushed toward me to remove the cap, and took a long swallow. Too wound up to sit, I leaned back against a counter and gazed around the kitchen.

  Calling it “a little dated” was being kind. Tim had joked that the first time he’d seen it, he’d said, “The fifties called. They’re looking for their kitchen.” Black-and-white linoleum squares covered the floor, and black-and-white tiles made up the counter and backsplash. The wallpaper was covered with dancing coffee pots, frying pans, blenders, and toasters.

  However, the avocado-colored appliances were a little more modern, dating from the seventies.

  “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, Tim, but this kitchen really needs a makeover.” I started to say that Wills would be the perfect man to do it but bit the words back. He’d never do any work in this apartment.

  I tuned back in to what Tim was saying. “… and once the pub is in the black—”

  “You can’t use that for an excuse. I’m your accountant. The pub has been in the black for the past six months. What’s the skinny?”

  Tim’s grin was lopsided, and idly I wondered if it did to Cris what my lover’s did to… I dragged my mind away from the bastard who broke my heart.

  “You know me, Sweets. I have no problem running a bar, but when it comes to stuff like this—” His gesture encompassed the room. “—I’m at a total loss. And Cris isn’t much better. Besides, it’s not too bad.”

  “You’re joking, right? It’s awful!”

  “You think?” He looked around, mildly surprised. “Hmm. I guess we could use a new fridge.”

  “And a new oven. A microwave and a dishwasher would be good too.”

  “Yeah? Yeah. I guess we have enough room. Listen, after we eat, why don’t we go shopping? You can give us the benefit of your expertise.”

  I looked at him sharply. Was this something to take my mind off my lover’s… my ex-lover’s betrayal? Tim was looking over the menus and didn’t notice, and I decided that if it was, it didn’t matter. I needed something to take my mind off how Wills had treated me.

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Good. So, what do you feel like for dinner?”

  “Whatever you want, Tim. I’m easy.”

  “That’s the one thing you never were.” He reached for a menu, then shook his head. “Why are we keeping this? Cris swears he got food poisoning from this place.” He tore it in half and selected another menu. “How about pizza?”

  “No.” We’d had pizza on Christmas Eve.

  “Thai?”

  “No.” He’d often picked that up when I didn’t feel like cooking.

  “Ruby Tuesday’s? They’ve got curbside service.”

  “No.” That had been where we’d gone on our first date. I cleared my throat and looked away.

  “Kick in the pants?”

  “What?”

  “Just checking to see if you’re paying attention or saying ‘no’ on general principle.” Tim grinned, but his eyes were concerned.

  “Sorry. I’m just…. Get whatever you feel like having, Tim. That’ll be fine.” My lower lip started to quiver, and I bit down on it. “I’m really not very hungry.”

  “Sweets….” He sighed, picked up a menu that had Chinese lettering on it, then with barely a glance and as if he had made up his mind to do something he’d rather not, set it aside. “Okay. Sit down and talk to me.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about, Tim. I think I’ll just….”

  He frowned at me and nodded at the chair across the table from his. I tried to out-frown him, but he was better at it than I was, and finally I sat, but I made sure he saw how grudging my compliance was.

  He reached across the table and rested his hand on mine. “You’ve never said much about him.”

  Wills, and my feelings for him, had been so special I’d wanted to hug them to me to keep them safe. Smart move on my part, I thought in disgust. I’d really kept them safe.

  “If I tell you about him, will you drop it then?”

  “Sure.” He said it too readily, and I scowled at him, certain that, behind his back, his fingers were crossed.

  “He’s five foot ten. Brown hair, brown eyes.” Although his lashes and brows were black, and his lashes were the thickest I’d ever seen on a man.

  “And?”

  “And that’s it. Now, you promised….”

  “Sweets, don’t make me drag it out of you. There had to be something about him that attracted you.”

  “He has a hot bod, okay?” And I was the first to fuck it, the first to make him moan. Who had he moaned for while he’d been away? I wasn’t born yesterday. He’d had someone during that time. The amount of come he’d shot over the wall and into my hand made that clear to me.

  Tim raised an eyebrow, and I realized he was waiting for me to say more. Reluctantly, I continued.

  “You’d never know how hot he is just to look at him. He wears the… the most ordinary suits I’ve ever seen. It almost took an act of God to persuade him to buy a Hugo Boss.”

  “But he did?”

  “Yeah. He wore it on Valentine’s Day, and he looked so good….” I picked at the label on the beer bottle. “He has this pair of button-fly jeans, so old they’re almost worn white, but I nearly came the first time I saw him in them.” I looked away and swallowed. “He laughs at my jokes, he’s smart—he’s got a shitload of bonuses and commendations at work, he loves his family and is deeply loyal to them, even the ones who don’t deserve it, like his Uncle Tony, and….” And I thought he loved me too.

  Tim glanced at Miss Su as she sauntered to the alcove to use the litter pan. “And he gave you a kitten.”

  “Yes.” I’d had johns who’d given me jewelry, stock tips, even a first edition of Tom Jones, which I’d never read, but no one had ever given me a pet.

  He studied me thoughtfully. “It sounds like he means a lot to you.”

  “Maybe once, but not anymor
e.” He looked as if he was about to say something, but I spoke before he could. “Please, Tim. Please….” Don’t tell me I was a fool to fall in love with him. I know that. I cleared my throat. “What you said earlier about meeting guys….”

  “Yeah?”

  “Don’t you think it’s too soon? I mean, it hasn’t even been a whole day.”

  “Gotta get back on the horse, babe.” He shrugged. “If you’re not gonna give Wills—”

  “I don’t want to hear that name, Tim!”

  “All right. If you’re not gonna give he-who-henceforth-shall-be-nameless a second chance—Not that I blame you at all for not wanting to, Sweets. A man cheats on his lover, he deserves to get kicked to the curb. Out with the old, in with the new. No point in letting grass grow under your feet.” He raised his hand to forestall any objections. “I’m not saying you have to go to bed with the first guy who buys you a drink. Just don’t limit your possibilities.”

  “Possibilities. Right.” I set the half-finished beer down on the table and stood. “How about Chinese? Does Chinese sound good, Tim?”

  He sighed. “Sure, babe. I’ll call in the order now. Do you still like the boneless ribs?”

  “Yeah. Thanks, Tim. Thank you….” I was relieved he didn’t ask what else Wills had done to make me believe he’d cheated. He knew me well enough to know I’d talk when I was ready, but at this point I just couldn’t bear to.

  He rose and hugged me. “It’s okay, Sweets. It will be okay.”

  “It’s okay already.” I gave him my most brilliant smile. “You know, if he were here and he heard you call me ‘Sweets,’ he’d get all bent out of shape. Why did he—No.” I wouldn’t let myself go there. “I’m fine. I’m fine. I… uh… I think I’m gonna lie down for a while, okay?” I put a couple of twenties on the table. “My treat, please, Tim? Call me when dinner gets here.”

  If he noticed how watery my smile had become, he didn’t let on. He nodded and left the money on the table, and I went back to the bedroom that would be mine for as long as I was here.

  THE NEXT morning Tim and Cris were already in the kitchen, having coffee and reading the newspaper, when I rushed in.

  “Sleep well, Sweets?” Cris looked at me closely. “No, I reckon you didn’t.”

  “Must have been the Chinese food.”

  “Yeah, must have been,” Tim said dryly. “You look like hell.”

  I always enjoyed hearing that. “You should’ve woken me up. I’ll get started on breakfast.”

  “I figured you needed the sleep. You don’t need to fix breakfast, y’know.”

  “Tim, I promised you blueberry pancakes, and I’m gonna make you goddamn blueberry pancakes!”

  He held his hands up in a placating gesture. “Don’t get your shorts in a twist.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Here. I think you could use a cup of coffee.”

  “Thanks.” What I could use was something to do to take my mind off the dream I’d had—Wills moving farther and farther away from me and me being unable to run after him because my feet were frozen to the ground. I’d wakened to a thudding heart, wet cheeks, and Miss Su lying across my feet.

  “Don’t mention it.”

  “Timboy tells me you helped him pick out some really cool stuff for the kitchen.”

  “What? Oh, yeah.” I blew on the coffee and took a cautious sip. Tim was only interested in coffee for the caffeine. He drank any kind, including the cheapest store brands, but this was hazelnut, Cris’s favorite. Just like Peaberry Kona Viennese was mine, and even though Wills groused about the cost, he always saw to it we didn’t run short…. I pushed him out of my mind. That act of caring—a fucking act was all it was. “I still say you should have someone come in and gut the kitchen, lay down a new floor, put in new countertops and cabinets, a new sink….”

  “The appliances are what’re important. It’s gonna be nice to be able to open the oven without the door falling off.”

  “We never cook in this kitchen, Tim. It don’t matter that the door falls off.”

  I let their banter wash over me as I mixed together the batter and poured the first batch into the frying pan. All these years, and they still didn’t have a griddle.

  “What’s on the schedule for today?”

  “I’ve got a delivery later this morning, but once that’s taken care of we could go out for lunch, maybe take in some sights?”

  “Sure. That sounds good.”

  “We open the pub at four, and if you’d like, you can help out behind the bar.”

  Were they trying to find things to keep my mind off… things?

  “Thanks, guys. I’ll help out however I can. Now dig in. Home Depot promised to have the appliances delivered tomorrow, and I want to get the fridge emptied out. I swear you’ve got something sentient living in there.”

  CRIS FINISHED connecting a fresh keg of beer to the taps and wiped his hands on a bar towel. “Want a Coke, Sweets?”

  “Is it too early for anything stronger? I really wouldn’t mind a Dewar’s, maybe, or a Canadian Club?” I totally put out of my mind what happened when I drank too much. I needed it!

  “Nope. At eleven in the morning, Coke is all I’m gonna offer you.” Did he think I hadn’t seen the look he’d exchanged with Tim?

  I sighed. “Okay.”

  He filled a glass with ice, then displayed the nozzle. “This button is for Coke, this one is for ginger ale, this one’s 7Up, this one’s club soda, and this is water.”

  “And I need to know this why?”

  “Oh, ya never can tell.” Cris handed me the glass.

  “Don’t I get a cherry with this?”

  He grinned. “Sure. Why not?” He dropped one into my soda and touched my cheek. “It’ll be okay, Sweets.”

  I couldn’t speak, just nodded and sipped my Coke.

  “Give me a hand with this, would you, Sweets?” Tim was replacing bottles of scotch and gin.

  “Sure.” I plucked the cherry from where it rested on the ice and sucked it off the stem, then joined him, chewing on it. “What can I do?”

  “Hand me the Grey Goose and the Absolut, okay?”

  One by one, I passed him the bottles of vodka, and he stacked them in a row.

  “I take it you won’t want to go to Ruby Tuesday’s for lunch.”

  I was being stupid about that. I couldn’t avoid pizza and Thai and Ruby Tuesday’s for the rest of my life. “No, Ruby Tuesday’s is fine, Tim.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah.” Why make everyone else as miserable as I was?

  “All right, then. I’m almost done here. We can get cleaned up and….” The bells over the door jingled, and Tim straightened, facing the front of the pub. “I’m sorry,” he said, more Southern than I’d heard him in… I blinked, realizing the South had been in his voice only the day before. “I’m closed right now.”

  “He does that whenever tourists come in,” Cris whispered with an affectionate grin. “They eat it up with a spoon. So do I,” he murmured.

  “And he can tell a tourist at twenty paces?”

  “Yep. Same way he can tell who’s gay and who isn’t.”

  It was an inane conversation, but it helped keep my mind off other things. Until I heard the “tourist” say, “I didn’t come in for a drink.”

  “Wills?” My heart started beating a wild tattoo, and I stood frozen to the spot, unable to turn and face him. What was he doing down here? Was this another dream?

  “Yeah, ‘Wills.’” His voice was cold and tight.

  I sent a panicked glance Tim’s way. He was looking back at me, and his mouth tightened at my expression, but he said nothing.

  “How did you get here?” Somehow I got the words out of my mouth. “There were no flights.”

  “I drove. You didn’t think I’d come after you?”

  “Well, now, actually, he didn’t.” Cris had seen my expression too, and his lip curled in a sneer. “From what we gathered, he’s through with you.”
>
  “You stay out of this, whoever you are.” His tone dismissed Cris as unimportant. Was he crazy? Cris was a big man. He’d been the one who stepped in to stop johns from roughing us up, and he’d sent more than one bully to the ER.

  “Where are my manners?” Tim came from around the bar and lounged against it, his words and stance bordering on insulting. “I’m Tim Reddy, and this here is my partner, Cris.”

  “You used to run the stable of rent boys,” Wills said, acknowledging him.

  “Why, yes. And I made a nice livin’ out of it.”

  “This is between me and him.”

  I finally turned to face my ex-lover. “How did you know where I was?” I refused to allow the tug at my heart at how tired he looked.

  “I know everything about you except why you shredded the roses I gave you and threw the vase against the wall.” He stalked toward me, for all the world like a hunting animal, and I bit back a whimper. That predatory look had never been directed at me before. My mouth went dry, and when I tried to swallow, I had no spit.

  “Uh-oh!” Cris took a cigarette from a pack in his rolled up T-shirt sleeve and stuck it in his mouth. It was part of his tough-guy persona, but it didn’t seem to affect Wills in the least. “Looks like you’ve got yourself a stalker, Sweetcheeks.”

  “Don’t you call him that!” Wills spat.

  “Why? Because that was the name I used when I used to peddle my ass, and you don’t want to face the fact?” He’d hurt me, and I was damn sure going to hurt him right back, as badly as I could. “Look. We had some fun, but it’s over.”

  “What?” He looked stunned. How dared he look stunned? He was the one who’d been out fucking around. Did he think there wouldn’t be any consequences? Did he think that, just because I’d had to sell my ass to… to more men than I liked to think about, I’d look the other way while he satisfied his curiosity about what it was like with other men?

  “You heard me.” I shrugged as if it didn’t matter to me in the least, as if there wasn’t a gaping hole in my chest, my shredded heart on the floor at my feet. “We’re through. You’re too whitebread for me, and I’m….” I yawned. “I’m bored with you.”