Elaine dialed the number and sat stark still as she listened to the line ring. Just as she started to hang up she heard a click and then a crisp voice said, “Hello.” The voice was familiar, and Elaine could almost feel the soft breath on her cheek. Her hands trembled as she held the phone tightly to her ear.
There was a long pause as if the person was listening through the silence. Then the voice, more tender now, asked, “Elaine…is that you, honey?”
Elaine’s hands shook, and she swallowed hard to choke back her tears. “Chace,” was all she could say.
A heavy sigh came through the line, filled with hurt and relief. “I’m here, sweetheart.”
Elaine closed her eyes tightly and tried to take a breath, the sound rasping like jagged glass. She couldn’t believe this could be real. After all this time, Chacey was still reaching for her.
“Please, Elaine,” Chacey begged, the desperation in her voice ringing like thunder in Elaine’s heart.
Her voice a whisper, Elaine asked, “Do you remember the place we talked about spending the summer when we…” Elaine’s voice trailed off. She was too afraid to continue.
“Yes.” Hope filled Chacey’s voice now. “I remember.”
“Will you…still?” Elaine asked, not finishing her sentence, fearing it was too late.
“Always,” came the reply.
Chapter Fourteen
Alex and Christian sat facing each other on the sofa, legs pulled tightly beneath them as Christian tried to explain about her head injury and the strange fainting spells.
“My therapist thinks there is an emotional connection between my feelings about losing Cara and the fainting,” Christian explained. “They haven’t happened as frequently since I’ve been staying at Willow Springs, but there does seem to be a connection to my thoughts about Cara.”
“Were you thinking of Cara…earlier…when I kissed you?”
“No. I wasn’t thinking of Cara. I was only thinking of you.” Christian tried to remember the sequence of emotions. “I felt so alive when you touched me. Everything was moving so fast and I couldn’t slow down.” She had been consumed by Alex. What had started as physical desire had threatened to be so much more, and she wasn’t ready for those feelings. She wasn’t sure why she could open herself to physical attraction but still felt guilt at the thought of ever loving another. She wanted to be honest with Alex, but she couldn’t exactly tell her she had fainted because she thought she was falling in love with her.
Alex was thoughtful for a while, then said, “I think I understand that,” her own sadness soft in her voice. “Losing Sophia…I felt like my dreams died, that there would never be any happiness for me again. I went on living as if I were already dead. I was just going through the motions of life. After a couple of years, I learned that I’d always love Sophia. No one will ever change that.”
Christian felt relieved that Alex understood what it was like, navigating this maze of emotions that seemed to change and turn on a whim. Sometimes she felt like she would lose her mind trying to figure out what to do next. “You’re so amazing,” she whispered. “Are you sure you don’t think I’m crazy?”
Alex pulled her legs free and stretched before sliding closer to Christian. She pulled Christian’s legs forward until they were resting on top of hers, linking their bodies together as they faced each other. Alex took both Christian’s hands in hers and pulled them gently to her lips. “I don’t want you to think right now. Just be here in this moment.”
Her eyes never left Christian as she ran her lips tenderly over each knuckle and then kissed Christian’s wrists. She placed Christian’s slender hand to her face and brushed her cheek against her palm. Christian’s skin tingled everywhere Alex’s lips touched.
“Don’t think. Just feel,” Alex said before brushing her thumb across Christian’s lips.
Christian held Alex’s gaze and shuddered. Alex slid closer until Christian was almost in her lap. Christian gasped as Alex’s strong hands embraced her, making her weak with anticipation. She felt intoxicated.
“Breathe,” Alex whispered. Moving slowly, she brushed her palm against Christian’s jaw and ran her thumb along the line of her lower lip, watching the fullness of the flesh darken as the blood followed the trace of her touch. In slow motion, Alex moved toward Christian until her lips pressed tenderly to the full, wanting flesh. “Breathe, Christian, just breathe,” she whispered.
Then, more fully, Alex claimed Christian’s mouth, feeling herself melt into her soft, swollen lips until she thought all breath was being drawn from her. She felt Christian’s mouth open, probing her tongue with her own. The tickle of the tender muscle sent a rush through to her core and her stomach quivered. Alex knew, this time, she was the one standing on the edge and wondered how much she should risk.
“Oh God.” Christian sighed as Alex broke the kiss.
“Still feeling okay?” Alex asked, searching Christian’s face for any sign that she was going to put a stop to everything.
“Uh-huh,” Christian murmured as she ran her fingers through Alex’s thick black hair. This time, it was Christian who pushed forward as she claimed Alex’s lips.
Alex felt dizzy and moaned, then wrapped her arms tightly around Christian. Her body sang, everywhere. She felt Christian’s fingers pull through her hair, guiding her as she tasted and explored her mouth. Christian pushed her pelvis into Alex, pushing her deep into the cushions. She pressed her thigh against Alex’s legs, parting them to glide against her sex.
Alex pulled Christian’s shirt from the waistband of her shorts and slid her hands under the thin fabric to brush her fingers tentatively along her back. She had to touch her. She felt the desperate need to feel Christian’s skin. A moan escaped her as the familiar pulse began to build into an ache, as the blood pounded between her legs. Christian clung to Alex, returning the embrace with equal fervor.
Alex moved a hand between them and cupped Christian’s face in her hands. “You’re so beautiful,” Alex breathed. “I want to feel you, all of you.”
Christian stilled for a moment and stared into Alex’s eyes. Alex thought she was going to pull away. Instead, Christian closed her eyes. “It’s been so long since I wanted to be close to anyone. Your skin burns through me like fire. Touch me, Alex. Please…touch me.”
The soft sound of Christian’s voice asking her to touch her was more than Alex could resist. Her blood pounded in her ears as she ran her hand across Christian’s chest and cupped her breast through her shirt, rubbing her thumb across the tender nipple, feeling it harden beneath her touch. Alex felt herself go wet as a surge of pleasure rushed to her groin, and she moaned.
“Feels so good,” Christian said, and she began to rock her hips, pressing her thigh into Alex.
Alex pushed her hands beneath Christian’s shirt and slid her fingers under the silk barrier of her bra to find her breasts. Each stroke of her fingers on the hardened nipple thundered through her own body, pushing Alex to the edge.
“Oh God, Alex, if you keep doing that I’m going to come.”
Alex pulled Christian’s shirt up over her head, freeing her to touch the tender skin that she craved. With a quick snap of her fingers, Christian’s bra fell away, revealing firm round breasts, her nipples hard and dark, asking to be taken. Alex’s lips found a tender breast and she drew it into her mouth, sucking gently as she ran her tongue across the nipple in firm strokes.
Alex pulled at the button of Christian’s shorts, tugging at the fabric until the zipper slid open, sliding her hand against the thin barrier of lace. Slowly, she slipped her hand against the hot skin until her fingers brushed through soft hair and parted wet, swollen lips. Alex cupped her hand over the turgid flesh, allowing her fingers to be swallowed up by the hot, wet folds. Heat poured into her palm, and she felt Christian twitch from the sudden pressure against her clitoris.
Christian cried out, her muscles tightening around Alex’s hand as the first wave of her building orgasm begged to be relea
sed. She wanted to feel Alex inside her. Rocking harder against Alex’s fingers, Christian didn’t want the pleasure to stop. “Please, don’t stop. Please, Alex. Make me…oh God!” A pulse shot through her clitoris and raced through her, making her muscles convulse with pleasure surging, making her legs weak as her pulse hammered in her chest, echoing the pulse in her middle. Christian hadn’t imagined she could feel this good.
As the last waves passed, she felt Alex shudder against her. She wrapped her arms tightly around Alex and tried to meld their bodies into one, wanting to hold on to the moment as long as she could.
“Christian?” Alex brushed her hand over Christian’s hair. “Christian, are you okay?” When Christian didn’t answer, Alex pushed at her shoulder trying to see her face.
Christian slowly lifted her face to peer down at Alex. She could feel tears streaking her cheeks, and she smiled wanly. Seeing the pain flash behind Alex’s eyes, Christian kissed her gently, placing her hand on the side of Alex’s face.
“You’re crying,” Alex said, the fear still evident in her voice. “Talk to me.”
Christian leaned her cheek against Alex’s chest and breathed deeply. “You’re so wonderful. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I thought I’d never want anyone again. I thought I’d never—”
“Shhhh. It’s all right. You don’t have to explain,” Alex whispered into Christian’s hair, her hands gently stroking Christian’s back.
Christian felt alive again, and she didn’t want to think about what being with Alex meant. She knew she didn’t have those answers. At that moment, there was nothing in the world more beautiful than the woman in her arms, and that was enough for now.
*
Elaine sat in the rose garden staring at the water, the fountain’s spray kissing her skin. Fear held her motionless as she thought about her conversation with Chacey. She couldn’t believe Chacey would come to her after all this time, and she felt selfish for asking her to. What would she say when she saw her again? How could she explain everything that had happened? She knew Chacey had loved her, and she had pushed her away. She’d pushed everyone away. How could she possibly put things back together again when she still didn’t know any of the answers? Dr. Cook was right. She was trying to control everything, and the truth was she had no control at all. She had been lying to herself.
The past three years had been filled with fear and loneliness. Now Elaine felt tired. She was tired of the running. She was tired of walking through her life as if she were a ghost, casually observing the living as they moved through their lives around her. Until meeting Christian, she had thought that was enough. But now she felt restless. She was no longer satisfied being an observer. The shooter had meant to kill her, but she had done worse damage by shutting out her life. She had lived through the shooting, but she had robbed those she loved of the ability to comfort her, to grieve with her, or to heal with her. It was time for all that to change.
Elaine moved her hand to her chest and felt the gentle thrum. She was alive, and more than that, the love she had for Chacey still resonated there in the persistent beat of her heart. She felt a sudden thrill at the thought of seeing Chacey again. This time, she would not run. She would trust Chacey to face the darkness with her.
The scent of roses suddenly filled Elaine’s senses as a breeze passed through the garden, stirring the fragrance of the flowers and lifting the weight of her fear. She looked around the garden as if seeing it for the first time. She barely remembered coming here and had no idea how long she had been sitting, contemplating her life.
Taking a deep breath, Elaine pulled the fragrant air in, filling her lungs with the smell of roses and hope. She didn’t want to be alone anymore. Suddenly feeling restless, she stood, looking around as if lost and not knowing how to find her way out of the garden. She was ready to talk, and she knew just the person she needed.
*
Alex held Christian in her arms as they stood by the Jeep. “Stay,” she said, for what must have been the tenth time. She hoped that Christian would change her mind and not return to the lodge, but stay with her through the night. She wanted to feel Christian’s skin against her. She wanted to hold her, feel her warmth, and smell her fragrance as she woke in the morning. Alex was afraid that if she let Christian go, it would all fade away, like a dream.
“I want to.” Christian’s voice was sultry and soft. “But I need to take things slow. I still have a lot to work through. I need time…to think.”
Alex felt her shoulders stiffen. She let out a long, slow breath and let her arms fall to Christian’s waist. “I know.” Although she wanted to argue, she knew if she pushed Christian, she ran the risk of pushing her away. Maybe she had expected too much. After all, she had been going through this struggle even longer than Christian. She couldn’t expect Christian to be able to resolve all her feelings just because they had shared…what? What had they shared? Alex knew what she felt, but she had no idea what it meant to Christian. She had to let Christian do this on her own time.
“Come on, I better get you back.” She kissed Christian lightly on the forehead and cupped her cheek in her hand. “Since this is just the first date, I guess I should get you home at a decent hour.” She smiled playfully and teased, “I’ll bet Hannah is waiting up for you.”
Christian laughed. “I bet you’re right,” she said as she pulled away from Alex’s embrace and reached up to grab the roll bar and pull herself into the Jeep.
Alex felt the withdrawal like a winter breeze blowing down her back.
*
Alex and Christian were both laughing when the Jeep came to a stop at the front entrance of Willow Springs where, as expected, Hannah promptly stepped out to meet them.
Hannah extended her hand to Christian. “Welcome back. How was your outing?”
Christian took her hand, stepped from the Jeep, and bent to kiss her cheek. “I had a wonderful time, Hannah. Thank you. We spent a beautiful day out on the lake. It was perfect.”
Hannah smiled. “Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?” she asked softly. “If not, I will leave you and Alex to yourselves.”
Alex noticed Hannah hadn’t addressed her and had the feeling she wasn’t exactly pleased with her at the moment. She wondered what she could have done to ruffle the usually pleasant girl.
Christian said, “No, Hannah, I’m fine for tonight. Thank you, as always, for looking after me.”
“I’ll be inside if you need me, then,” Hannah said with a wry smile. “Oh, and before I forget, Ms. Barber has been asking for you this evening. She asked that you ring her when you returned if you felt up to it.” Hannah stepped away and said, as if an afterthought, “Good evening, Alex.”
“Good night, Hannah.” Alex smiled to herself at the coolness in Hannah’s voice.
When Hannah went back inside, Alex stepped around the Jeep to stand next to Christian.
Christian sighed and took her by the hand. “Thank you for everything. You really are amazing.”
“It was a special day for me. I hope we can do it again soon. Tomorrow would be nice,” Alex said playfully. When Christian didn’t respond, she squeezed her hand gently. “Breathe, remember? That’s all you have to do.”
Christian smiled. Alex hoped that was enough.
Chapter Fifteen
Chacey gathered her bags and took one last look around the house, mentally ticking off a list. All electrical appliances were off, the mail had been temporarily stopped, she had an automatic timer to alternate the lights, and the cat was at her friend Joey’s, next door. Chacey smiled. Joey was a good friend. Not many people were brave enough to take on that cat, but he had volunteered for the task more than once, and their friendship had survived. She didn’t know what she would do without him. She looked at her watch. It had already been three hours since she’d spoken to Elaine. She couldn’t believe Elaine was so close. It was only an eight-hour drive from Virginia to Tennessee.
She shuddered with anticipation
. Tomorrow, she would see Elaine again. She had prayed for this day every day since Elaine had refused to see her.
Once in the car, Chacey entered the route into the GPS and sighed. She had contemplated flying but had chosen the relative privacy driving would offer. She knew Elaine was still distrustful and didn’t want anyone knowing where she was staying. Besides, she had decided to break the drive over two days, to help her prepare for seeing Elaine. It had been three years since the shooting, and they had never talked about what had happened or why Elaine had closed herself off to everyone who loved her. Three years of waiting hadn’t prepared her for actually seeing Elaine again, and she had a lot to think about.
Just as Chacey turned onto I-95, her phone rang. Checking the number, she hit Answer on the Bluetooth. “Hi, Karen,” she said, trying to hide her annoyance. She had thought of not answering, but knew that would only make Karen more persistent in her attempts to get through.
“Well, good morning, sunshine,” Karen shot back snidely. “What has you in such a cranky mood this morning?”
“Nothing, I’m just in the middle of something and I was distracted. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound short. What’s up?”
“Oh, I just wanted to call and see if you were up for dinner this evening. I’ve been dying to try that new Moroccan place, and I thought we could take in the new exhibit at the Smithsonian.”
“I’m sorry. I won’t be able to have dinner tonight. I’m going to be tied up for a few days. I’ll have to touch base with you when I get back into town.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. She hadn’t prepared a cover story, and now she knew she would be subjected to Twenty Questions.
“I didn’t know you were going out of town. How long will you be gone?” Karen’s tone sounded wounded.
Chacey thought of how she could cover for her blunder without giving away too much information. “Just a work thing—I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.”
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