by P. Jameson
Her hand landed softly between his tense shoulder blades, causing him to flinch.
“Come lay down with me.” Her soft voice was peace for the storm that raged inside him.
“Can’t,” he ground out.
“Why?”
How could he explain? “My wolf… the urge to… I need to…”
She must’ve understood what he was trying to say because she stepped back and pulled her shirt over her head. His eyes went directly to her breasts. Strands of her hair danced over the tops, as if they were kissing them for Trager since he couldn’t.
“Not like this,” he choked out.
“Like what?”
“I’m wound too tight. I won’t be gentle. We need to wait.”
She unbuttoned her jeans, slid them down. “Are you denying me? According to everyone else, that’s my job.”
He looked away.
“You should’ve told me about that.”
He stared hard into her eyes. “I didn’t want you to know. I hate thinking about it. I don’t ever want you to deny me.” He hauled her close. “With us, I want it to always be yes, no matter what the question is.”
“Yes.”
“Can I have you now then? Even after everything that’s happened?”
“Yes,” she breathed.
“My wolf won’t wait. Not with you, like this. All I smell is you. All I want is you. Damn it. I can’t think.”
“Take me,” she whispered against his ear.
The words derailed every thought process except one: make her mine.
Capturing her lips with his own, he walked her backward toward the bed. He ripped the covers back. “Get in,” he commanded.
His shirt was off in a flash. His pants followed them to the floor. His arousal stood tall and proud, more than ready for his mate.
Looking up, he found her staring. Mmm. Wolf liked that.
Kneeling on the bed, he prowled up her body, running his nose along her thigh, and then using his tongue around her navel. Up and up, until he reached those perfect swells he was coming to love so much. Her nipples were already hardened, peaking the lacey fabric. He nipped at them, earning a heavy moan.
He sat up, flipping her onto her belly. Oh, yes. He’d fill her like this, with her beautiful ass in the air. Wolf’s favorite position, and her body was perfect for it.
Brushing her hair to the side, he kissed her shoulder. His hand slid down her back to the clasp of her bra. A flick of his fingers had it loose. He brought her up on her knees, back against his chest, and palmed her breasts with both hands, teasing her nipples and wringing the most beautiful sounds from her mouth.
“You feel perfect, mate. So perfect.”
He nipped the delicate skin of her neck, his hands roaming lower, feeling her soft stomach. When they were done, he was going to lay his head there, and sleep.
Pushing her down again, he continued his trek south. His mate’s ass was fine and round. He placed a kiss on each cheek before taking her thin panties in his teeth and sliding them down.
When they had joined his clothes on the floor, he sat back and took in the sight, her luscious curves displayed for his pleasure. She watched him over her shoulder, her eyes as hungry as he felt.
This was it. No turning back now.
“On your hands and knees,” he husked.
Her moves were sultry as she complied. Hypnotic. What a sweet, sweet mate.
When she was bent and open for him, he had to take a moment to calm. The image of her softest spot, wet and ready for him, was something he’d never get enough of.
Can’t hurt her.
He pressed his erection to her entrance, teasing, readying.
Sweat skimmed his temples as he tried to reign in his instincts. Fast, hard, now, mine.
“Trager, please,” she whimpered.
“You’ll tell me if it hurts. Swear it.”
“Yes.”
He couldn’t wait a second longer. Fingers digging into her hips, he pushed into her tight, wet sheath. One slow stroke, and then he showed his mate how a wolf laid claim.
Thrusting into her again and again, he spread her legs wider with his knee so he could go even deeper. He bent his head to watch their joining, his wolf—his heart—overcome with joy. She fit him so perfectly. Like a glove.
She threw her head back. “Yes,” she whispered. “More.”
Leaning forward, he kissed her spine, the curve along her ribs that she’d once worried about, the dimple on her lower back. He held her close, pushing harder, faster. He reached around to touch her from the front, rubbing while he pumped.
He pressed his face into her neck, inhaling. So beautiful. All his. Need to mark.
He teased the skin there with his teeth. Mark her. The urge was nearly unbearable.
Not yet. He couldn’t yet. Not until she was ready.
Kerrigan cried out, her orgasm ripping through her and gripping him so tightly, it was hard to keep thrusting. He slowed.
His mate’s orgasm…
His spine stiffened, everything tightening. He pumped once more and came apart above her.
So good. So right. So perfect.
Trager rolled them both to the side, maintaining their connection. He pressed his heated cheek to her back, breathing heavily, and feeling her labored breaths.
“Trager?” Her voice was hoarse. He grinned against her skin.
“Yes?”
“Yes.”
***
Kerrigan sighed happily. She was wrapped in Trager’s arms, his head resting on her tummy. Like she was his own personal teddy bear. The idea made her giggle.
“What?” he murmured. Nothing moved except his lips.
“I didn’t know you’d be a cuddler.”
“Wolves are very affectionate.” Still no movement.
She twirled her fingers in his hair. If it weren’t for being stuck in the wolf camp, she’d say this night had been pretty close to perfect. Okay, not so much the whole night. Maybe just the last hour. The weight of their problems rushed back to her.
“Are you alright?” she asked Trager.
He must’ve known what she was talking about because he lifted his head to stare at her.
“With everything that happened earlier?”
He nodded.
“We should talk,” she told him. “Just say everything that needs to be said. Get it all out in the open so it can’t hurt us anymore.”
His eyes roamed her face, his thumb brushing her bottom lip. “I think you’re right.”
“Good.” Nerves fluttered in her belly. There was one very important question she had to ask him. She needed to know how he felt about kids.
He leaned over her reaching for something on the floor. When he sat back, he was holding a folded piece of paper. “Let’s start with this.” He passed it to her. “Who is it?”
Kerrigan opened it to find one of the first shots she’d taken of her and Ethan as a couple. She stared at it, at Ethan. She recalled being happy that day, but Ethan looked like he’d rather eat raw squid. Why had she wasted so much time with him?
“I found it at your apartment.” His voice was flat, giving nothing away.
“His name is Ethan. He was my boyfriend.”
“When?”
She looked up. His jaw was tight, but he was trying to seem unaffected.
“A year ago.”
Trager crossed his arms, nodding to the photograph like it had offended him. “Why did you keep so many pictures of him?”
Damn. She’d walked right into this. Trager, she wanted to know about Trager. She didn’t want to talk about the worst time of her life. But she owed it to him. She cared about him. He should know about Ethan.
Kerrigan sighed. “A year ago, Ethan died in an accident involving a motorcycle. I kept the pictures because… I felt like I should. Truth is, we had a horrible relationship. He didn’t love me, treated me like I was trash, and stole the money right out of my bank accounts. He was making plans to leave when
the accident happened. I found out about his lies afterward. I needed those pictures as a reminder. Of what can happen if you let your guard down.”
She kept her eyes glued to the blue flannel comforter over her legs.
“I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Me too.”
“He didn’t deserve you.”
The side of her mouth lifted in a sad grin. “I know.” She tossed the picture on the floor. “Your turn. Tell me about this prophecy, and your dysfunctional family.”
She looked at him, expecting him to start talking, but his face was drawn and angry.
“What’s wrong?”
“I should’ve found you sooner. I’d have taken you away from him before he had the chance to hurt you like that. I would’ve protected you.”
She crawled over to him, laying her head on his chest. “You can’t fight the dragons of my past.”
He took her chin, and brought her gaze to his. “I can damn well try.”
“You’re doing a fine job so far. Now tell me about your dragons.”
Trager sighed, leaning his head against the wall. “When I was twelve, the pack Elders had a vision that my future mate would reject me. Meaning, she… wouldn’t want me.” His voice grew thin. Kerrigan’s chest constricted. “I would end up alone and ultimately become a danger to the pack. Wolves who can’t mate sometimes go crazy.”
“Why can’t they mate?”
“Either they can’t find theirs or their mate isn’t interested. Wolves are driven by instinct. Mate, protect, procreate. It’s different for everybody, but if we can’t act on those instincts… it can eat away at us.”
“Oh.”
“So they decided to expel me. Send me out on my own. The entire pack disowned me except Gabby because she was too young, and Farrow. Now that’s changed, I suppose.”
Kerrigan was stunned. Trager had been on his own since he was a child. He was abandoned by the people who should have loved him the most. By all accounts, he should be bitter and hard and cruel. Like the alpha. But he wasn’t. He was generous and loving and forgiving.
Why couldn’t they see how wonderful he was? Why was she the only one who could see it?
“I love you.” It came as a whisper, slipping from her lips before she could grasp it and shove it back down.
He froze. Every muscle locked tight in response. Her head, where it rested against his chest didn’t even move with a breath.
But she couldn’t take it back. It was true.
“Do you mean that?” His voice was riddled with holes.
She sat up and looked him in the eyes. “I know it’s too soon. But you’re the best person I know, and if these people can’t see that, then they’re not worth the land they crap on. Someone should tell you how amazing you are. Someone who loves you. Like me. I’m sorry it came out like that—“
She couldn’t finish because he pounced on her, crushing his mouth with his.
“Say it again,” he demanded.
“I love you.”
He kissed her again, his tongue dipping in to play with hers.
“I love you too, Kerri.” His words held so much conviction, they wrestled every doubt away.
Spreading her legs, he settled between them, his hardness against her opening.
“Wait, we aren’t finished talking…” Her words dropped off on a moan as he slipped into her. Out again, and then in. The slowest rhythm rocking her body.
“It can wait until later. Our bodies are talking now.” His hands roamed all over, finding places she didn’t even know were erotic until he touched them. “I for one, can’t think of a better method of communication.”
She agreed.
They spent the rest of the night using their bodies to show each other the depths of their feelings. Kerrigan had never felt so treasured. Nor had she ever been so scared. As she drifted to sleep, she said a prayer that this time caring wouldn’t end in heartbreak.
Chapter Fifteen
The alpha had released them just as Trager had said. The drive back was considerably less tense. It wasn’t until the last half hour that Kerrigan started feeling sick.
She had to ask him soon.
They were almost home and he’d been talking about plans for the future. How they should pack up her things and move them to his place. That she should call her family and tell them she wouldn’t be moving home. Where she could look for a job if she wanted.
Everything was happening so fast. She’d told Trager last night she was all in. And she was. But she had to know if he still wanted to spend his life with her after he learned about her infertility.
Her stomach flipped with nerves. Like she was on a rollercoaster instead a mountain road.
Trager pulled her hand from her belly and thread his fingers through. “You okay?”
She nodded and gave him a weak smile.
“Are you having doubts?” His voice was so quiet and careful, it broke her heart.
She wanted to reassure him but couldn’t bring herself to lie. Instead, she stared out the window. “How do you feel about kids?”
He gave a relieved laugh. “Is that what you’re worried about? Oh, Kerri, I love kids. I’ve always wanted a huge family. I think we should have five. Or six. We’ll make our own pack. Just you and me and our babies. What do you think?”
Kerrigan’s heart was ripped open wide. What he described sounded wonderful. Like a dream come true. But she couldn’t give him that.
Her chest hurt and tears burned her eyes. “That’s a beautiful plan.” She forced the words out.
“You’ll be so beautiful, pregnant with our young. I can’t wait to see your belly grow big. We’ll wait though, until we’ve settled in. We’ll make sure we have everything we need first. I have some money saved up.”
She tried not to let his words crush her. Inside she was panicking, thinking up ways she could fix this. Maybe she wouldn’t tell him until they couldn’t conceive. Maybe there was some new technique to deal with the scar tissue wrapped around her uterus. But in the end, she came to the only conclusion acceptable: she had to let him go. He deserved to be a father, to have that family he dreamed of.
“Baby?”
“Hm?”
His hand on her chin brought her face around. “Why are you crying?”
She gave him the honest truth. “I think you’ll make the most wonderful dad.”
***
Trager watched his mate while he unloaded the truck. Something was wrong. Very wrong. She put on a brave face, but he could see through it. With the bond, he felt her pain as if it was his own, except he had no clue what it was about. Or how to fix it.
Inside, he started a fire. Maybe they just needed to relax. Decompress. It had been a stressful few days for both of them.
She went into the bathroom and didn’t come out for a long time. Then he heard the shower running. Trager paced in front of the door trying to decide what to do. He should go in there and talk to her. If she just told him what was wrong, he could fix it.
The water shut off, and he went into the living room to wait.
He was a twitchy mess by the time she padded in wearing a tee shirt and yoga pants. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her hair was loose and wet. She stood away from him, her gaze focused on the floor.
Trager’s gut cramped. Something bad was coming. Something so bad he wanted to run away from it. His wolf told him to run. He didn’t though.
She opened her mouth to speak but he cut her off. “Are you hungry? I can make you something to eat. I’ve got—“
“No. I’m not hungry.”
“Thirsty then?”
“Trager, I need to go home.”
His mouth dried. “Okay. You want to grab some things? I’ll take you. It’s only noon. We can be back before dark.”
Her head shook. “No, no. I need to go home and stay there.”
His chest locked tight. Did she just need space? Maybe she didn’t want to share his tiny cabin. “You mean you want to
keep your apartment? That… yeah, okay. We can do that. You don’t have to move in with me. I just thought… We’ll take things slow if that’s what makes you comfortable. Whatever you want.”
Her eyes squeezed closed, and tears cascaded down her cheeks. “No, Trager. I need to… we can’t be together. I need to go home. To Alaska.”
Trager couldn’t breathe. She was leaving him? For good?
He jumped to his feet. “No. No, Kerri. Why?”
She buried her face in her hands.
“You said you loved me. You said yes.”
A sob escaped, and he couldn’t help himself, he wrapped his arms around her.
“Baby, talk to me. Please.”
She said nothing. All he had to go on was her tears. Maybe this was a breakdown of some sort. Delayed shock, or something. Please, let it be that and not the prophecy.
“Let’s go to bed,” he murmured into her hair. “You’re tired. I’m tired. Let’s sleep, and then we’ll talk. We’ll work through this.”
She nodded against his chest, and his panicked wolf calmed. They would be fine. They just needed to rest.
***
Kerrigan let Trager lead her to the bedroom. He pulled back the covers and she climbed in. He removed his boots and his shirt, but left his jeans, and then scooted in behind her. He pulled her close against his chest, and she breathed him in. His steady breath calmed her. The thump of his heart reminded her that she loved him.
Sometimes loving people hurt. She knew that. But in this case, it hurt for all the right reasons. Trager would have what he desired. He’d be mad. Hurt, even. But someday, he’d be glad she left him. When five little wolf-boys were running around his house. A ghost of a smile lifted her lips. When his new mate was swollen with number six.
Everything inside her felt sick at the idea of him with someone else, but he deserved better than what she could offer. He deserved a woman that could give him kids, a family.
Time passed, and she had no way to measure it. Her breath evened and her eyes drifted closed. She wasn’t going to sleep. It just hurt too much to keep them open.
Trager crushed her closer. “Don’t. Don’t give up on us. On me. Please. You’re the only person who has ever believed in me.” He buried his face in her neck. His next words were muffled, but they still hit her heart like a hammer. “Don’t leave me.”
