by Alyson Noel
“I mean, what do we really know about her? Nothing! And if you think about it, it’s like, she just came here out of nowhere and already she’s dating Chris, learning to surf, and you guys are all totally falling for it! You’re totally hanging out with her!”
“It’s called making friends and fitting in. And you really need to relax. Just think how she feels. Having to move all the way across the country and trying to fit in somewhere new. Especially here! People around here can be pretty exclusive, you know,” Lola said, shooting her friend a look.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ellie asked, folding her arms in front of her and sounding really defensive.
But Lola just shrugged.
“Well, I’m only saying you shouldn’t go around trusting everyone . And I’m more than a little hurt that you could find the time to surf with her and not with me,” Ellie said.
Lola took a deep, exasperated breath. “Look, for one thing, it’s not like it was o’ dark hundred, like when you’re ready to surf. It was a normal time, for normal people. And for another, you seriously need to lighten up.”
“Normal people?” Ellie just stood there looking at her. She couldn’t believe Lola had just said that.
“Look, I’m sorry. But I’ve got my own problems right now and I’m not going to do this with you, okay? Just try to loosen up a little, would you?” she said, turning and heading toward her locker.
Ellie stood there and watched her walk away. She knew she was acting crazy, possessive, out of control, and ridiculously jealous, but the problem was, she didn’t know how to stop.
“Hey El,” Duncan said, approaching her with this huge grin on his face.
Ellie took one look at that smile and felt her heart sink. It was her fault he was so happy today. If she hadn’t asked him out Saturday night, then he wouldn’t be approaching her now. Well, he might be, but not like that. Not like he expected something. “Hey,” she said, giving him a tight half smile.
“You have AP English now, right?” he said, as though he was all ready to walk her to class.
“Yeah, but I have to go to the restroom first, so you really don’t have to wait for me. I’ll see you at lunch, okay?” she said, feeling bad about the disappointed look on his face, but happy about the four-hour cushion between first period and lunch.
She headed toward the bathroom until she was sure he was no longer watching, then turned and went to class. She felt bad about blowing him off like that, because the truth was she did have fun with him Saturday night. They’d gone to dinner at a cozy little Thai restaurant and then they’d walked around some of the galleries in downtown Laguna, both surprising each other with their appreciation of art. And when he’d dropped her off at her door, she’d even let him kiss her again. And this time she was completely sober. And, she had to admit, it was pretty nice.
But still, he wasn’t Chris. And by the time she was back in her room, changing for bed, she’d come to her senses, deciding that she definitely had to cut it off as soon as possible.
chapter thirty-two
Anne had initially set out to get back at Ellie, so she was pretty surprised when she found herself liking Chris as much as she did. But what’s not to like? He was cute, smart, funny, sweet—she really couldn’t find anything wrong with him. And the fact that he’d given her a ride to school (sparing her from being chauffeured by Jake), and then even walked her to class, kissing her briefly just outside the door, made her feel so happy and dreamy, nothing could get her down.
Until she saw Ellie glaring at her from across the room.
Anne just didn’t get it. All of Ellie’s friends were great, but no matter how hard she tried, Ellie refused to give her a chance. And Anne was getting tired of trying. Yet she also couldn’t stand to keep things the way they were.
Taking her seat, she glanced at Lola and Ellie and waved. Lola smiled and waved back, but Ellie turned her head abruptly and stared straight ahead at the chalkboard, even though it was completely blank. The whole thing was so ridiculous that Anne almost felt sorry for her. Almost.
After roll call, Mr. Campbell leaned on the edge of his desk and, opening his book, said, “Anne, would you read the beginning of chapter two for us?”
They were reading The Great Gatsby, one of Anne’s very favorite books. She loved it so much, she’d even rented the movie version once. But even though Robert Redford used to be a complete and total hottie, it just didn’t compare to the book. And now, even though she’d read the story many times before, she finally felt like she could totally relate to Gatsby. Because now she knew just how hard it was to try to fit in.
She just hoped things would work out a little better for her than they did for him.
She cleared her throat and began reading. When she was well into the third paragraph, Mr. Campbell said, “Okay stop right there. Can anyone tell me the significance of Dr. T. J. Eckleburg?”
“Well,” Anne said, feeling excited that she knew the answer and not realizing Ellie already had her hand in the air. “He symbolizes God, and the valley of ashes is like, purgatory, because later in the book …”
“Excuse me, Mr. Campbell, but we haven’t exactly finished the book, have we? We’re only on chapter two. And maybe some of us don’t want to know how it ends just yet,” Ellie said, glaring at Anne and shaking her head.
Anne looked at Mr. Campbell, her face turning red.
“Well, you have a point, Ellie. Though, without giving away too much, you’ll see as you continue reading that the eyes are symbolic of God, and the valley does become a place filled with violence and grief. Now Harrison, would you continue reading where Anne left off?”
And as Anne listened to Harrison read, she looked across the room at Ellie. That was the last time you get to humiliate me, she thought as their eyes briefly met.
chapter thirty-three
By Thursday, when Ben still hadn’t shown up at school, Jade was starting to freak. “You guys, what if he really did run away?” she asked, hugging her knees against her chest and shaking her head. “I have to find him.”
“Whoa, wait a second. I mean, why don’t you just call his house and see if he’s home?” Ellie said, squeezing salt water out of her hair and twisting it into a bun.
“Thanks, Kojak.” Jade rolled her eyes. She loved Ellie, yeah, but sometimes she so didn’t get it. “Believe me, I already tried that. Nobody answers.”
“But you said his mom works two jobs, so she’s probably never there,” Lola said. “Did you go by his house?”
“Nobody home. Even Tom and those guys don’t know where he is. You guys so don’t get it. I’m really worried, and I feel like I’ve got to do something. I can’t just sit around here and wait,” she said, getting up from her towel.
“You’re right, I don’t get it. Are you guys like, dating?” Ellie asked, putting on SPF 30 even though the sun would soon be fading.
“No, we’re not dating, but he is my friend and I care about him. Just like I’d care if it were one of you,” Jade said, shaking her head. Okay, maybe they’d seen her try to rescue one too many strays before, but this time it wasn’t some lost kitten, or lonely rabbit. This time, it was serious.
“Well, maybe he’s at his dad’s,” Lola said cautiously.
“Doubtful.” Jade stood in front of her friends, curls blowing like crazy in the breeze. “He’s pretty pissed at him right now, so it’s not likely they’re spending any quality time together. I just don’t get why he hasn’t called me.”
“Typical. The ones you want to call never do.” Lola shook her head sadly. Then, noticing her friends were staring, she said, “What? It’s totally true.”
“There’s a guy out there who hasn’t called you?” Ellie asked, laughing.
“You’d be surprised.” Lola shrugged ruefully
“Uh, hello? Back to me and my crisis,” Jade said, waving her hands around to get their attention. Did they think this was a joke?
“Sorry, Jade. Go on,” Ellie said; Lola
nodded.
“Okay, so the other night after we left Tom’s we took a ride up into the canyon, and we parked the car and just talked for hours. He’s really upset about his parents splitting up, and he’s not entirely rational right now. He was even talking about dropping out of school and stuff. I tried to explain how crazy that would be, but he was kind of messed up and I guess I wasn’t able to really communicate with him like I wanted. He left me a message Sunday night, and that’s the last I heard.”
“Well, what’d he say in the message?” Lola asked.
“Nothing, really. But at the end he said, ‘See you Monday.’”
“I don’t think you should get involved, Jade. I’m sorry, but I don’t. You’ve done everything you can, and I’m sure his mom has a handle on it. You can’t save everyone, you know,” Ellie said gently.
“Maybe not, El. But the least I can do is try.” Jade grabbed her towel and headed toward the beach stairs.
“Jade! Wait, where you going?” Lola called after her.
“Back to Tom’s. I have to start somewhere,” she said.
chapter thirty-four
Anne was loving her new life—What’s not to love, she thought. She had a great house with a private beach, she’d made good friends, and she had the most amazing boyfriend ever.
At least she thought he was her boyfriend. It’s not like the actual words were ever spoken or anything. But they did spend a lot of time together, and she was pretty sure he was beginning to like her just as much as she liked him.
Oh yeah, and she’d finally found a sport she was as passionate about as diving. At first, she admitted, learning to surf was all about spending time with Chris. But now she loved it so much she found herself getting up early in the morning and heading out on her own. Usually she ran into Ellie, but Anne had finally learned to ignore her. There was nothing else she could do. She’d tried being quiet, she’d tired being nice—nothing worked. And it seemed like the more she hung with Chris and the better she got at surfing, the more Ellie glared at her. But that was Ellie’s problem, and she was just gonna have to get used to coexisting in the same neighborhood, the same school, and with the same group of friends. Because now that Anne had found her place, she wasn’t about to budge.
In fact, Anne was getting so good at surfing that just the other day Chris had mentioned Surf Fest to her.
“I can’t compete! I’m just a beginner, I’ll make a total fool of myself!” she’d said, shaking her head vehemently.
“True. There’s no way you’ll win, since there will be people there who grew up on surfboards. But it’s such a cool contest, and it’s open to everyone. If nothing else, just think of it as good practice, and a chance for you to get out there and see what it’s like,” he told her.
“Why can’t I just go as an observer?” she’d asked. “You know, sit back and watch from the comfort of my very own beach chair?”
“That’s not how it works. No one learns from just watching. You have to experience it to really know it. Besides, don’t you miss competing?” he’d asked, leaning over to kiss her.
They were out in the water, sitting on their boards. “I have to think about it,” she’d said, leaning toward him.
But ever since he’d brought up the idea, she’d been thinking about it more and more. He was right. She did miss competing. She missed the preparation before a big event, the nervous stomach the night before, and the thrill of scoring the highest at the end of the day. Okay, so she probably wouldn’t be scoring the highest at Surf Fest. She probably wouldn’t even come close. But hey she had to start somewhere.
She opened the door to her giant walk-in closet, staring at the racks of clothes and wondering what she should wear. The wrap party for her dad’s film was tonight and she’d invited all of her friends. She had a feeling that even Ellie might show. Not that she’d invited her, but she had invited Duncan and it kind of seemed like they were dating or something. Actually, it was hard to tell exactly what their deal was. While it was obvious that Duncan was totally into it, Ellie on the other hand always seemed like she was just along for the ride. But Anne knew better than to discuss it with Jade and Lola. Those three went way back, and Anne had no doubt where their loyalties lay.
But it would be a big party, with a ton of people, so she was sure it would be just as easy to ignore Ellie there as it was at school.
Slipping into her favorite jeans, a beaded cami, and some silver flats, she grabbed her purse and was heading for the living room to wait for Chris when Jake walked in.
“Oh my God, you scared me,” Anne said, not expecting to see him. “What’re you doing here? Aren’t you going to the party?”
“I had to pick up some stuff for your dad. I’m headed up that way in a little while if you need a lift,” he offered.
“No thanks, I’ve got a ride. You’re not wearing that, are you?” she asked, realizing she sounded like a bitch, but still. Even by laid-back Hollywood standards, she doubted he should be showing up in his usual old shredded flip-flops, faded board shorts, and a holey T-shirt.
“Jeez, you’re brutal,” he said, laughing good-naturedly. “Of course I’m not wearing this. I do have other clothes, you know.” He shook his head and walked down the hall toward the spare room where he kept some of his stuff.
Anne sat on the couch, trying to focus on the TV and not on her watch. It was so unlike Chris to be late, and now nearly twenty minutes had passed since he was supposed to pick her up. She went over to the window, pulled the drapes back, and checked the driveway—nothing, nada. Should I call him? she wondered. Or would that seem overbearing? If he shows up right now, should I act cool, like I hadn’t even noticed he was way late? Or should I stand my ground until I get an explanation?
She shook her head and went back to the couch. What was with her? She’d never acted so ridiculous over a guy before. Or had she? She tried remembering what she’d been like when she first started going out with Justin, but so much had happened since then, the memory was foggy at best. Oh God, maybe she was turning into her mother—seemingly cool and confident on the outside, but a total emotional dependent on the inside. It was too horrible to think about. And it was stupid. She should just pick up the phone and find out what was taking him so long.
The second she grabbed the receiver, it rang, startling her so much she dropped it on the floor. “Hello?” she said, frantically flipping it right side up.
“Anne?” It was Chris.
“Hey, where are you?” she asked.
“Um, I’m really sorry, but I’m running late,” he said. “Is there any way I can meet you there?”
“Are you serious?” she asked, sitting on the arm of the couch. “I mean, is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s cool. It’s just that I’m over at Ellie’s and we’re behind schedule, and I don’t want you to miss out because of me.”
“You’re at Ellie’s?” She could feel the panic rise in her throat. “What are you guys doing?”
“We’re lab partners, and we started a new project today,” he said, as though that explained everything.
Well, maybe it did. But like a typical guy, he was missing all the subtext! She imagined Ellie sitting next to him, listening in on the whole conversation, while a big fat evil smile spread slowly across her face …
“But you’re still coming, right?” she said, trying to sound cool and not needy, since there was nothing cool about being needy
“Definitely. See you in a few?”
“Um, yeah, great,” she said, hanging up and feeling totally shell-shocked.
“You’re still here?” Jake said, walking down the hallway. His hair was still damp from the shower and combed away from his face, and he was dressed in a pair of vintage-wash denim jeans and a shirt with blue, green, yellow, and white stripes, untucked with the sleeves rolled up. His feet were bare and he was carrying his shoes.
“Yeah,” Anne said, looking at him and swallowing hard. What was wrong with her? On
e minute she was getting all freaked out over Chris, and the next she was practically drooling at how well Jake cleaned up. It was ridiculous. She was ridiculous. And it meant nothing! He’d just startled her, that’s all. “Chris can’t make it ’til later, so do you think you could give me a ride?” She bit down on her lower lip nervously and tried not to stare at him.
“I’ve got a full tank of gas and the passenger seat is empty, so follow me.” He smiled and headed for the front door.
chapter thirty-five
Lola was in her room, standing in front of her mirror, completely hating her life. Wouldn’t you just know it—on the one night she was finally getting over being dumped, finally looking forward to breaking loose and having a little fun with her friends, her mother had arranged for her to meet Diego. She had just gotten home from school and walked into the kitchen to grab a snack when her mother had totally ambushed her.
“I’ve arranged for you and Diego to meet at the party tonight,” she said, smiling brightly.
Lola stuck her head in the fridge and counted to ten, but it didn’t really help. “Mom, I don’t want to meet him. I just wanna hang with my friends,” she told her, grabbing an apple and turning to face her.
“‘Want to,’ Lola. Not ‘wanna.’ And Diego is going to be there anyway, so you may as well get to know him.”
“But why?” Lola looked at her mom. She felt like stomping her feet and throwing a tantrum like a two-year-old. Because that’s how they made her feel—like she was totally at their mercy, and had absolutely no control over her own life.
“I think you two are going to really hit it off. And, I might add, I happen to know you’ve been ignoring his messages. I did not raise you to be so rude, Lola,” she said, giving her a stern look. “Now, are you riding with us? Or are you going with your friends?”
“You guys are going, too?” Oh, that’s just great. Why don’t they all just double-date? Wouldn’t that be fun!
