by Gardner, A.
"Sadie!"
"Wait," she changes her mind. "Something else is coming to me." I hear her take a few breaths herself. "Flash him."
"WHAT?" I narrow my eyes, glad she isn't standing next to me. Though that would have been Holly's advice. Holly would waltz right in, remove her coat, and sip cocktails in her underwear. "No way I'm doing that."
"You were going to do that anyway, weren't you?"
"No . . . I . . . no."
"Leave then," she adds. My surefire way to seal the deal had backfired again. Crappy metaphor or not I did shatter a mirror of perfection. I just hoped it wouldn't cost me seven years of bad luck with men. I gulp. Rex was going to be disappointed. Unimpressed.
I dig for the courage to be bold again. If I left, Holly would win.
"I'll talk to you tomorrow." I hang up before Sadie can say another word. Rex was waiting for me and guests or no guests, I couldn't leave until I'd finished what I'd started.
I open the bathroom door to an empty foyer. My chest pounds as the footsteps return. Rex turns the corner and the mystery in his eyes give me the guts Holly said I never had. What do you think of this Holly? I quickly open my coat, letting Rex in on what I'd come here for. The red, lacy bra and matching bottoms had been sitting in the back of my closet waiting to fulfill their purpose. I suck in my stomach, showcasing everything I have.
I'm pleased by the longing in Rex's eyes. The moment seems to play in slow motion. The space between us feels far too distant. I want to feel his warmth surround me.
Noise moves through the hall. Rex opens his mouth too late. My second of glory is scorched by the appearance of his associates.
"And what about this room over . . ." An older woman with a sleek black skirt and streak of gray in her hair stops mid sentence. My head feels like it might explode. A million eyes form a laser that's burning a hole through my organs. Eff!
"That's it for the tour everyone," Rex gulps. I button up my coat as fast as I can. A stupid idea. This was a stupid idea. I run for the elevator, horrified even more that I had to wait two whole minutes for the doors to open. I rush into the elevator when it finally opens and press the "close doors" button a zillion times. I try to hide my face without looking too childish.
The streets of downtown never called to me more. Anything but the lobby, apartment building . . . anything relating to Rex really. My heels echo again as I jog through the front doors, desperate for fresh air. The sun is setting and the sky looks purple.
"Kat! Wait!" Rex's voice only made me want to curl up in a ball and hide. I shudder to think what he must think of me now. Kat - the responsible, conservative nurse. More like the reckless, gold-digging, whore. "Kat!" A hand reaches for my shoulder and pulls me back.
"Let me go," I respond, on the verge of tears. I couldn't hide my feelings anymore. "I Just humiliated myself in front of-"
"Kat," he continues. He firmly grabs both my shoulders. "I can't let you run off like that."
"I'm NOT going back up there."
"I don't expect you too," he softly replies. A tear runs down my cheek. Rex gently kisses me. He grins. I hang my head.
"Obviously I wasn't expecting a crowd."
"But you do look amazing," he adds, clutching my sides.
"Really?"
"Absolutely," he nods. "I'm flattered."
"This really isn't our week is it?" I force a half smile.
"And I'm afraid it doesn't get better."
My heart sinks. Please don't mention Holly.
"I'm leaving tomorrow," he sighs. "I'll be in England until next week." That was better news than sorry I've met someone else.
"So I guess you wouldn't be interested in a work party I sorta have to go to?"
"Sorry darling," he apologizes. "I was going to give you a ring as soon as my friends left. I've got to keep up with contacts, you know."
"I understand." I'd been so eager to speed things up that I wasn't thinking straight. Had Holly been counting on that? "Two weeks until your deadline," I joke. "That's cutting it close."
"You have no idea."
"About last night." I bite my lip. Was this the best time to bring it up?
"My mum is a bit mad," he comments.
"And Holly?" I can feel my hands clenching tighter.
"She's better. What a nasty reaction, yeah? I've been meaning to speak to the hotel manager."
"No." It was my immediate response. "I mean, what good would that do?" Rex shrugs, checking his watch.
"Please consider staying until they leave." Was he insane? I'd rather die.
"I can't."
"Then I'll see you next week." He kisses me again. "We'll pick up where we left off?" I smile as he kisses me again. I close my eyes, letting the firm press of his mouth fill my chest with fire. Our lips part and explore each other further.
"Don't go back," I whisper. "Sneak away to my place."
"Next week," he breathes. "I promise, I'm yours."
Chapter Seven
"Don't get too excited," I say, catching Jack in the hall on his way to Earl's room. He has a grocery bag full of chips and soda in his hand and couple of DVD rentals. "I need a date this weekend and you'll have to do."
"What happened to Mr. Wonderful?"
"He's in England," I answer. "So . . . meet me here on Saturday." I couldn't let Dr. P see me mingling without a man. That would make for more awkward conversations. I didn't think quick on my feet like Sadie. With my luck, I'd be talked into some kind of date.
"You ask me out-" He stops mid sentence as I glare at him. "Okay. Rephrasing. You expect me to go with you, and you won't even tell me what happened last night?"
"I followed your advice," I reply. Jack grins, puffing out his chest a little. I can see the outline of his pecks under his thin t-shirt. "Don't look so smug. I made a fool of myself."
"You're exaggerating again."
"No," I assure him. "I'm not." I wasn't planning on telling Jack I'd shown up to Rex's place in a bra and panties.
"Let me guess. You're not going to tell me what happened."
"Correct," I agree. The two of us walk into Earl's room. The familiar routine was enough to make me chill out for awhile. Then I'd have to brush up my seduction techniques. Lots of brushing up.
"DAD!" The distress in Jack's voice makes me cringe. I look at Earl's hospital bed to find him writhing uncontrollably. Shock hits me like a block of ice in the face. Every bone in my body feels like it might melt into my skin as Jack embraces his spasming father.
I yell for the doctor, hitting an emergency button and praying that we'd walked in just in time. Jack wasn't ready to say goodbye. He'd just barely processed the news that his dad would soon be moving on. He still needed time to accept it.
The tears come immediately, unlike any I'd ever shed at work. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
The supervising doctor pushes by me, checking Earl's vitals. He unlocks the wheels on his hospital bed and quickly pulls him out of the room, asking Jack to stay behind. I can see Jack fight the panic overtaking his body. He's angry. He yells at the doctor, following his team down the hall until they disappear into a restricted operating theater.
He looks at me, his eyes desperate for reassurance. I couldn't give it to him. This might have been it. I'd seen it happen many times. But this time I wasn't the one calming hysterical family members. I couldn't. My heart was pounding too violently to think straight.
"He's not ready," Jack raises his voice and paces the hallway. "He's was doing great yesterday. I thought he had-"
"More time," I finish. My thoughts were in a haze. I thought he had more time. That's what everyone said. I always thought I knew what that meant, but it was more of a feeling than a phrase. I hadn't prepared myself for this day and suddenly all the time I thought I had was instantly ripped away. It wasn't fair.
"Kat," he sighs. His light blue eyes look glossy. He's fighting the urge to let the tears leave. I hug him, doing my best to fully embrace every muscle in his back. His ches
t was more solid than it looked. I hold him tighter. The instinct is automatic.
"This doesn't mean it's over." A lie I really hoped was true. "Let me see what I can find out." Jack pulls away leaving me with an empty void. He composes himself, wiping the sweat from his forehead.
My hands shake as I walk into the restricted area to check on Earl's status. I have to seem unaffected for Jack's sake but I'm scared out of my mind. Jack deserved more time.
After an hour of waiting I finally learn that Earl has been stabilized, but he's in bad shape. I hear the news and literally feel like I'm surrounded by the soft melodies of a fallen angel. Jack had been given more time. Another chance to make peace with the inevitable.
I approach Jack. I can see his jaw clenching and muscles tightening.
"Is he?" He's too afraid to say another word. I smile and the relief on Jack's face is enough to bring on another subtle tear.
"He's been stabilized." Jack leaps for me, his thick arms surrounding my torso. I take in the smell of his neck. The warmth of his skin. His embrace is concrete and gentle at the same time. His arms cradle me like a precious doll. "Jack," I manage to continue. "He's still in bad shape."
"But alive," he replies softly. "And that's good enough for me."
* * *
Jack was in a good mood even when Sadie spilled a can of beer on his shoes. The way he brushed off the fact that his feet now smelled yeasty made me laugh. The work party was going better than expected. And I was waiting for another horrifying disaster.
There was none. At least not yet.
But I wasn't bracing myself for Holly to show up in a jealous rage because Rex was out of town. Which meant he wasn't here.
"You know I didn't start shaving til I was seventeen?" Jack takes a sip of beer. "Not for real anyway."
"You're full of it." We were sitting at a picnic table outside with Sadie and her boyfriend Rick. The event was a casual barbeque and the air smelt smokey. We'd bought a few drinks and a basket of fries to show our support. Harrison Memorial always threw fundraisers/work parties. Fun-raisers.
"I'm serious," Jack laughs. "I was a late bloomer."
"I hear ya!" Rick pounds his fist.
"Uh how did we get on the puberty topic?" Sadie comments. "All I said was I was feeling a little bloated today."
"You say that almost every day," Rick mutters. Sadie nudges his arm.
"Watch yourself." She flicks her red hair to the side and finishes off Rick's drink.
"I'll get more," I volunteer.
"Thanks Kat," Sadie says. "But he really doesn't need it." She pokes Rick's gut and frowns.
"Okay," I mutter. "I'm going to step away now." I go back inside for more beers. I smile, making my way to the food table. The drink basket is empty and I see the cooks scrambling to keep up with orders. More people had shown up than originally estimated.
"I'll fill it," I volunteer, grabbing the drink basket and carrying it to the supply closet. This was the best I'd felt in a long time which was weird. Rex was an ocean away, my best friend wasn't talking to me, and Earl was on his deathbed. But I was in a good mood. I'd slept in, and laughed all afternoon at Jack's expense.
I Push open the door of the supply closet and begin filling the basket with drinks. Just enough to fill it with ice afterwards. I hear footsteps behind me and cringe a little to see Dr. P's sweaty face. His eyes are dilated.
"Oh hi Dr. P . . . hi doc." It was a good thing that first part was said while filling my arms with bottled water.
"Kat," he replies. His voice sounds different. More relaxed. "That guy you came with. He's not your boyfriend is he?"
"Huh?"
"His father is a patient." His holds up a finger as if attempting to tell me off but his moves are sluggish. His face is droopy. His words are slightly slurred. "Very very naughty." I don't react to his comment. Instead I leave the basket and move for the door. He blocks it.
"Excuse me," I politely state. He doesn't move and in one swift movement he shuts the door, leaving the two of us alone. My arms feel a bit shaky. "I said excuse me." My voice is firmer this time. And as I my move for the door again, he grabs my arms. His grip is ironclad.
"Let's stop pretending," he slurs. "I know how you really feel about me." My entire body starts to tense up as I realize that his strength outweighed mine.
"I'm not pretending," I firmly state. "Let go of me and open the door."
"No." His gazes wanders to my breasts. He stares at them, undressing me with his eyes. His grip goes even tighter. I can feel bruising down to my bone. My brain goes haywire in a panic. How was I going to get out of this?
"Let go," I say again. Instead of obeying he leans closer. His breath makes me feel nauseous. "Let go!" At first I'm afraid to scream but it's the only thing that seems to faze him. "Let go!" He smiles and starts to grab. I feel like an immovable block of ice. I don't know what to do as he forcefully touches me. I flail my arms, hoping that might work but Dr. P worked out. That was apparent by his strength. My eyes go wide as I realize what's about to happen. No. That kind of stuff didn't happen to me. It was something I heard about from a friend of a friend.
I flail my arms but he has me pinned against the wall. He shifts his weight so I can't even move my legs. I feel disgustingly helpless.
"Kat-" The door flies open and Jack stops mid sentence. I see a glimpse of his face and his cheeks turn fiery red. He grabs Dr. P by the shoulders and yanks him back with colossal force. My arms are still shaky. I feel like a whirlwind is scrambling all the thoughts in my head. I almost feel dizzy enough to drop to the floor. Anything to forget.
"Back off-" But Dr. P wasn't conscious to finish his warning. Jack's fist zooms at his face. I hear a gurgling noise - the sound of his skin smashing against the muscles in his face.
"Follow me," Jack calmly grabs my quivering hand and pulls me from my nightmare. I'm speechless but Jack doesn't ask questions. He walks me outside and to the parking lot. I'm in a daze, still trying to make sense of what had happened. I replay every second of it in my head. It makes me livid every time. All I want to know is why? "Watch your head." Jack opens the door to his Camaro and helps me into the passenger's seat. "You want me to take you home?" I slowly shake my head. "Your parent's house?" Definitely not. I shake my head again. "Tell me where then?"
"I just want to . . . sleep or something," I finally answer.
"Okay," Jack agrees. He starts driving and I'm still struggling to cope. I don't know whether to cry or scream. I blush, embarrassed that Jack had to see me like that. So helpless.
"I . . . he-"
"Take your time," Jack interrupts. "You don't have to explain unless you want to." He turns down another street I don't recognize.
"Thanks," I mutter. I hold in tears. Jack parks in front of a brick townhouse with a peach tree out front. "Where are we?" He grins.
"My place." He helps me out of the passenger's seat. I stumble along the sidewalk, staring at my feet. I just wanted to be in a closed room. By myself. I needed to be alone.
"It's . . ." It wasn't a messy bachelor pad with toilet paper hanging from the trees.
"Easy." He leads me to the front door and opens it, revealing even more surprises. Two words described the condition of his place. Simple and clean. There wasn't much color. No fancy decor. No impressive sculptures or art pieces like Rex's flat. Instead the living area had two navy couches, a TV, and sliding glass doors that showcased a fenced yard with more peach trees. I stare down at the floor.
"I thought you said you lived alone," I comment.
"I do." A bushy gray dog walks up to him and sits. "Good girl, Nikki. Let's show Kat to the guest room." Jack gestures towards the stairs. "You said you wanted to sleep? It's quiet up there."
For once I could breathe. I rub the side of my sweaty face, my mind taking me to dark places. Nothing was going right. I was a terrible person and this was my punishment. Rex probably just felt sorry for me after what had happened. Or maybe he just wanted a quick piece o
f action. Either way I was a fool. I clutch my sides, feeling like my stomach was about to do a somersault and spill all of its contents on the floor.
"Um . . . I'll just . . . stay down here. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts."
"Sure." Jack nods like it's no big deal. He flips on the television and let's Nikki outside. I sit on the couch, hoping to get lost in some reality TV. "Something to drink?"
"Something strong."
We spent the next few hours drinking and watching reality game shows. Well I was drinking. And in the process of trying to forget, I'd helped myself to Jack's end of the couch. I felt safe at his side. His muscled arm was around my shoulders, holding me close to him. The heat leaving his skin made me comfortable enough to lightly doze. But sleep would only bring on Sunday. One day closer to my work week. I didn't know if I could handle passing Dr. P in the hallway. How was I supposed to act and would he even remember what he'd tried to do?
"Pops and I used to watch this a lot," Jack smiles, pointing at the screen. I scoot closer to his rising chest. He continues the conversation, avoiding the obvious. But I knew he liked holding me. I could feel it.
"Earl? The Bachelor? I don't believe it."
"Only so he could pinpoint everything wrong with all the contestants," he chuckles.
"Okay," I giggle. My head is buzzing. "I believe you now."
"No really. He told me all the reasons why these girls weren't in serious relationships already."
"So he's a psychologist too," I joke. I rest my head on Jack's chest, afraid of time passing too quickly.
"He's everything."
"Did he analyze you?"
"What do you mean?" Jack takes another sip of his drink.
"You know," I go on. "Like why you're not in a serious relationship?"
"You don't want to hear that," he replies.
"I'm pretty sure I do." I take my millionth sip of wine. I'd already gone past my limit, though Jack cut me off once already. I guess the fit I threw was enough for him to pour me one last glass. "Is it the scruff?" I reach up and rub his chin.
