“Okay. Where are you going in such a rush? Is there anything you need me to do at the house? And what about Miss Priss? Who’s going to feed her while you’re away?”
“I have everything covered. The cat’s with Joey, and he’ll watch the house. I don’t need anything. Thanks for the offer, though.” Chacey really wanted to get off the line. She had known Karen for years now, and she knew how nosey Karen could be. It was a little annoying sometimes. But Karen meant well and had been a good friend after the shooting. She’d helped Chacey get through the days when she wasn’t sure Elaine would live and was there when Elaine had pushed her away. Karen knew better than anyone what she had gone through. There had been a time when Karen had made it clear she wanted to be more than just friends. And things had been tense between them for a while after she had rejected Karen’s advances and explained her feelings for Elaine despite the separation between them. But they had moved beyond that, and their friendship had survived.
“Well, okay then. I guess I’ll catch up with you when you get back. Call me if you need anything.”
“I just need a few days to sort some things out, that’s all. I’ll talk to you more when I get back.”
“Sure. I understand. I’ll talk to you soon, then. Be safe.”
“I will.” She ended the call, relieved to have it behind her. Now she wouldn’t feel she had to answer the next time Karen called. And there was no doubt Karen would be calling again. She was as persistent as a gnat.
Chacey stopped just outside Richmond for fuel and a few snacks. Before getting back on the road, she pulled down the visor and retrieved a well-worn photograph. She smiled as she looked at the smiling images looking back at her. She was with Elaine at the beach. Chacey could almost feel the breeze in her hair and smell the salty air. She and Elaine had been so happy when the photo was taken. They had talked about spending forever together, not knowing that only a few short months later, their world would be ripped apart. Chacey ran her thumb across the picture as if she could touch Elaine through the image. Her heart ached to see Elaine. Maybe this trip would be the beginning of getting their forever back.
*
The day had been hot and the sky a perfect blue with not a cloud in sight, and as night had fallen, the air had cooled but remained still. Elaine sat on the patio in one of the poolside lounge chairs, sipping a tropical-looking blue drink out of a tall hurricane glass. Christian placed a hand gently on the back of her chair and chuckled slightly to herself as she noticed the drink was the same color as the pool and both seemed to glow under the night lights.
“Well, that’s a new one,” Christian said as she leaned down and kissed Elaine’s cheek. “What are you drinking?”
Elaine brushed her hand across Christian’s cheek as she kissed her. “Hello, sweetheart. This is a Blue Hawaiian. This was Chacey’s favorite drink when we would go to the beach. Can I get you one? They really are delightful.”
“Sure,” Christian said thoughtfully as she studied Elaine’s mood. “Who is Chacey?”
Elaine appeared thoughtful for a moment as she contemplated her answer. “Chacey was my lover.”
“Was?” Christian prodded.
“She’s the woman I told you I was involved with at the time of my shooting.” Elaine paused. “I called her today. After all this time, she still wants to see me. Can you believe that? So she’s coming here tomorrow.” Elaine’s voice sounded fragile as she spoke of Chacey, as if she would disappear if she spoke too loudly.
Christian looked up briefly as one of the staff approached them. She recognized the young girl as one of the new staff that usually came on shift when Hannah wasn’t there. “Can I get you ladies anything?” she asked.
“Yes.” Elaine lifted her glass to the girl. “Two of these would be wonderful, Sam. Thank you.”
Once they were alone again, Christian reached out to take Elaine’s hand. “Talk to me. What’s happened?”
Elaine sighed and squeezed Christian’s hand, taking a deep breath and drawing out the exhale, as if she were preparing herself for a battle. “I’m scared. I ran away from the only woman I’ve ever loved because I was afraid. I was hurt, and I didn’t know how to protect myself or anyone I loved from…”
Elaine paused as if to gather herself, then continued. “I haven’t been able to remember who shot me, and knowing someone who wanted to hurt me that much is still out there terrifies me. Three years ago, I was mostly afraid they might hurt Chacey. I thought I was protecting her by sending her away. She tried to reason with me. She wanted to be there through my recovery, but I refused to see her. I tried to explain, but by that time, I was so trapped in my own fear that I couldn’t see anything else. Now…I don’t think I can run anymore. I’m so tired. Allowing myself to get close to you has helped me realize how lonely and lost I’ve been without her.”
Elaine’s eyes sparkled from the light flickering off the moving water. She looked so lost, and yet Christian could see hope beginning to surface in her features. “Oh my God, Elaine, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you…for either of you.”
“What do I say to her?” Elaine asked, the pain thick in her voice. “How can I explain? How can I make up for shutting her out?” Elaine’s last words were choked.
Christian considered the question. There was no way to change the past, but what Elaine was being offered was a second chance to get it right, a chance to stand up to her fear and be happy again. Christian thought of the day she had just spent with Alex. Maybe Elaine wasn’t the only one being offered a second chance.
“You tell her everything.” With a gentle hand on Elaine’s cheek, she met Elaine’s eyes. “You let her hear your pain and all the things you’re telling me now. You let her share it with you and tell you all the things she’s wanted to tell you, all the things she felt and is feeling now.”
Elaine’s eyes were pleading now as she gazed at Christian, as if the answers were hidden in Christian’s soul. “What if it’s too late for us?”
“You’ll have to see for yourself. But if Chacey still loves you enough to come here to see you now, I think there’s still hope. Give her a chance.”
“She must be so angry with me. I feel like I’m being selfish by bringing her back into this. I don’t know anything about how her life has changed. What kind of mess am I making by bringing all this up for her again? What if I was right all along, and she isn’t safe with me?”
Christian could hear the fear in Elaine’s voice and wished she had the answers to comfort her, but no one knew better than she did that sometimes there just weren’t any answers. Sometimes, you just had to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving and see what happened. She leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees. “You can’t do this to yourself. Chacey agreed to come here to see you. If it wasn’t important to her, she would have said no. There’s no way to know how she feels until you ask her. I get it that you’re scared. Anyone in your position would be, but what if you were wrong and there is no danger? What then? Don’t you deserve to find out?”
Elaine relaxed back into her chair with a sigh. “You’re right. No matter what happens, I have to do this.”
Elaine shifted to stare out over the pool. When she turned back to Christian, her expression looked almost peaceful. She tilted her head to the side, her eyes moving over Christian’s face. A faint smile began to quirk the corner of her mouth. “I almost forgot to ask about your date with Alex.” Elaine ran her finger across Christian’s cheek. “Looks like you got some nice sun today. How did it go?”
Christian smiled, feeling her cheeks grow warm. “Wonderful. It was wonderful.”
*
Elaine looked around the room, seeing it through a haze as if her vision was out of focus. She felt strangely disconnected. She heard Dr. Cook’s voice coaxing her in the distance. “What do you see, Elaine?”
“I see my office,” Elaine answered, her voice sounding flat to her own ears. “I see myself sitting at my desk rea
ding a file.” Elaine studied herself in the vision, finding it odd to look upon herself.
“Do you see anyone else in the room?”
It was as if Elaine could see the entire room without shifting her gaze. It reminded her of watching suspect interviews through the two-way mirror. The room was quiet, the only sound the rustling of paper as she saw herself leaf through a file. “No. No one else is here.”
“What file do you see on the desk?”
“I have several closed files that are facedown. That means I’m done with them and they’re ready to file. I’m looking at photographs of Missy Carlton. I’m reading the case file on Eric Flask.” A cold chill ran down her spine and she shivered.
“Very good, Elaine. Now, I want you to think of your safe place. Do you remember what we talked about to keep you safe?”
Elaine thought of a garden, and the smell of roses wafted across her senses. “Yes. I remember.” She kept her voice calm and steady.
“Good. When you feel calm, I want you to move forward to about twelve o’clock the same day. You’re still just an observer in the room. Nothing can harm you.”
Elaine sighed and took a deep breath.
“What’s happening now?” Dr. Cook asked.
Elaine was silent for a moment. She could see the clock on the wall. She could hear the faint tick as the second hand moved across the clock face. There was the sound of a bell outside the door. “I hear the elevator outside ding. I look at the clock and realize that Sandy, the receptionist, is probably going to lunch.”
“Very good. Keep going, Elaine. What happens next?” Dr. Cook’s voice sounded gentle and Elaine wanted to answer her.
“I hear a knock at my door. I look at the clock again. It’s too early for my next appointment. I get up and walk to the door.” Elaine saw herself reach for the door. Her hand was on the knob. She could feel the cool metal in her hand. She froze when she heard Dr. Cook’s voice in the distance.
“I want you to stop there, Elaine. I don’t want you to open the door yet. I want you to think about feeling safe. I want you to think about the safe word we agreed on.” A few moments passed. “How do you feel now?”
“Safe,” Elaine repeated. She didn’t feel anything at that moment. Time itself had frozen.
“Good. Now, remember, you’re only an observer. You’re watching yourself from far away. No one can hurt you here. Now I want you to open the door and tell me what you see.”
Elaine felt her hand tighten around the round, smooth surface of the doorknob. “I’m opening the door.” She watched the vision of herself step back as the door swung open. “I look surprised. I say something to the person outside.” She saw her lips move, but the sound was garbled and she couldn’t make out the words. Elaine felt confused and disconnected watching this image of herself, not knowing what was happening.
“What do you hear, Elaine?”
“Nothing. I feel confused. I don’t know what she’s doing here.”
“Whom do you see?”
Elaine turned her head, looking in the direction of the door. She gasped sharply as if stunned. “Bright light is in my eyes. I can’t see.” Paralyzing fear gripped her.
“Okay. I want you to think about the roses now. You’re safe. You’re safe among the roses.” Dr. Cook placed a finger on Elaine’s wrist. “I’m going to bring you back now, Elaine. You will feel more awake as I count forward. When I get to three, you will wake up and feel safe and refreshed. One…two…three.”
Elaine sat staring at Dr. Cook for a moment, in disbelief.
Dr. Cook smiled gently back at her. “Very good, Elaine.”
Elaine shook her head, trying to make sense of what she had experienced. This was the first time in months she had remembered anything new about the shooting. “It was a woman! Oh my God. We should have been looking for a woman.”
Elaine rubbed her face with numb fingers. Understanding began to dawn, and she looked to Dr. Cook, feeling the shock of what she had learned. “All this time, part of me thought it had to be Chacey’s ex-husband. He was the only one who made sense.” Relief and fear warred within her as the full impact of what that meant hit her. “If it wasn’t Charles, then maybe Chacey was safe. But who else would do such a thing?”
Dr. Cook nodded. “I know this is a lot to take in right now, but this is amazing new information that can help us move forward.”
Elaine shook her head to herself, still struggling. “It was a woman.”
Dr. Cook leaned forward, drawing Elaine’s attention. “Yes, but more than that, it seems we should be looking for someone you knew.”
Elaine stared, realizing the implications of this revelation. “Someone I know did this to me.”
Chapter Sixteen
Alex lay on the ground and studied the giant metal form looming above her. The metal was still hot from the torch, and she watched the flame dim to the smoked sheen of dull metal. She ran her gloved hand over the surface to feel for any uneven edges. Finished. She had been up since before dawn, unable to stop thinking about Christian. She had poured herself into her work, trying to ignore the slow passage of time as she waited for Christian to call. But the day was almost over now, and the call still hadn’t come.
At least her work had been productive. She had received the commission for this piece two months earlier and had difficulty getting the owner’s approval on the final specs. She was happy to see the form finally in place so she could begin the real work of sculpting. A piece this size had to be form-fit to be taken apart and reassembled on-site after shipping, and she had to make sure all the pieces of the skeleton were perfect. Once completed, it would be a twelve-foot statue of the man’s wife in honor of their nineteenth wedding anniversary and celebrating his wife’s fifth year as a survivor of breast cancer.
Alex looked to the clock and then to her phone that sat mocking her from its cradle. Christian hadn’t called. Alex wanted to hear her voice, but feared Christian would feel pressured if she continued to pursue her. She wanted to make sure the past didn’t drive Christian away again. Thinking about her now, Alex could feel the hot press of Christian’s lips on her skin. Sighing, she tossed her helmet onto the workbench along with her leather gloves and removed her apron.
Christian hadn’t been at the lake that morning when Alex ran, she hadn’t been on the lake by the house in her kayak, and she hadn’t called. I pushed too fast. Maybe she doesn’t want to see me again. Stupid, stupid, stupid! How did I let this happen?Alex ran her fingers through her already mussed hair in frustration. I knew if I let her go, she would run from me again. How much time do I give her? Maybe I’ve already waited too long.
Alex exhaled and her shoulders slumped. She couldn’t stop thinking of Christian. Jaw clenched, she grabbed her keys and headed for the Jeep. She pulled up to Willow Springs just before dark and sat in the Jeep, pondering what to do. She had no idea what to say to Christian. Both hands still on the wheel, she stared out the windshield, not seeing, lost in her thoughts. She jumped when someone rapped on the passenger-side window.
“Knock, knock,” a familiar voice called. “Hey, Alex, what are you doing sitting out here all by yourself?”
Alex stared at Hannah perplexed. “Hi, Hannah, I guess I got lost in my thoughts there for a while.”
“Well, is there something I can help you with?” Hannah’s gaze appeared kind, without the coolness she’d displayed the night before.
“Honestly, I just don’t know.” Alex let her head slump, her chin almost resting on her chest.
Hannah smiled. “I see. Mind if I sit with you for a few minutes? My shift is over and I’m waiting for someone to pick me up.”
“Sure, that would be nice.”
Hannah opened the door and climbed inside. “So, did you come out here to see Christian?”
Not surprised this time by Hannah’s blunt questioning, Alex responded immediately. “Something like that.”
“You really like her, don’t you?”
“Is it th
at obvious?” Alex grimaced as she flashed a glance at Hannah.
“Well, I’ve never known you to spend time with anyone here before this, and I’ve seen the way you look at her. It isn’t very hard to see that you care about her.”
“Do you think that’s a bad thing? You didn’t seem too happy with me last night.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to be rude or anything, but…” Hannah paused and turned in her seat to face Alex, resting her back against the door. “I just don’t want to see anything hurt her.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about me hurting Christian. It may be more the other way around.”
Hannah sighed. “I know she’s important to you. Just take this slow. Be patient with her.”
“So you don’t think I should approach her at all?”
Hannah looked thoughtful for a moment. “She isn’t here right now, but why don’t you come for breakfast tomorrow? She usually eats on the patio at eight.”
Alex’s curiosity was piqued. “Do you know where she went?” She regretted the question the instant it was out. She knew it wasn’t any of her business where Christian was. But to her surprise Hannah answered.
“She went into town today with Elaine. I shouldn’t even be telling you this.” Hannah placed her hand on Alex’s arm just above her wrist. “She said she wouldn’t be back until late. Go home, Alex. Get some rest and come back tomorrow. Think this out.”
Alex searched Hannah’s eyes, seeing only tenderness and honesty. “Thanks for telling me. You’re right. I should think this out. I’ve been reacting without thinking, and I need to do better. I’ll come to breakfast tomorrow.”
Hannah opened the Jeep’s door and smiled back at Alex. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Have a good night.”
“Good night, Hannah.”
Alex started the Jeep and headed for home. Hannah was right. She needed to be smarter and start thinking about what she was doing instead of just reacting to her feelings. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Christian. She knew she would do anything for her.
Healing Hearts Page 12
