Melody of Us

by A. L. Wood

  “Yeah, what did I do that you got blamed for? I always fess up to things I do,” she defends herself.

  “Really? You want to go there?”

  “Really.”

  “How about when your Dad caught you sneaking out of your bedroom window so he went looking for you at my house only to find out neither of us were home at three in the morning? Instead we had walked around the block to swing on the playground. They were so pissed, your dad more than my parents. I remember him nailing your window shut and we couldn’t sneak into each other’s rooms or go on the roof for two weeks. You got so upset that your Dad ended up removing all the nails provided we promised we wouldn’t go anywhere but next door.”

  “That wasn’t my idea. You asked me to go, how can I resist swinging?”

  “You didn’t have to say yes.”

  “Well I did, but I still don’t think that was the worst thing we did,” she laughs.

  The first time she’s laughed in two weeks. I missed it.

  “Oh, come on you can’t just say something like that and not share. What do you think was the worst thing we’ve done, to date?”

  She huffs, “Fine. But you can’t blame me because this one is all on you. I always went along with your foolish decisions and end up getting in trouble or regretting it.”

  “We have had some laughs though, you can’t say we didn’t.”

  “True. But this one. This one is bad.”

  “Spit it out then.”

  “Remember that day that you wanted to go bike riding so bad, I didn’t even own a bike. You decided to ride your Dad’s bike that was way too big for a nine-year old boy and I rode yours. We went farther than we were supposed to, around the corner and down the street,” I laugh because I know what she’s going to say. I can see it in my mind clearly.

  She continues, “Those guys were outside their house, older than us, but maybe seniors or in college. They had a snake outside and they were letting it wrap around their arms. You got distracted seeing that huge yellow snake. Ran right into a parked car, then I fell off my bike because I couldn’t stop laughing. I remember those guys, snake in hand running over asking if you were okay. You were so embarrassed because you wanted to look tough, but you hurt. I’ve still got a scar on my knee from falling over.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You got lots of jokes today.”

  ‘You love them and me. Don’t act like you don’t.”

  “I do. You know I do. I wouldn’t trade you or our past for anything.”

  I pull up to the pizza shop and she gets out, I cross my fingers that she gets the job. It will help get my Mom off her back about living with us.

  Lyrik

  “Can I help you?” A girl about my age asks.

  “Yeah. I saw that you had a ‘now hiring’ sign in the window. I was wondering if I could get an application,” I reply.

  “Sure. What times are you available to work?”

  “I’m still in school, but I can work from three in the afternoon until nine or ten.”

  “That would work, it’s a waitressing position which involves being on your feet during your entire shift, lower pay, but you do get to keep your tips. Depending on the night you could leave making some nice extra cash.”

  “Sounds good to me. I just need a job, I’ll take what I can get.”

  “All right. Why don’t you fill this paper out and then we can do a quick interview,” she says handing me a one-sided paper application.

  I fill it out quickly then hand it back to her. She takes a moment to look it over, “Well everything looks good on here. Josie!” She calls out, “Will you watch the front counter for a minute.”

  A woman, probably my mom’s age comes up and takes over. “I forgot to introduce myself, I’m Anna. My father owns the pizza shop but when I’m not attending classes at the college I’m running the ship here. You’ll eventually meet him but he doesn’t stop in often. It’s better that way.”

  “Hi Anna, I’m Lyrik.”

  **

  “So…How’d it go?”

  “Well she brought me into her tiny little office and asked a bunch of questions. Some didn’t even go with the job. For example, if you had to counsel another employee for stealing, what would you say? That doesn’t even make sense since I applied to be a waitress. Not a manager and I’m not even old enough to be a manager. I told her that I wouldn’t counsel anyone or tell anyone what to do because I’m not a boss. She looked at me like I had two heads, I thought for sure that would’ve blown the interview.”

  “Did you get it?

  “I’m not done telling you about what happened.”

  “Fine. Go on…”

  “She asked me like thirty questions, most were to do with customers and making them happy. Right when we were done the office door opened. An older man started shouting how she wasn’t working. Couldn’t do nothing right, he said. That she didn’t need to hire anymore waitresses and she should just leave. Turns out it was her father, he owns the store. She mentioned it and that I’d probably never meet him because he doesn’t come in and she likes it that way. Lo and behold he turns up on my first day in the damn place. Saying she didn’t need to hire me, I thought that I was done. But nope. She hired me and I’m pretty sure that I have him to blame for it. I got my first job because he didn’t want me to have it. She hired me in spite. Today is a win,” I giggle.

  Anson reaches between us and lays his hand on mine with a gentle squeeze.

  He’s here.

  He’s here for me, always.

  December 17th 2010

  Age: Eighteen

  Anson

  “We should just get it done and over with.”

  “Get what done and over with? What are you talking about?” I ask, not really wanting the answer. Lyrik’s been moody lately and I always seem to be her perfect target. Someone makes her mad, she blames me as if I made her mad. Someone upsets her, I’m the one that caused the tears so now she hates me. Usually the moods last a day and then she moves on from them but damn, I’m tired of being the fence post she needs to jump every day. So, when I ask her what she wants to get done and over with I’m scared.

  Really fucking scared that it’s another one of her mood changes where I supposedly did something wrong that I had no knowledge of. Half the time I’m not even around when whatever it is that pisses her off or makes her sad, happens. Between school, sports and working I feel like I never see her and when I do it’s always late at night when everyone else is sleeping.

  It’s the only time we have.

  So, Lyrik sneaks into my bedroom and we stay up half the night either arguing, me consoling her or talking when she’s had a good day.

  I brace myself for her answer.

  “You know what I’m talking about.”

  “I’m afraid I don’t.”

  “Sex,” she sighs.

  I gasp.

  No, she didn’t.

  She did not say that.

  Did she?

  “Did you just say what I think you said?”

  “Sure did,” she smiles

  “Okay, I know you’re tired of being a virgin and all Lyk, but I don’t think it’s something you should just get done with.”

  “I know–,” I cut her off.

  “I don’t think you do. You should have sex with someone you love. Save yourself for feelings you’ve never felt. Make it count. You can’t get the first time back and I’d never want you to regret it.”

  “I’d never regret it with you.”

  “Umm…What?”

  I find myself speechless. What is she getting at here?

  “You. I want you to be my first.”

  “No.”

  Never.

  “Come on, Anson. You’re my best friend, I love you and I’d never regret doing this with you. I’m not asking you to give me your heart or be my boyfriend.”

  “I…I can’t.”

  Lyrik

  His face is pale. Looks like he’s seen a ghost and I can’
t blame him. It’s not like I fully expected to just throw myself at him. I was going to hint around at it, let him figure it out himself so it would seem that ending up in bed together was natural. I didn’t want it to be choreographed and robotic. An easy means to an end. I wanted passion, I wanted him.

  But he doesn’t want me.

  For now.

  “I could go ask James or Dakota. I’m sure they’d be willing to relieve me of my hymen.”

  “Don’t say it like that. Like it’s some medical complication that you’re a virgin. Fuck, I’m still one too. I don’t walk around asking people to relieve me of my virginity because it’s a nuisance. It’s special and I choose to lose it to someone I care about deeply because I want to. Because I feel it. Not because it’s a hindrance to my life like yours is to you.”

  “It’s not a hindrance. It’s just that were eighteen, I want to know what it feels like. What the huge thing is about. And you’re the only person I have. It’s not easy for me to make friends, I tried Anson. You remember how well that ended up last year. Anyway, I don’t even want to talk about that. What I want is to have sex with you and don’t think for one second I missed hearing that you are in fact a virgin. I recall you saying that you lost it to Jessica, of all people. She’s a whore. Share this with me.”

  “I don’t know Lyk, it doesn’t feel right.”

  I could see the thought of having sex with me was now swirling around in his head, good. It had been in my mind for too long, it’s about time he shared the feeling.

  “I won’t act all clingy after. I won’t even touch you after if you don’t want me to. I’ll just stand up, get dressed and walk away. I won’t remind you that we had sex either, it’ll be like it never happened. We’ll both forget about it. I promise.”

  I lie.

  For the first time ever in our friendship I lie straight to his face.

  While I won’t remind him of what we did nor will I be clingy, I will remember it. Vividly. Losing my virginity to my best friend. The one person I love, am in love with. Entirely.

  “Okay,” he whispers.

  Anson

  I crumble, I fall, there’s no going back. She won’t remember. She won’t be clingy. She won’t want it to happen again, but I will to all of those.

  I love her.

  Am in love with her.

  I clutch at the blankets that cover me to still the shaking of my hands. How am I supposed to please her if I can’t keep my finger still or my breathing even? She’ll know. She’ll know that I really want her. That she didn’t have to convince me. I cannot let her have that leverage over me. She and I aren’t meant to be, never were and never will be.

  If I let her love me, if I love her the way that I want to, publicly and forever I’d never be able to leave her and I have to. I’m no good for her, my dream would take me on the road for endless days. I wouldn’t be able to just pick up a phone and her dream leaves her here. Settling for this town and herself. I would hold her back, hold her down.

  My dreams would drown her.

  Her dreams would suffocate me.

  We’re oil and water and everything in between that doesn’t mix. Our future would be toxic and it would ruin us. We wouldn’t have this friendship, we wouldn’t even know one another anymore because we’d poison each other.

  I can’t do that to her and I won’t let myself.

  I can give her this though. One night to show her how I feel, even if I fumble, she’ll get the meaning.

  “Ready?” Lyrik asks me.

  “Yes,” my voice shakes.

  She came waltzing into my room as she does every single night, in an old faded tee-shirt and flannel pajamas. I wear the same sweatpants that I do most nights too. Every other day I laugh at those pajamas she wears, but not tonight.

  Tonight, they’re sexy because they’re just her. She’s faded and worn by the life that she’s lived yet comfortable and beautiful and my favorite like they are for her. Instead of joining me in the bed right away she pulls out a condom and places it on my nightstand beside me. She slowly pulls her shirt off over her head and pushes her pants down letting them to fall on the floor where they drop. She steps out of them leaving her in a basic black and white sport bra and navy blue boy shorts panties and on her they’re easily the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Yes, they beat out good old Victoria’s Secret.

  Because it’s her.

  It wouldn’t be the same if she were wearing a hot pink push up bra and matching thong. It wouldn’t be the same if she did a striptease and danced before removing her clothes. It wouldn’t be the same if she seduced me with teasing words because none of those would be her. They wouldn’t be real. Only a fantasy.

  And I wanted the real thing.

  I wanted her, all of her.

  I pull the blankets down for her beside me. I don’t even have to speak, she knows what I’m saying because this is us.

  This is our friendship or relationship, whatever you want to call it. It’s her and me.

  Me and her. We speak without words, we converse with our eyes.

  She slides in next to me and covers herself fully, facing toward me I can feel that she’s shaking too.

  I roll over to my side so that our bodies face one another. I hold my head up in my hand, she follows suit. I don’t want this to be rushed. I want this to be slow and special.

  I want this to mean something.

  To her.

  I want this to be the best first time that anyone could have. I don’t want her to have regrets. I want her to look back on this with fondness and admiration that I wasn’t a lousy first timer. I don’t want her to think she would have been better off choosing someone else.

  I want to be worthy of being her first.

  She’s already it for me.

  I reach my hand out under the blankets, I wish the lights were on so I could see her entire body without shadows. I didn’t want black, white and grey hues. I wanted peach skin littered with freckles. I wanted soft brown eyes watching me back, inspecting me too. I wanted her to see the love that I felt not just feel it. I wanted to watch her lose herself with me.

  I wanted her to see me lose myself, for her.

  I glide my fingertips along her rib cage, I can feel the goosebumps producing in the wake of my touch. I slide my leg in between hers, needing us to be closer and I slowly inch my face near hers.

  She gasps.

  Lyrik

  He’s touching me.

  He touched me! I want to scream out in excitement and elation, but I have to settle for an internal dance inside my head. He stares at me his eyes deeply full of emotion, our noses touching while rubbing his fingers along the side of my body. I’m nearly naked and he is too and we’re just so close to finally doing this.

  To finally, once and for all, being intimate with each other.

  Intimacy wouldn’t be such a huge deal to anyone else. Maybe not even for Anson, but when you go over ten years without so much as a hug from another human being it weighs on you. You begin to believe you’re unlovable, unworthy, less than. Sure, I had Anson, and truthfully, I probably wouldn’t have survived if it wasn’t for him or his family. I wouldn’t have been able to get through my parents own demons let alone mine if I were left all alone, so for that I am grateful.

  But I’m lonely.

  I’m lonesome for human contact, touch, emotions, needs and wants.

  I need a hug, or something as innocent as a hand hold. I need love, I need passion even anger. I just need something.

  I need more.

  Though this is only one night, I doubt Anson would want to go here again with me, because he’s made it very clear he doesn’t feel that way about me. He told me point blank when I confessed my own feelings, so I refuse to go there again.

  I’ll enjoy the hell out of this one night. I’ll use it and abuse it, I’ll go all night just to make the memories I’ll need to last me a lifetime.

  Anson will move on, I know he will and I don’t fault him for
that. He’ll be lonely, but I can’t.

  I know that my heart is a one soul-mate per lifetime kind of heart.

  When I fall in love, it’s deep and hard and invested, I didn’t fall temporarily. No, I paralyzed my heart with love. This is it for me.

  Anson, is it for me.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” I say playfully but really, I never thought he would.

  His lips meet mine and I won’t lie, I’m so nervous.

  What if I’m not a good kisser, like I drool or something? Or maybe I bite him and then he jumps back and falls off the bed and it ends. I don’t want to mess this up so I freeze.

  I let his lips touch mine and I remain still. His lips are warm and soft and I want to feel them every day.

  “Lyrik, kiss me back,” Anson says in between small pecks.

  I don’t know how to kiss back, he’s my first kiss and I think he knows that or maybe he doesn’t. I know I’m not his first kiss, he’s gone on lots of dates. But I am his first in this way like he is mine.

  I meet Anson with my mouth, his tongue strokes against the seam of my lips coaxing them open so I do.

  His tongue sweeps in and I melt. It’s deeply intimate and sweet. His mouth tastes like peppermint and I want more. I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him into me, needing his kiss to be deeper.

  He groans.

  “Touch me,” I beg, because I don’t know how much time we have and I don’t want us to get caught because then this wouldn’t happen ever again. We’d never be allowed to be alone.

  He sweeps his hand under the blankets and over my stomach, he pushes me to my back gently. His fingertips trace the line of my panties before delving in, he glides those fingers down to my core. It’s wet there and although I’ve never had anyone else’s hands even close to being there, I’m not scared because it’s Anson and I love him.

  “Is this okay?” He asks.