Breathless 4: Loving Montie

by Shani Greene-Dowdell

  “Well, go sign up then,” Tasha urged, pointing to the sign-up table near the door. I overlooked the lady standing at the table by the door when we arrived minutes earlier.

  “I think I will go sign up, just to show you that you’re not the only one who has talent.” I stood up and stalked little by little toward the lady standing by door. I didn’t write poetry, much less perform spoken word, so I had no valid reason to be chunking myself out into the void of the spoken word world. I suddenly felt like a kid again, back on the playground with Tasha and her friends being pressured to do something I had no desire to do. I could do anything if I pushed myself to do it. I always showed her I could do anything she could do.

  By the time I finished my thoughts, my name was on the dotted line of the sign-up list, and I was about to make my debut as a spoken word artist.

  Now that you’ve signed up, run for the hills…literally.

  Ignoring the negative thought swirling around in my head, I walked back to the table thinking about what I would say once my name was called. A lot of drama was happening in my life that I could address—Montie arguing with me about Junior’s game and pressuring me to be a better co-parent, and Jacob keeping something secret that my gut told me had to do with Justine.

  No matter how good it would feel to pour the woes out of my soul into the thirsty crowd, Jacob was well known in Miami as a real estate billionaire. I couldn’t very well get up there and talk about our marriage without one person in the audience recognizing me. If no one recognized me, at least one video recording would get out and reveal my identity later. Therefore, I had to be discreet in my messaging.

  “There’s my shit-talking cousin,” Tasha said once I returned to the table and my chair went screeching across the floor, so I could sit down. She tilted her drink in my direction and asked, “Did you really sign up?”

  “Of course, I did honey. I do what I say I’m going to do, which in this case should be lots of fun.” I tilted my glass in her direction with the fakest confidence I could muster. Forget spoken word, I should’ve gone into acting.

  “Listen, Destiny, I talked my junk, but you don’t have to embarrass yourself by getting up there on stage. No one is forcing you to do anything you’re not comfortable doing, so right now is the perfect time to back out. I’ll get my girl to scratch your name,” Tasha was saying just as I settled in my seat across from her.

  “Oh, don’t worry about me. I got this. I can back up anything that I say. I’m good,” I lied straight through my chattering teeth.

  Jacob’s picture flashed across my phone screen. I sent his call to voicemail. Seeing his face usually gave me a vote of confidence, but his cream with just the right amount of cinnamon tone in the message didn’t envelop me and warm me to the core like a cup of hot coffee. His deep-set hazel eyes didn’t allure me into another realm of reality. We were off, and until he opened up about Justine we would remain this way. She mentioned too many details about our home the last time we had a run in with her at Jacob’s mother’s home. Yeah, my so-called loving mother-in-law just couldn’t bear to cut ties with her friend’s insane daughter, but that’s another story all in and of itself.

  Jacob’s eyes caught mine that night we saw Justine. He could barely hold my gaze. My powerful man known for wearing a poker face broke down on the inside. His body language spoke to me and awakened a million insecurities I had in the beginning of our relationship about Justine.

  Later that night, he assured me Justine only knew intimate details about the interior of our home because his mother told them to her. However, even his mother hadn’t been in or bedroom, or his study.

  Damn you Jacob!

  My heart screamed as I looked down at his picture again. A scowl spread across my face as I internalized the possible indiscretion I talked myself into believing.

  No way. There’s no way he slept with her.

  “All right, go ahead and be a word gangsta then,” Tasha was saying when my mind returned to the room, bringing my attention to my pledge to get in front of an unfamiliar crowd and speak. She tilted her drink toward me for a toast. “I like that about you, Destiny. You have always been willing to take one for the team,” she added and chuckled.

  I tipped my drink her way and downed the margarita. I went to the bar and got a glass of red wine. A few more songs vibrated from the speakers and a few more spirits tranquilized me before the host returned to the stage to send my nerves raving again.

  “We have our roster filled for tonight with powerhouse oldies and some wet behind the ear newbies coming your way. I want to shake things up and bring a newbie to the stage first tonight. Would you guys like that?” she asked the crowd.

  “Bring on the young blood,” a man sitting close to the stage yelled.

  A resounding “yeah” came back from the remainder of the audience.

  “Alright! Let’s get started. The first sister came through the door with Poetically Tash, so I’m sure she’s bringing the heat. Let’s snap it up for her as she comes up to the stage, y’all. Come on up and give us what you got, Lady Des.”

  Yeah, I gave myself a stage name, and my heart dropped into my panties when she called it. But, a woman of her word does what she says she’s going to do and does it to the best of her ability. I rose from my seat and stole one last gulp from my wine glass. I floated to the stage, arriving without remembering the trip there. I took the mic from the holder and immediately greeted the anxious crowd.

  “How is everyone tonight?” I must have spoken too softly. Only a few people answered. “I said, how are y’all doing?” I said louder.

  “Goods, fines, and lovelies” returned from the once again lively audience.

  “Well, I’m a little nervous. This is my first time performing at open mic, and to top that off, I’ve never spoken the words I’m about to say to a soul. They are not rehearsed and I’ve never written them anywhere. What I have to say comes straight from my heart to your ears,” I said and rubbed my palms together. “Okay, so here goes,” I said and exhaled a heavy breath.

  “Speak your mind, girl!” I heard a woman yell.

  “Take your time, sister,” a male’s voice accompanied hers.

  I closed my eyes and just allowed my subconscious to flow with impunity…

  “Baby, I’m starting to feel like

  You don’t want me like you used to

  I remember when I would walk

  Into a room and your whole world would change

  It was as if you already had me on your brain

  Your best friend couldn’t stand me

  The look in your eyes made it plain for her to see

  The spell I had over you could not be broken…

  The days of your heart roaming from this lady to the next was revoked

  All conversation would cease as I walked toward you

  I was the air oxygenating your every part

  Oh, the intricacies of your tough and tender heart

  You’d feast your eyes upon me

  As if you were anxiously awaiting my touch

  Yearning to feel my body next to yours

  The desire within you burned so deep

  Where did that part of you go

  Did it die, or is it asleep

  Maybe I’m starting to lose my glow

  Am I too refined…is my age is starting to show

  When I walk into a room now

  You see me, but don’t make eye contact

  Instead of reaching for me, you turn your back

  Barely acknowledging my presence

  From the looks of things, it would appear

  You’d rather I not come near

  How did we get to this place

  How do we get back and erase…”

  Something magnetic jolted inside of me. I opened my eyes and scanned the room in search of Tasha. I stilled at the profile of the man I knew soul to soul.

  Jacob.

  My poetry spitting lips halted, as my breath caught.


  Thinking I paused for effect, the audience clapped and snapped, demanding more. Jacob’s dark, searing eyes insisted the same. A tear fell down my cheek as I silently challenged him with the same two questions that ended my piece.

  Then, I found Tasha’s face in the crowd. Her big eyes and sincere smile told me she coached me to the stage to bare my raw feelings so Jacob could hear. Or, was it a simple case of him having his security follow me everywhere I went? Maybe I didn’t lose them like I thought I did. Either way, snaps ricocheted throughout the room, bringing my attention back to the stage where I stood locked in panic. I looked out again into Jacob’s curious eyes and gave him and the crowd what they wanted, more.

  “Your attention, I’m constantly wanting

  Our passion’s fire can’t be allowed to die

  The thought that we could ever be over, the devil is a lie

  The fire in our soul is destined to catch

  You bring the gasoline baby and I’ll bring a match

  Let us live in truth…

  Let’s be lovers and do what lovers do

  This day

  ...all day

  ...and baby all night

  I want you

  To want me

  Like you used to

  But it has to be true.”

  The room erupted in a firestorm of snaps, claps and one woman yelled, “He better come correct or keep it moving!”

  “If he don’t do you right, I will,” a handsome young man wearing a blue blazer and jeans said after the racket died down.

  “Hold on, buddy. It’s just a poem. I’m doing right by her now and forever,” Jacob responded to the man as he walked to the edge of the stage where I exited. “We need to talk,” he said close to my ear, clasped my hand in his and started toward the door.

  “Jacob, I came here because I needed time away from home.”

  “Then, what’s that poem about?” he asked, continuing the beeline down the stairs and toward the front of the club. “You know what, don’t answer that. You will have all the time you want, either to yourself or talking to me, once we leave here.” He stepped in front of me and opened the front door. “This is no place for you to be hanging out. When my guy told me you were on this side of town, I immediately had Henry drive me over. You know this isn’t safe.”

  So, Tasha didn’t tell him where I was.

  “My God, Jacob! You see for yourself that it’s a relaxed crowd. There is nothing wrong with this place,” I said, suddenly on the defensive side of the poetry spot I’d spoke so ill of upon my arrival.

  “Well, you’ve had your time out. I hope you enjoyed yourself. It’s time to go, so I can show you I do want you more now than ever. I didn’t realize you felt neglected, or that I had gotten so distant from you.”

  “You didn’t have to have me followed to figure that out, Jacob.”

  “You’re going to have security with you until I feel you’re be safe without it. That’s nonnegotiable. If there’s one thing this whole ordeal with Justine’s ex being found murdered taught me is that I would be crushed if anything happened to you, Montana or Junior. You three mean the world to me. I’ll do whatever is necessary to keep you safe, even if it means protecting you from yourself.” Jacob tugged my arm and pulled me down the sidewalk toward his car.

  “Jacob, I don’t want to be followed everywhere I go.”

  “I feel better having security protect you when I’m not available.”

  “Speaking of available. I thought you had an important meeting you were attending.”

  “Destiny, I’m available at the drop of a dime to come to you. All I have to do is hear of some funny business like you coming to a club on the west side, and I will end a meeting with a filthy stinking rich Japanese supplier at the snap of a finger. Mr. Fukui can wait. I’ll finish our meeting whenever we’re good. After hearing what’s on your mind tonight, I’m not so sure about that, and I don’t like being unsure about anything.”

  I started to walk away from him, but he grabbed me by the waist and drew me back to him. Standing behind me with his arms holding me in place, he yanked me around and forced me to face him. “What was the meaning of your poem in there?”

  “I have a lot on my mind.”

  “The meaning?”

  “I didn’t even know that was going to come out like that.”

  “The meaning, Destiny. It’s obvious something’s going on in your beautiful mind that’s bothering you,” he touched the side of my face. “You’ve been pulling away from me and I don’t understand why you would do that when you know I’ll never let you go.”

  “It’s not me that’s pulling away,” I told him, spitting fire into his orbs from mine. “It’s you.”

  “Destiny, I would never pull away from you. As much as I crave to be with you every moment of the day, that’s the least of your worries.”

  “Yeah? Well, what did that look in your eyes mean that night when Justine mentioned the colors in our bedroom and study? You looked like the life had been siphoned out of you. Since then, you’ve been acting overbearing and had security hovering over me when you’re not home. They follow me everywhere I go like there’s something you’re hiding and don’t want me to find, more so than for my protection.”

  “There is something I need to tell you, Destiny,” Jacob said, his voice freefalling, dropping octaves as he spoke. “We can’t talk about it out here in this parking lot, though. Let’s go.”

  Judging by the aloof, remorseful look he bestowed upon me, what he had to say would be explosive. He promised he’d always be truthful, and I promised him the same, once we entered our marriage. I had the unnerving feeling his truth would be our undoing.

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  A Fonder Heart

  by Jayla Hawkins

  Chapter One

  It was 2:00 p.m. on June 17, 2012. This very moment was everything Roxanna had dreamed. For a few seconds, she stared at the door her father had just exited before walking toward the mirror. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. A slight clunk caught her attention, and she glanced over her shoulder. No longer hearing anything, or seeing anyone, she turned forward and her head tilted up, her eyes closing once more.

  "This is it," she whispered to herself. "Today is the day I..." her voice was cut off by a gasp mixed with a choked scream escaping her throat.

  She felt two large and rough hands enclose around her neck. Her panicked hazel and gold eyes shot to the mirror in front of her, and she froze in horror and shock. A black mask covered most of the person's face except for two roughly cut holes around the eyes. Bright blue eyes were the last thing she saw before black dots started covering her vision.

  One hand left her neck to drag a tight cloth over her head onto her mouth. Her breath was once again taken as she was pushed hard onto the floor. She felt a body get on top of her and roughly yank her arms back, tying them tightly behind her back. Suddenly, she was hefted up onto a sharp shoulder as her kidnapper ran toward the window on the left side of the room. The glass shattered as he broke through the window and Roxanna heard a scream come out her mouth. Her body bounced up and down slightly as he ran away from the church and down the street. She finally felt a solid surface when she was thrown into a trunk, the hard metal slamming on top of her. She stared through a hole in the trunk, watching the church, her fiancé, and her family get further away. Sobs left her as the situation finally caught up to her, her shock slowly fading. Tears poured down her cheeks as she curled in on herself.

  "Would you shut up back there," a harsh voice growled out from the front seat, making her eyes snap open.

  She ran her tongue over the cloth covering her mouth, making it wet so she could maneuver it.

  "What do you want me with me? Let me go!" Roxanna yelled as the cloth slipped over her bottom lip. She knocked her feet against the floor in protest of her captivity. />
  The vehicle suddenly stopped, and she tumbled onto her side. The trunk opened, and she glimpsed nothing but trees before a tall body blocked it. Because the sun was right behind him, she couldn't make out his features completely, except his eye color and strange curved but large ears. The man climbed into the trunk and knelt over her. His bright blue eyes glared down into her own hazel and gold eyes before he slapped her soundly across the face. More tears poured down her cheeks as a bright red mark appeared on her left cheek.

  "Now, I'll ask you again. Will you shut the hell up?"

  She scowled at him through her tears and spat in his face. The man growled out a curse and wrapped one hand around her neck. His right hand reached down and pulled up the full skirt around her legs. Her eyes widened in shock, and she started struggling and yelling. The hand around her neck tightened and her screams changed to choked whimpers.

  Nick please, she thought to herself as her eyes closed in pain. Please help me. Please.

  She felt her legs being forcibly spread apart and she started to sob again. Her cries were shaky and breathless. She could barely get any air down her windpipe. Black spots danced in her vision, and she soon passed out, just as the man above her forced his way into her body.

  ***

  "I know you're awake, so you better open those lovely eyes of yours and listen up," the man said with grim authority.

  She held back a groan as she slowly opened her eyes. She scanned her surroundings, and nothing stood out besides the oddly painted door situated behind her kidnapper. She watched with fearful eyes as he walked closer to her. Her heart sped up as he reached a hand up. Her eyes shot to his face, and she barely held back a gasp. She took in his slightly thin, pink lips and wide nose.

  It…but it can't be, she thought to herself.

  He traced the hand mark on her cheek, ignoring both her flinch and the disgust in her eyes. "Such a pretty face. What a pity," he whispered.

  His hand trailed down her neck to the top of her tattered wedding dress. He fingered the edge of the bodice, bringing panicked breaths from her.