A Christmas Wish--A Contemporary Erotic Feel Good Christmas Romance (Darkest Fears Christmas Special, Book Four)

by Clair Delaney

  “This sucks,” he says, making me smile, because those are not the words you expect to hear from the mouth of a man dressed so smartly, and who is extremely intelligent, and can speak very eloquently when he wants to.

  “Yeah...” I breathe – feeling lighter for him saying that.

  “Still wish you would come with me,” he whispers, squeezing me tight.

  “I’ve got to take Bob to the Dr’s today,” I remind him.

  “I know,” he replies, ‘but later, when you’re done, you can always get Danny to drive you to London to be with me, or get the train,” he adds.

  And I realise that’s not a bad idea. “If I feel...weird I will,” I tell him.

  We stay like that for a while, just holding one another.

  “Time to go,” he softly says with a kiss on the top of my head.

  “Ok,” I croak, then look up and place my hand on his cheek. “I’ll miss you,” I whisper, and the tears come, even though I don't want them to.

  “Oh baby,” he croons, ‘I’ll miss you too.” His lips reach mine, and I can feel the ache behind his kiss. He pulls back, and smiles warmly at me. “Come on, the sooner I’m gone, the sooner I’ll be back,” he softly says.

  I smile up at him, and slide of his lap. “You’ll call me when you get there?” I ask, as he places his hand in mine and stands.

  “You know I will,” he tells me, then releasing my hand he picks up his overnight bag, and his briefcase, and taking my hand again, we walk silently down the stairs, and into the living area.

  Edith is sitting on the sofa with her bags next to her, and my heart constricts again. Releasing Tristan’s hand, I dash over to Edith, who stands as I approach her, and then we are hugging.

  “I’m going to really miss you,” I manage to croak. Stupid fucking tears!

  “Oh sweetheart, I’ll miss you too,” Edith whispers back.

  I release her from the hug, and feeling silly for crying, I manage to smile. “Have a wonderful Christmas,” I say, sniffing once.

  Edith smiles widely at me. “And you too,” she says, and surprising me, she tucks my hair behind my ear. “If you need me, just call ok,” she adds.

  I nod once, as I have lost the power of speech.

  “Right then, I’ll wait for you in the car,” she says to Tristan, who is dropping her off at the train station, and I watch with a heavy heart as Edith picks up her bags and heads down the stairs.

  I turn to Tristan, trying my best to keep it together, and smile widely at him. But he looks just as cut up about leaving as I do. I swallow hard against the lump that’s formed. Then Tristan walks over to me, and taking my hand in his, we silently head down to the garage.

  Danny has been down in the garage getting everything ready for Tristan, and has already started the car, warming up the engine, and Edith is waiting in the passenger seat. “Everything checked?” Tristan asks him, as Danny takes his bags off him and places them in the boot.

  “Yes Sir,” Danny replies.

  “Good. You know what to do,” Tristan says to Danny in a tone that’s not to be argued with.

  “Yes.” Danny replies, and shakes Tristan’s hand. “You can rely on me,” he adds.

  And I have to wonder what that was all about.

  Danny then nods to me, and walks away. I start shivering. And I’m not sure if it’s because it’s so cold down here, or because Tristan is about to leave. My teeth clench together as I realise the moment I have been dreading has finally come.

  “Hey,” Tristan says, wrapping me up in his arms. “You’re getting cold Coral.”

  “It’s cold in here,” I manage to croak.

  Reaching down he tips my chin up, and gently plants his lips on mine. “Be good,” he says, ‘do what Danny tells you to do, and don't get doing anything heroic,” he adds with a chuckle.

  This makes me smile. I jump up and wrap my arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. “Be safe in this weather won't you,” I whisper.

  “Always,” he tells me.

  I let go, and slide down his body, which kinks his tie, so I reach up and put it back in place for him. “Go get em baby,” I say with a wink, which makes him smile too.

  “I will,” he says, and with one last kiss, he lets me go and gets into the car.

  I wrap my arms around myself as I watch the electronic garage door open, and Tristan pulling out onto the driveway, he presses the button in the Jag to close the door again, and I wave to them both, and they both wave back at me, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. Keep it together Coral!

  With one last wave, he disappears from view, and the hum of the garage door closing stops, and all I can hear is silence. Not liking the way that’s making me feel, I run out of the garage and all the way up the stairs until I reach our bedroom - and he’s still here in the room. I can feel him and smell him, which just makes me feel even more sorry for myself, the ache in my stomach growing stronger by the second. I crawl up onto the bed, grab hold of his pillow, which smells just like him, hug it to me, and begin to silently weep...

  I STAND WITH MY ARMS CROSSED, glaring angrily at Bob. After a very thorough check up by Dr Andrews, he has been put on bed rest. Turns out he hasn’t got a cold, he’s got a virus. Which he is on antibiotics for, because of his age, and he’s not supposed to be doing anything – but will he listen, oh no! After trying to convince him in the car that I want him to come and stay with Tristan and I until he’s better, and utterly failing, I have driven him to Gladys’ so she can try and talk some sense into him.

  “Bob...sweetheart,” Gladys softly says. “You must stay with one of us,” she adds.

  Bob huffs and crosses his arms in defiance.

  “Bob,” I say in a firm tone. “You have two choices. Gladys’ or mine!”

  “Coral, sweetheart,” Gladys says, and subtly shakes her head at me, and I know she means calm down. “I think Bob just feels’ – “I’ll stay here,” Bob interrupts.

  I can't help huffing at him. “And what’s wrong with staying with me?” I ask. And I know it’s because the house is already feeling strange and quiet without Tristan and Edith.

  Bob turns to me, and begins to smile. “I remember what it’s like being a newly wed,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows up and down – Holy crap!

  My mouth pops open. “Bob!”

  “Well it’s true,” he says.

  “Gladys is a newly wed too,” I bite back. She’s probably bonking Malcolm more than I am Tristan!

  “Yes, but its different when you’re younger, right?” Bob argues, looking up at her.

  Gladys’ cheeks start to pink, but she nods her head seriously as she agrees with Bob. “Of course!” she says, and glances once at me – and I can't help the sarcastic look I give her.

  “Fine!” I bark, feeling mad it won't be with me.

  Gladys glares at me in a way that I know is telling me off – Fuck!

  I sigh heavily, then walk over to Bob and kneel down in front of him. “You’re really going to stay here and let Gladys look after you?” I softly ask.

  “Yes,” he sighs – He hates this, I know.

  “And you’ll do what she says?” I ask.

  Bob frowns down at me. “Yes,” he grumpily replies.

  Tears spring to my eyes. “Thank you,” I whisper, feeling my shoulders coming down from my ears.

  “Don't worry Bob, we’ll get you set up in the spare room with a T.V and radio, so you’ll still have your independence, or if you want to, you can be with me and Malcolm,” Gladys cheerily says.

  Bob perks up a little bit. “Thanks Gladdie,” he replies – For some reason he’s always called her that.

  “Ok then,” I breathe. “I’ll go and get your prescription, and anything you need from your studio.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Gladys adds with a smile and nod to me.

  And so I go, back to Bobs with his list of things that he needs...

  AN HOUR LATER, I am sat in George’s office drinking a cup of tea. A
fter sorting Bob out with what he needed, and my mind at rest that he’s in good hands, my thoughts have been of Tristan, and only Tristan. He did call me earlier to say he had arrived safely, and the meeting was already underway, which I am grateful for, but I guess I just wanted to hear his voice for a little while longer.

  “How are you Coral?” George asks.

  “I’m good. You?” I ask.

  George smiles fondly at me. “Very well indeed,” he replies.

  “Great!” I say, smiling broadly at him.

  George raises an eyebrow at me, and he’s looking over the rim of his glasses in that way of his. I sigh heavily and wrap my hands around my tea cup.

  “I’m not here for a session George,” I tell him. I only see George once every couple of weeks now, and I’m not due here until next week.

  “I know,” he replies, still staring at me in that way of his – he knows something is up.

  I huff in annoyance, and look up at him. “Fine! - I’m freaking out!” I say, feeling angry at myself. My leg starts jigging up and down, a sure sign of anxiety – Ugh!

  “About?” George prompts.

  “Tristan being away,” I reply, my voice shaking on me.

  “Ah...” George leans forward, and removes his glasses. “And were you feeling this way on the other occasions he has been away?”

  I shake my head and take a sip of tea.

  “I see,” he says.

  “You do?” I squeak, ‘because I can't get my head around it George. This is the third time he’s been away in the two months since...well, you know, and I just don't understand it. I was fine before,” I say, feeling anxious about it all again. “Besides, I came here for a different reason, and I know I’m just being silly about Tristan,” I look up at him. “I think talking about it will just make it worse, if that makes sense?” I add, frowning at myself.

  George smiles at me. “Alright then,” he says, and takes a sip of tea, waiting for me to speak.

  I take a deep breath. “I’m hosting Christmas this year, and I wanted to invite you and Phil over,” I say, without any hope, as every time I have built myself up, it’s all come crashing down on me.

  “Oh lovely!” George replies.

  I look up at him, eyes wide, not really sure if I heard him right.

  “We’d love to,” George adds.

  “Don't you need to check with Phil first?” I ask.

  George chuckles once. “No need, the friends we were supposed to be spending it with have had a family emergency,” he says, ‘so I know we are completely free,” George adds.

  “Great!” I beam, feeling excited. “So it will be Christmas Eve for cocktails and party snacks, and then Christmas Day lunch?” I ask.

  “Sounds wonderful,” George smiles. “But don't you think it maybe a little too much?” he adds.

  I roll my eyes at him. “You sound like Tristan,” I grumble.

  “He may have a point,” George replies – Ugh!

  My foot starts tapping in annoyance. “I want to show my family and friends how much I love them. I want to somehow, make up for all the years I've lost by being...me, and this is the way in which I want to do it,” I say.

  “I understand,” George replies. And I know he’s holding something back.

  I narrow my eyes at him. “Say what’s on your mind George,” I blurt out.

  George nods once, and thinks about it for a second. “The fact that you want to do this, denotes some guilt on your part for simply being who you are, or, who you were. And you shouldn’t be feeling guilty Coral, at all. We all have our crosses to bear, and it’s not like you weren’t trying to better yourself, in-fact, I’ve never known any patient work so hard at bettering themselves. And I worry that if it doesn’t all go according to plan, this ‘I’m sorry please forgive me Christmas dinner’ that it may set you back because you have such high expectations for it.”

  I frown at the cup in my hand. “You don't need to worry about that George, hardly anyone is coming,” I say, then proceed to tell him all about my invites, and all of the declines.

  “Oh dear,” George softly says in sympathy.

  “Yeah...” I grumble. “But at least you and Phil are coming,” I say, feeling decidedly better for it.

  George narrows his eyes at me. “Can I ask you something Coral?”

  I swallow hard, knowing it’s probably going to be something profound and deep, as it usually is with George. “Ok,” I squeak, which makes George chuckle.

  He then takes a moment to compose himself, and with a furrowed brow, he looks me dead in the eye. “Do you think, that there’s some part of you, that you may not have acknowledged, or even realise is there, that is pushing you to have this big family Christmas, because you’re afraid of being on your own with Tristan?” He asks, with his hands folded together in front of him. What the fuck!

  “I’m not afraid of Tristan!” I balk.

  “You misunderstand me,” George says with his hands held up. ‘What I meant to say is, do you think there’s a possibility that there is an underlying fear of being on your own with him at this time of year, at Christmas? It sounds to me like you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to make him happy, and maybe, on some subliminal level, you feel as though you may not be enough if it were just the two of you, or that he’ll be disappointed in you somehow?”

  I frown back at him, and ponder the question. “I don't think so,” I whisper, wondering if George is right. “I wanted to do this for us both. On my part so I could spoil my family and friends who have been there for Tristan and I, and then also for Tristan. He lost his folks, and in a way has no family of his own left, and I wanted to show him that he does have a family, a big one, that loves him just as much as I do,” I say.

  George smiles warmly at me. “That’s lovely Coral,” he says.

  My mouth pops open. “That’s it?” I balk. “You put those thoughts into my head about fear and not being good enough, and expect me to forget them?” I say, my eyebrows raised.

  George slowly shakes his head once from side to side. And I realise what he’s doing. Maybe he can see it, even though I can't, and I’m not even sure if I am holding out on Tristan because I’m afraid?

  “Ok,” I say, nodding my head several times, ‘Food for thought?” I question.

  George nods his head once. Hmm...Am I doing it because I’m afraid of not being enough?

  “Coral!” Phil shouts as he comes barging into the room. Reaching me, he air kisses both my cheeks and takes a seat next to me. “It’s been ages!” he says, his voice high pitched.

  “I know,” I giggle, glancing once at George, letting him know it’s ok Phil interrupted us. It wasn’t like we were actually having a session.

  “Coral has invited us over for Christmas,” George tells Phil.

  His face drops. “Well that’s lovely darling, but don't you remember we promised we would see my sister this year if it fell through with the Kellermans?”

  George slaps the heel of his hand to his forehead. “And so we did,” he says, but I notice a funny squeak come from Phil, and glance across at him, to find he’s rapidly winking at George.

  “Ok!” I laugh, getting to my feet. “I saw that, what’s going on Phil?”

  He turns and looks up at me, blinking rapidly. “I think I have something in my eye!” he squeaks, and dashes out of the room.

  I look down at George, who shakes his head in bewilderment. “I often wonder how it is that we ever fell in love,” he says, still shaking his head.

  I cross my arms in defiance. He’s not getting away with it that easily. “What am I missing here George?” I ask, my foot starts to join in, tapping away.

  George looks me dead in the eye again. “You are not missing a thing,” George laughs, ‘it’s Phil I’m worried about, sandwich short of a picnic that one!”

  And I know he’s just teasing, loves Phil to bits, but that’s not the point here. I smile down at him, but my eyes are still narrowed, I don't believe a
word he is saying, something is going on.

  George suddenly points a finger up in the air. “I’ve got it!” he says.

  “You have?” I laugh, hoping he’s about to share the secret.

  “When is your period is due?” He asks – What?

  “What?” I ask, feeling as though it’s the oddest question he’s ever asked.

  “When is it due?” He asks again.

  I sit back down and frown back at him as I try to work it out. “Um...in about a week I think,” I whisper, feeling a little embarrassed.

  George nods to himself. “Coral, this may sound strange to you, but I always knew during the time we spent together when your period was due,” he looks up at me and I frown back at him. “Forgive me,” he says, ‘it’s just that when it was, you would always be...more on edge, more anxious,” he says.

  I stare back at him, knowing he’s trying to tell me something, but what I don't know.

  “Maybe that’s why you’re feeling anxious about Tristan being away?” he softly implies - Oh holy crap!

  And I realise he’s right – I do get more anxious around that time, it’s only natural, but it certainly explains my weird, melancholy feelings. And I’m sure if I check the calendar on my phone, it will show I wasn’t due when Tristan went away before, which would make perfect sense.

  “George, you are a bloody lifesaver!” I gasp. “I was starting to think something bad was going to happen to him, and I wasn’t picking up on it properly and...” I stop and shake my head with a little laugh. “Thanks George, I feel a lot better now,” I add.

  He smiles warmly at me. “That’s what I’m here for,” he says, and stands with his arms open wide.

  I hug him. “Thanks George,” I whisper.

  He pats my back then smiles up at me. “I am sorry we can’t make it for Christmas. I was looking forward to it,” he says with absolute sincerity. Which makes me think Phil’s odd behaviour was just that, Phil – being odd. And then I realise that it’s another decline – Maybe it really isn’t meant to be?