Fraser 02 - Highland Quest

by B. J. Scott

  Silence stretched between them for so long, Fallon didn’t think Bryce was going to answer. Then he ran a shaky hand through his hair and stared at a distant point somewhere behind her.

  “I was sixteen summers, a lanky, moonstruck lad who, despite the horror I had already witnessed in my life, still believed in love and romance. My brothers told me I was being a fool and begging for trouble. But I wouldn’t listen to them. I was enamored of the smithy’s daughter. She was thirteen summers and her father thought her too young to marry. He forbid us to see each other, but we continued to meet in secret, swore our eternal love before the Almighty, and promised to marry when we were old enough.” He stopped speaking to clear his throat.

  Fallon stepped forward and placed her hand on his arm. “Please go on.”

  He glanced at her, then stared again at the spot that seemed so far away. “Ashlen was a beautiful lass. Her flaxen hair reminded me of summer wheat, her face like that of an angel. Sometimes when I close my eyes at night, I can still hear the sweet lilt of her voice. But as the years go by, it happens less and less. But I’ll never forget it.” His heart twisted in his chest. “Nor will I forget the sound of her screams when English soldiers raided the village and dragged us away.”

  Fallon moved closer and brushed her hand along his cheek. “And you blame yourself?”

  Bryce ducked away and began to pace. “I am to blame. Don’t you understand? Had we not been meeting in secret, she’d have been at home with her parents.”

  “You were bairns.”

  “Aye, but that is no excuse. When they got us to their camp, she called to me for help and I didn’t do anything to save her. She begged the soldiers for mercy, but they just laughed. They held me and made me watch as the first man violated her. By the time the third began his assault, she’d grown quiet and had stopped struggling, the life and spirit gone from her eyes.”

  He rubbed a shaky hand across his brow. “I tried to fight them, but there were too many. When I did manage to twist free, one of the men struck me in the head with the hilt of his sword and I dinna remember anything after that.”

  Tears ran down his cheeks, but he scrubbed them away and turned his back. He could not believe he was sharing his inner torment with Fallon. Until now, he’d refused to discuss that day with anyone. Yet the words poured out of his mouth like a river over a waterfall.

  He blew out a ragged sigh, then continued. “When I woke up, they were gone. I frantically searched for Ashlen, but could not find her. Then I heard her mother wailing. I raced to her side. Ashlen lay on the ground at the edge of a crofter’s field. She’d been stripped naked and her head was twisted at an unnatural angle. The bastards broke her neck.” Bryce buried his face in his hands. “She was so young and had had her whole life ahead of her. I wished they’d killed me in her stead.”

  Fallon caressed his shoulder, but he shrugged away.

  “What happened to Ashlen was not your fault,” Fallon said softly. “The English ravaged many women and young lasses on their campaigns. No one was able to stop them. Especially a lad who himself was being held against his will by the blackguards.”

  He didn’t want her pity, but he had to make her understand. He’d never spoken about that day, but it had eaten away at him for eight years.

  “I had my chance at love, Fallon, and dinna meet the challenge. I failed miserably and let Ashlen down. The day they lowered her into the ground, I vowed not to fall in love again. I promised her there would never be another.”

  “If what you say about Ashlen is true, she loved you very much. She would never want you to blame yourself. Nor would she want you to live your life alone.”

  “I’m not worthy of love. I canna.” He grabbed her by the arms and shook her. “No matter how attracted I am to a woman. And I am so drawn to you, it drives me insane.” He tugged her into a tight embrace, pressed his lips to the top of her head, then stepped away. “May the Almighty help me. No matter how hard I try, I canna get you out of my mind or my heart. But don’t you see? I must. I let you down, too. Just like I did Ashlen.”

  Fallon stepped toward him with her hand outstretched, but he backed away. “I did everything I could to ensure your safety. When you showed up before the battle, I was furious. But not at you. I was angry at John for bringing you to the camp, but I was also afraid, terrified, that history was about to repeat itself. When we got word that Dungal had taken you prisoner, I almost went out of my mind. Hearing he planned to violate you, then kill you if I dinna do as he demanded, was like reliving the day Ashlen died all over again.”

  Before she could respond, he strode away. He needed time to get his emotions in check, to regain his composure.

  “I dinna usually tell a man how to run his life. Heaven knows I have enough troubles in my own, but it is clear to me that you and young Fallon are meant to be together.” Robert joined Bryce by the fire a while later.

  “I canna argue about Fallon’s many qualities. She is a wonderful woman, but I am not looking for a wife.”

  “So you claim.” Robert cocked his head to the side then continued. “But your actions say differently.” He patted Bryce on the shoulder.

  “Fallon helped me when I was injured and came to warn us of the pending attack. When Dungal took her prisoner, I felt duty-bound to rescue her. But there is nothing more, and never can be,” Bryce answered, but did not make eye contact with Robert. If he did, he was certain his friend would know he was a liar.

  “I’m sure you have your reasons for pushing her away, Bryce, but life has a way of taking twists and turns we are not anticipating. Time lost canna be regained.”

  “You dinna understand. And you’re right. I do have my reasons. I mean no disrespect, but would appreciate some time alone.” He gazed into the fire, hoping Robert would honor his wishes, drop the topic, and give him some space. Heaven help him, but Alasdair nagged him enough for ten men.

  “Mayhap I am not privy to everything you hold in your heart, but hear me out. Once I’ve said my piece, I will give you the solitude you desire.”

  Bryce nodded, but didn’t reply. He picked up a stick and stirred the embers.

  “I’ve been away from my wife and family for so long, I scarcely remember what they look like. I’d do anything to see them. To know they are safe and not in the hands of the enemy,” Robert began.

  Bryce lowered his head. “I’m sorry about your wife and daughter. I pray they are returned to you soon and in good health.”

  “There is a very real possibility that will never happen. Are you willing to throw away your chance for happiness? You canna change the past, but you can have some control over the future. If this war has taught me anything, life is too short to throw away opportunities. We never know what tomorrow has in store for us.”

  “Exactly. And if I die in the next battle or the next, I’ll not leave behind a wife and mayhap a child to mourn me.”

  “Is it for your bride you fear, or yourself?”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Bryce snapped.

  “I dinna know everything that has happened in your past. Some things a man must keep to himself. But it is clear that you are as much afraid of risking your heart as you are of leaving behind a family in the event of your death.” Robert placed his hand on Bryce’s shoulder. “Think long and hard, my friend, before you make a final decision that will affect the rest of your life. I am powerless at this moment to rescue my family, but you can do something to save the bond between you and Fallon.”

  Bryce pressed fingers to his temples and rubbed. After an extended pause in the conversation, he spoke. “The war brings with it so many uncertainties. I could not in good conscience ask Fallon to marry me, knowing I had to depart right away to do battle, and mayhap leave her a widow. Besides, I gave you my oath and pledged my sword to the cause. And my life if need be.”

  “Should you decide to ask for Fallon’s hand, I willna expect you to remain with us. You have done more than your share to help the cause. Retu
rning to the Highlands and taking care of you new bride would be your priority.”

  “I canna forsake my oath. My word is my bond and—”

  Robert held his hand in the air to silence him. “Nay. I will release you from your pledge. If you wish to return to the fighting at a later time, you will be welcome. I told Connor the same thing when he married Cailin.”

  Bryce grew quiet. He had a lot to consider. Could he let go of the past and risk his heart again?

  “Think about what I’ve said.” Robert began to walk away then paused. “But dinna wait too long to making your decision. Brooding aside, there are far better things you could be doing with your time.”

  Fallon craned her neck and stared in the direction Bryce had gone, praying he’d come back. What was she to do? She had to find a way to reach Bryce, but how? He’d obviously suffered a great loss and could not move beyond his grief. To add to an already burdened conscience, he was blaming himself for her abduction. For a young man, he’d seen his fair share of sorrow and death. Her heart ached for him.

  “When I’m wrong, I say so.” Alasdair approached from behind.

  Fallon turned to face him. “Wrong?” She had no idea what Alasdair was talking about. Yet his somber expression indicated he considered the issue serious.

  “Aye. I dinna think Bryce should get involved with you, with any lass and did my best to dissuade him. I’ve always believed women are good for two things, tupping and bearing bairns. A man has more important things to think about than marriage and family. Losing his head to a woman spells nothing but trouble for a warrior.”

  “And you’ve changed your mind?”

  “Nay. But I’ve learned there are men like Connor and Bryce who need that type of commitment, or they’ll spend their lives feeling incomplete.”

  “What about you, Alasdair? Are you not a man who deserves a loving wife and family?”

  He grunted and averted his gaze. “I’m a warrior and have no need in my life for such things. But my brothers are different.”

  She heard the uncertainty in his voice. “What is it about yourself that makes you different from your brothers?”

  “I’m not a smart or bonny man, and the lassies dinna flock to me the way they do Connor and Bryce. I have never felt comfortable around a woman and dinna know what to say. I either end up blurting out something foolish or nothing at all. I prefer not to engage in the conversation in the first place. Most consider me a buffoon, and best they continue to do so.”

  “I think you are wrong. Mayhap if given a chance to get to know you, to see the gentler side you’ve shown me, they would change their minds.” She lightly touched his arm, but he yanked it away.

  “Well, that is not likely to happen. I dinna want a woman. I’m content with my life the way it is.”

  “Why are men so stubborn and blind? You sound like Bryce. Cailin told me Connor was equally reluctant to admit he needed a woman in his life.” She shook her head. “Unfortunately, Bryce has suffered a great loss and canna move beyond his guilt. He seems to think that everything bad that happens in life is his fault.”

  “He told you about Ashlen?”

  “Aye.” She nodded. “But he was a lad and while I dinna doubt he loved her, it was not his fault she died. I don’t know how to reach him or how to make him understand he is not responsible for her death or for my abduction.”

  “He has carried that burden for many years. When our mam and youngest brother were killed, Bryce took their loss very hard. He tried to put on a brave front and mimic our father’s stoic attitude, but he still had the heart of a lad who had barely seen eleven summers. When Ashlen was killed, the fact her father blamed him for her death dinna help.”

  “But he was a bairn. A lad of sixteen summers canna possibly expect to fight off a band of highly trained English soldiers single-handedly.”

  “Connor and I have both tried to reason with him, but he refused to listen. We lived with our cousin Simon at the time. He spoke to Ashlen’s father on Bryce’s behalf, but nothing came of it. The day she died, my brother became focused on the cause and dedicated his life to it. He’s had many a lass willing to warm his bed, but he would commit to none of them. He has not wavered until he met you.”

  “What makes you think I can change his mind?”

  “There has been an obvious connection between you since the day you met at the Scott’s castle. When we left and you were not there to say goodbye, I could tell it bothered him greatly. Even if he would never admit it.”

  “I was assisting with the birth of a bairn and was unable to be there when Connor and Cailin departed for Fraser Castle.” While she spoke the truth, she kept the fact that she didn’t want to say goodbye to Bryce a secret. She’d felt an overwhelming attraction to him the first time she saw him, but she had her own demons of the past to deal with.

  “Do you love my brother?” Alasdair asked boldly.

  “I—I,” she stammered, uncertain how to answer Alasdair’s question. She felt the heat rising in her cheeks and lowered her gaze.

  While she loved Bryce, she didn’t know how to compete with taibhs from the past or how to rid herself of the uncertainty she felt about falling in love. Everyone she loved had died and while Bryce set no store in prophecy, she had seen his death in a vision. She didn’t want to be responsible for his demise simply because she selfishly wanted his love and to be loved.

  “How I feel about Bryce dinna matter. He has his mind set and his reasons for not wanting a woman in his life. I canna see a way to change how he feels.”

  “If you love him, tell him,” Alasdair said bluntly.

  “It is not that simple.”

  “Things are only as complicated as you make them, Fallon. I admit that Bryce is a stubborn man. It runs in the family.” He laughed, then continued. “Sometimes he dinna see what is best for him unless it jumps up and bites him in the arse. As much as I hate to admit it, the two of you were meant to be together.”

  Fallon chewed on her bottom lip, contemplating what Alasdair said. She’d always hoped Bryce would realize they belonged together, but she’d also feared falling in love for her own reasons. She’d lived most of her life alone, an outcast, feared because she possessed second sight. She had built her own protective walls to keep people out. Her heart clenched, afraid to believe she might find happiness with a man she adored more than life itself, afraid to love.

  “Could I have a moment alone to speak with Fallon?” Bryce approached and she turned to face him.

  “About time you came to your senses,” Alasdair said and thumped Bryce on the back.

  Bryce scowled at his brother. “I thought you had no use for women or marriage.”

  “Och, so we’re talking marriage now, are we?” Alasdair laughed.

  “If she’ll have me.” Bryce dropped to one knee and brought Fallon’s hand to his lips.

  Fallon stared at him in disbelief. Was she dreaming? She shook her head to be sure. “You want to marry me? Have you forgotten your plans to travel and finding your fortune? What about—”

  He rose and silenced her with a quick kiss. “I’m certain with you for a wife my life will never be dull or lacking adventure. As for my fortune . . . I canna think of a more valuable treasure than having you as my bride. Tha gaol agam ort.”

  “But you told me you could never fall in love, that you would never take a bride. What prompted you to change your mind?”

  “A wise man talked some sense into me. He made me understand that while I canna change the past, I must try to move forward and take control of my future. He also made me realize time is fleeting and we dinna always get a second chance. You were right when you said Ashlen would not blame me for what happened or wish me to live alone.”

  “We’ve been telling you that for years,” Alasdair said, but got no response from Bryce or Fallon. They were too busy looking at each other to pay him any mind.

  Bryce took Fallon’s hand and continued. “I was a fool and blind to the truth. I tri
ed to distance myself. I dinna want to fall in love. But when I learned that Dungal had taken you prisoner, it became clear how much you meant to me. I was so afraid I’d lost you, and might never have the chance to tell you I was wrong for leaving you in Turnberry . . . for leaving you at all. I promise to make amends starting now if you’ll give me that chance.” He brought her hand to his lips. “Will you accept me as your husband, Fallon?”

  She didn’t know how to respond. She loved Bryce with all her heart and wanted to marry him. But the fact remained, she believed her love was a curse of death. With downcast eyes, she tried to back away, but he refused to let go.

  “Are you not pleased by my offer of marriage? Am I presuming too much?”

  She detected the nervous tremor in his voice when he spoke and inclined her chin. “Becoming your bride would make me very happy.”

  “Then marry me, Fallon.”

  “I canna.”

  Alasdair threw his hands in the air. “The two of you are making me dizzy. Best you decide what you want and then see to it.” He turned and stormed off.

  “I have to admit, I am confused. I thought you wanted us to be together.” Bryce’s voice softened to a whisper.

  “I do . . . or I thought I did.” She nibbled on her bottom lip and averted her eyes.

  Bryce slid his fingers beneath her chin and raised it. “Talk to me, Fallon.”

  She wrapped her arms around her waist and turned her back. Her mind reeled and the tug on her heart was too much to bear. “I canna marry you. If I do, you will die. My love is a curse. I saw your death—”

  Bryce spun her around and kissed her before she could finish, then lifted his head and laughed.

  “I dinna see what you find so humorous.”

  “I feared your refusal to marry me was because you dinna love me. But the visions are what bother you. I told you I set no story in superstition.”