Looking To The Future (#11 in the Bregdan Chronicles Historical Fiction Romance Series)

by Ginny Dye

  “Is John asleep?” Rose asked, her hair glowing in the flicker of the flames.

  “He was asleep before I finished the story,” Moses answered. “He was asking about little Simon tonight.”

  “Oh?”

  Moses nodded. “He wanted to know if Simon would still remember him since he didn’t live on the plantation anymore. I assured him he would always remember his best friend.”

  “John misses Patches, too,” Rose said quietly.

  Moses didn’t see any reason to deny it, so he remained silent. John lived for the times he could go home and ride his black and white pony. Moses had a story he had made up about Patches that he used to tell his son as a bedtime tale, but it always made John sad now, so he had stopped telling it.

  “You miss the plantation,” Rose said next.

  Moses sighed. Again, there was no reason to deny it, so he shrugged his broad shoulders. “You know I do, but that doesn’t change the decision we made for our family. There is plenty here to be grateful for.”

  “Yes,” Rose agreed thoughtfully, “but I can feel your discontent growing.”

  Moses sighed again. “I’m sorry. I thought I was doing a better job of dealing with it. How I feel about things is my problem. I don’t want to make it your problem, too.”

  Rose gazed at him. “You think it can possibly not be my problem? You’re my husband.”

  Moses shook his head. “It shouldn’t be your problem,” he insisted. “You’re going to be a teacher. You have to go to college, and I would never consider leaving my family.”

  “And I love you for that,” Rose said softly.

  They sat quietly for a few minutes. Moses stared into the flames, wishing the conversation had not happened. He didn’t want his struggles to make Rose feel bad about her desire to be in school. Talking about how much he missed the plantation only made it more difficult.

  “You don’t want to be a lawyer, do you?”

  Moses stared harder into the flames. Where were all the questions coming from? He thought about lying, but he was certain Rose already knew the truth. “Not particularly,” he admitted, “but I’m going to get my degree. It’s what I’m here for. Jeremy assured me that nothing we ever do in life is wasted. I’m choosing to believe that.”

  Rose knit her brows together, and then asked yet another question. “You received a letter from Franklin yesterday. Did it have any news about finding someone to take his place?”

  Moses bit back the heavy sigh of worry he wanted to make. “No,” he said simply.

  “Are you worried?”

  Moses looked back into the flames. Of course he was worried. “I reckon I have to trust the right person will come, just like it happened when Franklin arrived. He and Chooli aren’t leaving until early April.”

  “And what if no one comes?”

  Moses stared at her. “Rose, where are all these questions coming from? We’ve made a decision, as a family, to be here in Oberlin. We knew there would be challenges, and I suspected I would miss the plantation. I can’t change how I feel, but it certainly is not going to dictate how I make my decisions. We have to trust that things will work out.”

  Rose nodded again, but her eyes were unsettled. Another long silence stretched out into the room. The only sounds were the crackling of flames, the hiss of the tea kettle, and the wind against the windowpanes.

  “What if I miss the plantation, too?” Rose asked softly.

  Moses swung his head to gaze at his wife. “Do you miss it?” He refused to read anything into her simple question.

  “I do,” Rose admitted, her voice indicating the words were hard to say.

  “Well, I suppose it’s natural to feel a little homesick after spending the holidays with everyone. It will pass as we get further into the term,” Moses assured her.

  “I don’t think so,” Rose replied.

  Moses finally turned to stare deeply into her eyes. “Rose, what are you saying?”

  Rose took a deep breath, and then reached out to grasp his hands. “I’m saying I want to go home.”

  Moses took a deep breath, and then shook his head. “I don’t understand. What about being a teacher? You can’t give that up.”

  “I won’t have to,” Rose revealed, her eyes taking on a shine for the first time since they had started the puzzling conversation. “I spoke with the administration today. I have made top grades in all my classes, and I’m teaching many of the students. They agree they really don’t have anything more they can teach me.”

  Moses pushed down the hope soaring in him. “But you must have your degree,” he said firmly.

  “And they are going to give it to me,” Rose revealed. “I will finish this term, and I will graduate a year early.” She hesitated. “If that is what we want.”

  Moses sucked in his breath. “And you will have a degree that will let you teach anywhere?”

  “I will.”

  Moses still wasn’t convinced. “You want to teach in a big city,” he said.

  “Not anymore.”

  “I don’t understand,” Moses responded. “What has changed?”

  “It’s simple,” Rose replied with a smile. “I have changed. It is the prerogative of a woman to change their mind, dear.” She jumped up and began to pace the room. “All I have ever wanted to do was make a difference. I realized when I was home in October, and over the holidays, what a difference the school at Cromwell is making. I found myself yearning to continue what I began.”

  “What about Lillian?” Moses asked.

  Rose smiled. “Lillian is a wonderful teacher. The school has grown enough to need two teachers, and we can afford to keep paying her from the money we make at the plantation. I would be honored to work with her.” She stopped in front of the flames and met his eyes. “Why are you not excited?” she demanded.

  Moses met her eyes evenly. “I’m afraid to be,” he confessed. “I don’t believe you have considered everything, and I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

  “What haven’t I considered?”

  Moses sighed. “The reality of being back in the South,” he said bluntly. “You feel safe here. You know the children are safe here. Things are getting worse everywhere in the South.” He knew it was better to be honest now. Going home would put all of them in danger. Suddenly, he wasn’t certain he was willing to put his family back in that kind of danger. His mind flashed to the attack on Blackwell Plantation. It was probably a matter of time before it happened on Cromwell again—or the school would come under attack again. The vigilantes were becoming more aggressive, not less…

  “I know,” Rose answered. She returned to her chair and sat down, staring into the flames again for several minutes.

  Moses waited for her to speak.

  Finally, she looked up. “Moses, I have mixed feelings about it. I hate the thought of putting our children in danger, but I also don’t want them to learn to let fear control their actions. All of life is a risk, no matter what we do. God has protected us this far.” She took a deep breath. “I have to believe that will continue.”

  “And if something happens to one of them?” Moses hated to ask the question, but he knew he must.

  Rose sucked in her breath. She looked trapped for a moment, but shook her head. “I know I can’t let fear stop us,” she said. “Carrie had to deal with losing Robert. I pray with all my heart that I won’t have to face losing you or one of our children, but I can’t let that fear mandate my decision if I believe we are truly meant to go back.”

  Moses felt hope surging through him, but he still wasn’t done. “And what about Felicia? We can’t take away her chance to go to school.”

  “You’re right,” Rose said. “We’ll have to talk to her. I’ve spoken with her favorite teacher, Mary Ferguson. She’s told me how much she would love to have Felicia live with her if we return to the plantation.”

  It was Moses’ turn to abruptly stand and pace the room. The thought of leaving Felicia in Ohio on her own was not so
mething he was willing to consider. “Leave her here by herself? I can’t bear the thought of that.”

  “Shouldn’t she be the one to make that decision?” Rose asked softly.

  Moses shook his head.

  “I want to stay, Daddy.”

  Moses whirled around when the soft voice sounded in the room. Felicia was standing at the base of the stairs, looking at him with wide eyes. “How much of this did you hear?”

  “Most of it,” she admitted. “I’m sorry. I came down to tell both of you good night, but I heard you talking and didn’t want to interrupt. When I realized what you were talking about, I just kept listening,” she said sheepishly. “I’m sorry,” she repeated.

  Moses took a deep breath. “You don’t have to apologize,” he replied. “If it had been me at your age, I would have done the same thing.” He sat down and pointed at the chair between him and Rose. “Have a seat.”

  Felicia sat, her face as earnest as when he first realized she was there. “I want to stay and go to school.”

  “And be here all by yourself?” Moses demanded. “What if you need us?”

  Felicia straightened. “I’m almost fourteen, Daddy. I’m a woman now.” She smiled slightly. “You already know I’m more mature than most girls my age. And I love Miss Ferguson. It won’t be like living with you and Mama, but I want to stay in school.” Her eyes met his squarely. “I have to, Daddy. It’s the only way I can do what I’m meant to do. I have to finish my education.” She looked at Rose. “Mama knows what she is supposed to do, and she wants to do it. I’m not sure yet exactly what I am meant to do with my life, but I know it will require me getting an education. There is no place better in the country for me to do that than here in Oberlin.”

  Moses couldn’t deny that was true, and he also couldn’t deny Felicia’s certainty. He looked at Rose. She was gazing at her daughter with deep love in her eyes.

  “I can’t bear the idea of you staying behind,” Rose finally said, “but I understand why you want to.”

  Felicia returned her look of love, and then shifted back to Moses. “Can I come home anytime I want to?”

  “Of course,” Moses said, “but I will not have my fourteen-year-old daughter, no matter how mature you are, on a train by yourself. It’s not safe.” He hated the troubled expression that filled Felicia’s face, but he wasn’t going to bend on his decision. He had saved her on the streets of Memphis. He wasn’t going to knowingly put her in danger now.

  “I believe I can provide the solution to that,” Rose said.

  “You can, Mama?” Felicia breathed, hope springing back to life in her eyes.

  Rose nodded. “Many of the students have said how much they would love to visit the plantation school. If we arrange for one of them to accompany you each time you want to come home, then you’ll be safe, and they will get a tremendous experience.”

  Moses nodded when Felicia swung around to stare at him. “I would approve of that.”

  Felicia leapt up and jumped into his lap. “So, I can stay?”

  Moses met her eyes. “You believe we should go back to the plantation?”

  “Of course, Daddy,” Felicia said impatiently. “Anyone can see how much you miss it. Mama wants to go home. All John wants is Patches and Grandma Annie’s cooking, and Hope is too young to know anything other than that she wants to be with her mama and daddy.” She hesitated. “I will miss you terribly, but I believe this is right.”

  Moses took a deep breath. “I will miss you, too.” The idea he could go home was slowly sinking in, but the knowledge of leaving Felicia behind was tearing at his heart.

  “Daddy, the time is coming soon, anyway,” Felicia said with confidence. “I’m growing up. You can’t keep me home forever, and besides, now is the best time to go back to the plantation.”

  Moses heard something in her voice he didn’t understand. “Why is now the best time?”

  “Because you don’t want the plantation to be in turmoil when Franklin and Chooli leave,” she replied. “I’ve been reading up more on business and finance since Abby talked to us on New Year’s Day.”

  Moses managed to mask his expression of amazement. Thomas and Abby had talked to him and Rose before they left for Oberlin about their concerns for the future. He had listened closely, but had not found time to dig deeper. He shouldn’t be surprised that Felicia had. He had never seen anyone with such a hunger for knowledge. “What have you learned?”

  “Well, I still have a lot to study, but Abby is right that the banks are making bad decisions, and they are giving too many loans to people buying land out West. They can’t support the loans, and it’s just a matter of time before things crash,” she said frankly. “It’s best for you to be back on the plantation so you can manage things. I’ll be happy to keep sending you information about the things I learn.”

  Moses smiled and pulled her close in a hug. “I’d appreciate that. I love you, you know,” he murmured, relishing the feel of her lithe body in his arms. Memories of the frightened little girl who had returned from Memphis after seeing both parents murdered swarmed through his mind.

  Felicia snuggled close. “I love you too, Daddy.”

  Moses looked over her head and met Rose’s eyes. “When?” he asked.

  “This term ends at the beginning of April. I will graduate, and then we can return home.” Rose gave him a brilliant smile, her eyes sparkling with joy and anticipation.

  Moses stared at her. He finally allowed his face to explode in a grin that matched hers. “Home,” he repeated. “We’re going home.”

  “Home,” Rose said firmly.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Have you heard from Abby yet?”

  Carrie looked at Janie. “Not yet, but she would have only just gotten my letter. It’s too soon to expect a reply. I would like to have been able to explain it all in a telegram, but it wasn’t possible.” Her eyes sharpened as she examined her friend’s tired face. “Are you as uncomfortable as you look?”

  “Probably,” Janie admitted, but her smile was bright. “This baby has to come soon, doesn’t she?”

  “According to when you think you got pregnant on the Trail, you should deliver mid-February. If this baby decides to come on time, you have about two weeks to go.”

  Janie stroked her swollen belly. “Please, little one, come on time. I can hardly wait to meet you, but mostly I want you outside of me.”

  Carrie watched her closely. “What hurts?”

  “Oh, my back…my feet…my legs…” Janie smiled ruefully. “All the normal things you would expect from a pregnant woman.” She eyed Carrie. “Quit looking at me that way. What I am feeling is perfectly normal!”

  “I know,” Carrie murmured. “I just want everything to go smoothly.”

  “No more than I do,” Janie said fervently, “but this pregnancy has been completely normal.”

  Carrie knew she was right. She also knew Janie wouldn’t do anything crazy, like galloping for hours on a horse. The pain of the memory tightened her heart.

  “Stop,” Janie said, reading her thoughts perfectly. “You know, now that Matthew and I are married,” she continued gently, “I would have done the same thing.” Her eyes darkened. “I couldn’t imagine letting him die without me there.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I would have ridden Granite home, too.”

  Carrie sucked in her breath. “Really?” She wasn’t sure it was true, but Janie saying it helped more than she could have imagined. Watching both Janie and Marietta have normal pregnancies both thrilled and mocked her.

  “Really,” Janie said firmly. “Every day I feel so much joy that I’m about to bring a child into the world. And every day I feel sadness that you had that joy robbed from you.” She held up a hand. “We will never know whether Bridget would have survived even if you hadn’t ridden home, but that doesn’t change my feelings that those vigilantes murdered two special people that night.”

  Carrie was saved from having to respond by a knock at the doo
r.

  “I have a telegram for Mrs. Carrie Borden,” the slender young man said when she opened the door.

  Carrie reached for it. “I’m Mrs. Borden.”

  “Sign right here,” he said firmly, not relinquishing the telegram until she had.

  Moments later ,Carrie was seated in the parlor, tearing into the telegram.

  “What is it?” Janie demanded. “Is it from Abby?”

  “It is.” Carrie read the contents carefully. “She received my letter. A longer letter is coming, but she wants me to know she has telegrammed Dorothea Dix. She has also telegrammed a lady by the name of Elizabeth Packard. Abby discovered she is in Philadelphia, and wants us to meet with her.”

  “Who is Elizabeth Packard?” Janie asked.

  “I have no idea,” Carrie answered, “but Abby wouldn’t suggest meeting her if she didn’t believe it would be helpful.”

  Janie nodded. “That’s true. When will you meet?”

  Carrie smiled. “She is coming over tonight. Evidently, she will not be here in Philadelphia much longer, so she agreed to make time to meet with me.”

  “Can you get Elizabeth Gilbert here in time?”

  Carrie stood and reached for her coat. “I’m going by her home right now. She and Florence live only a few blocks away. I’ll leave her a note if she’s not there.”

  Janie frowned. “How do you feel about all this? After what Elizabeth and Florence did? And Alice?”

  Carrie shrugged. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. Whatever has happened between us pales in comparison to the idea of Alice in an insane asylum. I promised Elizabeth I would do whatever I could, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

  “You’re a good woman, Carrie Borden.”

  “You’d do the same thing,” Carrie said. She raised a brow when Janie opened her mouth as if to protest. “And don’t even try to pretend you wouldn’t. You’re a much bigger softy than I am.”