Nursing Myself Back

by Kara Liane

  Shit, I don’t know why she rubs me the wrong way. There’s something about her that turns me off. It could be her personality, or something else entirely. Even if I wasn’t in love with Liz, I still wouldn’t find Mrs. Price the least bit attractive—appearance-wise or even personality-wise. I’ve said it before, I believe she has some hidden agenda.

  You’d think she’d be right up my alley being a cougar—and she is what I consider a classic cougar—but it’s not the case. I don’t go for every woman who’s over the age of forty. Besides, I’d never sleep with or date a client, and I don’t have it in me to view Mrs. Price as anything more than that.

  I knock on my door twice so she isn’t startled when I enter. As much as I don’t give a shit about customs and courtesies with her, I still can’t let all my manners go out the window until she’s no longer my client or problem. I open the door, walk in, and immediately drop the glass of sparkling water to the floor.

  Mrs. Price is standing by my desk with her chest sticking out in her fucking underwear. Her underwear! What the ever-loving-fuck is going on?

  Melanie yells to me, asking if everything is all right. Fuck, no! It’s not. But I tell her I’m clumsy and not to worry. I quickly shut the door because I don’t need anyone rushing in here and getting the wrong impression about us. I have to get her to clothe herself as soon as humanly possible.

  What the fuck is wrong with her? And then I realize the answer to my rhetorical question…I’m the game. This was what she wanted all along. I don’t know the reason, but I know she’s probably been planning this thing for a long time.

  I have no clue if it’s because it’s exciting for her—the thrill of it being taboo with the professional relationship we have—if she’s trying to get me fired, or if she’s starved for attention—hell, it could be all of the above. Another possibility is she could be seeking revenge somehow with regard to Darron. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. And it certainly doesn’t excuse her behavior—I’m not the least bit flattered.

  I never invited this behavior. I don’t welcome this now or ever. I can’t even recall one time in our various encounters where I’ve ever given her any indication I was even remotely interested in her.

  I gnash my teeth together and roughly spit out, “Mrs. Price, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’m about to open the door and blinds in about thirty seconds. So, I suggest you find your clothes. I wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea that something’s going on between us.”

  She laughs. She. Fucking. Laughs! And it’s that annoying tinkling laughter that grates on my last nerve. She waves her hand as if I’m being silly and this is no big deal.

  “Oh, Caleb, that’s what I love about you. You’re so serious all the time. All work and no play can make you a very dull boy. Don’t you want to take a walk on the wild side for once? I’ve asked around about you. Even Clyde told me you desire older women. I knew there was something about you that spoke to me. I’ll show you what the others have lacked,” she replies while licking her lips as if she thinks she’s going to devour me.

  My face must be turning a scary color by now. My blood pressure skyrockets, and I’m furious that she’s pulling this shit on me. How dare she!

  “Twenty seconds, Mrs. Price,” I grit out.

  “You’re no fun. I suppose Clyde will want to hear about how you’re not treating your star client right or tending to my needs,” she warns as she starts straightening her garters and stockings.

  “And I suggest you be careful how you’re treading. I’m not worried about what this firm can say or do to me. I’ll start my own damn firm if I have to. If you think for one second I’ll be intimidated by your threats, you’re sorely mistaken. You certainly don’t know me well enough to understand what I’m capable of. I’m the best fucking lawyer around. I’ll slap an injunction on you so fast, it will make your head spin. And your little secret you think Darron—and I, for that matter—don’t know about…ya know, the one about your little boy toy lawn guy? Yeah, that will become a thing of public record,” I threaten menacingly.

  She huffs and retorts, “Well, I never!”

  “And you never fucking will. Ten seconds!” I almost bellow.

  Her olive skin turns pale white, and her eyes go wide. Oh yeah, I hit my mark. She has no idea the dirt I have on her. I make it my mission to thoroughly investigate all my clients. If they don’t try and fuck me, then I certainly won’t fuck them. I don’t consider myself an asshole for doing it; I think of it as an insurance policy. If anything, it’s smart business. I didn’t see this interesting twist coming because, ironically, I thought she was into guys even younger than me.

  She starts scrambling for her coat she laid across my chair. She puts it on and I’m already opening the door so she can’t try and corner me or pull some other stunt. I stick my head out and tell Melanie I need help cleaning up the drink after all. Melanie jumps to her feet, and somehow, I know she heard the whole thing, which doesn’t bother me. It’s best I have a witness, just to be sure.

  I move to the windows and open the blinds as well, announcing to my paralegal, “Mrs. Price has decided to seek new counsel. She realized we’re not a good fit. Melanie, please see that all my files on her case are transferred to one of our junior partners, and I’ll discuss the situation with Clyde.”

  Mrs. Price is still tightening the belt around her coat when she picks up her handbag from my desk, gives me one last look that is the ugliest glower known to man, and storms out of my office. Hopefully storming out of my life…for good.

  I want to sag against the door with relief. My adrenaline is pumping overtime, and I feel so rattled by the whole experience. Melanie puts her hand on my bicep, giving it a squeeze for comfort. She then walks over to the hutch in the corner of my office where I have a beverage station set up, grabs some paper towels, and returns to where I’m standing. We both bend down and start picking up the glass and wiping up the liquid.

  If I, for some reason, have to leave this firm because that fucking nuisance of a woman pursues something, I will be bringing Melanie with me. I’ll pay whatever she wants. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that because I love working here. My next order of business will be to talk to Clyde as soon as I can to ensure I still have a position. I’m sure Mrs. Price is already beating me to it.

  Melanie and I don’t comment on what happened, and I don’t think there’s a need to. She understands me and respects my desire to let things be. I don’t feel like rehashing what happened behind that closed door anyway. I want to forget about it and move on. Melanie speaks, though, and what she says couldn’t have been more surprising than Mrs. Price’s little show—yet it is.

  “Liz stopped by. I think she briefly talked to Mrs. Price. I can’t be sure, but she was running from your office when I came down the hall from copying some briefs. I tried to stop her, but she kept going. I’m sorry,” she says with great remorse in her eyes.

  I look at her face and know she’s silently telling me that if she was at her desk, this wouldn’t have happened. I can’t formulate a sentence. All I can do is nod. I’m not mad at Melanie by any means. I’m beyond pissed off at that bitch, and if I ever see her again in my life, well, it would be too soon.

  My ass meets the floor because I can no longer support my weight. What must Liz think of me? If she walked in to find that devil in her fucking underwear, well, surely she thinks the worst of me now—more so than she did before.

  I’m kicking myself. I should’ve gone to the lake house. Fuck the strict orders that Alexi gave! I should’ve made her listen to me. This day has gone from bad to worse. I feel Liz slipping through my fingers now more than ever.

  Without me having to ask, Melanie informs me she’ll reschedule all my appointments and meetings for today and tells me to go find Liz. I’m already on my feet and in action. I’m typically way too professional at work, but I give Melanie a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Boy, I hit the lottery with this paralegal. I thank her, and
she’s still cleaning up the mess as I’m flying out of my office.

  I’ll start with a phone call to Alexi to see if he’s heard from Liz, and then I’ll head straight to her house. She’s going to hear me out. I won’t take no for an answer. This has gone too far and been blown out of proportion. I will not lose her again! My resolve is unwavering.

  ***

  Liezel

  Lost. I feel lost.

  Lost in a black darkness, and it’s not because I have the blackout curtains drawn. I brought William back out of the closet, and I’m looking upon his urn. I know it’s sick and twisted. I’m in a dark place. It’s reminiscent of the day of his funeral. My life has changed so much since that day, yet it’s remained the same somehow.

  I’m doing everything I can to prevent images of what I saw in Caleb’s office from entering my mind. I don’t want to think about him making love to her on his desk. I don’t want to think about him kissing her with lips that once touched mine. Hands that once caressed my skin, and a heart that once created a baby with me.

  Why does it have to hurt so much?

  The kids will be home in a few hours, and I hope I can pretend for them. I don’t want them to see me like this. It’s not healthy for me or the baby. I can’t cry anymore. I’m at the point again where I’m all dried up. In my hand, I’m clutching the poem Addison gave me. When I threw it in the closet the night of the dinner party to join the urn, I completely forgot about it. When I grabbed William, I saw the folded paper lying next to it. I’m going to force myself to read the damn thing once and for all.

  I mean, why not punish myself further and put another nail in the coffin, right?

  I unfold the sheet and smooth it out. It’s typed in black ink on white copy paper, and there’s a URL at the bottom. I guess Addison must’ve printed it off the internet from Caylan’s collection of poems. I take a deep breath and read.

  Title: Trysting the Night Away

  A tryst, a turn of fate with a burn,

  The night twisting and winding,

  The heart wanting and finding.

  A tryst, a turn of love and the yearn,

  The sweet gentle binding,

  The light so blinding.

  Weaving its way through your soul each day.

  Consuming and taking, claiming and making.

  For life isn’t living,

  Without the one giving.

  Trysting the night away,

  Until two halves stay.

  When a whole is finally combined,

  Until the end of time.

  Yup, it hurts more now. It’s killing me reading the words and seeing for myself what I can’t and won’t have. I know I’m the one who ended things with him, but it doesn’t mean I’m over him. I loved him. Correction. I. Still. Love. Him…always.

  I hear banging downstairs and some yelling. Then, my doorbell rings a bunch of times. I’m not answering the door. I wouldn’t answer it for anyone—even if it’s the cops, at this point I don’t care. If it’s Alexi, I know I owe him so much already that I don’t even want to face him. I don’t want to tell anyone about the baby. I wanted Caleb to be the first to know, and that dream was shot to shit today. I can’t face Alexi because I’ll end up blurting it out.

  Alexi knows where my house key is hidden. It’s tucked away in the old planter on the corner of my porch. So, if he comes in, then so be it—it doesn’t mean I have to talk to him. I’ll probably be catatonic anyway. I definitely won’t make for good company right now or for good conversation. He’s better off leaving me alone.

  Sure enough, I hear the front door open, and my alarm system—which isn’t armed—signals the entry. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs. Then, a soft knock hits my ears, and the door creaks open.

  I’m sitting on the edge of my bed with my back to the door. The light streams in from the hall, and I lose my night vision even though it’s sunny out.

  “Liz…,” Caleb croaks.

  I stiffen immediately. He’s the last person I expected to come here. I thought he’d be pussy-deep in that twatish woman by now. I can’t look at him. I can’t talk to him. If I sit here long enough, maybe he’ll go away.

  I hear him move around the room until he’s in front of me. He kneels down and grabs my hands. I’m unmoving and unfeeling.

  “God, Liz, you’re freezing cold. Shit!” He exclaims.

  He reaches for an afghan at the end of my bed, wraps it around my shoulders, and starts rubbing my hands together, blowing into them to infuse them with warmth. I still don’t budge.

  “I’m going to make you some tea to warm you up, sweetness. I’ll be right back,” he says in a tortured voice, almost as if he’s afraid to leave me.

  I wait until he steps away to wince at his pet name for me. Now I can’t stand the word sweetness, so I add it to the list along with perfect.

  Chapter 23: Living with Ghosts

  Liezel

  After a little bit of time passes from when he went to get my drink, he dutifully returns with a steaming mug and places it in my hands. It’s not scalding hot, and I admit it does feel good against my skin. I didn’t realize how cold I was. I probably do need liquids since I threw up when I got home. I’m failing on all accounts right now in taking care of myself, my kids, and my unborn child.

  “Please drink it. You have me so worried. I understand if you don’t want me here. If you want me to go, I will…eventually. But I hope you’ll let me explain a few things first. I’ll even call Alexi to come be with you. He’s worried sick too. You need someone to take care of you for once, Liz,” he gently reprimands me.

  It makes me sad that I’m affecting other people’s lives. I don’t want to worry my friends. Hopefully he hasn’t told Caylan because, knowing her, she’ll march over here and demand that I resolve the issues at hand. I feel somewhat guilty, but I still can’t respond to him. I’ll let Caleb do the talking. He can say whatever he wants. It doesn’t mean I have to listen.

  He sighs heavily, “I don’t know what you think you saw today, but please believe me when I say that whatever it was, it’s not what you think.”

  I can feel his gaze boring into me. If he stares long enough, I’ll have holes—well, hell, they’ll match the gaping holes in my heart. Still no reaction from me, though.

  So, he continues, “That woman in my office was a client. And I say was because she crossed a line today that can’t be uncrossed. She said she was there to meet with me about her divorce, and then ambushed me when I returned with a beverage at her request. While I was in the kitchen, you apparently came by to see me. I had no idea what trap awaited me in my office. Her name is Yvette Price, and normally, she’s not a woman to be trifled with. But, I’ll make sure her life is a living hell if she starts spouting untrue shit about me. I realized today she’s probably been dragging this case out to bait me—this is that big case I’ve been telling you about. However, she didn’t count on the fact that I’m so madly in love…with you.”

  I think he pauses for effect, but I won’t be swayed.

  He clears his throat, “Anyway, as I said, I didn’t see it coming until I walked into my office and was surprise attacked. I immediately terminated our professional relationship, and I’m going to my boss about her so there isn’t any unnecessary backlash. She has some skeletons in her closet that will be devastating if they’re ever uncovered. I’m not a man who stoops to blackmail, but in this instance, it’s tit for tat if she tries to go toe to toe with me.”

  I see him half-smile and I know he’s trying to lighten the mood. It’s not going to work.

  In a deep voice he mocks, “May her name be stricken from the record! …Sorry, bad lawyer joke. I’m just trying to assure you that I have no intention of ever seeing her again professionally or otherwise.”

  He takes a deep breath and continues to forge ahead yet again, despite my disinterest. “Melanie said she saw you and called to you. You must’ve not heard her as you were taking off. I get why you ran, sweetness, but I
wish you would’ve talked to me. The fact that I wasn’t even in my office should’ve had you come in search of me. Although, I get why you didn’t. It must’ve been a shock. I would never do that to you, Liz. Please know this and believe this. You have nothing to worry about with me. I’ll be here waiting for the day you decide to take me back.”

  He kneels down at my feet again and rubs his cheek across my knee. I looked cute today in a skort with sneakers and a fitted T-shirt—I feel like skorts are making a comeback, so don’t judge, please. Now I couldn’t care less what I look like—it’s funny, I cared a few short hours ago.

  He runs his cheek along my exposed skin, and I feel the stubble of his five o’clock shadow. It feels good—I don’t want it to feel so good. My instinct is to shiver at any touch from him and tremble at his every whim. I’m holding the sensations at bay pretty damn well.

  “I want to also tell you something, and I’m afraid you’ll think something’s wrong with me. I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want you to think this was my sole reason for wanting you in the beginning and even now. You see, I have a thing for older women. I don’t feel the word cougar serves as a proper term, but I use it anyway. That’s why when Alexi told me that Courtney insulted you at Tai-Phoon, she couldn’t have been more wrong about my sexual proclivities and taste in women. Apparently, Mrs. Price found out about my preference and tried to use it to her advantage.” He shakes his head as if he’s not quite finding the words he wants.

  “This is why I’m trying to explain to you that not just any woman will do for me,” he pleads with me with his eyes as he looks up from my lap.

  Call me ridiculous, but it’s not that simple. I can’t kiss and make up. I can’t flip a switch and forgive him. Hurt doesn’t immediately go away just because someone says they’re sorry. I spent too many years hearing excuses and sorries. I want to believe him about this Yvette chick. Maybe another day I can find it in me to forgive him. Today’s not the day!