Healing Hearts

by Donna K. Ford

  Elaine was quiet for a while, and Chacey was afraid something was wrong. Her heart beat wildly in her chest. She wanted to scream out, Who is it?She bit her tongue until she was afraid blood would fill her mouth.

  “I can’t.” Elaine’s features tensed.

  Dr. Cook leaned forward. “It’s okay, Elaine. You’re safe. You feel very relaxed.”

  After a moment, Elaine relaxed into her seat, but her brow remained furrowed.

  “Tell me what else you’re experiencing right now, Elaine. What do you smell? What do you hear?”

  “She’s talking to me. Her voice is angry.”

  “What is she saying?”

  Elaine could see the woman standing in front of her, but her face seemed blurred. Every time Elaine tried to look at her, all she could see were her eyes, angry and fierce. Elaine wondered what she could have done to make the woman so angry. Her voice was harsh and she spit words at Elaine with hatred. But her voice seemed garbled, as if Elaine were watching a movie and the sound was on the wrong speed.

  “She’s gone, you bitch. You sent her away. Well, you can’t have her! She’s mine! I won’t let you take her from me. You left me no choice. This is all your fault. I can’t let you come between us any longer. She loves me! I’ll never let you have her!”

  “She thinks I sent someone away. Something about me coming between her and someone else.” Elaine paused, studying, listening. She didn’t like the woman. The yelling was scaring her, and she wanted the woman to leave.

  The woman raised her hand, pointing the shiny object at her. Confusion and fear muddled Elaine’s reflexes. She tried to raise her hand in front of her face and pushed hard on the door to close the woman out.

  The shot exploded. Elaine’s ears rang with the blast. Fire pierced her shoulder, and she felt herself falling. Another shot exploded, and again the fire came, this time tearing through her side.

  Elaine began to shake. She wanted to escape, she had to get away. But the pain was too much. In the distance, she heard Dr. Cook’s voice calling to her. Elaine felt herself shift, and then she was sitting in a garden, roses were everywhere. The fear and the pain slowly slipped away. She followed the sound of Dr. Cook’s voice until she became aware that she was in Dr. Cook’s office. When she opened her eyes, Chacey was kneeling on the floor in front of her. Tears rimmed her eyes, and her hands grasped Elaine’s arms.

  Dr. Cook’s voice cut through the tension, and Chacey moved to settle herself next to Elaine. “What happened, Elaine? What did you remember?”

  Elaine nestled into Chacey and looked to Dr. Cook. “I remembered the shooting, but her face was still foggy. I can’t make out who it was. Her voice was garbled and difficult to understand.” Elaine took a shuddering breath. “She was angry with me. She thought I had taken someone from her, or made them leave…I don’t know. It doesn’t make any sense.”

  Chacey’s arms tightened around Elaine’s shoulders and she kissed her hair. “We have a description now. We can go back and try to find someone that fits that general appearance. Someone is bound to recognize this woman.”

  Elaine looked into Chacey’s eyes. She hesitated, the familiar resistance beginning to build. But seeing the determination in Chacey’s eyes and her fierce need to find the shooter, Elaine relented. She nodded. “Okay.”

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Christian stood outside the door to her condo, the key hovering just before the lock. A chill ran down the length of her spine and she shivered. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the key into the lock and turned.

  The room was as they had left it. Someone, the cleaning lady she presumed, had kept the room clear of dust during her absence, but otherwise nothing seemed out of place. The room seemed stale, the air telling of the lack of habitation.

  Christian walked around the room, looking at the pictures that hung on the walls and sat on tables and told the story of a happy life. The memory of Cara was everywhere. Her jacket hung on the peg by the door. Her favorite running shoes, tossed haphazardly next to a chair in the living room. The book she had been reading, lying unfinished on the coffee table, the bookmark patiently holding her page. And her smiling face beaming from the pictures. Christian half expected to hear her voice down the hall, or her laughter ringing out from some silly story she had heard.

  Christian made her way to the bedroom where they had made love that night before going out. Cara had teased her about making them late and then had taken her so thoroughly that they barely made their reservation. She ran her fingers along the satin coverlet that lay folded neatly at the end of the bed, drawing up the feel of Cara’s skin lingering in the memory of her fingertips.

  Christian was there for hours, slowly sifting through the memories of her life. She opened a bottle of wine and retreated to the balcony to watch the sunset as they always had when the weather was warm enough. She watched the play of colors dance across the sky and marveled at the beauty.

  She missed Cara, but somehow she had grown used to the silence, and she didn’t feel quite as alone as she’d anticipated. Another memory flashed through her mind, a memory of sitting on a porch surrounded by trees overlooking a lake, watching the same sun setting on a different view.

  Christian smiled to herself. It seemed only fitting that she think of Alex here in the world she shared with Cara, when it had been Cara she was thinking of that night with Alex. She drew her knee up and laid her head back against the soft fabric of the lounge chair, thinking of how her life had turned out.

  A buzzing sound penetrated Christian’s thoughts, and after a moment, she realized someone was ringing the doorbell. She slowly made her way through the living room, her bare feet padding softly on the hardwood floor.

  Peering through the peephole, she recognized the round face and plump form standing outside. Christian opened the door, surprised to see the gentle old man so late in the day.

  “Mr. Lewis, I wasn’t expecting you this evening.”

  “Good evening, dear.” Mr. Lewis had known Cara her entire life, having worked as her family’s attorney for many years. “I hope I’m not interrupting. I just…when Josh called…I thought it best that I deliver the information you requested in person.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Lewis. Would you please come in? I’m afraid I don’t have much to offer you since I haven’t had an opportunity to have any food brought in. I can offer you a glass of wine, though.”

  Mr. Lewis stepped into the room and shut the door gingerly. “No, thank you, dear. Tell me, how have you been?”

  Christian warmed at the kindness she saw in the old eyes. She dropped her gaze a moment and then replied softly. “It hasn’t been easy. Some days, I…” Christian faltered. “I guess I’m doing okay.”

  Sitting in the chair facing Christian, Mr. Lewis took a large manila envelope from his briefcase and handed it to her. “These are the final papers detailing the disposition of the will. Everything has been left to you, of course. The family has not contested the will, and there are no further issues to address.”

  Christian nodded, not surprised by the news. She and Cara had discussed their wills at length.

  Mr. Lewis studied Christian for a moment before adding, “There is one final matter.”

  Christian looked to Mr. Lewis, confused. What else could there be?

  He reached into his briefcase again and drew out a smaller envelope. As he handed it to Christian, she recognized Cara’s delicate handwriting. The envelope was addressed to Christian. With it, he handed Christian a disc. “Cara came to my office about six months before the accident and gave me strict instructions that this disc and that letter were to be given to you in the event that she was to precede you in death. I’m sorry I’ve been unable to meet that final request until this time. I understood the delicacy of your own recovery and hope this is the proper time to fulfill my final obligation to my dear Cara.”

  Christian held the letter and the disc to her chest. She’d grown cold and the room seemed to dim. Mr. Lewis’s sof
t voice seemed distant and she couldn’t make out his words. Darkness fell upon her like a heavy blanket pulling her into a dream.

  *

  “Christian? Chris…can you hear me, sweetheart? Come on, try to open your eyes.” Rough fingers brushed at her face, and suddenly, she was warm again. Christian slowly opened her eyes. She was lying on her sofa. Mr. Lewis kneeled beside her, his suit coat draped over her. “Oh, thank you, Jesus. You’re awake. Are you all right, dear? Can I get you something?”

  Christian sat up. “I’m terribly sorry, Mr. Lewis. I…this just seems to happen sometimes.”

  “I understand. I’m glad you’re okay. Damn near gave this old man a heart attack. Is there something I should do?” Mr. Lewis said, the fear evident in his voice.

  “I’m okay now, Mr. Lewis. I’m sorry I startled you.”

  “Sweet child. I can’t say I ever understood you two girls. But I can’t say I’ve ever seen two people love each other the way you and Cara did. Her parents were fools for not seeing it.” He rubbed his cheeks with his hand and sat back up in his chair. “That’s what this is about, isn’t it?”

  Christian was surprised to hear Mr. Lewis speak so frankly. “What do you mean, Mr. Lewis?”

  “I know you loved her, child. She loved you too. I’ve never seen a woman as happy as you made sweet Cara. I knew her since the day she was born. I was her godfather, you know. I felt like she was my own child. She would talk to me sometimes…about you. I guess she couldn’t go to her parents, so I was the next best thing.”

  His eyes seemed to dim for a moment as if lost in a memory, and then Mr. Lewis looked at her again and sighed. “Your happiness was the most important thing in the world to Cara. She never told me what was on that disc or what was in that letter. But I hope whatever it is will help you.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Lewis.”

  He smiled warmly at Christian. “I think Howard will do now.” He stood and straightened his vest and shirt sleeves.

  Christian handed him back his suit coat.

  “Call me if you need anything, Chris.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead, his hand resting gently on her shoulder.

  Christian wanted to throw her arms around him. She didn’t want this wonderful man to leave. He had loved Cara too, and somehow that made her want to hold on to him as if his presence could somehow bring Cara back. She clutched his sleeve.

  “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but you’re going to be fine—different, perhaps, but still okay. We have to go on.” He lifted her chin as if she were a child and smiled down at her.

  She could still see the pain in his eyes, but beyond that there seemed to be more. Hope, understanding, compassion? She wasn’t sure, but it helped her gather her strength. She nodded and let him go.

  She saw him to the door and turned to the letter and disc that lay waiting for her. Her stomach tightened into a fist, and she trembled with fear and anticipation and pain at the thought of one last connection with the woman she had lost.

  *

  Alex sat by the lake on the bench where she knew Christian usually sat in the mornings to watch the sunrise. She looked for Christian every morning as she ran by the lake, and watched for her over the water from her porch as the sun set in the evenings. As long as there was no word from Christian to send her things and close her account at the lodge, Alex held hope.

  Thoughts of Christian’s body pressed against hers, the memory of her touch, their lips pressed hungrily together convinced Alex that Christian would return to her. She knew Christian loved her, but it was up to Christian to find her way through her grief and open herself up to that love.

  Alex knew all about that. She had fought her feelings for Christian. The fear of losing someone again had seemed almost too much to bear. But then she would remember the sound of Christian’s voice, her laugh, the way Christian looked at her when she thought she wasn’t looking, and Alex knew everything was worth it.

  She had wanted to go after Christian, find where she had gone and follow her there, but she knew this was something Christian had to do alone and no amount of talking or coaxing on her part would change anything. But she also knew how easy it was to become lost in the past. It was easy to create an illusion of what life had been. And she knew how consuming that could be. Illusions had no flaws and they made no mistakes, making it hard to see the truth.

  She had loved Sophia with all her soul and had lost her. She knew Christian’s pain. But she also knew that the pain was her reminder of the love she had. The pain kept Sophia’s voice alive in her mind and heart. But she had let go of the illusion that Sophia was all she could ever have. She had to believe Christian would see that too and return to her. So she waited. There was nothing else she could do. Everything was up to Christian now.

  Alex ran her hand along the smooth wood of the bench. What would she do if Christian didn’t return? What would she do without her illusions if Christian was not there to fill the void? She shuddered at the thought. She stood and shook herself, trying to clear those unwanted thoughts. She still had hope.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Chacey lay with her back propped on pillows against the headboard. Elaine was cradled between her legs, her head resting on Chacey’s chest. Chacey held her phone in her right hand but had not yet dialed the number. “Are you ready for this?”

  They had talked about this, but she wanted to be sure Elaine was ready before she contacted her partner. She had wanted to make the call as soon as they left Dr. Cook’s office the day before, but Elaine had asked her to wait. They had spent the night talking about the investigation, and Elaine had insisted that Chacey not disclose that she was with her. Chacey would have felt more secure with full disclosure, but she knew how far Elaine had come and thought it unwise to push. She gave Elaine’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. Elaine sighed and nodded her agreement.

  Chacey dialed the number.

  “Peterson here,” a rough voice spat into the phone.

  “Mike, it’s Chacey. I need you to do me a favor.”

  “Chacey?” Mike’s voice now held concern. “Where the hell are you? What’s gotten up your skirt all of a sudden? It’s not like you to just run off and not leave any indication where you’re going or what the hell is going on.”

  “I’m sorry, Mike. Something came up. I took some personal time. I should’ve let you know, my bad, you can give me hell the next time you see me.”

  “Yeah, yeah, all right. What’s up?”

  “I need you to do something for me.”

  “All right.” Mike sounded more amiable now. “What is it this time?”

  Chacey tightened her arms around Elaine. “I need you to go back over the witness reports and descriptions from the Elaine Barber shooting.”

  “What for? You and I both have the damn things memorized. What do you think I’m going to find that we haven’t already dug up? What am I looking for?”

  “I have new information about the shooter. I can’t explain in detail right now, but we have to change our direction. The shooter was a woman. All this time we concentrated on a male profile, but we were wrong.”

  “What the hell?”

  Chacey went on to give Mike the information she had.

  “I don’t like this, Chacey. Where did you get this information?”

  “I can’t tell you that right now, but the source is reliable. I’m still working on a few things. I’ll let you know more as soon as I can. Trust me, Mike.”

  Mike grumbled, and Chacey could imagine him running his hand over his bald head like he always did when he didn’t like something. “All right, I’ll do some checking and I’ll get back to you as soon as I know anything. And, Chacey, try to be careful. I don’t like this. You should at least tell me where the hell you are.”

  “I’ll do the best I can, Mike. I’m sorry I can’t give you more,” Chacey said sincerely. “If you get anything, call my cell.”

  “Okay then. I’m on it.”

  Chacey was relieved
to finally be doing something. Watching the fear wrack Elaine during her hypnosis had been almost too much to handle, and Chacey felt like breaking things. She wanted someone to answer for what had been done to Elaine. She trusted Mike. He would come through. She just hoped Elaine’s recollection was enough to change the course of the investigation and finally get some real answers.

  She closed her eyes when Elaine turned and pressed her face against her chest, wrapping her arms around her. Elaine pressed a kiss just above her breast and said, “Thank you.”

  Chacey kissed the top of her head.

  *

  Christian sat in her apartment staring at the television screen. She couldn’t believe the image she saw there. Cara sat in the very same room looking back at her, smiling. Her voice was happy.

  Hello, love. I know this must seem a little weird, but I know you, and I need to know you’re okay. Since you’re viewing this, it means I am no longer with you. I’m sorry for that. I wanted us to grow old together. I was looking forward to seeing you change and grow throughout a lifetime. But it looks like that wasn’t to be.

  I hope I’ve always shown you and told you how very much I love you. More than that, I need you to know how very loved you’ve made me feel. I’m thankful for every day I’ve had with you. I never knew happiness like I’ve known with you. I couldn’t have asked for a better life.

  Now, baby, it’s time for you to get to work. I can’t imagine what I’d have done if you had gone before me, but I know it would have been hard to live without you. But you have to, sweetheart. You have so much to give. The love you have in your heart is too precious to waste.

  The message continued. True to form, Cara made her laugh despite her grief. She brought back the memories of the joy of their lives together, and somehow, Christian was able to say good-bye.

  It was as if Cara had known. As if in answer to a prayer, she had gotten her one last moment with her love after all. She had come home to face the past and find truth, and Cara had shown her the way. Christian felt something settle inside her. All the guilt she had carried began to melt away when she accepted that Cara wanted her to go on with her life.