Cupcake Love

by Diana Currie

  Aiden nodded but didn’t have anything to say in return. I didn’t see the thrill in going Greek either. I was rather pleased to know I wouldn’t have to deal with all that from Aiden if we were to see more of each other.

  The conversation shifted and soon our lunches arrived. Ethan ate and talked at the same time, expressing his excitement for baseball season. Aiden seemed to perk up at this topic and began rattling off comments about the Phillies’ preseason. I had a vision in my head of him and my father lounging on the sofas at home in Pittsgrove watching a game together.

  “Do you like baseball, Hannah?” Aiden asked me innocently enough. My three friends laughed simultaneously.

  “I’ve never really paid much attention, honestly. My dad’s a big Orioles fan though,” I said hoping that would satisfy him.

  Aiden knew that my mother worked for the team because I told him the night he kissed me. I hoped no one mentioned my mom over lunch because I thought he might want some inside information, which I didn’t have. But also, I sort of resented the entire team because the job claimed so much of my mother’s time. I knew that wasn’t fair but I couldn’t help feeling that way. Luckily, no one brought it up.

  “We should go to a Phillies game this season. If you want to, that is,” Aiden offered.

  “Sure. Sounds like fun,” I replied.

  I glanced over to Shane who was looking at me in disbelief. He and Ethan had tried to get us all to go to a few games in high school and Rachel, Ally, and I had always adamantly refused. For some reason I wanted to accept Aiden’s invitation, and I imagined myself in the ball park, enjoying a hotdog and soda, while Aiden explained the rules of the game to me. As long as it wasn’t Phil’s vs. Orioles I thought I could handle it.

  I was finally starting to feel relaxed as we finished our meals. Those of us in the booth leaned back against the padded seats in no hurry to leave. Rachel and I ordered coffee and we continued talking for a while longer. I was happy to see Aiden finally warming up to my friends. Shane filled us in on what Ally was up to back home, and Ethan tried to drum up ideas for spring break. I told him I didn’t have money to go anywhere and Shane said he was going home that week.

  “You guys suck,” Ethan whined.

  “I’m sorry, E. Get your money-bag parents to foot the bill and I’ll go wherever you want,” I replied.

  “Daytona Beach, here we come!” he joked knowing it would never happen. Ethan’s parents had a lot of money for a reason, they never spent it. At least, not on anything Ethan wanted. They didn’t even give him the money for our senior class trip to Busch Gardens Williamsburg. He had to rake leaves, shovel snow, and walk his neighbor’s dog for six months to earn the money.

  As we finally made our way out to the street Rachel, not so subtly, made an excuse for why she wasn’t headed right home. So I got my Wednesday night wish when Aiden offered to walk me to the house. Shane offered to drive me but I was actually looking forward to talking to Aiden alone so I smiled at him and declined his offer.

  Aiden and I walked slowly despite the cold air stinging our faces. We talked about our classes and recent parties we’d attended. While I was forced to go to fraternity parties and the underage bars with Rachel, Aiden spent his weekends at floor parties in the dorms. I liked the casual sound of a floor party. I bet the girls didn’t wear unbearably high heels to those gatherings. Aiden was a biology major. He told me how he wanted to work in wildlife conservation after graduation. I asked him if that meant he’d be one of those National Geographic guys living in the forest trying to be socially accepted by the wild animals. He laughed loudly and then said it was something like that.

  “The state funds research projects to learn more about the deer habitat, diet, and breeding practices so they can protect their environments from human development. They also try and control populations by other means than extended hunting seasons.”

  “Oh, that sounds important,” I replied. “I don’t know what I want to do with my life yet.”

  “You have plenty of time,” he said reassuringly. “Most freshmen either don’t declare or change their majors at some point anyway.”

  “I picked English because I love to read but I’m not sure publishing is going to make me happy.”

  Aiden glanced at me and asked, “Well, I’ve always loved animals and knew I wanted to work with them in some capacity. I didn’t think veterinary school was right for me so I found another way to make that happen. Is there something that you’ve always been passionate about?”

  Shane Decker I thought to myself. It seemed very domesticated but I’ve always dreamed about getting married and having a baby. Or two or three babies. I definitely wanted to get a college degree and use it in a professional capacity, blah blah blah, but having a family was equally important if not higher up on my list of life goals.

  “I don’t know what I’m passionate about. I wish I was like you and already knew where my focus should be.”

  Aiden shrugged. “All I can say is you shouldn’t settle for an English degree just because it’s a practical decision. You still have time, Hannah. We have our whole lives ahead of us; nothing you want is too far out of reach.”

  I thought about what he said as we walked on. I doubted Aiden had any idea that my train of thought had left academics and shifted to my personal life. A bachelor’s degree was a very real goal of mine, but getting good grades came easily to me so school never felt like an enormous feat to achieve. Getting Shane to wake up and fall in love with me so I wouldn’t die alone with a college degree and a house full of cats that I called my fur babies felt like much more of a challenge!

  As we approached the house I wondered how long Rachel would be gone. Was Aiden expecting me to invite him in? Before I could decide what to do Aiden stopped in the driveway and waited for me to turn around to face him. My mind was so jumbled with thoughts of Shane, and Aiden, and my possible future as a crazy cat lady that I didn’t notice he was calling my name.

  “Hannah!”

  “What? Sorry, I zoned out for a minute.”

  “I was saying that I needed to ask you something,” he repeated.

  “Sure.”

  “Why did you ask me to lunch today?” he asked cautiously.

  I thought over my options and decided the almost-whole truth would be best. “I want us to be friends.”

  “Just friends?” he pushed, apparently hoping for a different answer.

  “I don’t know. Maybe more. I just wanted to get to know you better, get you to meet my friends again, and see what happens between us,” I confessed. Except for leaving out the part about desperately trying to get over my best friend / eternal flame, it was all true. Aiden’s features relaxed a bit and he took a step towards me.

  “I want to get to know you more too,” he said in a husky voice. Our eyes met as he grasped my hand in his and gently squeezed it. “If you need to be friends first, then I can accept that.”

  I sighed in relief and gave him a warm smile. I didn’t know what I expected to happen after inviting him to lunch today but this seemed like a positive development.

  “I just want you to know that I don’t need time to make up my mind about you. And I won’t stop trying to win you over.” He said it confidently, and still holding my hand, leaned in and kissed my cheek. His lips felt as good as the last time they touched me. When he let go of me and took a step back I knew I was smiling.

  “I’ll talk to you soon,” I said.

  “Bye, Hannah,” he replied.

  I couldn’t stop smiling as I walked into the house. I needed to clear my head so I went into the kitchen looking for my cleaning supplies. I was about to start wiping down the table and counters when I heard my phone ringing upstairs. I hadn’t even realized I’d left it at home. I ran up the stairs to try to beat the rings from going to voicemail but I lost the race. Looking at the call history I saw two missed calls from Shane and four from Ally. I had left Shane not twenty minutes earlier. I quickly dialed him back without l
istening to the messages.

  “Hannah,” he answered with obvious anxiety in his voice. I felt the hairs stand up on my arms and the back of my neck. It was that feeling you get when you just know something is wrong without knowing what it might be.

  “What’s going on Shane?” I asked.

  “Ally has been trying to reach you. It’s your dad. He was shot on duty and is in the hospital.” I sunk to the floor in a heap. My whole life I’d been waiting for this call. Even in a small town like Pittsgrove my father had a dangerous job. Shane continued without pause, “He’s okay, Hannah. Are you listening to me? Don’t panic. He was shot in the shoulder and needs surgery. My dad’s there with him. He’s going to be okay.”

  “I need to go home,” I said softly, tears welling up in my eyes. I wouldn’t believe my father was alive and safe until I saw him for myself.

  “I figured you’d say that. I’m coming to get you. You hear me? You’re home right?” he asked.

  “Yes, but…” I said, my voice rough and weak.

  “Don’t argue. I’m coming now,” he declared.

  “Okay.”

  As promised, Shane arrived not even fifteen minutes later. I still had a few tears escaping but had managed to compose myself enough to pack a few necessary items in an overnight bag. I met him outside the house and he hugged me tightly. He opened the passenger door for me and tossed my bag in the backseat. Shane inspected my facial expression as he got into the car and I must have looked like hell because he held my hand most of the ride. His lunatic driving had us back in Pittsgrove in just under an hour. He wasn’t trying to get me to my dad faster; Shane always drove like he had a death wish.

  We arrived at the hospital a little before 4pm and I was very grateful to have the surgeon’s son as my guide. We navigated the winding halls quickly and found my dad’s room but the nurse at the front desk stopped us from entering.

  “Dr. Decker is with Sheriff Lenny now. Just have a seat over here and he’ll be right out,” she addressed me. “How are you, Shane?” she added.

  “We’re a little shaken, Meg. Is there anything you can tell us?” he asked. I didn’t realize Shane would be on a first names basis with the nursing staff. It made me feel a little better for some reason.

  “I gave him some pain killers so he’s pretty out of it. He was sleeping when I checked on him earlier. Dr. Decker’s reviewing his chart now. He’ll be able to tell you more.”

  “Thanks,” Shane said. He took me by the shoulders and sat in me in a chair closest to the hall. I worried about my father being scared and in pain. I wanted to know what happened to him. Why did he need surgery and what was going to happen to him afterwards? I felt guilty for not being here for him when he was admitted. I hated that Shane, Ally, and Colin all knew he’d been hurt before me.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking,” Shane said after taking the seat next to me.

  “I’m just worried,” I replied. Shane reached for my hand again. He stared down the hall waiting for Colin to appear, absentmindedly rubbing circles over the back of my hand.

  After five excruciating minutes Colin exited my dad’s room and walked toward us. I jumped up and met him halfway, throwing my arms around him instinctively. He hugged me and spoke in my ear, “Lenny’s going to be fine, honey. Do you want to see him?”

  I pulled back and wiped a stray tear from my cheek. “Yes, please.”I turned to make sure Shane was next to me and saw he was a few feet back. I waved him forward. I didn’t want to face this without him. I couldn’t. Colin led us into the room where my father lay, still and unconscious in one of those hospital beds with metal railings. I went to his side and took his hand; relieved to feel his warmth.

  “He’s been asleep for a while. We gave him some medicine for the pain. The bullet did some damage to the muscle but could have been much worse. I’m going to perform the surgery myself tomorrow morning and expect him to regain full use of his arm. He was very lucky, Hannah,” Colin told me.

  Shane cleared his throat and asked,” Did the police tell you what happened, Dad?”

  “Convenience store robbery. Lenny was having breakfast next door at the diner and heard the cashier shouting for help. He chased the man into the alley and that’s when the robber fired his gun. He made it to his car but the deputy caught up with him a few blocks away. He’s in custody.”

  Shane pulled a chair to the bedside for me. I sat and closed my eyes listening to the buzz of the machines. Colin said he had to continue his rounds but would talk to me in the morning before Dad went in for surgery. He said I’d be able to talk to my father before they began and that provided me with some reassurance that he really was going to get through this. I saw Shane hug his father and thank him. After Colin left Shane stood against the wall and didn’t say a word.

  We stayed another fifteen minutes or so until I accepted that my dad wasn’t going to wake up while I was there. Shane offered to take me to his house for the night but I said I’d really rather be in the home I shared with Lenny. He understood and didn’t push me. We drove back to my dad’s house and Shane walked me inside. I felt exhausted and must have looked a mess. I thoroughly expected Shane to help me settle in and then go home to his family’s house.

  “You’ll pick me up early tomorrow, right? So I have some time with him before surgery?” I asked.

  “I’m not going anywhere, Hannah. I’m going to make you dinner and then see to it that you get some sleep.”

  I smiled, unable to think of any words to express my thanks to him. “What about Elise? Shouldn’t you visit her while you’re in town?”

  “I’ll go over sometime tomorrow. Don’t worry about it,” he replied.

  I nodded my head. He smiled back at me and went into the kitchen. I heard him opening cabinet doors and banging the pots and pans as I trekked up the stairs to my room. Luckily I hadn’t packed my entire wardrobe when I moved to school so I still had most of what I’d need there in the house. I took my familiar bathroom bag across the hall and took a glance at myself in the mirror. Just as I expected, my eyes were red and my hair was in tangles. It was no wonder Shane felt like he couldn’t leave me alone. I enjoyed a long shower and dressed in the sleepwear I’d packed before leaving Newark. I did my best to get the knots out of my wet hair and rubbed some lotion on my hands and elbows.

  As I descended the stairs I felt a little better. I was clean and more relaxed. Shane was sitting on the couch with an old movie on the television. He nodded proudly towards the grilled cheese sandwiches and hot chocolate he’d prepared. I smiled wide in appreciation and joined him on the couch. We enjoyed our dinner and watched the movie to the end. It was comforting to have time alone with Shane to just lounge on the couch together. Just being with him was enough to keep me calm as my mind sifted through all the events of the day.

  Ally dropped by to check on me in the evening and I did my best to act cheerful. “Your dad is a fighter, Hannah,” she told me confidently. “He’ll be back on his feet in no time.”

  “Thank you. I just wish I’d been able to talk to him today.”

  “I heard my mom on the phone with my dad at the hospital just a little while ago. Lenny woke up just long enough to ask for more meds and then he passed out again so you’re not missing anything. You need your sleep too, I’m sure you’ll have a long day tomorrow.”

  I tensed up thinking about how awful it was going to be at the hospital during my father’s operation. Even with Dr. Decker’s capable hands in the room I was going to be a nervous wreck. Shane must have sensed my trepidation because he quickly changed the subject off of surgery to a much more palatable topic of conversation. His underwear.

  “Are those my boxers?”

  “Yeah, I brought you something to sleep in and clothes for tomorrow. Oh, and a toothbrush too.”

  “Thanks for bringing me this stuff, Al,” he said to his sister. “Did you get them from my room or did Mom?”

  Ally laughed. “I did so don’t worry; Mom didn’t see y
our magazine stash. But seriously, your underwear drawer is not a very safe place for that sort of reading material, brother,” she replied making a repulsed face.

  Shane looked at me, embarrassed, and I smiled. “Please tell Elise I said thank you for letting Shane stay with me tonight. I’m sure she wants to see him.”

  “I will. And she said to tell you that if there’s anything you need to just let her know. I wish I could be there with you tomorrow, Hannah, but my parents are making me go to school,” she groused.

  “I’ll take care of her,” Shane replied wrapping his arm around my shoulder protectively.

  “You better! I promise to stop by the hospital to see you on my way to school,” she said as she walked to the door.

  After Ally went home I washed our dishes from dinner and all the dirty plates my dad had left in the sink from his breakfast and probably the night before too. It got me thinking about what could have happened to him today but I was able to keep my emotions in check. I was still alright as I made my way up the stairs for bed and brushed my teeth. I looked in the linen closet for a clean pillow for Shane and couldn’t find one so I went into my father’s room. His bed was loosely made and there were clothes hung about; his nice watch was on the dresser. The room wasn’t messy, it looked lived in. I walked over to the bed and saw all the missing pillows piled up against the headboard. The realization of how close I came to losing my father that day came crashing down on me and I started to cry.

  Shane came looking for me and found my pathetic self curled up on Dad’s bed. He crossed the room quickly and lay down beside me, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. He didn’t say a word as I struggled to regain control of my emotions. When I finally wiped the last tear away he brushed the hair off my shoulder to see my face.

  “Sorry,” I said weakly.

  “What are you apologizing for?” he asked softly.

  “I just came in here for pillows,” I tried to explain.