Red Leaves and the Living Token

by Benjamin David Burrell

  Handers stared at the aged green book that looked like it belonged in a museum rather than a kids hands. "What are you guys reading?"

  Moslin looked away, uncomfortable.

  Emret stared at the book. "Same thing."

  Raj turned his attention to the nurse. "I appreciate you taking so much time with my son."

  "My pleasure," She replied.

  "Although, you run the risk of making your other patients jealous." He jested.

  She laughed. "I don't think it's the other patients I have to worry about."

  He smiled.

  She picked up the green book off the bed and stepped past Raj towards the exit.

  "Where're you going?" Emret asked.

  "Your father's right. I do have other patients."

  "Thanks Dad." Emret muttered sarcastically.

  "Don't worry, sweetie. I'll be back later." She said as she slipped out the door.

  "Didn't you two just finish that book?" Raj asked as he turned back to the bed.

  "Yeah why?"

  "Well, how many time have you read it?"

  "I don't know."

  "Don't you have other books you could read?"

  "Dad! Seriously."

  A scratching noise reverberated from the wall across from the foot of the bed. They both turned abruptly, startled by the noise.

  At the base of the wall near the door was a small ornately trimmed hole. The scratching grew louder until a small rodent scampered out onto the lip of the trim and hopped down onto the floor.

  It scurried across the tile and stopped in front of Handers with its chest exposed. A metal plate engraved with the crest of his wife's family hung to the underside of the small animal.

  Raj dropped his shoulders. It was such an ugly creature. And it stunk. Fit the message, he supposed, chuckling to himself.

  The rodent rubbed his hands together for a few seconds then scampered back the way it came.

  Rinacht got up from his seat and moved towards the door. "Shall I admit them, sir?"

  Raj stared at him for a moment before responding. What if he said no, he thought. He could. He could simply not let them in. That wouldn't be that bad, would it?

  He looked back at his son who was watching him with a disapproving look. "Yes, of course. Why would you need to ask that, Rinacht?" He delivered an uncomfortable fake laugh to his son and then pointed at Rinacht as though he didn't know what had gotten in to him.

  He followed his glum servant to the door to meet the arriving guests. "And we were having such a nice day." He muttered.

  Rinacht turned to him and whispered, "She could fall. Ya know... accidentally. The floors are quite slippery."

  Raj laughed. "You're a good man, my friend."

  A light rap on the door cut off their exchange. Rinacht opened the door and made a welcoming gesture to the guests standing outside. "Please come in."

  Emret's grandparents and an aunt danced into the room with an explosion of chatter. Rinacht bowed politely. "Sirs and Madam."

  They side stepped Raj and Rinacht without a word of acknowledgment and continued their exaggerated waltz towards their grandchild, singing his woes all the way to his bed side.

  Emret leaned forward to greet them as they wrapped him up in a warm and loud embrace.

  His grandpa grabbed a handful of Emret's hospital gown and pulled on his stomach skin. "What're they feeding ya in here boy? You're ten pounds heavier every time I see ya."

  "So when do we getta break ya outa here?" Asked his aunt.

  "Yes that's a good question.” The boy’s grandmother said, then paused. “Raj?"

  Handers glanced over from his hiding place in the corner. "I'm sorry?"

  She didn't turn to face him. "When is he coming home?"

  "We don't know yet. Exactly."

  This time she turned. "What do you mean you don't know yet. The poor boy's been here over a month! You should know everything you need to know by now."

  "Well, they're..." He tried to answer.

  "What're you trying to do to the poor boy?"

  "The... the doctors are doing everything they can." He stammered, uncomfortable with the direction the questions were headed.

  She stared at him coldly. "Are they?"

  Raj scowled, then grunted to himself as he looked away, shaking his head. She knew that she could speak to him however she wished and he'd give no resistance. What would you call a person who took advantage of a mans guilt? Foul, treacherous, conniving? That was part of the problem. He couldn't call her anything. Such was the power of guilt.

  She knew the power that she held over him and she used it every time he failed to avoid her.

  A knock on the door broke the tension. Moslin entered without waiting for permission. "Excuse me. I need to check his vitals."

  "If you'll excuse me. I'll be back in one moment." Raj said as he slipped out the door.

  Moslin stopped in front of Emret's grandmother on the way to his bed. "I understand you have a concern about Emret's treatment? If you'd accompany me outside, I can answer any questions you might have."

  "Oh, that won't be necessary," she answered with a polite smile.

  "With all due respect ma'am, The hospital staff as well as your son are doing everything in our power to help Emret. Please refrain from antagonizing patients or their family while in this hospital.

  "Raj isn't my son." The old woman answered.

  "Visiting hours are over. You have five minutes." She turned and left the room.

  -

  Moslin hurried down the cold plaster hallway. "Raj wait." She called.

  He stopped at the other end of the hallway and turned to her.

  "You don't have to leave. As Emret's legal guardian you have the right to restrict his visitors for any reason." She explained.

  He laughed. "Thanks, but... Any pain saved now would be paid back in measure later. Besides they're good for Emret. He needs their enthusiasm."

  "She's wrong you know."

  "She's wrong a lot but I've never had the privilege of telling her." He smiled. "Now I'm jealous."

  "Oh, you heard that?" She looked away, embarrassed.

  "Thing is, though," He paused, unsure of how to explain. His mother in law had a knack for finding his weak points and drilling them. "What if...?"

  "Uh, Oh. Don't go down that road. Trust me." She warned.

  "Am I doing everything I possibly can? I don't know. What if there's something else I haven't tried. Maybe I'm not pushing the doctors hard enough. Maybe this isn't the best hospital for what he needs. Maybe there's a doctor with more experience with his symptoms."

  "Then you push and you try and you ask and you do everything you know how to do. That's your job. You make sure they do their job to best of their abilities."

  He looked at her for a moment then nodded his head.

  "I know you'd never give up on him. No matter what people said or how hard it got. You're a good father. Don't ever doubt that."

  He stared at her. "Thank you. Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

  "I've been through this in one form or another. One of the worst parts of my job." She looked up at him. "Can I share something with you?"

  He nodded his head.

  "Come with me to the next service." She handed him a card with the date and time of a church meeting. A Botann church meeting. He frowned, not sure how to respond.

  "I know you're not of the same... you know... its just, it offers a lot of comfort. You've got a lot of difficult questions ahead of you. The kind that people don't have answers to."

  He looked at the card again. "Thanks but I don't..."

  "Think about it. Just an invitation, that's all."

  "Mr. Handers!"

  Two Zo doctors had come up the hallway behind them. One of the doctors motioned for Raj's attention.

  "Mr. Handers, I've been looking for you. Can we speak in my office for a moment?" He gestured for Raj to follow.

  "Sure, Dr. Eghart." He followed him
around the corner to his office. The doctor let him in and shut the door behind.

  "Please, have a seat." He pointed to a chair.

  Handers sat down while Dr. Eghart put some charts up on a white board. Each chart had his son's name written on a label in the corner. He had no idea what they were for. One was some sort of graph. Another a strange series of lines.

  "First of all, thank you for your patience this last month with this long series of test. I know its extremely difficult not knowing. We believe we've discovered the underlying cause of your sons condition."

  "Great. That's good news."

  "Well it is. And it isn't." He put his hands together and paused. "Um, We believe your son's binding... Well, we believe he's becoming unbound."

  "What?"

  "I know its difficult to understand, you..."

  "That's not possible. He's never missed a single day of manea."

  "Unfortunately, we don't understand what is causing his bond to deteriorate. Because of that we haven't been able to stop its progression."

  "What do you mean?"

  "I'm afraid we're running out of alternatives."

  Raj sat back in his chair. His head was spinning. This isn't what they told him when he came. They said it was a minor issue, a chemical imbalance of some sort. A month of test later and his condition deteriorates to this? How was that possible? Something, somewhere must've gotten mixed up. Someone switched the charts.

  "I don't understand what's happened? You said..."

  I know this is not what you were expecting to hear. We've waited to inform you until we were absolutely sure. The tests are conclusive.

  Raj leaned forward rubbing his head. This was not real. This was not possible.

  "I'm sorry Mr. Handers. There are very few prescribed treatments for this type of situation. None of them have been able to stabilize his bond."

  He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head. He tried to see the situation clearly through the fog of emotion. If the Doctor was right he had to figure out what to do next. He had to fix this. "What happens when his binding fails completely?" He asked.

  "His body will begin to revert. He'll loose his higher functions. You have to be aware, It's not a condition he's likely to survive."

  "So what do we do now. What the next step?"

  "I'm sorry Mr. Handers. Our options were limited from the beginning. Of course, we'll continue to do everything we can, but..."

  "So that it? You're saying he's going to die because you can't think of anything else to try?" The anger began to swell up in his face, pushing out through heavy, labored, breaths. He struggled to reign it in, to keep himself from completely breaking down.

  "We can't simply throw random treatments at him and hope that something works. The wrong treatment could kill him." The Doctor explained.

  "He's already going to die! You're telling me there's nothing else you could possible try. No experimental treatment, something unproven?" He was shouting now. The rage had ripped itself free of his meager attempt to restrain it.

  "Mr. Handers..." The Doctor tried to interject.

  "Something off the beaten path. I refuse to accept that you've done everything possible. There's always more to try?" Raj was on his feet now.

  "Mr. Handers, please. You have to understand. Any loving parent would exhaust all effort looking for something to heal their child. I understand that. You'd go to go to the ends of the earth if needs be." The Doctor stood up to try and calm him down.

  "What I want you to understand is that that is not necessarily what he needs right now. That's not what you need right now. A natural part of the grieving process is coming to terms with an outcome beyond your control. The unending quest for new and exotic methods is contrary to that grieving process."

  "It's a desperate attempt to control something that has proven itself to be uncontrollable. Believe or not, the powers of modern medicine are in fact, finite. We can't cure everything... yet."

  "But...

  "Endless searching will only prolong the pain and rob you of the time you do have left to say good bye. Your son's last day will pass. You can't control that. What you can control is how you prepare yourself and your son for it."

  "How can you tell a parent to stop trying? That's not grieving, that's giving up! How can I give up on my son?"

  Raj grabbed his coat and slammed the door as he left.

  -

  Moslin hurried down the cold plaster hallway. "Raj wait." She called.

  He stopped at the other end of the hallway and turned to her.

  "You don't have to leave. As Emret's legal guardian, you have the right to restrict his visitors for any reason." She explained.

  He laughed. "Thanks, but... Any pain saved now would be paid back in measure later. Besides they're good for Emret. He needs their enthusiasm."

  "She's wrong you know."

  "She's wrong a lot, but I've never had the privilege of telling her." He smiled. "Now I'm jealous."

  "Oh, you heard that?" She looked away, embarrassed.

  "Thing is, though," He paused, unsure of how to explain. His mother in law had a knack for finding his weak points and drilling them. "What if...?"

  "Uh, Oh. Don't go down that road. Trust me." She warned.

  "Am I doing everything I possibly can? I don't know. What if there's something else I haven't tried. Maybe I'm not pushing the doctors hard enough. Maybe this isn't the best hospital for what he needs. Maybe there's a doctor with more experience with his symptoms."

  "Then you push, and you try, and you ask, and you do everything you know how to do. That's your job. You make sure they do their job to best of their abilities."

  He looked at her for a moment then nodded his head.

  "I know you'd never give up on him. No matter what people said or how hard it got. You're a good father, don't ever doubt that."

  He stared at her. "Thank you. Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

  "I've been through this in one form or another. One of the worst parts of my job." She looked up at him. "Can I share something with you?"

  He nodded his head.

  "Come with me to the next service." She handed him a card with the date and time of a church meeting, a Botann church meeting. He frowned, not sure how to respond.

  "I know you're not of the same... you know... its just, it offers a lot of comfort. You've got a lot of difficult questions ahead of you. The kind that people don't have answers to."

  He looked at the card again. "Thanks but I don't..."

  "Think about it. Just an invitation, that's all."

  "Mr. Handers!"

  Two Zo doctors had come up the hallway behind them. One of the doctors motioned for Raj's attention.

  "Mr. Handers, I've been looking for you. Can we speak in my office for a moment?" He gestured for Raj to follow.

  "Sure, Dr. Eghart." He followed him around the corner to his office. The doctor let him in and shut the door behind.

  "Please, have a seat." He pointed to a chair.

  Handers sat down while Dr. Eghart put some charts up on a white board. Each chart had his son's name written on a label in the corner. He had no idea what they were for. One was some sort of graph. Another was a strange series of lines.

  "First of all, thank you for your patience this last month with this long series of test. I know it's extremely difficult not knowing. We believe we've discovered the underlying cause of your son's condition."

  "Great. That's good news."

  "Well it is, and it isn't." He put his hands together and paused. "Um, We believe your son's binding... Well, we believe he's becoming unbound."

  "What?"

  "I know its difficult to understand, you..."

  "That's not possible. He's never missed a single day of Manea."

  "Unfortunately, we don't understand what is causing his bond to deteriorate. Because of that we haven't been able to stop its progression."

  "What do you mean?"

  "We don’
t have a solution yet, but we’re hopeful, with time, that will change."

  “How much time do you need? How much time does Emret have?”

  “That, of course, is our greatest concern right now, and, unfortunately, we don’t have the answer.”

  Raj sat back in his chair. His head was spinning. This isn't what they told him when he came. They said it was a minor issue, a chemical imbalance of some sort. A month of test later and his condition deteriorates to this? How was that possible? Something, somewhere must've gotten mixed up. Someone switched the charts.

  "I don't understand what's happened? You said..."

  “I know this is not what you were expecting to hear.” The doctor said calmly.

  Raj leaned forward rubbing his head. This was not real. This was not possible.

  "I'm sorry Mr. Handers. This is an extremely rare condition. Because of that we’ve had little chance to understand it. There are only a few prescribed treatments, and none of them have been able to stabilize his bond."

  He took a deep breath, trying to clear his head. He tried to see the situation clearly through the fog of emotion. If the Doctor was right, he had to figure out what to do next. He had to fix this. "What happens when his binding fails completely?" He asked.

  "His body will begin to revert. He'll lose his higher functions. You have to be aware; It's not a condition he's likely to survive."

  "So what do we do now? What the next step?"

  "I'm sorry Mr. Handers. We’re already doing everything we can."

  "So that's it? You're saying he's going to die because you can't think of anything else to try right now? But maybe you’ll think of something later?" The anger began to swell up in his face, pushing out through heavy, labored, breaths. He struggled to rein it in, to keep himself from completely breaking down.

  "We can't simply throw random treatments at him and hope that something works. The wrong treatment could kill him." The Doctor explained.

  "But if you take your time debating about what might and might not work, he’ll die anyway. I think its time to take some risks here." He was shouting now. The rage had ripped itself free of his meager attempt to restrain it.

  "Mr. Handers..." The Doctor tried to interject.

  "I refuse to accept that there isn’t a better way to do this. There's always a better way!" Raj was on his feet now.