Looking To The Future (#11 in the Bregdan Chronicles Historical Fiction Romance Series)

by Ginny Dye

  Felicia slowly nodded, her eyes shining with appreciation. “That’s the truth,” she admitted, smiling slightly. “It’s easier to stand up for what I believe in at school than it is with you, Grandma.”

  “That may be so,” Annie agreed, “but there ain’t no time when you gots to back down from what be right. I reckon it be harder, for sure, to stand up to the folks you love the most, but I also reckon it be the most important.”

  Felicia gazed at her. “Why?”

  “Because they be the folks you want to love you the most,” Annie explained earnestly. “It be real easy to push aside your beliefs ‘cause you want folks to love you.”

  “So, if I expect to be able to stand up for my beliefs to everyone…I have to learn how to stand up for what I believe… no matter what,” Felicia said slowly, her thoughts coming together as she verbalized them.

  “You serious about changin’ the world for black women?” Annie pressed, her attention solely on her granddaughter. There was not another sound in the room.

  “More than anything,” Felicia declared. “I know I have some growing up to do, but I know that’s what I want.”

  Annie peered closely at her until, obviously satisfied with what she saw in Felicia’s eyes, she nodded. “Then it can’t matter what nobody says to you, or about you. You just gots to do what is right.”

  Felicia considered her words. “Then you need to hush up about me teaching Marietta how to make a pie. She wanted to learn. I taught her. She did a fine job, and Jeremy was happy. I believe that’s what is important,” she said with a smile.

  “Humph!” Annie straightened, a look of pride shining in her eyes, and then turned to Jeremy. “Don’t you be coming after me about another pie,” she warned. “Tell your wife to make it.”

  Jeremy saw his opening. “Not even if it’s a going away pie?”

  Heavy silence settled on the room. The only sound was the rain tapping against the window.

  Jeremy looked at everyone apologetically. “I didn’t see a good way to tell you.”

  “So, you’re leaving.” Moses stated.

  Jeremy nodded. “We’re moving to Philadelphia. I’ll be taking over the Cromwell Factory in Moyamensing.”

  “That’s wonderful!” Carrie exclaimed. She shrugged her shoulders when everyone turned to stare at her. “I very much suspect all of us would make the same decision if we had a helpless mulatto baby upstairs that had just been born. I know I would,” she said. “I’ll miss Jeremy and Marietta being in Richmond as much as all of you, but I’m also glad little Sarah Rose won’t face the hatred and bigotry she would here, and I’m glad her parents won’t have to deal with the pain of watching her suffer.”

  “I won’t get to see my niece and nephew when I come home,” Rose said sadly.

  “We’ll come back to visit,” Jeremy promised, “and you’ll be welcome in Philadelphia any time. I’ll even let you and Moses have your old room.”

  Rose clapped her hands. “You’re moving into Abby’s house?”

  Jeremy grinned with relief, glad to see the light back in his sister’s eyes. He had suspected she would take it hardest, but he knew he was making the best decision for his family. “We are. We’ll buy a house at some point if everything works out, but I’m glad for us to have a landing place for now.”

  “If it works out?” Carrie asked keenly.

  Jeremy wasn’t surprised Carrie was the one to latch on to his comment. He took a deep breath. “I’m determined to give my children as much of a chance for a good life as possible. Philadelphia is certainly going to be better than Richmond, but I’m not against moving further north if I feel it’s necessary.” He shrugged. “I haven’t thought on it any more than that. We’ll have to see what the future holds. In the meantime,” he said lightly, “we’re going to be very busy with two babies.”

  “That you are,” Rose agreed warmly, obviously trying to come to grips with the reality of him moving. “When are you leaving?”

  “After the new year begins. I want to make sure everyone is ready to travel, and I know Marietta would love to spend Christmas here. I can’t think of a better place for her to get used to being a new mother. The current manager of the factory won’t be leaving until early February, so I’ll have a month with him to get to know the operation.”

  Carrie was overjoyed. “So, you’re staying here through Christmas?”

  “If it’s okay with you,” Jeremy responded.

  “Of course it is,” Carrie exclaimed. “I’ll be leaving for Philadelphia in January, as well.” She looked around the room and told everyone her plans. “I will stay with Matthew and Janie so I can be with her during the last months of her pregnancy.”

  “And after you get the clinic established?” Jeremy asked.

  “I have absolutely no idea,” Carrie replied. “I can’t see into the future any further than that. To make the attempt is too exhausting.”

  “And there is no need to,” Rose added. “Every time I try to see very far ahead, I do nothing but discover I had no clue what was coming toward me,” she said. “I make my plans, and then I wait to see what actually happens.”

  “I hear you,” Jeremy said ruefully. “My father used to tell me all the time that nothing is ever wasted. I believe that is especially true at times like these.”

  “Nothing is ever wasted,” Moses said softly. “What did he mean?”

  “I didn’t really understand it until I got older,” Jeremy said, “but it makes perfect sense now. What he meant was there is not a single thing in my life that will ever be a waste. There are so many times I do something, or learn something, and then I don’t see any results from it so I think it’s a waste. I discover later—sometimes years later—that I’m using that information, or I learned something in a situation that I’m using now.”

  Moses stared at him for a long moment. “Does that make everything worth it?”

  Jeremy considered the question, also aware Rose was staring at her husband with a calculating look. He knew Moses was not asking a casual question, and he suspected his sister knew it, too. “I think I may have to be older before I can completely answer that question,” he said carefully, “but I’ve seen it happen enough times that it gives me peace in the midst of confusing situations.”

  Moses looked doubtful. “How about when you were attacked? When you were almost beaten to death? Don’t you believe that was a waste?”

  “No,” Jeremy said immediately. “I wish it wouldn’t have happened, but there are people walking around the South who are oblivious to how dangerous things are becoming because of the vigilantes and the KKK. I will never again be naïve to what is possible. I’m grateful I know enough to not be willing to have my children face that kind of hatred.”

  Jeremy understood the conflicting feelings racing across Moses’ face, but he didn’t regret speaking truthfully. He knew how much Moses wanted to come back to the plantation, but he needed to be fully aware of the danger he would be bringing his family back to. Then, when and if he made that decision, at least he would be doing so with his eyes wide open.

  Jeremy was relieved when Susan came in the front door, her face creased with weariness. He hoped she was bringing a distraction with her.

  “Susan!” Annie chided. “Where you been? Neither you nor Miles been in for somethin’ to eat. What be wrong out there in the barn?”

  Susan sighed and settled down into an empty chair. “Nothing now,” she murmured, her eyes dull with fatigue. “Two of the mares came down with colic.”

  “Colic?” Carrie asked with alarm. “How?”

  Susan met her eyes as she pushed blond hair back from her face. “Part of the fence in the new broodmare pasture came down when the winds blew a limb off a large oak tree. They got out and went into the apple orchard.”

  Carrie groaned. “And they ate all they could. I bet they were happy.”

  “Until their stomach twisted into knots,” Susan said wryly. “Then, I’m sure they forgot about ho
w wonderful the apples were.”

  “They’re all right now?” Carrie asked. She pushed herself up from her chair.

  Susan waved at her to sit back down. “They’re fine. Luckily, Amber saw them when she was leaving to go home. They were already sick, but we caught them quickly. Miles fixed the fence while Amber and I walked the mares for the last three hours. They’re resting now. I’m going to sleep in the barn tonight to keep an eye on them, but I believe they’re fine. Amber wanted to stay all night, but I made her go home with Miles.”

  Annie, who had disappeared into the kitchen, reappeared with a plate of steaming chicken and dumplings. “You gots to eat somethin’, Miss Susan.”

  Susan groaned with appreciation as she took the first bite. “Heavenly. I might just live through this night after all.”

  “Course you gonna live,” Annie said. “You one of the toughest women I know.”

  Susan gazed at her, conflicting emotions on her face. “I’m not sure that is the moniker I want to be labeled with, but as long as you keep making food like this, I’ll accept it.”

  “What’s wrong with being tough?” Felicia asked.

  “Nothing,” Susan assured her. She opened her mouth to say more, but the thin cry of an infant, followed by another in concert, filtered down from upstairs. Her eyes opened wide “Did I hear two babies?” she asked.

  Jeremy grinned. “Let me bring you up-to-date. While you were saving horses, we were having our lives changed.”

  *****

  Rose, unable to sleep despite how tired she was, found Jeremy standing on the porch. He remained silent, but reached out an arm for her. She went to stand next to him, grateful for the warmth he offered. The rainstorm had passed through, and just as she had known it would, the wind had ushered in a cold front that made the temperature plummet. “We’re going to have our first hard freeze tonight,” she commented, not ready to focus on the reality that Jeremy was leaving the South.

  “What time do you leave tomorrow?” Jeremy asked quietly.

  Rose sighed. “Early. The rain will have made the roads slow. We want the kids to get a good night’s sleep at Thomas and Abby’s tomorrow before we catch the train back to Oberlin the day after.”

  Jeremy nodded and pulled her closer. “Will you be back for Christmas?”

  “We will now,” Rose assured him. “We had talked about staying in Oberlin since we’ve been here so long for this trip, but I don’t want to miss the twins’ first Christmas, and…” She couldn’t force any more words past the clog in her throat. She counted on being able to see her brother every time she came home. The knowledge that he would no longer be in Richmond was a bitter pill to swallow. “Will life ever be more than just one good-bye after another?” she finally managed.

  “I don’t know,” Jeremy said. “There’s a part of me that is excited to move to Philadelphia because I know there will be new experiences, but we will be giving up so much. I suppose I’m choosing to be excited because I refuse to consider the option of staying here.”

  “You’re making the right decision,” Rose admitted.

  Jeremy peered down at her. “Am I?”

  “Yes,” she said firmly, struck by the sudden vulnerability in his eyes. “I never worry about my children in Oberlin. I saw them play with white children at school here on the plantation, but that was a forced environment. Now they play with kids in their neighborhood who are white and black because it’s just the way things are. I look outside sometimes and wonder if it’s real.”

  “I don’t know that Philadelphia is like that,” Jeremy said doubtfully. “It’s better than Richmond, but I don’t see it as the bastion of equality, either.”

  “It’s not,” Rose agreed. “Philadelphia still has prejudice, as does all of the North, but you also don’t have to worry about the KKK knocking on your door in the middle of the night.” She frowned. “At least not yet.”

  Jeremy stared at her. “Surely you don’t believe that could change,” he protested.

  Rose shrugged. “Did Moses tell you about what is happening with the election down here, especially farther South?”

  “Yes,” Jeremy replied, “but—”

  Rose interrupted him. “If the economy is controlling things the way they are now, there are no guarantees what will happen in the future. The truth is that this country has no idea what to do with two million freed slaves. What was a wonderful ideal, is quite different in reality.” She took a deep breath. “We talk about it at school often. Bigotry is more prominent and obvious in the South, but most white people in the North don’t believe blacks should be social equals. They just don’t believe they should be slaves. As we fight for more and more rights, we will become more and more of a threat. The pushback could come from anywhere.”

  Jeremy scowled. “So, there is nowhere safe?”

  Rose searched for the right words. “You just have to live, brother. Make the best choices you know to make, and live. You’ll deal with whatever comes when it comes.”

  “Stop thinking that!” Jeremy commanded, his eyes focused on hers. “I can see those thoughts churning around in your head.”

  Rose sucked in her breath. “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re thinking that my life would have been easier if I had never found out the truth about who I am. You’re feeling bad for me because Sarah Rose looks black.”

  Rose gazed up at him. “Your life has certainly become much more complicated,” she said gently.

  “Less complicated than if I’d had a black baby without knowing the truth,” Jeremy reminded her. “You’ve been dealing with slavery and prejudice all your life, while I had a very easy life as a white male. It’s my turn now.”

  Rose looked up at him and asked the question she’d been thinking all night. “Do you wish Sarah Rose had been born white?”

  Jeremy shook his head immediately. “She is my daughter, and she is perfect,” he said. “I’m sure there are times I will wish for her that life was easier, but I suppose Sarah will be a constant reminder of who I really am, and what I’m meant to fight for.” He hesitated. “I’m taking Sarah where I believe she will be safest, but I will not stop fighting for equality. I might have to do it differently, but I will fight—for our people, and for my own daughter, so that she has a better life.”

  “Your fight for equality won’t be so different in Philadelphia,” Rose replied, feeling prouder of her brother in this moment than she had ever felt. “People in the North are as determined to keep blacks in their place as people in the South are. It may look a little different, but it is still much the same. We’ll be fighting for equality, all over this country, for a very long time.”

  Rose leaned into her brother as they both fell silent. Neither of them knew how long it would be before they had this opportunity again. They had spoken enough words. Now it was time to be silent, and let the plantation wrap them in its embrace.

  Chapter Four

  November 4, 1868

  Amber leapt lightly from the mounting block onto Eclipse’s back. Carrie smiled as the big horse looked around, almost as if the little girl’s weight did not register enough to let him know she was in the saddle. Only when he was sure she was there, did he bob his head and begin to prance in place. Amber laughed joyfully before she laid a gentle hand on his neck that settled the large stallion instantly. Watching the two of them together never ceased to amaze Carrie.

  Amber turned to look at her. “How many folks are going to be here tonight?” she demanded.

  Carrie smiled. “I’m not certain, but it will be a lot,” she promised. “Lillian has told everyone at the school, I’ve told everyone who has come through the clinic, and Simon and June are bringing most of the people from Blackwell Plantation.”

  Amber stared at her. “That’s about as many people as who were here for the Harvest Festival,” she said in awe. “Just for a meteor shower?”

  “It’s been two years since so many people came,” Carrie remembered with a s
mile. “The Leonid Meteor shower happens every November, but it’s not always spectacular. It’s rather unusual for them to project another large one so soon, but Felicia’s letters are very convincing. Astronomers are sure it is going to be quite a display.” She glanced up at the sky, glad to see it was clear. Clouds could roll in during the day, but she hoped the weather would hold. “No one who was here that night will ever forget what they saw. Those who didn’t see it, are eager not to miss it.”

  “I remember it,” Amber said. “I thought for sure those shooting stars were going to land right on top of all of us that night. I hid my face in Daddy’s shoulder during some of it,” she admitted sheepishly. “I’m older now, though. I don’t want to miss any of it!” A wistful look crossed her face. “Do you think Robert can see it from heaven?”

  Carrie’s insides tightened as she remembered the wonder of sharing that night with Robert, but a deep breath relaxed her. “It probably isn’t as spectacular when you’re looking down on it,” she said, “but I still bet it’s a great view. I like the idea of him watching it with us, don’t you?”

  “Yes,” Amber agreed, “but I wish he was right here, instead.”

  “Me, too.” Carrie urged Granite forward, knowing that a long ride would make them both feel better. “Let’s go see what we can discover today.” She was keeping her promise to Granite to go for a long ride every day. Lillian had given her students the day off from school because they would be up most of the night watching the meteor shower, so Amber was joining her.

  The knots in her stomach, caused by the memories of the night with Robert watching the Leonid Meteor Shower, began to unravel as they cantered along the road. The brilliant fall foliage was being overtaken by the grayness of the winter woods, but there were still enough leaves clinging to the trees to offer a reminder of how beautiful October had been.

  When they finally pulled their horses down to a walk, Carrie was at peace.

  “Are you ever jealous of Rose?” Amber asked.