Peggy Dulle - Liza Wilcox 01 - Death Is Clowning Around

by Peggy Dulle

  “Not usually. The camp provides chaperones for the kids. It gives the parents a few days of vacation and kids have a great time.”

  I needed to call Tom and let him know that I’d made it safely. I looked around the room. No phones. “Tina, where’s the phone?”

  “No phones in the room.”

  “Great.” I opened my purse and pulled out my cell phone.

  “That won’t work either.”

  “No cell service either?”

  “No. We’re in some kind of canyon and they don’t work here.”

  “I need to call someone and let them know that I made it here safely. If I don’t call, they’re going to worry.”

  “There’s a phone in the lobby.” She shrugged. “You can use that, I guess.”

  “Thanks.” I went back to the lobby. There was one phone and five people in line to use it. I didn’t have the patience to wait. I’d call Tom later.

  I figured I might as well go and register. I walked across the park and into an oval-shaped building painted in bright colors like a big-top circus tent. There were several clowns practicing a high wire act in the center. Across the bottom of the wires were huge nets. It was a good thing because while I waited in the line to register, I saw the clowns fall several times.

  Finally I got to the registration table. “Hi, my name is Liza Wilcox.”

  The clown put out his hand. “Hi.” He flipped through a file and pulled out a three by five card. “You’re the teacher, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “We love teachers who join in the camp.”

  “Why?”

  “You deal with children everyday. The things we’ll teach you, you can teach them. Everyone can be an Uptown Clown!”

  “Great. I can’t wait to get started.”

  He handed me another form.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s a consent form to be videotaped or photographed.”

  “Who’s taking the pictures and why?”

  “We use them in promotions and on the website,” he said matter-a-factly.

  “I don’t like my picture taken. What if I don’t sign this?”

  His expression soured. “Then you go home. Everyone has to sign.”

  Great, I didn’t have a choice. I signed the paper and handed it back to him.

  “Dinner is at five and morning meditation is at seven.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  I went back to the lobby. There were now ten people waiting to use the phone. It was only one o’clock, so I stood in line. An hour later, I dialed Tom’s cell number.

  “Tom Owens.”

  “Hello, Tom.”

  “Hey, Liza. How’s clown camp?” His tone was light.

  “Okay so far. I might not be able to call you as much as I said.”

  I could tell by his tone he was frowning. “Why not?”

  “I have no phone in my room and my cell phone doesn’t work because the camp is in some kind of canyon. The only phone is the one in the lobby of the motel, with a long line. I’ll call when I can, okay?”

  “I don’t like that.”

  “I don’t either, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” I glared at the phone in my hand. I didn’t like having to report in to anyone, anyway.

  “Okay. But please be careful.”

  “I will.”

  I hung up the phone and went back to my room. Tina was still rocking to the music in her headphones. She looked up when I came in and slid off the headphones. “Did you get to use the phone?”

  “Yes.”

  “Calling your mother?” Her tone was teasing.

  “No, my mom’s dead. I have a new boyfriend and this is the first time we’ve been apart.”

  “Oh, that’s a bummer,” she said, with a twinge of regret. “New relationships need to be kindled not ignored.”

  “It’s okay, we’ll survive.” That was quite a philosophical statement for a teenager. I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes. I hadn’t slept well last night, so I fell asleep immediately.

  Tina shouting in my ear shook me awake. “We’re going to be late for dinner, Liza. Let’s go.”

  I got up, splashed some water on my face, and Tina and I walked to the auditorium.

  It was a circus. There were clowns on bikes, in little cars, making balloon animals, magicians and kids running and yelling everywhere. Oh my God! I wished I’d brought my whistle. Tina shrieked as we came through the door and ran off with other excited teenagers.

  I wandered around until I found the table with my nameplate. Plates of fruit, vegetables, chicken, beef, ham and seafood, filled the table, not to mention a variety of desserts. I was starting to like this place. How did they know the way to a teacher’s heart is through her stomach? If you ever want teachers to come to a meeting and be on time, provide food.

  The lights went down in the room and everyone took their places at the tables. I was the only woman my age at my table. Come to think of it, I was the only woman my age in the building. I felt old, and wasn’t sure I was going to last all four days. I noticed that all of the kids were at a long table in the front of the auditorium. A laser beamed down from the center of the building, and dangling on a rope came a clown.

  “Hello, everybody. My name is Carl. What’s yours?”

  Everyone in the place screamed their names. It was deafening. Carl continued, “Are you all here to become Uptown Clowns?” More screaming. “Eat up and enjoy the food, and I’ll see you all tomorrow morning at meditation. Welcome to your new family. A clown family!”

  People started devouring the food on the table. Suddenly, my head was spinning. Maybe it was from all the noise or the lights, but either way I wasn’t going to eat the food in front of me. I took a few pieces and pretended to chew it, but instead dropped them on the floor. Four days of this and I might lose those twenty pounds.

  In the corner of the room was a table set up with bottled water. I took a bottle and checked the seal to make sure it wasn’t broken, hoping it was safe. I remembered what Justin told me about flushing my system as much as possible. Two bottles and one trip to the bathroom later, I felt a little better. I wandered around and people watched. It was like a mad free for all. Some of the new participants were trying to ride the unicycles, more falling off than actually riding. The only difference between the members and the participants were the costumes. But none of them looked out of control. Their eyes were clear and focused.

  I spotted Tina a few times. She and her friends were flying, literally. Suspended on wires, they were soaring all over the auditorium. I caught a glimpse of Tina’s eyes as she flew by. They were fully dilated and she was giggling. I wondered if she was going to remember tonight.

  Two hours later, people started leaving the auditorium. I saw Tina’s crowd leaving with a group of costumed clowns. A few of the clowns were trying to round up the kids, who looked to be five to twelve years old. The clowns weren’t having very good luck. Every time they’d get a few in line, some would run away from them. The clowns were shouting and the kids were whining about having to leave.

  Children and chaos make me crazy. I walked over to the clowns that were shouting at the kids. “Would you like some help?”

  A man looked at me, his face tight with frustration. I’d seen that look on the Lunchroom Supervisors. “Sure, I’ll take all the help I can get.”

  His voice sounded mechanical. Maybe it was all the music and noise in the place.

  I used my teacher voice. “Kids!” Several turned their heads. When they started to turn away again, I repeated it, this time louder. “Kids!” I put my hand to my eyes. “Look at me.” One by one they turned and made eye contact with me.

  “Line up.” They did. I glanced at the clown. “Do you want to take it from here or do you want me to walk them to their rooms?”

  “I’d love your help.” There was an urgency in his voice that I’d heard before, usually with first year teachers. He reached out his hand. “My name’s Tony
.”

  “Mine’s Liza.”

  He smiled. “You’re good with kids.”

  “I’m a teacher. It’s what I do.” No matter where I go it seems I always turn into a teacher.

  “I’m new, and this is my first year in charge of the kids.” He sighed deeply. “Thanks for your help.”

  A few kids started to wander away. I gave them a teacher’s look and they got back in line. Works every time. “I’ll walk with you.”

  Tony and I led, the kids followed and then three other clowns brought up the rear. It looked like a conga line. The kid’s sleeping quarters were next door to the auditorium. Inside, it looked more like a dorm than a motel. There were two rooms, one for the girls and another for the boys, with rows of bunk beds, each labeled. We started matching kids’ nametags with their beds. Oddly, the kids no longer seemed excited and energetic. Instead they appeared subdued, almost zombie like.

  I went into the girls’ room and helped a few change into their pajamas. They climbed into bed and fell asleep. Not one cried for their mom or dad, not one needed a drink of water, or to go to the bathroom. It was unnerving. I wondered what they’d be like in the morning.

  I left the lights on, so that if they did get up they could find their way to the restroom.

  Tony was waiting for me outside. He’d taken off his clown mask and his voice sounded more natural. “Thanks for all your help, Liza. I don’t think I’d ever have gotten them settled down without it.”

  “That’s okay. If you need my help in the morning, let me know.”

  “That would be great.”

  I walked back to my motel room. Tina wasn’t there. I took out a granola bar, banana, and diet coke from the bag under my bed and ate. I was starving and I was starting to get a headache from the lack of caffeine in my body. Every time I got a caffeine headache, I told myself I needed to drink less diet Coke or go to caffeine free, but I never did. With food in my stomach and caffeine in my system I felt a million times better.

  It was after ten, so I crawled into bed. Morning meditation was at seven and I figured I needed my wits about me for that. How exactly does a clown meditate? Would balloon animals be involved?

  Chapter 12

  My internal clock woke me up at five-thirty. Tina was lying across her bed, still fully dressed. I threw a blanket over the top of her. She looked like she needed another hour or more of sleep.

  I slipped into a nylon jogging suit and tennis shoes. I thought I’d go for a morning walk, as if it were part of my routine. That way I could wander around the facility and check things out without calling attention to myself.

  When I stepped out of my room I stretched like a pro and started walking. As I went by workers, I waved and kept going. A few things were worth noticing. Two men were pouring some kind of purple liquid into the air-conditioning system of the main auditorium. I don’t know anything about heating and cooling systems but I don’t think you add liquid to them. I’d love to get a sample of the liquid and have Tom see what’s in it. Maybe that’s the way they get some of the drugs into their participants. I wondered how the members avoided the drugs. Maybe it was their clown masks that protected them? Tony’s voice had sounded very strange when he’d had it on.

  I decided I’d jog over to the kid’s dorm. A few of the children should be waking up. Kids in the morning at a strange place could lend itself to several criers. There were several men working on the back of the dorm building. They were hauling small boxes in and out of the place. It would be nice to see what was in those boxes, too.

  I stuck my head inside the building. Everyone was still sound asleep. I stepped inside and walked over to a few of the bunks. The kids weren’t moving. I bent down and touched one of the girls on the arm. No response. I picked up her arm and let go. It dropped back down to the bed. I opened one eyelid. Her pupils were fully dilated. She was out cold!

  I heard footsteps, but there wasn’t anywhere I could hide.

  “Hey!” a man yelled. “What are you doing here?” He was older, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, no clown costume.

  I turned around. “I helped bring the kids into their rooms last night, and I thought you might need help getting them up. But they seem to be resting quietly.”

  He eyed me steadily. “You’re that teacher, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Tony said a teacher helped him last night. He’s new.” He smiled. “Thanks.”

  I stuck my hand out. “My name is Liza.”

  “I’m Carl.”

  “The Carl from the hanging rope last night?

  “Yeah.” His smiled broadened. “I run the place.”

  This must be Jessie’s uncle. I couldn’t figure out a way to ask any questions. It was just too early, and my mind wasn’t that quick. “Well, I’m going to finish my morning jog.” I waved to him. “It was nice meeting you, and if you need help with the kids later, let me know.”

  “Thanks.”

  I jogged out of the building and around to the back where I’d seen the men working. They were gone, probably inside the building. But there was a van parked near the exit door. One of the boxes sat on the floor of the van near the door. As I jogged by, I hit the box with my hand. It went flying.

  A man came running out and screamed, “Hey! What the hell are you doing?”

  I went to the box. “I’m sorry. I was running and wasn’t paying attention. I smacked the box with my hand and it fell.”

  “More like you launched it across the grass, lady!”

  I bit my bottom lip. “I’m so sorry. I was practicing my boxing motions. My doctor says I get a better workout if I punch with my hands while I jog. I just wasn’t paying attention.” I leaned over and started picking up the contents that had spilled out. They were videotapes.

  He put his hand over mine. “That’s okay, lady. I’ll get them. Watch what you’re doing next time, okay?”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to pick these up? I spilled them, after all.”

  “No,” he said firmly. “I’ll take care of it.”

  “Thanks.” I waved and went on jogging, punching the air as I ran.

  When I got back to my room, Tina was still out cold. I stretched my legs and arms. I hadn’t exercised in years, and I knew I was going to be sore tomorrow. It was six-forty-five. I took a long hot shower to soothe my muscles that were already starting to stiffen up. Damn! I wish I were in better shape.

  Tina was sitting on the edge of her bed holding her head when I came out.

  “Good morning, Tina.”

  I think the noise she made was somewhere between a growl and a snarl. She wandered into the bathroom. I heard the water in the shower and wondered if she even bothered to take her clothes off.

  A few minutes later she came out dressed in a black leotard. She was grinning from ear to ear. “I feel great!”

  That was quick. “Well, you certainly look better than you did when you went in.”

  She threw a bottle at me. “These are my favorite little pills in the whole world. They’re a hundred percent natural and they get me going in the morning.”

  I turned the bottle over in my hand. It was some type of multi-vitamin. “Where’d you get these?”

  “I buy them through the camp.”

  “They provide them here?”

  “Yeah.” She giggled. “They’re clown vitamins.” She turned the vitamins over in my hands. There was a huge picture of a clown on the other side. “You should try them, they work really good.”

  I opened the bottle and poured a few into my hand. Clown natural vitamins or wake-up drugs? Maybe Tom could find out which they were. “Can I keep some of these in case I need them this week?”

  “Of course.” She came over and sat down next to me. “Thanks for the blanket. When I woke up and I was covered, I figured you did it.”

  I set the pills on my nightstand. “I didn’t even hear you come in last night.”

  “I was flying all night. After I left the auditorium a gr
oup of us went to one of the clown’s room and had another party.” She flashed me a huge smile. “It was a blast!”

  “Remember any of it?” I said, my jaw tight.

  She ignored my obvious disapproval. “Of course. I always remember the first party.” She winked and jumped off the bed. “Let’s go to meditation. It’s a blast!”

  Everything was a blast for this child. I let her drag me to my feet. We walked together to the auditorium. Actually, it was more of a skip. All of the tables and chairs from the previous night were gone. The entire floor was covered in thick mats. Tina led me directly to the front and we sat down. The mats had to be three or four inches thick so they were comfortable. The room filled quickly with people. Participants were dressed in jogging suits and leotards. The clowns were dressed like clowns, including their masks. Guess we’re going to be gassed again, I thought.

  I looked around and saw a table with bottled water. I tapped Tina on the shoulder. “I’m thirsty, I’m going to get a water. Do you want one?”

  “No, I hate water.” She grimaced. “But go ahead, I’ll save your spot.”

  I picked up two waters. I drank one immediately and threw the bottle away. I took the other one back to the mat with me. The first bottle ought to be hitting me in a few minutes. It would give me an excuse to get up and leave during the meditation session.

  A few minutes later the entire auditorium was filled. The doors closed and the music started. It was purely percussion instruments. The drums seem to pound through my body.

  Then a fog swept through the room. I’m sure it was filled with drugs, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. Some people got up and started dancing to the music. My head spun to the bass of the pounding music and I couldn’t catch my breath. More people got up and started dancing. It looked like a scene from “Dirty Dancing.” Everyone was bumping and grinding on each other.