Fantasy Online_Hyperborea

by Harmon Cooper

  DEF: 48

  MDF: 74

  LUCK: 11

  “You sure have picked a strange hour to visit. Isn’t it late for public service minions to be out and about?”

  Minions?

  “We’re, um, running behind schedule today because of, um, some things that happened in Bar Row,” Zaena tells him. “There was a big brawl, lots of damage and debris and we’re still trying to get a handle on it.”

  “It was goblins,” Ryuk chimes in.

  “Fucking goblins. Wait, did you say Bar Row? No one else from my guild mentioned it. They’re there now,” his visage darkens, “pissing away all the rupees we earned through a side quest on the outskirts of Shiya. Dumbasses. Okay, well, the stuff is out back. I’d open the side gate, but I’m afraid it is overgrown with vines at the moment! Please, come in, and let me make you some tea while you are here.”

  Ryuk bows his head. “We are in a bit of a hurry to catch up and finish for the night.”

  The old man cackles. “Nonsense! No one is in a hurry, commoner or NPC alike,” he says with a nod toward Zaena.

  The door swings wide open and he motions for them to follow him. As he walks with his hands clasped behind his back, he muses on some of his travels through Tritania. “I’m only at level seventeen, but I’ve encountered plenty of Thuleans in Polynya. Never seen one as a sanitation worker, though!”

  “We exist,” Zaena tells him. “If you visit Athos or any of its surrounding boroughs, you’ll find that all the workers are Thulean. The local government just started, um, a diversity and inclusiveness in the workplace initiative that sends us to other locations.” She shoots Ryuk a quick thumbs up. “At first, I thought it was just trendy feel good bullshit, but it comes with room, board, and a week of paid travel in Hyperborea so I decided to give it a try.”

  Not a bad story. Ryuk quickly formulates one of his own, just in case.

  “Makes sense,” says the old cleric as they take a few steps down into a wide, open den with a bar on one side. “Please sit.” He motions to a long table with eight wooden placemats and grins. “Anywhere is fine; this will only be a moment. And you?” he asks Ryuk as he sets a copper kettle on an iron stove. “Why on the Empress’ three floating continents would a PC take this role?”

  “I thought it’d be interesting.” Ryuk feels Zaena tap him on the back of the head with her ghost limb. “Plus, there are some sewer monsters that dish out some serious EXP.”

  “What about you?” Zaena asks as he adds various leaves, twigs, and herbs to the kettle. “Why didn’t you go with your guildmates?”

  “I’m not one of these that’s anxious to drink myself into a stupor or consort with NPCs of easy virtue and wind up with psoriasis of the lizard and gob-crabs the size of your thumb, thank-you very much. I prefer to save my rupees and devote my energy to other pursuits.”

  He brings the kettle back behind the counter and pours out two cups of his strange brew. “There you go, my friends – drink up. You’ll find this most soothing.”

  “Won’t you be having one?” Zaena asks the old cleric as she takes the decoction from him.

  “In a moment; I always make sure my guests are served first!”

  Ryuk lifts the tea to his lips and stops. He glances from the cup to the old man. The old man looks away immediately, and returns to the small prep station behind the bar.

  Something isn’t right.

  Zaena sips her drink, smiles in pleased surprise and slams it down her neck in three big gulps. “This is a most excellent brew!” She cuts her orange gaze from Ryuk to their host.

  “I’m so pleased you find it to your taste. It’s my own special blend. Have another, I insist!” The old cleric hobbles back over to her and dispenses another cup.

  “This is just wonderful.” She giggles as she takes another sip and sighs with satisfaction and enjoyment. Where she’d been tense and alert, she’s now loosened up considerably and is propping herself up against the bar.

  “Please, do drink up,” the old man tells Ryuk.

  “It’s just a little too hot for me just yet. Please give me a minute.”

  “More for me!” Zaena announces. “This stuff is fabulous! You have to try some Ryuk, have to.” She burps and slams her empty cup down on the table. “More!”

  “Easy, my Thulean friend, easy,” the cleric laughs, “save some for me!” He produces a cup from behind the bar and takes a sip from it. “You’re quite correct, this is most excellent if I do say so myself! Hold on, I’ll get you some more.”

  A tendril of yellow magic curls off the top of the hot liquid. I knew it! Ryuk draws his marble gun, points it at the cleric, and stands. “The antidote,” he tells the old man. “NOW.”

  “Ryuk!” Zaena slurs. “What are you doing?”

  “Hands where I can see them,” Ryuk tells him.

  The cleric cocks his head ever so slightly. “Is that a gun?”

  Ryuk answers with a knife marble, which pegs the old man in the shoulder and causes him to drop his cup.

  -59 HP!

  The cleric seethes as he presses his hand into the wound on his shoulder. “No one attacks me in my own guildhall, you arrogant fool!”

  Zaena goes for her weapons, fumbles the draw, and slides off the stool in a clatter of dropped cutlery.

  Iridescent white magic flows from the cleric’s hand to his shoulder; the wound heals completely and the bloodstain vanishes. “Is this a game you’d really like to play, boy?”

  “It’s a game I’ve already won.”

  Ryuk fires two more knife marbles directly into the cleric’s throat.

  Tonsil Shot! Instakill!

  (0)__(0)

  Skill level up!

  Skill: Tonsil Shot

  Level Three: 1 in 9 chance of connecting.

  Damage: 28% if enemy is less than level 30; 15% if enemy is greater than level 30.

  Odds of instakill: 11%

  Requirements for instakill: LUCK > 9

  That’s odd, it skipped a level. Ryuk swipes the prompt away and chalks it up to the fact that he attacked with his marble gun. The next prompt is one he hasn’t seen before.

  Marble level up!

  Your knife marbles have now become SWORD MARBLES! Sword marbles are larger and provide +25% more damage than knife marbles. You can toggle between the two marble classes by voicing a command.

  Sword marbles? Ryuk fires a single sword marble into the wall on the opposite side of the room. Thunk! Sure enough, the blade is now the length of a wakizashi, and a bit thicker too.

  Ryuk tries to help Zaena to her feet, but she’s rag-doll limp, drooling, and unresponsive. He slaps her five or six times before she slowly blinks her eyes open. “Whuzzup? Where are we?” She tries to lift her chin and drops it; her eyes flutter closed.

  He slaps her again because he doesn’t know what else to do. “Open those eyes!” he cries. “Stay with me!”

  Ryuk: Zaena’s been poisoned and I don’t know what to do! This PKer gave her some tea. At first I thought she was drunk, but I can’t wake her up and she’s breathing funny. She’s been poisoned.

  FeeTwix: PKers? Poisoned?

  Tamana: Player killers – they kill other players for their goods.

  Hiccup: Did you say she was drunk or did you say she was poisoned? I know some would disagree, but there’s a fickin’ difference Ryuk and you know it. Parsing – it’s a way of life.

  Ryuk: I don’t know. She’s slurring her words and she can’t stand!

  Hiccup: All right, already. I’ll be there in a jiff.

  Ryuk looks to the dead cleric on the floor. He’ll likely alert his guild as soon as he respawns. He could also do so from the real world, which only adds to the tension he feels closing in around him.

  “It’ll be okay, Zaena.” He holds her head in his lap and she opens one eye.

  “Ryuk?” she coughs, smiles, and her eyes roll back into her head.

  “Hiccup will be here soon.” His foot hits something solid and invis
ible as he moves closer to her. Her ghost limb.

  “Why’d you kill him?” she asks, her eyes half-open.

  “He poisoned you and he tried to kill me,” Ryuk tells her. “I was protecting you. Just keep breathing.”

  Where the hell is that goblin?

  Ryuk: Hurry, Hiccup!

  Hiccup: For fick’s sake Marbles, I’m coming!

  She snorts. “You? Protecting me? Thuleans don’t need … some … some commoner protecting them!” She laughs, gasps, chokes, and brings up three cups of poisoned tea right into Ryuk’s lap. “Sorry,” she says as a frown spreads across her face. “I was … only joking. You’re a good guy, Ryuk. Getting stronger too.”

  Zaena makes a gun with her hand. “Pew! Pew! Pew! Marbles!” She laughs, and becomes suddenly serious. “Do you think FeeTwix really cares about me?”

  Ryuk knows that there is no correct answer to that one. Luckily, she doesn’t wait for an answer.

  Her face morphs from curious to deadly serious. “There are … things I haven’t told you, things I haven’t told any of you about my past. It will complicate things. Not now, but later.”

  “What do you mean?” he asks.

  “I have something I need to tell all of you; something that … ”

  Hiccup’s form takes shape. “Jeez, Marbles, you really ficked that dude up!” The rotund goblin with the pink topknot and the mechanical steampunk arm scuttles over to Zaena. Apparently, they don’t make the sanitation getup to fit the full-figured goblin, as he looks like he was melted down and poured into his. He gives Zaena a double take and all the funny drains right out of him. “Oh FICK! Gotta move fast on this one! Why didn’t you tell me!?”

  “I did, dammit!”

  “Hold her head and tip her nose up. When I say GO, let go of her and roll clear. Ready?”

  Ryuk nods uncertainly.

  Hiccup equips a small bag of white powder and two Big Gulp straws which he jabs into the powder three or four times to pack the ends. He jams the powdered end of the straws way up into Zaena’s nostrils, tells Ryuk to get ready and blows the powder up into her sinuses.

  “GO!”

  They both leap clear, a split-second before the Thulean woman snorts, coughs, and explodes into angry, roaring, frenetic life. She tosses chairs, overturns a table, and rips a tapestry from the wall.

  “Fickin’ hell, Lizzy, bring it down a notch, we just saved your emerald green ass!” Uncle Goblin exclaims as he covers his head.

  Ryuk, his hands up in a placating gesture, nods rapidly. “The cleric poisoned you; Hiccup brought you back. Please, relax!”

  Zaena bristles then calms slightly. “And just what did you ‘bring me back’ with?”

  “Well, it sure wasn’t Fluffy Bunny Cuddle Milk,” the goblin scoffs. “Wizardous, of course. How the fick do you think FeeTwix and I kept our bloodshot peepers open and our wits about us with all the boozing we did last night? Hoo, baby! That shit doesn’t just bring you back, it’ll go out and get you!”

  “Yhai doomak bawano poolakh!”

  “A bearadillo’s chapped anus, huh?” Hiccup looks at her fondly for a moment. “That’s a good one! Now perk the fick up and let’s get the hell out of here. Tammy and Twixy are waiting for me in the street, and we’re waiting on you two to get your asses into position.”

  With a parting poot, the goblin dematerializes. Zaena rubs her temples for a moment.

  “Do you want to sit, or something?” Ryuk asks. He knows they don’t have a lot of time, but he also knows she’s just been brought back from death by funky tea poisoning. “How are you feeling?”

  “The wizardous worked. My ears are ringing, my ghost limbs itch, and my scalp is on too tight. I feel pretty good, actually, but don’t tell the goblin.” She turns to Ryuk, walks right past him and nods for him to follow. “And I don’t know exactly what happened back there,” she finally says over her shoulder, “but thanks.”

  (0)__(x)

  On their way out the back door, Ryuk wonders how the cryptic hints about her background could complicate things. What is she holding back? He watches her walk in front of him. The lean Thulean is hiding something from them, surely, but now isn’t the time to try to figure out what it is.

  The backyard is small; Shinigami’s exterior wall towers over the low stone wall in front of them that separates the property from the alleyway. Ryuk follows Zaena to the shorter wall, where she pauses. A message flashes on his viewing pane.

  Zaena: Do you sense anyone in the alley?

  Ryuk: Give me a moment.

  He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and waits for his senses to focus inward. The silence comes to him in waves. Background noise from the Guild District recedes as he deepens his focus. He notices a soft orange web of force extending from the wall in front of them to the exterior of the Shinigami’s wall.

  Skill level up!

  Skill: Magic Eye

  Level Five: A colored glow indicates that magical properties are present. Higher levels allow for more detail and access to the Wikipedia of arcane knowledge. A red outline signals that a hidden enemy is near. A yellow outline signals that an object is enchanted. A dark blue outline signals that necrotic magic is being used. A green outline signals that algomagic is being used. An orange outline indicates a hidden trap is present.

  Requirements: Level 13 Mage, LUCK > 8.

  Skill level up!

  Skill: Extreme Focus

  Level Two: Can detect approach of camouflaged/concealed/stealthed enemies and objects.

  Mage bonus: Higher levels allow sleuthing and increased accuracy. Also increases magic detection range when used in tandem with Magic Eye.

  Requirements: LUCK > 9

  He opens his eyes, and the pixelated matter surrounding his pane of vision flitters away.

  “We need to go from the top of this wall, to the top of their wall,” he whispers. “Can you make it?”

  “Are there enemies in the alley?”

  “There’s a web of invisible force strung between the walls. I can’t tell what kind of trap it is, just that it is a trap – it could be anything.”

  Zaena takes a step back, judging the distance between the tops of the walls. “It’s going to be a bit of a stretch,” she finally says as she lifts herself up, “But I think I can make it and get you over safely. Is the magic on the surface of the wall or just on the ground of the alley?”

  “Just the ground.” He calls up to her. “Touching the wall shouldn’t be a problem.”

  The slender Thulean crouches atop the wall, judges the distance, and leaps skyward. Her ghost limbs catch the top of the Shinigami’s wall and she swings herself up and wedges herself in an embrasure.

  Zaena: There are two armed sentries on the wall walk, but they’re on the other side. Hurry.

  Ryuk climbs to the top of the shorter wall and looks down at the gridlines crisscrossing the alley. Deep breath in, he blows it back out as he launches himself into the air. The talons on Zaena’s ghost limbs catch his armor and swing him into the wall hard enough to knock the breath out of him.

  -10 HP!

  “Sorry!” Zaena hisses.

  Already off to a bad start, he thinks as he scales the wall with the Thulean’s assistance. Once he gets to the top, he crouches, his marble gun at the ready.

  It’s déjà vu all over again; they were in a similar position last night, peering down at the courtyard. The only difference this time is the muscle – the small horde of NPC barbarians and their Shire horses – the same group that passed them in Bar Row yesterday – have set up shop in the courtyard. On the wall walk across from them are the two archers that Zaena spotted earlier.

  But that’s not what catches Ryuk’s eye. On the roof of the guildhall, crouching in the shadows are a pair of ninjas – one male, one female – their outlines only visible in red due to his Extreme Focus skill.

  Ryuk: The ninjas have spotted us.

  Zaena: Ninjas? Where?

  Ryuk: Rooftop.

 
Zaena: Why haven’t they attacked us?

  Ryuk: They’re waiting to see what we do first.

  The two are at least level fifteen, as it is around this level that the Ninja class gets the Mask Stats ability. There’s no way to accurately judge how strong they are, but the fact that he can see them at all makes him think that they probably aren’t too high up the totem pole.

  Ryuk: They’ll come for us, and when they do, I’ll take them out. You focus on disrupting the barbarians below. Are the two on the opposite wall in range for your arrows?

  Zaena: For sure.

  Ryuk: We’ll make our move once the others enter.

  Knock knock. The sound echoes through the courtyard. The barbarians turn their horses to the gate and ready their weapons as the smallest of the bunch dismounts and approaches the gate. “Who’s there?”

  “Aramis Solid Waste Management and Abatement Service!” FeeTwix yells out in a British-y accent.

  “Aramis Solid Waste Management and Abatement Service who?” the barbarian yells back.

  “Haw! Nice one – like it, like it. We’re ‘ere for your rubbage!”

  Chapter 29: Life in the fast lane

  The barbarian opens the gate and the disguised Mitherfickers enter.

  Of the three, only Tamana looks good in the sanitation uniform. Ryuk is unsurprised – Japanese women go to great lengths for stylish perfection, symmetry, and trimness. Hiccup is the very antithesis of kawaii, but he does absolutely look like the stereotypical bin man. He’s the last to enter, and wheels in a covered trash cart. Ryuk can’t be sure, but it appears as if the goblin has smeared mud across the front of his tunic. At least he hopes it’s mud.

  FeeTwix: Now!

  Tamana rolls left, Hiccup rolls right and snatches off the patchwork blanket that covers the cart. FeeTwix throws himself prone as the UA 571-C Remote Sentry Weapon pops up above the rim of the cart and cuts loose with short controlled bursts of flying unhappiness.

  -8 HP! -11 HP! -6 HP! -14 HP! -23 HP!

  The barbarians curse and shout; their horses squeal in pain and alarm as the rounds tear into them. The sharp, staccato bark of a different automatic weapon no doubt means that FeeTwix is getting himself in the game.